Having a hard day

[sunflower11]

Ok so exactly a month ago my ex broke up with me with a text message. I call it a break up because that’s how it felt to me evn though he just said he needed to be alone and needed time to sort things out. We are in different countries now but before that our relationship was long distance for 4 months in the same country, the US. Everything was perfect, as perfect as any LDR could be but we would talk all the time, text and skype everyday. I moved back home to my country and he started having doubts about the long distance thing and how it seemed endless. He started getting depressed about his living situation and his job and said he was uncapable of being happy or be a good boyfriend to me. H e said he knew how much he was hurting me as we would only talk once and he would ignore a lot of my texts. Then he ended it with a text and ignored all my calls and texts for two weeks. Finally I spoke with him on the pone but he didnt know it was me as a i called with an online US number from skype. He was very sad on the phone and said he was sorry for hurting me and breaking my heart. He said he needs to ge ton medication and figure himself out before getting back into a relationship. He also said it wasnt over forever but he didnt want me to wait around for him and he wanted me to be happy. He said he knows i am hurting a lot and he was really sorry and he didnt mean to do it intentionally..he says he has had depression before and he was on meds for 3 years so he rather let me go and have me deal with the burden of him not really being..himself and the person i fell in love with. Well we ended that phone conversation 2 weeks ago saying i love you both of us crying on the phone and he said ill text you next week (twice throughout the conversation). It has been two weeks and i havent Heard from him. I did try to call by the end of the first week (a week after he said he would text) but he didnt answer and he never responded to my text asking if he was ok and saying that i was still waiting for the text. So then I stopped begging..i havent attempted to contact him in a week..so in total its been 2 weeks since i last Heard from him. It hurts me so much that i feel he gave me hope again and i stupidly started daydream about us again and how we would get through this. I feel so heartbroken still but I am mostly angry and disappointed that he didnt follow through with what he said. I was emotionally fragile and he shouldnt have told me he would contact me. He knew i woyuld be waiting..i am a very nervous person and i worry so mcuh about everythng..he knews i suffer from anxiety . It just sucks that..its been a month since we “broke up” and in that month he hasnt attempted to contact me once, it has always been me the one that cried and begged and called and textd. So i decided to stop because i found myself in a very dark place. However i feel like i am burying my feelings and all the anger i have towards him for letting the depression take over his life and for giving up on us so easily. Like i said we never had problems, we never fought, we never argued, and the distance never seemed like a problema to him before i moved back to my country. In two weeks everythng changed an di lost him……..anyone has experience dating people with depression? Part of me feels guilty because hes not himself and i try to excuse his behavior by thinking he doesnt mean to NOT text me and he loves me and will come around but i dont want to wait around like this. I feel that i wasnt even worth a text message he promised L

[fistandantulus]

So, I'll briefly tell you my story and you try to get the gist of it. When she dumped me first time, saying that she wasn't in love for me no more, I totally accepted it. She said that she wasn't in a position to pursue a relationship because she had so many things she needed to struggle with. She has been in depression and on medication for almost 2 years at that time. I had been the biggest support in her life for all the time I was wit her. But it didn't change the fact that she couldn't love me for all I am, because she couldn't love herself for all she is in the first place. All that "I am not in love with you anymore, but you are the person I love most" thing is actually admitting that "I just don't know how to love you, me, anybody". I tried to stay friends with her just for her sake, because I didn't want to let her alone when she needed me. I simply sacrificed my sanity for hers. I coped with it for a long time, but once it became unbearable on my side, because I was still loving her, I said her that I couldn't do it anymore, so if she wasn't thinking a relationship with me, then I would be going for good. After a couple of weeks of NC, she emails me on my birthday and asks to get back again. I warned her that it would be difficult this time, even harder than before, because we grew apart. Asked her if she was willing to make effort, not run away, and try harder. She said, which I now realize more of a reluctance, OK. Nevertheless, she dumped me again after almost one and a half month without doing clearly nothing, despite all my efforts. And that last one was with an email saying that she can't do it anymore, pretending to be in love with me. For her, it was simply loss of attraction on her side. But for me, it was simply lack of guts and strength to take the challenge, work through it and make the relationship grow. I personally think that a person who is not capable of holding it together on his/herself can never be capable of holding a relationship together. To run a relationship is for two. If it is only you or the other side working on it, then it is doomed to fail. Be aware and don't burn yourself further deep. Your heart is neither a toy nor a practice ball. Never allow anyone to play with it.

[sunflower11]

Thank you for your post and you are right. That's why I decided to stop contacting him because it seems like I am the only one trying here..its even harder cause we are in different countries and he gets depressed when he doesnt have a girlfriend physically there with him. his friends always warned me he is a VERY physical person and needs someone with him.

 

it just hurts that he gave up like that and i guess right now its hurting me that i was the love of his life and the one girl he has loved more than anyone else and he hasnt even textd to see if im doing ok. After he tells me its not over forever i love you and ill text u next week..to distance himself again and play with me like that? idk..i am really hurt. i would have never let him walk out of my life if i loved him as much as he says he loved me

[fistandantulus]

Love is not only something you "feel", but also "actions" you take. If you don't show it, saying "I love you" is like a glass without water in it. You have to fill it with water and give it to the person you love. How is a person, who gets depressed because he doesn't have his gf next to him, supposed to take those actions and put the effort in loving you? He doesn't love you ne only "needs" the attention you have been showing him that probably nobody else will show. My ex told me that I was the person that she loved most, that I was an amazing guy, even after she dumped me once after she said she wasn't in love with me anymore. Then, guess what happened. She broke up with me again with an email, while she was staying literally 5 blocks away, saying that she couldn't do it anymore because she wasn't attracted to me anymore. I now realize that she never loved me, she needed me. Once she felt that she didn't need me anymore, she then thought that she fell out of love. And second time, she simply ran away because she couldn't put the effort in loving me, even if she claimed that she loved me. Some people don't say it much, but they love you with all their heart. Some people always say that they love you, but they simply don't know what love is and can't love you at all. They only "think" they love you. Don't worry, you loved him and did the best you could do. It is him who failed to love you.