Ex back in my life - should I stay or go?????

[screwed up]

I was with my ex boyfried for five years. I wanted to marry him and have a family with him. He told me he didn't want to do that until he was older (28-30)because "people that marry young don't stay together" and his mother and father were together and apart most of his childhood until they finaly broke up for good.

 

I told him that if he wasn't about to committe to me after five years that it wasn't going to happen and I threatened to leave. After a few months it excalted to me not trusting him and just getting fit up to him wanting his freedom so we broke up. We continues to see each other (date) but that only lasted for a few months till we finally got into a real big argument and called it quits.

 

Since then I started dating another guy whom I was friends with for about 3-4 years (he use to date a friend of mine)and about six months into the relationship I run into my ex and he tells me how unhappy he is with his current and letting me walk out of his live was the biggest mistake he could have made and that all he should have done was made the commitment to me and everything would have worked out. I told him that I was happy and that everything I wanted before I could get from my current boyfriend. He called me after that and I told him to leave me alone. Since then me and my current boyfriend have moved intogether and everything changed. Before we talked about mariage and kids and now he doesn't want to talk about it "I'm to young to even think about it". Three weeks after moving intogether I was really having second thoughts (we were not getting along that well and I was felling like I was living with my little brother! I'm not sure if I'm in love with him or if I love him as a friend!)and my ex pops back in the picture again. He told me he loves me and only me and that he broke up with his girlfriend because he loves me and has never gotton over me. He asked me to come back to him and even asked me to marry him! WHAT DO I DO!!!!!! After about a month I broke down and told my current what was going on, I told him that I use to think he wanted the same things as I did but now I'm not so sure. He told me he does want to get married and have kids just not in the near future. He told me he loves me and only wants to be with me but that I had to do what will make me happy . . . I'm not sure what that is and I even told him that. That night my ex called, I had told him to leave me alone so that I had sometime to think (it lasted only a few days)and I told him I was under to much stress to make a decison at that he can't expect an answer to a question like that in just a few short weeks. He kept pressuring me for an answer and I got upset so he asked "do you want me to give up" and eventurally I told him yes and he hung up on me. Since then I wrote him a letter (almost two weeks later) and tried to explain how I was feeling (confused, scared, worried, guilty . . .). Since then I have been still battling it in my mind DO I STAY OR GO??? Me and my current have signed a year's lease, he just started a new job and is going to school part-time, I feel so guilty for even considering it. I think if me and my current had not moved intogether I would leave, but what if my ex is just saying all this to get me back? He said that he is not and that he just relized that he is getting older and all his friends are married with kids and he finaly relized that is what he wants to and he only what that with me, no one else.

 

All I can say is HEEEEELLLLLPPPP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Jenna]

Why do you feel that you have to choose between these two men?? Your choices are endless- and most of them don't involve either one of these guys at all.

 

You don't want to go through life swinging from guy to guy- without ever taking the time to walk on your own two feet.

 

These guys sound like they have no idea what they want- if you left your current boyfriend to go back to the ex- then you would be faced with the same behavior from the current boyfriend (who would then be the ex- so confusing) My point is- stop letting these men run you ragged. I think my most common advice on this site is "take back control of your own life"- who cares what guy 1 or guy 2 wants- you need to look out for yourself- obviously no one else is going to do it.

 

Don't let yourself be so dependent on having a man in your life- get to know who you are without the burden of an immature man holding you down.

 

Good Luck. Jenna

I was with my ex boyfried for five years. I wanted to marry him and have a family with him. He told me he didn't want to do that until he was older (28-30)because "people that marry young don't stay together" and his mother and father were together and apart most of his childhood until they finaly broke up for good.

 

I told him that if he wasn't about to committe to me after five years that it wasn't going to happen and I threatened to leave. After a few months it excalted to me not trusting him and just getting fit up to him wanting his freedom so we broke up. We continues to see each other (date) but that only lasted for a few months till we finally got into a real big argument and called it quits. Since then I started dating another guy whom I was friends with for about 3-4 years (he use to date a friend of mine)and about six months into the relationship I run into my ex and he tells me how unhappy he is with his current and letting me walk out of his live was the biggest mistake he could have made and that all he should have done was made the commitment to me and everything would have worked out. I told him that I was happy and that everything I wanted before I could get from my current boyfriend. He called me after that and I told him to leave me alone. Since then me and my current boyfriend have moved intogether and everything changed. Before we talked about mariage and kids and now he doesn't want to talk about it "I'm to young to even think about it". Three weeks after moving intogether I was really having second thoughts (we were not getting along that well and I was felling like I was living with my little brother! I'm not sure if I'm in love with him or if I love him as a friend!)and my ex pops back in the picture again. He told me he loves me and only me and that he broke up with his girlfriend because he loves me and has never gotton over me. He asked me to come back to him and even asked me to marry him! WHAT DO I DO!!!!!! After about a month I broke down and told my current what was going on, I told him that I use to think he wanted the same things as I did but now I'm not so sure. He told me he does want to get married and have kids just not in the near future. He told me he loves me and only wants to be with me but that I had to do what will make me happy . . . I'm not sure what that is and I even told him that. That night my ex called, I had told him to leave me alone so that I had sometime to think (it lasted only a few days)and I told him I was under to much stress to make a decison at that he can't expect an answer to a question like that in just a few short weeks. He kept pressuring me for an answer and I got upset so he asked "do you want me to give up" and eventurally I told him yes and he hung up on me. Since then I wrote him a letter (almost two weeks later) and tried to explain how I was feeling (confused, scared, worried, guilty . . .). Since then I have been still battling it in my mind DO I STAY OR GO??? Me and my current have signed a year's lease, he just started a new job and is going to school part-time, I feel so guilty for even considering it. I think if me and my current had not moved intogether I would leave, but what if my ex is just saying all this to get me back? He said that he is not and that he just relized that he is getting older and all his friends are married with kids and he finaly relized that is what he wants to and he only what that with me, no one else. All I can say is HEEEEELLLLLPPPP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Buddy]

Hi I read your post and I can relate to what you are going through from your boyfriend's perspective. I have to say that sometimes it takes a big jolt like breaking up to wake someone up to what they really want. I don't think anyone can truly say what your boyfriends motives may be, but you should consider that he does really want to be with you and is ready to make that committment that you were/are looking for. If he is committed to you I believe that his actions and words will indicate what is truly in his heart. I would be careful that you do not rush back into anything and that you make sure that he is coming back for the right reasons. Just because his friends are doing it would not be a good enough reason for me make sure it is for the right reasons. Like I said I can relate because a very similar thing has happened with my wife of five years and I and I can tell you from my own experience that sometimes a person really does not realize what they have until it is gone. I hope that I have not confused you even more. Good luck this is the first time I have ever written on a message board I hope that everything works out for the best.

I was with my ex boyfried for five years. I wanted to marry him and have a family with him. He told me he didn't want to do that until he was older (28-30)because "people that marry young don't stay together" and his mother and father were together and apart most of his childhood until they finaly broke up for good.

 

I told him that if he wasn't about to committe to me after five years that it wasn't going to happen and I threatened to leave. After a few months it excalted to me not trusting him and just getting fit up to him wanting his freedom so we broke up. We continues to see each other (date) but that only lasted for a few months till we finally got into a real big argument and called it quits. Since then I started dating another guy whom I was friends with for about 3-4 years (he use to date a friend of mine)and about six months into the relationship I run into my ex and he tells me how unhappy he is with his current and letting me walk out of his live was the biggest mistake he could have made and that all he should have done was made the commitment to me and everything would have worked out. I told him that I was happy and that everything I wanted before I could get from my current boyfriend. He called me after that and I told him to leave me alone. Since then me and my current boyfriend have moved intogether and everything changed. Before we talked about mariage and kids and now he doesn't want to talk about it "I'm to young to even think about it". Three weeks after moving intogether I was really having second thoughts (we were not getting along that well and I was felling like I was living with my little brother! I'm not sure if I'm in love with him or if I love him as a friend!)and my ex pops back in the picture again. He told me he loves me and only me and that he broke up with his girlfriend because he loves me and has never gotton over me. He asked me to come back to him and even asked me to marry him! WHAT DO I DO!!!!!! After about a month I broke down and told my current what was going on, I told him that I use to think he wanted the same things as I did but now I'm not so sure. He told me he does want to get married and have kids just not in the near future. He told me he loves me and only wants to be with me but that I had to do what will make me happy . . . I'm not sure what that is and I even told him that. That night my ex called, I had told him to leave me alone so that I had sometime to think (it lasted only a few days)and I told him I was under to much stress to make a decison at that he can't expect an answer to a question like that in just a few short weeks. He kept pressuring me for an answer and I got upset so he asked "do you want me to give up" and eventurally I told him yes and he hung up on me. Since then I wrote him a letter (almost two weeks later) and tried to explain how I was feeling (confused, scared, worried, guilty . . .). Since then I have been still battling it in my mind DO I STAY OR GO??? Me and my current have signed a year's lease, he just started a new job and is going to school part-time, I feel so guilty for even considering it. I think if me and my current had not moved intogether I would leave, but what if my ex is just saying all this to get me back? He said that he is not and that he just relized that he is getting older and all his friends are married with kids and he finaly relized that is what he wants to and he only what that with me, no one else. All I can say is HEEEEELLLLLPPPP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Deejette]

Whom do you really, really love? Which one would be the best father for your children? Those are the questions you must ask yourself.

 

Tony often says, "You never know what you've got 'til it's gone." #1 was feeling that way after you left. Would he still feel that way five years from now? And #2 sounds like he's changing his mind about kids and all that. #1 is not being very considerate by putting you under pressure. #2 isn't giving you what you want.

 

#1 wants kids now because all his friends are getting married and having kids. That isn't the greatest reason in the world to bring lives into this world and care for them for the many years they require support.

 

So, those are some of the questions you have to answer before you make your decision.

Why do you feel that you have to choose between these two men?? Your choices are endless- and most of them don't involve either one of these guys at all. You don't want to go through life swinging from guy to guy- without ever taking the time to walk on your own two feet. These guys sound like they have no idea what they want- if you left your current boyfriend to go back to the ex- then you would be faced with the same behavior from the current boyfriend (who would then be the ex- so confusing) My point is- stop letting these men run you ragged. I think my most common advice on this site is "take back control of your own life"- who cares what guy 1 or guy 2 wants- you need to look out for yourself- obviously no one else is going to do it. Don't let yourself be so dependent on having a man in your life- get to know who you are without the burden of an immature man holding you down.

 

Good Luck. Jenna