Kageytn Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 After a couple of dates with my ex and limited conversation, I told him that I didn't want to talk anymore. He tried to convince me I was wrong, switched to I was right and I erased him from my phone. Then I began to obsess. I'm starting an long term subbing assignment that could have huge payoffs for me. When was he going to break this boundary? When would he start in again? I know he will. He's never respected any boundary I've set (in fairness, I've let him). My anxiety spiked. I contacted him and told him I would compromise and he could contact me 12-21. He said it was too long and I engaged him and said too bad. I feel more in control and less in control. Giving him any attention feeds him. I also gave in to my anxiety. I'm disappointed in myself. I really need to do no contact and get him out of my life. I have to so why can't I? I'm so close. Closer than I've ever been. Link to post Share on other sites
davesterr Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 (edited) i think ur selfish and only thinking about urself. u dont even care about how much hurt he might go through becuz of you feeding him breadcrums. either make up ur mind or stop hurting him. ur really not being fair. all u are doing is keeping him on a leash while u wait for someone better. and only when you do , will you no longer feel the anxiety of being alone and will ditch him all together after. seriously if you have any decensy in urself then stop this behavior now. you dont love him as it clearly shows. now its time to stop using him for your own sefish needs and stop causing him pain. Edited October 23, 2011 by davesterr Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kageytn Posted October 23, 2011 Author Share Posted October 23, 2011 Sorry! I should have explained he broke up with me in July after telling me he lied to me for four years. We went out and he was overly critical and controlling-as usual. It's less about keeping him on a leash and more about my self esteem. And my therapist and I agreed on no dating until I can set boundaries and be emotionally healthy! Link to post Share on other sites
davesterr Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 then stick to it. in the end its really nothing we can do besides offer advice that u alrdy know. now it just comes to u being strong enough not to break ur own rules. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kageytn Posted October 23, 2011 Author Share Posted October 23, 2011 I know. That's what is worrisome. If I were emotionally strong, I never would have dated him for 4 years! I feel so damn passive with him and it drives me insane. I'm independent in all other areas of my life except this one. Link to post Share on other sites
neghitzbrah Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I know exactly what you mean. My ex and I were constantly in contact with each other. The more I called her, the closer we got. Then one of us would break it off. This went on for months. Me being the strongest one of us 2, I decided to tell her not to call, email, text me at all or I would switch my phone number. I can't have her in my life because it really sets me back. Additionally, talking to her causes me to close myself emotionally to anyone else. I can't exactly have that if I am looking to date. Listen to your therapist. Take this time to get yourself together, then you will be ready to open yourself up to another person. Until then, you will be toying with a lot of hearts, hun. Take that from experience. (Wow I never thought I'd be giving advice like this) Link to post Share on other sites
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