Ran into my ex after 6 and half months

[HeartBreak11]

This is coming from a Dumpee, Its been 6 and half months of NC (Besides exchange of Bday wishes and me reaching out during a family sickness.

 

About a week ago, I bumped into ex for the first time well the ex was out with friends, I went right over and said hello (Before they could even notice I was there), they all looked shocked but I got a favorable response (Hug, etc.) after they checked with the ex's body language when she realized it was me. I made it short and quick, smiled shook hands with the ones I haven't met before and moved on back to my friends.

 

how i felt? I felt great, I did the right thing!!! At least I felt I did the right thing. She immediately told me how great I looked, I am 25-30 lbs lighter since the last time the ex saw me (I look very fit, I dedicated myself to eating right and working out), I responded with the same compliment. I did not have trouble sleeping, I wasn't hoping she was going to call, it just felt great that it didn't send me back to square one.

 

The only thing that I did wonder and of course I will never be able to answer, what was the ex thinking, I was polite, looked good and handled myself with complete confidence.....I almost felt redeemed, as a dumpee, my last conversation was me trying to save the relationship (Begging, pleading and all the other stuff that makes the dumpee look even more unattractive).

 

My point, I took the high road! and didn't have false hope for us getting back together or hoping the ex would reach out. The only setback, what was the ex thinking? I only wondered because I felt good, looked good and handled myself with complete confidence.

[davesterr]

Huge respect man! you inspire me to go to the gym and start working my ass off.

See thats what i want.

To one day look at my ex girlfriend without begging her to come back whilst feeling and looking great.

I am incredibly proud that you lost all that weight and received those compliments.

That in a way you redeemed yourself.

Let this post be a story for all of those on here that can't or dont seem to want to move on.

Because in the end there are only 2 ways.

You can either let yourself go to waste and live a recluse life where you look so bad that you can't even recognize yourself.

Or you can do as heartbreak11 and actually get your ex to compliment you and feel and look great.

 

To get back to answering your question.

No one knows what your ex thought at that moment besides herself.

But then again it also doesn't matter.

See you moved on and you no longer want her back as you say.

So whether your ex thought that you looked good or whether she thought she made a mistake or whether she wants you back again who knows.

In the end , who cares?

If you truely moved on and your doing good in life and your happy.

Then in the end just thank yourself for taking such good care of urself.

And take this redemtion as an accomplishment.

 

That which does not kills us makes us stronger. And in ur case i think it did.

You were rockbottom before , but you climbed out of it and now you reached higher grounds.

All thats left now is the top.

Go for it and have a real good life man.

Congrats.

[HeartBreak11]

thanks Davesterr, To add to what I said earlier, I have moved on as far as not having false hope, when I saw the ex, I did miss her and I thought about all the good times but I was happy that that I wasn't set back to square one or even set back at all (Maybe an hour or so). More importantly, I was happy the way I handled everything even with the support of the ex's friends sitting close by.

 

I knew no one would be able to tell me what the ex was thinking, I am sure the ex recognized my transformation (First thing that came out of the ex's mouth) but I am sure as I walked away, the ex probably reiterated why it was best to move on to the friends, the ex has to defend there position and choice they made. I will admit, part of me was hoping that it had a psychological effect, but who knows, I guess that is why I am not fully healed or I was just curious.

 

Am I 100% healed...NO WAY!!! I have just read so many posts of people bumping into the ex's and being set back.

 

In the gym 6 days a week

Therapy (I go once a month, AWESOME, this comes from someone who was against it)

start dating (I joined the dating sucks)

 

I realize these are some pretty big life changes, I promise you, its better than sitting around and doing nothing/depressed.

[HeartBreak11]

Dating sites not "dating sucks" correction

[Sugarkane]

I really wish I could do the same, but my ex managed to turn everyone against me so he would look like the good guy. I would really want to ask if he'd been dumping anyone by text too. the prick deserves it.

[HeartBreak11]

Sugarkane, I don't know the backstory of your break up but I hope you find peace with it, as long as you are angry, its going to be a lot more tough to heal. I have been in the same boat. I went through a bunch of emotions.

 

As far as the ex turning everyone against you, we tend to magnify the relationships and are ultra sensitive to the way we are being viewed by the ex's friends. I assure you, no one really cares, everyone has there own life to worry about (School, relationships, etc.) and if they were friends with he or she first, what do you expect? Even then, I think things will calm a bit. give it time, in the end, does it really matter what the ex's friends think? I just bumped into my ex well the ex was sitting there with all the friends, I assure you none of these people had favorable things to say about me over the past 6 months (In reality, I was probably a hot topic for about a month during the that time apart).

 

Keep your chin up and don't worry about the little things, Be happy you aren't with someone that doesn't want to be with you (If I understand correctly, you were dumped by text).

[Sugarkane]

Hi heartbreak I really admire how well you handled yourself. I don't know if I could do the same, after the way I was dumped. What would you do when you see the ex dumped you after a year, by text. And completely cut you off with everything unresolved and no answers? What is the point in doing the right thing? Not ONE person did the right thing by me. I'd be really tempted to say something.

[Surfer Girl]

You have come a long way... Let him eat his heart out...

[HeartBreak11]

I do what exactly I did, being dumped by text is awful, this had nothing to do with you, it had everything to do with how he handles things. There really is no way a dumpee can feel good about the way you were dumped, text, in person, over the phone, It really doesn't matter, what matters is that person doesn't want to be with you anymore.

 

Everyone here who has been through a breakup can relate to a change in the social circle. I don't think anyone hates you (Unless you cheated on him/her) I believe it comes down to people being uncomfortable with the situation. In the end, its not that big of a deal for the outsider (Friends, family), life goes on.

 

Thank you for the admiration in my situation, it wasn't planned, I basically reacted to a situation I wasn't prepared for, I really had no other choice, I do believe it was the better choice, in the future, it will be that less uncomfortable. Coming from a dumpee, lets be honest, I don't hate the person, why should I? Because the ex didn't want to be with me anymore? Tough, its life, people break up everyday. Do I still hurt? YES, Am I healed? No way but I am doing everything I can to make sure I am putting out a better person for the next person.

 

In short, don't worry how you were dumped, keep plugging along and act like everything is going great, even if you're not ready to see the person you were with for such long time......I can promise you this, you will not feel better about yourself if you go off on the ex or make a situation uncomfortable.

 

anyway, that is my two cents and I don't pretend to be 100% Healed.

 

Hi heartbreak I really admire how well you handled yourself. I don't know if I could do the same, after the way I was dumped. What would you do when you see the ex dumped you after a year, by text. And completely cut you off with everything unresolved and no answers? What is the point in doing the right thing? Not ONE person did the right thing by me. I'd be really tempted to say something.

[Sugarkane]

I dont want to see my ex happy. Why? The Ahole played me. Lied abd cheated on me. Turned everyone against me so he wouldn't have to deal with the fall out. He can't be with someone more than 6 months, if even that. It's about time this Ahole got played by someone else. Why should I feel remorse? He didn't have severe depression after the breakup. He didn't lose weight and sleep. He didn't lose his friends because I turned them all against him.

[Sugarkane]

God forbid if they feel any ounce of remorse. They couldn't wait to give me the arse. I hope it was worth taking my exes side. He is the most cold hearted person I've ever met.

[Sugarkane]

I'll never forgive these two faced people. I was in a really bad place. Not one person checked on me. I hope these people reap what they sow. Why shoukf I be happy for these people?

[TrueColors]

I dont want to see my ex happy. Why? The Ahole played me. Lied abd cheated on me. Turned everyone against me so he wouldn't have to deal with the fall out. He can't be with someone more than 6 months, if even that. It's about time this Ahole got played by someone else. Why should I feel remorse? He didn't have severe depression after the breakup. He didn't lose weight and sleep. He didn't lose his friends because I turned them all against him.

 

God forbid if they feel any ounce of remorse. They couldn't wait to give me the arse. I hope it was worth taking my exes side. He is the most cold hearted person I've ever met.

 

I'll never forgive these two faced people. I was in a really bad place. Not one person checked on me. I hope these people reap what they sow. Why shoukf I be happy for these people?

 

SK, I've been coming across your posts for a while now and I know you are still hurting over this immensely.

 

Are you in counselling over this? Because it doesn't seem to be doing you any good to keep going over it. Surely it must be driving you crazy? Surely you must be getting tired posting about the negativity and spewing over someone else's thread about it? Esp. one that is essentially trying to be positive.

 

I hear you that "he" did wrong. I believe my ex's behaviours weren't honest either. But I'm making such an effort to improve myself as a person that his issues are becoming less and less important to me now. Perhaps it's time you do the same?

 

HB11, Congrats on your encounter! I believe that encountering the ex is such a turning point and it is inspiring to read how you dealt with it.

 

There will always be that lingering question over wanting to know what they think. In some way I guess this means we are still seeking their "approval". Which makes sense if initially one is left feeling "not good enough" once they were dumped.

 

Last night I took LS posters' advice to go to a gig that I knew my ex would be at. I was so glad I did as I ended up really enjoying myself; got to say "hi" to a few acquaintances; got front row to the band and even got my photos taken with them. All the while, I was conscious that I could run into the ex (and his g/f) at any moment. But I didn't. Perhaps the universe was trying to spare me, but I can hardly complain now, can I?

Edited October 30, 2011 by TrueColors

[Sugarkane]

TrueColors- Thanks alot. Just trying to get advice from someone also In a similar situation. Yes I did go to counseling and it was expensive got me. Now after having a child, the counsellor only works part time and during my work hours.

[Sugarkane]

Sorry if Ive hijacked your thread heartbreak.

[Thieves]

I'll never forgive these two faced people. I was in a really bad place. Not one person checked on me. I hope these people reap what they sow. Why shoukf I be happy for these people?

 

SugarKane, I know this is my second time posting to you about this, but TrueColors is right. It's hard going through a break-up when the people you thought you could count on aren't there in the end to help you, end up turning on you when things go sour, but we have to learn how to pick our own selves up or else we'll always be depedent on others.

 

What your ex did, dumping you by text and everything horrible that followed afterwards, have to do with him. You have to realize that because he did you wrong doesn't necessarily mean it reflects back on you as a person. It doesn't mean you're unworthy, it doesn't mean that he won't one day realize what he's done and feel remorse -- you just cannot count on that to feel fulfilled again. You two have separate lives now, and when you were together, at least you know you tried and gave it your all. What more could he ask for? It just did not work out like you hoped, but sometimes that happens in life. Sometimes some things have to not work out for us, so that when something wonderful comes along and something does work out, we can look back and understand why other things didn't. Realize that the moment you let that soak in, is the moment you truly begin to move on.