freshstart11 Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 Hi Everyone! I've been a long time lurker and really appreciated all the stories here. I'd debated posting a time or two, but now am ready to start. For background I am a single woman who had been having an affair with a married man for 18 months. We're both in our 30's, he is younger by a few years. We met on the job and were friends for a few months, there was flirting, but the affair became physical after his skills took him to a new company. I honestly thought he would leave his wife for me. I know that is an incredibly selfish desire, but it was very real and powerful and based on things he said and wrote which of course turned out to be lies. Throughout this affair I've seen him lie to me and to her, act cowardly in many ways, and indecisive as we both tried to end things and failed. Yesterday, I just got sick of things. I emailed him a letter telling him I was done with the relationship and even the friendship and that I didn't even want to hear from him unless he could come to me with filed divorce papers, and then and only then if I was single maybe we could see where things were. So of course he sends me an instant message this morning agreeing with me in all ways and then saying he has to send an email telling me "the whole truth" whatever that is. Didn't receive it, don't even know why I'm waiting to see it just uggh. I have to be strong and move on, I just can't believe I'm not even on Day One of NC thanks to him Iming me and me responding. On the other hand a good platonic friend at work and has been waiting to fix me up with some friends said after I have had some time to heal, maybe in two months or so, he would introduce me to some nice intelligent and honest guys. I'm not sure that would be the right timing, but the idea did bring a little smile to my face. Anyone have any constructive advice, even a beat down of "don't go back" or anything? Thank you, Freshstart11 Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 Well, now you're going to wait for the real truth email. And then he'll follow that up with another IM or text or phone call. And as much as you may not want to hear it, or see, or speak with it, every form of contact triggers the emotions and starts the whole rollercoaster ride all over. From what I have read here and elsewhere, the first true step is total NC (No Contact). Block him; his number, his texts, his IMs, his calls, his emails, his social networking sites. All of it. Today. Link to post Share on other sites
Author freshstart11 Posted October 24, 2011 Author Share Posted October 24, 2011 Spark1111, you were right. He did finally send his truth email and then start IMig me. The letter made me mad, him keep IMing me made me madder. He kept asking stuff, apologizing for being a coward (ha!) and I'm never gonna answer his final question of what to do with a mutual friend and coworker of his asks what's up, he can deal with that one. I deleted all his emails (told him I was doing this) and then he's blocked from every email, phone, FB and chat way he has to reach me that I know of. He could conceivably make up another email (he made up a few to keep us a secret) but I'm done. Tomorrow is a new day, and my first official NC day. Can't wait. Link to post Share on other sites
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