Hindsight45 Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 Hi LS, Im now 12 weeks since i broke up with my ex. Im making progress and feel more balanced and more at peace, but in the last few days, i have been wondering just how much of my relationship with my ex was based in truth and how much was deceit. It has made me re-evaluate my whole concept of love and what it means to me to love someone, because i cant now decide A - did i love him and B - did he love me. Was it purely infatuation, a fling that got way out of hand and should have had a halt called to it before others got hurt? Im asking myself some really tough questions and that leads me to then think - well ok, did he love me? When i look back at some of the stuff he did immediately after the break up, i really have to wonder. But then i cannot measure his actions by my yardstick, i can only say well, i wouldn't have acted that way. The other day, i had to meet him to collect something from him and i never really felt anything during the brief 5 minutes we spoke. It was civil and polite and over very quickly. I do not want him back, the feeling is mutual and very evident on his part. I admit to being a little shocked at the coldness he displayed towards me (A mutual friend told him of my recent bad news regarding my health and that i will be having chemo very soon, he mentioned nothing about it at all!) But then, that brings me back to my thoughts about did he actually love me or care about me. What i am having the biggest struggle with at the moment is memory triggers - places, smells, music. I feel very sad when a memory is triggered by being somewhere we went or by a song we listened to. I have come to realise that its not actually him i miss, its the loss of the shared dreams and future we might have had. Its hard going, but there are good days now Link to post Share on other sites
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