Common sense?

[UCFKevin]

So, I'm wondering.

 

When other people see posts that have a title that contains, "Get married or..." or "Propose or...", do they automatically think, "Go for the or."?

 

Personally, I would never ever get married or propose to a girl unless *I* wanted to. I wouldn't do it to make her happy or to keep her in my life, as if I got an ultimatum. That, to me, is not what marriage is about. Shouldn't it be about both parties WANTING it rather than one side feeling like they have to go along with it? Just to keep the other person around?

 

Is that not common sense? Am I wrong?

[LikkleMissConfused]

I completely agree with what you are saying. My experience of five years with an ex gets me asking the same question. I recently found out he had been cheating on me throughout the whole relationship and I can make sense of some of his strange behaviour. He bought me a ring after my dad passed away and wanted us to get engaged and married but only his way which was in a white dress abroad somewhere hot. Well I'm hindu indian and I beleive in wearing red and gold and wanted the full works with my family but he was dead against it. I feel now it is even more important because my dad isn't around.

 

I was actually thinking last night in bed why did he buy me the ring, I think it was to keep hold of me and yes I did want that with him but there was something inside telling me not to. STrange. Yes two people should only go that way if they feel that they want to with eachother and for the right reasons.

 

He was very abusive nasty and voilent towards me a big bully and I'm glad I'm out of it. Thanks for your thought provoking post.

[Pyrannaste]

Originally posted by UCFKevin

Shouldn't it be about both parties WANTING it rather than one side feeling like they have to go along with it? Just to keep the other person around?

 

This makes perfect sense and it is a very good point. No one should ever be forced into marrying someone, he/she should really want it.

 

But most women who make that kind of ultimatums..... their goal is marrying someone and having children, they have a biological clock tickling away. men can procreate at 60, with women that are very younger than them.

A woman can only wait until she is abot 35, and then she won't be able of giving birth to children.

 

I think it's not about

"I absolutely want to marry someone, so hurry up and marry me even if you are not sure you will be happy with me",

 

but more something like:

 

"hey, I really hope I am the right person for you and I'd love to marry you, but please decide/try to figure out soon whether you want to marry me. I have my biological clock tickling away so if you end up not wanting to marry me I'd love to have some time left to find someone to start family with. I can't allow to give you years to decide, because by then I won't be able to have children anymore. So I give you a time limit......to decide. You want to marry me? great. You are not sure again? Well, sorry I have to move on with my life, I can't risk losing the chance to have children."

 

I think that if women were able to have healthy children at any age they would not be making that kind of umpleasant ultimatums, and would be willingly to wait gladly even dozen of years for their partner to decide.

[moimeme]

It's not only women who post those posts. I'm with you 100%, Kevin. If the idea of living with someone doesn't make you extremely happy, then there's no question - you shouldn't do it. The decision to marry oughtn't be 'yeah, I guess I will'; it should be YES YES YES!