New friendship - red flags

[whichwayisup]

Jen is now going out of her way to complain about this girl. I hear her in the lunchroom, in my department, in customer/public areas, just trying to get everyone on her side. It is unprofessional and immature. I am finding it difficult to stay quiet the more I see her acting this way.

 

Next time you hear her belly aching about this and that, talking behind someone's back, just say "OMG, give it a rest already. Nobody cares..Just let it go and go do some work." Seriously, this woman needs to shut the F up. It's ruining the office atmosphere too. Negative bitchy energy, something you all don't need.

[whichwayisup]

You've come a long way. It's been a year of growth, acceptance, confidence and strength on your behalf.

 

She may always get under your skin at times, it'll just continue to get easier as time goes on.

 

I worked with a guy who used to be quite nice. He actually was quite an ass.hole but i never experienced it until I started working in the same dept as him. He basically did a 180, it shocked me. AND he was malicious too.. Would purposely do things to mess you up, go and change settings on the computer and then deny he did it, all the meanwhile others had seen him do it. I think he felt threatened by me..It was one thing to work in the same business - but once we started working together, his insecurity came out as well as the jerk.

 

Anyway, he ended up quitting and it was such a relief. The whole department energy changed in a good way once he left. That guy had issues and over time I learned how to deal with him, and never EVER did I let him know how ****t.y he made me feel once I realized how to handle him better.

 

So, just take things in stride and do your best to put it out of your head once at home. Jen isn't worthy of any thoughts once you walk out the door from work.

[SpiralOut]

You've come a long way. It's been a year of growth, acceptance, confidence and strength on your behalf.

 

She may always get under your skin at times, it'll just continue to get easier as time goes on.

 

I worked with a guy who used to be quite nice. He actually was quite an ass.hole but i never experienced it until I started working in the same dept as him. He basically did a 180, it shocked me. AND he was malicious too.. Would purposely do things to mess you up, go and change settings on the computer and then deny he did it, all the meanwhile others had seen him do it. I think he felt threatened by me..It was one thing to work in the same business - but once we started working together, his insecurity came out as well as the jerk.

 

Anyway, he ended up quitting and it was such a relief. The whole department energy changed in a good way once he left. That guy had issues and over time I learned how to deal with him, and never EVER did I let him know how ****t.y he made me feel once I realized how to handle him better.

 

So, just take things in stride and do your best to put it out of your head once at home. Jen isn't worthy of any thoughts once you walk out the door from work.

 

Wow that guy sounds like a real winner. I guess there's someone like that every once in a while at workplaces anywhere.

 

I still think it's bizarre that someone could be so openly hostile towards me just because I have a life?? I guess that's the one thing that she feels she has that I don't and whenever she sees that I do socialize, it shatters her illusion of being better than me. That's really sad, that her confidence depends on what I'm doing.

 

You're right that I need to put it out of my head when I come home. Anyway I'm not really planning to stay with the company for very much longer, so long as things go my way, so hopefully I won't have to deal with her at all soon.

[darkmoon]

Yeah I really don't think that she does have much of a life outside of work, which in all honesty I can relate to but you're right, she is treating this as her main social outlet. If she wants to be that way she should be doing it in her own free time, not in a professional setting.

 

You are right, I'm still reacting to her. I am fascinated by her. I just can't believe someone like her can exist.

 

How do you think I should re-adjust my perception? I'm trying to but it's not working. Right now I just look at her like she's this crazy person. I can't stop trying to figure out why she is like this. Why has she chosen me as someone to dominate? Why is she not understanding that she can't do that? She cannot ever convince me to trust her again. I will never socialize with her willingly. I will never confide things in her again. She might be able to make a fool of me if she catches me when my guard is down but I will never ever speak to her as if we are friends or even friendly aquaintances. Yet she keeps trying trying trying trying. WTF is wrong with her? Why is she not giving up? Aside from the fact that she's a bitch? Because I've met plenty of bitches before but none that acted this way. I just don't understand.

 

---------------------

 

i think you should pity her

 

look at her, bullying, lonely, obnoxious, that's all she knows

 

she's thick-skinned that's why she won't give up, she might even be able to see she annoying you by your facial expression, and is getting perverse pleasure, some people are interesting and people pay attention for good reason but she hasn't got it, she just some idiot, but you can't challenge her because you'd make an enemy

 

but how does she get on with your boss? do you see them interact? i want to know

what's her job description and what's yours? do you earn more than her?

Edited November 3, 2012 by darkmoon

[SpiralOut]

 

 

i think you should pity her

 

look at her, bullying, lonely, obnoxious, that's all she knows

 

she's thick-skinned that's why she won't give up, she might even be able to see she annoying you by your facial expression, and is getting perverse pleasure, some people are interesting and people pay attention for good reason but she hasn't got it, she just some idiot, but you can't challenge her because you'd make an enemy

 

but how does she get on with your boss? do you see them interact? i want to know

what's her job description and what's yours? do you earn more than her?

 

Yeah I guess I should pity her. In college she tried to befriend some girls my age but didn't get anywhere. They were nice enough to her but weren't interested in hanging out with her, whereas they invited me out to things. She still talks about them as if she knows them, in fact she told me a story that made it sound like she was hanging out with one of them. Later on I realized she had only run into her by accident and the girl had politely said hello and then ignored her. She wasn't friendless, but she seemed more interested in the "popular" people than in the people she actually spent time with.

 

I get the feeling she's the type who has always wanted to be popular but could never get in with the cool kids.

 

I honestly don't know if she can read my expression or not. I have seen her act genuinely confused about whether she offended someone she likes, but I've caught her playing the "I'm stupid" game before too so who knows.

 

Umm with the boss she acts extremely docile. He's normally nice to her and talks to her like she's a little kid but sometimes he'll get annoyed and tell her to speak up more. I mean she won't even say "excuse me" to get past him. She'll just stand there waiting for him to move if he's in the way. She'll also deal with him by giggling. She has admitted to doing that on purpose. But he'll notice if she's doing something she shouldn't be doing (sometimes she'll try to break rules on purpose) and he'll call her out on it and put her in her place. At one point she was acting like a drama queen, complaining to everyone that he was flirting with her.

 

I would rather not get into job descriptions. I have no idea if she makes more than me or not although at one point she sure was interested in knowing everything about my finances.

[whichwayisup]

Wow that guy sounds like a real winner. I guess there's someone like that every once in a while at workplaces anywhere.

 

I still think it's bizarre that someone could be so openly hostile towards me just because I have a life?? I guess that's the one thing that she feels she has that I don't and whenever she sees that I do socialize, it shatters her illusion of being better than me. That's really sad, that her confidence depends on what I'm doing.

 

You're right that I need to put it out of my head when I come home. Anyway I'm not really planning to stay with the company for very much longer, so long as things go my way, so hopefully I won't have to deal with her at all soon.

 

She's like this because she knows she has no power over you anymore so she's being a bitch. J is a miserable person and wants others to feel like shi.t too, bring them down to her level. the more everybody stays positive and stays away from her, not let her gossiping and negative crap take over, then you all win and she loses.

 

Yeah, that would be great. I hope you find a great job soon!

[SpiralOut]

She's like this because she knows she has no power over you anymore so she's being a bitch. J is a miserable person and wants others to feel like shi.t too, bring them down to her level. the more everybody stays positive and stays away from her, not let her gossiping and negative crap take over, then you all win and she loses.

 

Yeah, that would be great. I hope you find a great job soon!

 

hahahahaha!!!

 

oh that made me laugh out loud. She truly was acting like a bitch the other day, it was so obvious that she was angry with me LOL and I handled it so well! Hahaha. Oh god I don't know why but it just cracks me up to know that she's being a bitch to me just because she's not getting what she wants. Just like a little kid!

 

I can't decide if she's a loser or just crazy. I mean, she is just out of control! How could she possibly not see how she's acting! I'll update if anything interesting happens. I have a funny feeling that this won't go on for much longer. She can only act this way for so long before people start to comment on it.

[darkmoon]

Yeah I guess I should pity her. In college she tried to befriend some girls my age but didn't get anywhere. They were nice enough to her but weren't interested in hanging out with her, whereas they invited me out to things. She still talks about them as if she knows them, in fact she told me a story that made it sound like she was hanging out with one of them. Later on I realized she had only run into her by accident and the girl had politely said hello and then ignored her. She wasn't friendless, but she seemed more interested in the "popular" people than in the people she actually spent time with.

 

I get the feeling she's the type who has always wanted to be popular but could never get in with the cool kids.

 

I honestly don't know if she can read my expression or not. I have seen her act genuinely confused about whether she offended someone she likes, but I've caught her playing the "I'm stupid" game before too so who knows.

 

Umm with the boss she acts extremely docile. He's normally nice to her and talks to her like she's a little kid but sometimes he'll get annoyed and tell her to speak up more. I mean she won't even say "excuse me" to get past him. She'll just stand there waiting for him to move if he's in the way. She'll also deal with him by giggling. She has admitted to doing that on purpose. But he'll notice if she's doing something she shouldn't be doing (sometimes she'll try to break rules on purpose) and he'll call her out on it and put her in her place. At one point she was acting like a drama queen, complaining to everyone that he was flirting with her.

 

I would rather not get into job descriptions. I have no idea if she makes more than me or not although at one point she sure was interested in knowing everything about my finances.

 

she's xtrmly docile, she giggles at the boss sometimes, i bet if he asked her out she'd go...

Edited November 4, 2012 by darkmoon

[SpiralOut]

I'm finding it difficult to keep my mouth shut. She is now doing things like working overtime without pay and complaining about it to coworkers yet saying nothing to management. It's against company policy to do that. And it's quite easy for her to avoid it, just by managing her time differently (eg not spending one hour extra doing nothing in our department). I'm certain she is doing this on purpose. I think she's the type who needs to feel stressed out and needed in order to feel important.

 

I made her look bad one night by offering to help her since she was behind (this time at no fault of her own). Her supervisor wanted me to. Jen did not want my help, so I didn't give her any. People were giving her a hard time about it the next day since they knew she stayed really late, yet turned down help. She was being defensive about it and gave a ridiculous excuse.

 

I've decided I won't say anything to the other girl. She has developed this bizarre friendship with Jen where sometimes they get along really well and sometimes they fight with each other. They are now discussing the possibility of moving into an apartment together. It would be a bad idea for me to say something. I'm staying the hell away from that.

[whichwayisup]

I'm finding it difficult to keep my mouth shut. She is now doing things like working overtime without pay and complaining about it to coworkers yet saying nothing to management. It's against company policy to do that. And it's quite easy for her to avoid it, just by managing her time differently (eg not spending one hour extra doing nothing in our department). I'm certain she is doing this on purpose. I think she's the type who needs to feel stressed out and needed in order to feel important.

 

I made her look bad one night by offering to help her since she was behind (this time at no fault of her own). Her supervisor wanted me to. Jen did not want my help, so I didn't give her any. People were giving her a hard time about it the next day since they knew she stayed really late, yet turned down help. She was being defensive about it and gave a ridiculous excuse.

 

I've decided I won't say anything to the other girl. She has developed this bizarre friendship with Jen where sometimes they get along really well and sometimes they fight with each other. They are now discussing the possibility of moving into an apartment together. It would be a bad idea for me to say something. I'm staying the hell away from that.

 

She's such an idiot. And that new girl, well - Two peas in a pod I guess? Stay away from them both...Fact they are thinking about being roommates..Crazy attracts crazy I guess!

 

Everybody sees her for who she is, so it's best that you just ignore and do your best not to let her games and whatever else she does or doesn't do, bug you so much. If she wants to work OT with no pay, so be it! Someone else eventually will say something to her or maybe her own boss.

[SpiralOut]

I know. She is such a moron!

 

I think that I may have accidentally spoken to her condescendingly. She was just acting so incredibly stupid, the way that she takes herself so very seriously while she says such stupid things to me. I just said "OH!! Ohhh okay then." with this "whatever you say you moron" tone of voice. I just could not control it. I mean WTF else was I supposed to say?

 

The girl that I thought was her friend (not the weird one) thinks she's stupid too. She hasn't actually said it, but she makes comments that make that much clear. But that's part of the reason for why she likes her. She always talks about how Jen is "so hilarious and entertaining." Wow. That's sort of a burn!

 

She tried to get me to fix someone else's problem again! I guess she didn't learn her lesson the first time I told her not to do that! So I told her again to go give it to that person, don't give it to me. The next day she started avoiding me. WTF? One minute she's a bully, the next minute she's shy and afraid of people. I don't get her.

 

It's nice to be able to laugh at her now. That sounds so mean, but really I think I deserve to have a laugh at her expense.

Edited November 11, 2012 by SpiralOut

[SpiralOut]

I need to blow off steam. I am getting seriously pissed off.

 

She is becoming more and more bossy and domineering. She doesn't bother me about my social life or anything personal about me. She is just breathing down my neck as far as my work goes.

 

There is a time of day she is supposed to leave. Instead of leaving she stays for one hour extra when there is nothing to do. Would you like to know the number of times she walks back and forth between my desk and hers to pick things up from me to do? 7 times in 5 minutes. I counted.

 

Then she starts getting on my back about the way I am handling a problem that is none of her concern. She tried to tell me to hand her something and she held out her hand!! I told her umm no I cannot give you this now. I am fixing it. I actually lost my patience and used my angry voice with her. She was walking away from me when I did it. I looked at her and she had stopped in her tracks for a good 10 seconds.

 

I'm not sure if that will aggravate her to be a bigger bitch to me or if she'll maybe back the f*** off. Seriously, I don't know how to work like this anymore. I'm having violent fantasies about punching her in the face.

 

She needs to back. The **** OFF.

Edited November 22, 2012 by SpiralOut

[SpiralOut]

My question now is how do I ignore her when she is trying to dominate the department now. She spends more time there than she should. She is acting like a queen bee. She has her friend on her side. Another woman has become dependent upon her emotionally; it is a creepy codependent relationship where she thinks she needs Jen, and panics if Jen isn't there. The worst part is that Jen has encouraged it. It's so obvious that it makes her feel good to have this person needing/thinking she needs her. It ****ing scares me, to see her act that way with someone. I'm not sure if there's anythinbg I can say or do to help that woman get her confidence back or if that would be too much interfering. I guess I can't really do much.

 

It's basically just me and this other woman left. The other one thinks she's crazy and is now starting to make comments. I think Jen is moving onto me again, questioning me on how I do my work and so on. This is ridiculous. I CANNOT work this way.

 

I am searching harder now for a new job. What the hell type of company would allow a woman like that to run amuck. I mean for the love of god she eats sugar then comes in to tell us she is hyper from eating sugar. She's almost 40 and she acts that way.

 

Sorry, just needed to vent. I am appalled.

Edited November 24, 2012 by SpiralOut

[whichwayisup]

Can you talk to your boss off the record about this stuff?

 

You can't control her hours at work. She obviously has no life and wants to 'hang out' and be around people so she isn't alone. Kind of sad actually when you think of it.

 

Somehow you need to push yourself not to care and really tune her out, not let her affect you at all. You've come a long way, I think this thread has been very theraputic for you, it's been on going for over a year now with consistant updates.

 

Talk to your boss about Jen and how she "is" and that that it's really bothering you. Maybe this can be sorted out once and for all, new rules put in place BY the boss so Jen won't run to you all the time for anything and everything.

 

This woman is unprofessional and obviously has issues, and has no social grace whatsoever.

 

Do look and see what else you can find in the mean time, and hope that things will get better at work.

[darkmoon]

yes, or even just say " potential problem to put on record"

 

I only hope that bitch isn't baiting you, readying you and herself for a works Christmas party, where she talks to the boss about how she's getting over her timidity problem (Heaven knows what cute outfit she's planning on wearing) while her barbs rile you to the point of publicly blowing your top halfway thru the festivities

 

report her soon, protect yourself

Edited November 24, 2012 by darkmoon

[SpiralOut]

Yeah so I went to an event tonight and she was there for a couple hours. Thankfully there were enough people there that I was able to completely ignore her except for like 5 minutes at the end.

 

The person who invited her shocked me. She was talking about her before we met up with the others. She was telling us about how Jen does this and does that "and she's 37 years old." She thinks Jen is immature and annoying!! I guess she invited her in order to be polite or whatever, I don't know. Another girl there said she had met her before and that she spent the entire conversation with her smiling and nodding without understanding what they were talking about.

 

Can you talk to your boss off the record about this stuff?

 

You can't control her hours at work. She obviously has no life and wants to 'hang out' and be around people so she isn't alone. Kind of sad actually when you think of it.

 

Somehow you need to push yourself not to care and really tune her out, not let her affect you at all. You've come a long way, I think this thread has been very theraputic for you, it's been on going for over a year now with consistant updates.

 

Talk to your boss about Jen and how she "is" and that that it's really bothering you. Maybe this can be sorted out once and for all, new rules put in place BY the boss so Jen won't run to you all the time for anything and everything.

 

This woman is unprofessional and obviously has issues, and has no social grace whatsoever.

 

Do look and see what else you can find in the mean time, and hope that things will get better at work.

Honestly my boss is a dick and I don't feel comfortable talking to him about it. My workplace is pretty f***** up in general so yeah I'm not sure if it's worth it to say anything, then people will want to know who said something and they'll probably know it was me because it's becoming really obvious that I can't stand this woman.

 

I'm considering mentioning something to the other woman in my department who seems to have the same opinion as me. Like maybe asking her, hey have you noticed something in here is different.

 

You're right this has been theraputic to me. I hate it that this woman is affecting me so much I have a thread dedicated to her that I've been updating for a year. Would you like to know what happened today? I went to a group psychic reading. On my second reading, last card, she showed up.

 

SHE SHOWED UP AS A TAROT CARD AT THE PSYCHIC READING.

 

He basically just said that I hide parts of myself and compress myself around someone. That I can't be myself around them. That there is aserious, ongoing struggle with that person, a major personality clash.

 

I was in absolute shock. Here I am trying to have a good time, and I've managed to forget all about her and am talking to people who are nice to me and that happens. I suppose he COULD have been talking about someone else, but that other person doesn't live in my city and I don't have to deal with her often.

[SpiralOut]

I forgot to mention that she has a fragmented energy field. I pick up a different vibe from her depending on who she is that day. I know that people can have different moods and have different sides of them that come out, but their baseline energy still feels the same. You can tell they are still the same person. With her, it's like she's got at least 2 different personalities.

 

This is confirmed by the way she contradicts herself with things she says. She lies on a regular basis. I'm not sure what that says about her, nor what it says about me, that I'm able to pick up on this. I feel like everyone else thinks nothing of it.

 

This is why I can't come to any understanding of her. It's like seeing different pieces and trying to fit them together into one person but it's just not working. I've known her for 3 years now and I still don't know who she is.

[SpiralOut]

She is being removed from our department, or so I heard. I hope it is true.

 

I think her issue is neediness. Loneliness and neediness. It makes her act insane. And now that she's not really bugging me AS much anymore, it still bothers me to look at her and see it. I hate seeing her act so pathetic, and the worst part is she doesn't even seem to realize it. I think she's delusional.

 

She reminds me of things I don't like about myself. I get lonely sometimes. Sometimes I wonder if I look pathetic to others. And in my past, I have acted delusional about things. I think we share certain feelings about things, in terms of wanting recognition from others, wanting certain people to like us, being lonely. But I hide my feelings and try to act appropriately while she is just completely out of control. I am working through my issues and I know I'll be okay. I think that she, on the other hand, is desperate. I might be completely wrong about this, but I dont' think she's doing anything to deal with her issues. She can't even accept responsibility for things she has said and done, she just projects herself onto other people! I hate watching it. I can't stand it.

Edited November 30, 2012 by SpiralOut

[Timmy2020]

yup you right..

[SpiralOut]

Today she out of nowhere made a comment about how some people are so unhappy with their own lives that they just keep . . . .

 

 

She left the sentence unfinished but I'm pretty sure I know what she meant.

 

How ironic is that? It looks like Jen has her own little Jen bothering her. I don't know who it is and I don't care. It makes me feel almost relieved. Maybe it will help her to not do that anymore now that she knows what it's like to be on the receiving end, although I doubt she's in a place right now to really see how she was acting towards me. Maybe one day she'll see it.

[whichwayisup]

Yup it's her problem. Don't stress about it at all.

 

So, when is she leaving the department? Hopefully soon!

[SpiralOut]

Yup it's her problem. Don't stress about it at all.

 

So, when is she leaving the department? Hopefully soon!

 

She is already gone, but not completely. She is still around for maybe an hour, and she pops in and out a lot. I don't know if this arrangment will be permanent or not but it brings some relief. I feel much better already. Just having her in the same room makes me feel drained.

[SpiralOut]

She's not around as much but when she is she is now extremely aggressive. When someone disagrees with her or gets annoyed with her, she stands very close to them while they are sitting and she leans in close, then talks in that tone of voice she has. I don't know what word to use to describe it but it seems just really wrong. I mean, the least you can do is respect a person's space, why are you getting in so close to them like that??

 

She does it with the two she is friends with. With me and the other woman she doesn't do it. She is still aggressive with me sometimes but doesn't have the nerve to lean in close to my face. If she does, I will say something.

 

I am finding myself snapping at her, but that's because I am stressed out already due to other stuff that is going on with me. It really bothers me that I'm letting her get to me. I'm just so sick and tired of watching her talk down to that other girl and then make these self-satisfied sighs. It's disgusting.

 

And now that I think of it, I think it's ridiculous that she out of nowhere told her little sob story about unhappy people trying to bring her down. I'm not sure if that's workplace appropriate. That's crossing boundaries, isn't it? I wonder if she does that as a way of manipulating people into not calling her out on sh*t. I mean geez, I put up with all that crap from her and I kept it to myself.

 

Oh my god. I really needed to vent that. I need to keep my temper around her. For the most part I keep my mouth shut and just watch her act like a bitch.

Edited December 13, 2012 by SpiralOut

[whichwayisup]

Just keep venting it out and try to look at her in a humourous light. She truly is pathetic and has tons of issues, she annoys the crap out you, and probably many other people too.

[SpiralOut]

Yeah I know a few other people are annoyed at her behaviour but of course nobody can say anything to her.

 

I think I know why this still bothers me. It's my pride. I don't understand why someone like her would look down on me. I don't normally look at people in terms of being above or below me, but this chick is definately not on the same level as me. She treats me as though I don't know how to socialize or have friends, yet at a party we both went to she wanted to play spin the bottle!! The room went dead silent when she said that. I may not be a social butterfly but even I know better than that! It goes to show that she must not have had any friends in a long time. I may not have many friends right now, but I've hung out with different groups of people within the past few years. And at another party we went to I was making more conversation with people than her. She must have been surprised or something by it because on the Monday she started talking to me differently. She spoke to me like I was a normal person. It's like a lighbulb went off in her head or something.

 

We still don't talk much. She can't seem to make up her mind about me. I think when I refuse to really chit-chat with her, or hang out with her, it's easier for her to decide that I am socially inept, rather than admit that I don't like her.

 

The anger that I have towards her isn't really about her anymore. It's about my pride. I don't like it when I am misjudged, especially by people who obviously have their own issues to deal with.