Author SpiralOut Posted September 12, 2013 Author Share Posted September 12, 2013 I feel ten times better now that she is hardly around. I can actually act like myself now. She comes by at the end of the day to talk to her friend even if she has nothing to say. It was the same thing she used to do with me, except it made me feel uncomfortable while her friend doesn't care. It annoys me to have her standing there for 10 minutes next to my desk when her shift is OVER. In the lunchroom I got stuck watching her massage another girls shoulders today, which to me seems inappropriate. Massages are intimate, IMO. Go home and massage your boyfriend in private. Don't do it in front of me while I'm eating a banana and drinking coffee. She is also doing that thing again where she overinvolves herself in someone else's life. She gets that way with pregnant women. She becomes very excited about their pregnancy and makes comments about babies popping out. She likes to dote on pregnant women, and there is a pregnant woman at work now, so I am stuck watching her act creepy and weird with her. Maybe that's normal in her culture, but where I'm from, that's not normal. It's invasive and creepy. She has no children so it's like she is living her life vicariously through other people's families. She does the same thing with her sisters. I just needed to vent about that. It makes me feel uncomfortable to see that type of behaviour. I sometimes change my breaktime or go outside so I don't have to see that. On the plus side, she seems to know she can't mess with me. I have been alone with her a few times now and she doesn't bother me. I thought maybe she had stopped her bullying, since she hardly every does it anymore with anyone. But yesterday I saw her being dominant and condescending with another woman. The woman is so shy and quiet she didn't seem to even realize she was being patronized. Ughhhh. Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted September 12, 2013 Share Posted September 12, 2013 once you know her repertoire of bullying moves, you can watch her try them without rising to her bait, just thinking what a saddo she is note that I mean this - I no longer emote over a bullying family member for this reason, I just see her attempts and carrying with whatever I was doing or saying in one swoop, no emotion cuz the family member no longer get to me under my skin 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SpiralOut Posted October 5, 2013 Author Share Posted October 5, 2013 I have thought on this further and I think she must have unresolved issues towards someone in her past. She was acting out a pattern of behaviour. She was doing what people sometimes do when they are treated badly by someone who is supposed to love them. I'm thinking of a child who is ignored by their parents, or maybe a girlfriend who gets treated like crap by her boyfriend. Her reaction to me was out of proportion to the situation. It would have made more sense for her to act that way towards a boyfriend who cheated on her. But for her to act that way towards me? I was never friends with her. I was always a bit detached when speaking to her. So for her to act out that pattern of behaviour towards me . . . I think she had unresolved issues, that she was just sort of re-enacting with me because I happened to remind her of someone or something. Maybe she gets ignored a lot so she chose me as the person to finally freak out on. I don't know. I hate to admit it, but this girl is the key to understanding myself better. She is the one who made me realize that my own mother treated me badly. She has many of the same behaviours as my mother. Hell, for all I know they could both have the same illness. Link to post Share on other sites
Colez Posted October 7, 2013 Share Posted October 7, 2013 What are such things are really important in Friendship? Link to post Share on other sites
Author SpiralOut Posted November 9, 2013 Author Share Posted November 9, 2013 Starting next week we will no longer be working in the same location. I won't have to see her or hear her anymore. The other day she tried to make conversation with me. I was very curt with my answers, just enough to be polite without showing interest. I cannot ever trust her again, not even enough to make small talk. She hasn't changed. Just last week I saw her walk up to a coworker for no reason but to belittle her. Her bullying is so blatant that I feel embarrassed for her. Oh well. I won't be seeing her anymore. Goodbye!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 9, 2013 Share Posted November 9, 2013 So happy for you! Now you can completely ignore her if you see her anywhere else in the building. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SpiralOut Posted November 13, 2013 Author Share Posted November 13, 2013 Oh we aren't even in the same building!! I work an hour away from her location. It is extremely unlikely that I will ever see her again. I've been feeling happier than I have in a long time when I'm at work. I don't even care that I have to travel further to get there. What a relief to not be around someone like that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 Oh we aren't even in the same building!! I work an hour away from her location. It is extremely unlikely that I will ever see her again. I've been feeling happier than I have in a long time when I'm at work. I don't even care that I have to travel further to get there. What a relief to not be around someone like that. Fantastic! Link to post Share on other sites
AShogunNamedMarcus Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 No one has guessed Histrionic Personality Disorder? It's what came to mind while reading the first post. They are drama-queen attention-whores. No respect for anything. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SpiralOut Posted January 4, 2014 Author Share Posted January 4, 2014 I haven't seen her in almost two months. I unfortunately still hear about her from her friend at work who talks about her. She slanders Jen without even realizing (or maybe not caring) that she's doing it. She tells a "funny" story about something mean that Jen said or did to someone. She thinks it's hilarious, but she's the only one laughing. Someone mentioned he couldn't believe Jen would do that. Boy did Jen's friend set him straight! She made sure that he understood that she's not nice at all. I wish she would shut up about it. It's good to see Jen exposed. I don't really want to hear about it though. Today I heard this gem. Girl: I have curves. Jen: Where? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 Either just ignore that woman completely, walk away when she starts talking about Jen, or why not just tell her "I really don't want to hear anymore Jen stories. Sorry, but I really couldn't care less." Anyway good that it's been 2 months not being around her! Out of sight , out of mind, well almost! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SpiralOut Posted January 4, 2014 Author Share Posted January 4, 2014 (edited) I will have to tell her to stop it. I can't get up and walk away when I'm working on the computer next to her. It took me a full minute to understand the story she told me. First I thought, "how could she not understand where a person's curves are? Is she stupid or something?" I sat there and thought some more and realized that she thinks the other girl doesn't HAVE any. But she does! Her insult doesn't even make any sense. That girl is someone she is friends with! How could she possibly think something like that? I would never even think to think of something like that, especially not about a friend. I guess she walks around thinking stuff like that about everybody, and her opinions randomly come out. It is probably so natural and normal to her that she doesn't even know what she sounds like. If she knew what she sounded like, I seriously doubt that she would act that way. She tries to look nice. She wants to be liked, so that means looking nice, but she's NOT nice, so she needs to hide who she is. What a terrible way to live. I thought she was just socially impaired. That's not true. She is a nasty-minded person AND too socially impaired to keep her nasty thoughts to herself. She understands on some level what she can't say in front of people (supervisors, anyone she wants to impress) but when she lets down her guard with others, she can't hide anymore. I don't like it when I slip my mind down to her level in order to understand her thinking. It's like putting on someone's dirty socks. It's gross. So I'll say something like "I don't want to hear stories about Jen." If she asks why I'll say, "because I don't like the way that she thinks. It's too negative. I don't want to hear it." Edited January 4, 2014 by SpiralOut 1 Link to post Share on other sites
burningashes Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 I remember commenting under one of your threads ages ago, about the same woman. You were unsure about her, and whether your friendship were toxic or not. I could relate to you because my best friend were the same way, and I ended up cutting her out even after trying to talk to her about it. Today?? You're doing so well! You have finally cut this toxic woman out of your life, and you feel awesome! It's obvious that she was no good for you, however her intentions are, and you get no benefit from being around her. One day you'll eventually stop talking about Jen, like I don't talk about my ex best friend anymore, because we just don't think about them anymore. That's the goal now for you my friend. Way to go! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Spiralingout. I picked up this from your first post, you said Keep in mind I was pretty stoned, did you mean by that you were using pot/marijuaha? I am not asking because I am being judgemental, but because using that drug can befuddle your thinking and cause problems in the following areas, Short-term memoryCoordinationLearningProblem solving If I have misunderstood your post, then I apologise in advance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SpiralOut Posted January 5, 2014 Author Share Posted January 5, 2014 One day you'll eventually stop talking about Jen, like I don't talk about my ex best friend anymore, because we just don't think about them anymore. That's the goal now for you my friend. Way to go! I agree. I want to stop thinking about her! Spiralingout. I am not asking because I am being judgemental, but because using that drug can befuddle your thinking and cause problems in the following areas, Why are you telling me this? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 I've just read to about page 6. I think Jen's got two things going on. One is she has very low self-esteem. Her saying things to diminish you is called "leveling." People with low self-esteem will sometimes pick someone they think they can get away with tearing down, because tearing them down gives them a momentary shot of feeling superior -- a feeling that is fleeting, so they do it over and over again. Many abusers have low self-esteem. They suck the life out of someone else to make themselves feel better. Sometimes it's a friend, sometimes it's a mate, sometimes it's making fun of a celebrity (extra thrill because they're taking down a big shot). Those type people can be very abusive and are very manipulative to keep you involved. These, unfortunately, are also often the same people who become stalkers. Stalkers come in a few varieties but one of the main ones is low-self-esteem stalkers who leech onto another person to sustain themselves and build themselves up. So they are very hard to get rid of. I think you may have this problem here with Jen. A security and stalking expert and author writes, "People who can't let go choose people who can't say no." She is different with you because she perceives you will put up with it and not tell her to F off. You can't leave a person like this ANY room for misinterpretation. You need to say no to everything that isn't business-related, in my opinion, personal conversations at work, activities with just the two of you after work. If you go on a group afterwork activity and she corners you -- get up and move where she can't corner you again. Be polite at work and refuse to discuss anything else. The other thing this person has, like everyone else has mentioned, is the lack of boundaries and this bluntness. That is likely somethings he inherited from her parents and no doubt it's all part of the same ball of wax with why she has low self-esteem. Parents with no boundaries cause very mixed up offspring. I hate she's at work with you. About all you can do is refuse all offers, get up and move if she corners you at work about something personal and if it gets to be too much, let a supervisor know you're trying to keep it strictly professional because she's been insinuating herself into your life, won't take no for an answer, and you're not comfortable with it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Spriralingout, in response to your post #165, I was asking if you were/are using marijuanha/pot because that drug can cause problems. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SpiralOut Posted January 5, 2014 Author Share Posted January 5, 2014 (edited) Spriralingout, in response to your post #165, I was asking if you were/are using marijuanha/pot because that drug can cause problems. This thread is about an issue I've been having with someone and I want to keep things on topic. You haven't answered my question about how this relates to the main topic of the thread. Please don't ask me questions like that. Edited January 5, 2014 by SpiralOut 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted January 6, 2014 Share Posted January 6, 2014 Spiraling out, I am sorry you find my question intrusive. Paranoia is one of the most unpleasant “side effects” of marijuana and from what I read in your original post it appears you are using this drug. I think it is very relevant to the thread, as your thinking could be affected by this habit. People can't offer useful suggestions if they don't know all the facts. That doesn't mean to say that your co-worker isn't a real piece of work. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SpiralOut Posted January 6, 2014 Author Share Posted January 6, 2014 (edited) Spiraling out, I am sorry you find my question intrusive. Paranoia is one of the most unpleasant “side effects” of marijuana and from what I read in your original post it appears you are using this drug. I think it is very relevant to the thread, as your thinking could be affected by this habit. People can't offer useful suggestions if they don't know all the facts. I am very happy with the suggestions people have given me, as I found them to be useful. If you read through all the posts, you'll see that my problem is largely resolved. I think this thread is an excellent example of how intuition can masquerade as paranoia. So often we tell others or ourselves that we must be just imagining things, we are probably just being paranoid. At the beginning of this situation, I wondered if I was imagining things, yes. However, as things progressed, it became obvious that my funny feelings were correct. The updates I provided here are proof of this. Thank goodness there were people on LS to reassure me that I wasn't being paranoid. My intuition saved my ass. And no, you are not sorry that I find your question intrusive, because if you were then you would not have gone on to explain to me what you think is wrong with me. Maybe instead of focusing on me, you should ask yourself why you feel the urge to say these things to me. Edited January 6, 2014 by SpiralOut 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 6, 2014 Share Posted January 6, 2014 This thread is about an issue I've been having with someone and I want to keep things on topic. You haven't answered my question about how this relates to the main topic of the thread. Please don't ask me questions like that. I have to jump in and defend Spiral as I've been involved on her thread from the beginning. If she has smoked pot it has absolutely nothing to do with her situation with Jen. It's quite an intrusive question to ask and she's not going there, so please, drop it. Jen is a messed up person and many others in the office has had issues with her so it's not in Spiral's head. I think how she's worked hard to get to where she is now is fantastic. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted January 6, 2014 Share Posted January 6, 2014 If no-one wants to discuss the elephant in the room, then that's fine. Just don't be surprised if it takes a dump in the corner. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SpiralOut Posted January 6, 2014 Author Share Posted January 6, 2014 If no-one wants to discuss the elephant in the room, then that's fine. Just don't be surprised if it takes a dump in the corner. Go find someone else to bully. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 6, 2014 Share Posted January 6, 2014 ^ Agree. And pot only makes some people paranoid and only while you're high on it, not the day after. The original poster has given loads of details that clearly illustrate she's dealing with a wingnut at work. Never blame the victim. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SpiralOut Posted January 18, 2014 Author Share Posted January 18, 2014 thank you preraph and whichwayisup. Well I can't seem to avoid Jen because even though she is not physically present, everyone talks about her all the bloody time. They talk about her with affection. WTF? How the hell could they possibly like her? Or maybe they just think she is funny to laugh at? They were telling stories yesterday about how self-important Jen is. She actually called our main branch and asked the manager to please ask other people to stop making mistakes because she is so busy she does not have time to be dealing with other people's mistakes. It's so irritating to listen to her little fanclub go on and on about her. I don't understand what is wrong with these people. I sat there and kept a straight face and said nothing. Guess I'll just have to get used to it. Link to post Share on other sites
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