New friendship - red flags

[preraph]

^ Sounds like they're making light of her to me. I had to contend with a backstabbing girl at work a long time ago. She sucked up to all the men and a few women but mainly tried to sabotage the women and climb the ladder. She hardly worked at all, but she was all Monica Lewinski to the men at worked, so they got mad at any women complaining about her (and no she wasn't attractive except for somewhat large boobs) She just had lots of people snowed. She was treacherous. I hate workplace b*tches.

[preraph]

P.S. In order to protect myself some (see above), anytime I had to talk business with my office nemesis, I began taking a witness with me and just having them stand by to witness what I asked her to do or whatever it was (because she was supposed to help me with my work and I'd give it to her and she'd tell my boss I never gave it to her)

[Confuddled1983]

Go find someone else to bully.

 

I think Arieswoman actually had a valid point. I also didn't think it intrusive as it was you who mentioned you'd smoked pot in the first place, however it's your choice not to divulge any further information on this and I respect that.

 

To call someone a "bully" over it though? I think it's a bit harsh and uncalled for.

[whichwayisup]

thank you preraph and whichwayisup.

 

 

Well I can't seem to avoid Jen because even though she is not physically present, everyone talks about her all the bloody time. They talk about her with affection. WTF? How the hell could they possibly like her? Or maybe they just think she is funny to laugh at? They were telling stories yesterday about how self-important Jen is. She actually called our main branch and asked the manager to please ask other people to stop making mistakes because she is so busy she does not have time to be dealing with other people's mistakes.

 

 

 

 

It's so irritating to listen to her little fanclub go on and on about her. I don't understand what is wrong with these people.

 

 

I sat there and kept a straight face and said nothing. Guess I'll just have to get used to it.

 

Yup, get used to it. Obviously Jen's personality doesn't rub off on them like it does onto you. You must push yourself not to care anymore period and not let hearing about Jen get to you so much. When they speak of her, walk away or tune it out. If they talk or mention Jen to you, just nod your head and act uninterested..No point in saying anything negative about Jen..A point can be made so much better if you stay silent about it.

[SpiralOut]

Thanks, whichwayisup and preraph.

 

 

In a weird way, it's good this all happened. It has made it easier for me to recognize inappropriate behaviour in others and to hold myself away from it. I'm also more likely to notice when someone tries to devalue or belittle my opinions, intelligence or soundness of mind. Anyone who does that is trying to make me question myself so that I won't look so hard at them. When someone pushes against my boundaries and refuses to stop when I tell them to, I will say what I need to say, and if their feelings are hurt then I hope they will seriously re-evaluate the way that they speak to others.

Edited January 21, 2014 by SpiralOut

[SpiralOut]

 

To call someone a "bully" over it though? I think it's a bit harsh and uncalled for.

 

I really enjoy the way that you're ignoring her inappropriate comment about an elephant taking a dump, instead choosing to focus on what I said to her. Why are you doing that?

Edited January 21, 2014 by SpiralOut

[SpiralOut]

It randomly occurred to me today that it makes no sense to be mad at Jen. Even though she is annoying as hell, it is not her fault that she has boundary issues. Something probably happened in her upbringing to make her that way. Either that or she's missing something upstairs. I bet she has no idea that she acts the way she does. She is just some idiot who runs around saying whatever, doing whatever. She insults her own friends without even realizing it. I bet she has pushed away lots of people.

 

 

Also, I don't think I mentioned this before but she stared at me a lot. I just assumed I was being self-conscious. Looking back, I can see that I was self-conscious, but at the same time, she really was staring more than a normal person should. She would also blurt out comments about how "all the guys pay attention" to me. She sounded angry when she said it. At the time, I didn't understand why she did that. Now I see.

 

 

I don't really care that others talk about her anymore. It still happens everyday but I see it as an immaturity or boredom thing on their part.

[whichwayisup]

Spiral, you've grown so much from this. As irritating as Jen is, you've become stronger and wiser because of her...Weird to say but it's true.

 

Being indifferent is a good place to be!

[SpiralOut]

Spiral, you've grown so much from this. As irritating as Jen is, you've become stronger and wiser because of her...Weird to say but it's true.

 

Being indifferent is a good place to be!

 

 

 

Holy crap is that ever true. I just re-read my first two posts. I said something like "maybe I'm just being picky, but I don't want to be friends with someone who humiliates me." Wow I sound like such a doormat! I didn't know if it was okay for me to not want a bitch as my friend? What was I thinking?

 

 

Oh yeah I'm also 99% sure that she lied to me about having a job when I first met her. She pretended the entire thing. It was so obvious. She carried on with it for 10 months. At the time, I knew she was acting sketchy and weird but it never occurred to me that she was LYING.

 

 

If I ever meet someone like that again, I'll know how to handle it, though I don't think there are many other people quite like her.

[SpiralOut]

I ran into her last night. Some coworkers organized a get-together at the pool hall after work. Jen works at a different location than us, so I wasn't expecting to see her. Imagine my shock when I show up and she is standing right there!

 

She tried talking to me and I didn't react emotionally. I responded calmly and politely. There were enough of us that I was able to easily avoid her most of the night. I don't think she gets it that I don't like her. Either that or she does know it but is good at pretending to not notice. That's okay I pretended that I didn't mind seeing her.

 

She didn't say or do anything wrong that I noticed but I still don't trust her. I never was able to figure out how much of her is the real her and how much is a lie.

[jbelle6]

Spiraling out,

I am sorry you find my question intrusive.

 

Paranoia is one of the most unpleasant “side effects” of marijuana and from what I read in your original post it appears you are using this drug.

 

I think it is very relevant to the thread, as your thinking could be affected by this habit. People can't offer useful suggestions if they don't know all the facts.

 

That doesn't mean to say that your co-worker isn't a real piece of work.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Know what's paranoid? The "war on drugs" propaganda. Not saying pot has zero side effects, but if the OP had said she was on alcohol I'd be questioning the events of THAT EVENING a lot closer.

 

Elephant in the room? In this whole story you saw one example where OP partook in such recreational activities, yet you ignored the hundreds of other posts about events that happened in the workplace (where op was completely sober) and the correlating accounts of other witnesses to this other woman's behavior. I hardly see how one post in hundreds is so relevant as to call it the "elephant in the room".

 

I dislike smoking marijuana personally, but up here I know plenty of accountants, lawyers etc that use it. It's decriminalized here in Canada. Those professionals are doing just fine for themselves. Out of all recreational drugs, weed is about the least harmful of all, less harmful than cigarettes and alcohol that is for sure. I just find it funny when people GASP if someone admits to doing it.

[jbelle6]

I ran into her last night. Some coworkers organized a get-together at the pool hall after work. Jen works at a different location than us, so I wasn't expecting to see her. Imagine my shock when I show up and she is standing right there!

 

She tried talking to me and I didn't react emotionally. I responded calmly and politely. There were enough of us that I was able to easily avoid her most of the night. I don't think she gets it that I don't like her. Either that or she does know it but is good at pretending to not notice. That's okay I pretended that I didn't mind seeing her.

 

She didn't say or do anything wrong that I noticed but I still don't trust her. I never was able to figure out how much of her is the real her and how much is a lie.

 

 

She's like a cockroach huh?

Never trust anyone like that.

[whichwayisup]

I ran into her last night. Some coworkers organized a get-together at the pool hall after work. Jen works at a different location than us, so I wasn't expecting to see her. Imagine my shock when I show up and she is standing right there!

 

She tried talking to me and I didn't react emotionally. I responded calmly and politely. There were enough of us that I was able to easily avoid her most of the night. I don't think she gets it that I don't like her. Either that or she does know it but is good at pretending to not notice. That's okay I pretended that I didn't mind seeing her.

 

She didn't say or do anything wrong that I noticed but I still don't trust her. I never was able to figure out how much of her is the real her and how much is a lie.

 

You'll never trust her and you have no need to since she isn't a friend or someone you work with at all anymore.

 

Good riddance eh!

[whichwayisup]

Know what's paranoid? The "war on drugs" propaganda. Not saying pot has zero side effects, but if the OP had said she was on alcohol I'd be questioning the events of THAT EVENING a lot closer.

 

Elephant in the room? In this whole story you saw one example where OP partook in such recreational activities, yet you ignored the hundreds of other posts about events that happened in the workplace (where op was completely sober) and the correlating accounts of other witnesses to this other woman's behavior. I hardly see how one post in hundreds is so relevant as to call it the "elephant in the room".

 

I dislike smoking marijuana personally, but up here I know plenty of accountants, lawyers etc that use it. It's decriminalized here in Canada. Those professionals are doing just fine for themselves. Out of all recreational drugs, weed is about the least harmful of all, less harmful than cigarettes and alcohol that is for sure. I just find it funny when people GASP if someone admits to doing it.

 

Actually it isn't. It's still illegal. It's been talked about and some laws have loosened up (charges etc if caught by the cops) but it isn't decriminalized.

[jbelle6]

Actually it isn't. It's still illegal. It's been talked about and some laws have loosened up (charges etc if caught by the cops) but it isn't decriminalized.

 

 

Sorry! I know they are very VERY lax though, I looked and they were real close but no cigar, like I said, it's not my thing.

Still stand by the rest of my post though, OP only mentioned that in one post so I didn't think what the other poster was getting at was very fair.

 

[SpiralOut]

I just read through this entire thread.

 

I still can't entirely grasp why such an idiot would choose to look down on me. I guess she needed to make herself feel better about being rejected, maybe? So she made up reasons for why I acted the way I did, instead of admitting that I just don't like her?

 

When I first met her I thought she was weird. I didn't think to mention this before, but when we were in college she tried pretty hard to be my friend while I pretty much smiled politely at her and ignored her as much as possible. I thought she was harmless, and nice enough, but really weird. There were a number of times when I would leave class and she would just sort of "be" there beside me on the escalator staring at me until I noticed her. It happened quite often. Was she timing her actions on purpose to make that happen? She did the same thing when she got hired at the company. She finished her shift before me and she would come over to me and stare at me while I worked. When I told her to go catch her bus, she ignored the social cue and just continued to stand there looking at me. It was creepy.

 

She didn't start being a bitch to me until she realized that I get along better with everyone else than I do with her.

[Leigh 87]

Spiralout,

 

She sounds like she has Asperger's or mild autism. She sounds clueless as to how to interact socially in a normal manner.

 

Haven't read the entire thread.

[SpiralOut]

She acted the same way that certain girls act towards a guy when she really likes him and he doesn't like her back. She tries to hang out with him, even when he shows no interest. Maybe if he gets worn down from her pursuit, he'll finally say yes, even though he doesn't really want to. He thinks "okay fine I guess I will give her a chance, but I don't think it will work." He sees her. He doesn't have that great of a time and tries to end things. He tries to not talk to her anymore. But she doesn't get it and tries even harder. Any amount of time he spends with her, or anything he says to her, gets interpreted as proof that she has a chance with him. She makes excuses for why he isn't acting interested (oh he's just shy, or maybe he's having a bad day) and twists everything around to make it seem like he is into her. Then when he doesn't act the way she wants him to, she freaks out and starts insulting him and complaining to him about the way he is acting.

 

She did this with me. I didn't recognize her behaviour because we're both women. I've watched women (and been that woman) who acted that way towards a guy. I've had a few men act that way towards me. Don't think I've ever seen a woman act that way towards another woman.

[darkmoon]

it is about power, and the colleague's expectation that you might be her poodle/underling, i think these power-weilders look for poodles to boss around, the gender matters not

 

i have been chosen as the poodle, chased like a man would chase the girl he wanted...it can be as full-on as being stalked, pestered, then patronised, which is what they enjoy...nothing as light as pleasant chats

 

so easy to be polite to them, but so damaging to get involved

[Lipitor11]

She sounds weird and why in hell would she point things out to other people right in front of you? Ugh, I always hated it when someone would point out to everyone that I was quiet. Cut her out of your life.

[SpiralOut]

it is about power, and the colleague's expectation that you might be her poodle/underling, i think these power-weilders look for poodles to boss around, the gender matters not

 

i have been chosen as the poodle, chased like a man would chase the girl he wanted...it can be as full-on as being stalked, pestered, then patronised, which is what they enjoy...nothing as light as pleasant chats

 

so easy to be polite to them, but so damaging to get involved

 

Yeah....

 

She's an idiot.

 

Always did get the sense that she saw me as something that she had bought from Walmart.

 

I just got a group FB message from her, inviting us to go out dancing. I am ignoring it completely.

Edited July 20, 2014 by SpiralOut

[SpiralOut]

She was mad at me because I was too stressed out and pre-occupied with my problems to spend time with her. Yes, part of the reason I avoided her was because she's a bitch. Part of it was also my inability to give my time to very many people. I had gone through a brutal breakup that affected my financial situation, not to mention made me feel bad, I had just moved to a new place, was settling into a new job. The last thing on earth I needed was some weirdo chick bothering me to hang out with her when she wasn't even nice to me.

 

And she had the nerve to get angry and DIRECT her anger at me.

 

That's extremely selfish. What a selfish, self-absorbed person to not just want but EXPECT friendship (or her idea of it) out of someone who is obviously dealing with personal ****. How extremely disrespectful it is to try and force it out of me, and to act rude and aggressive, bullying and manipulative as soon as she heard the word "no." She did everything she could do to let me know how little she thinks of me. She kicked me while I was down.

 

What a bitch.

 

Don't know if I'm even mad anymore. I just look back on it all and feel shocked that someone could be so childish and selfish. That's extreme. That's not normal.

 

I think she is going to be a very lonely person when she's old.

Edited August 2, 2014 by SpiralOut

[jeffmeyers]

I haven't read through 15 pages, just the OP and the last page so forgive me when I ask: You've had problems with that supposed friend for the last 3 years?

[SpiralOut]

I haven't read through 15 pages, just the OP and the last page so forgive me when I ask: You've had problems with that supposed friend for the last 3 years?

 

I had issues with her every day for a little more than 2 years. For the past 9 months, she is less of a problem. She will sometimes call my workplace, or I might see her at a company event. I still don't 100% understand how anybody could act that way.

[SpiralOut]

I had the misfortune of seeing her tonight. She stopped by our location to meet someone else we work with - this other girl who is a real piece of work. Anyway, she walked in the door acting all happy and fake. Nobody sees how fake she is except for me. She went to hug everyone. When she said hello to me, I said hello back, then I said "don't hug me." She put her arm around me. Well, I guess she SORT OF listened to me. I let it go. It did not surprise me at all that she acted happy to see me and expected me to react the same way. Seriously? You think you can act the way that you did and just act like nothing happened and just act as if we are friends now. What an idiot.