Hewie Posted October 25, 2011 Share Posted October 25, 2011 As the title goes, I really had a hard time. I broke up with my ex-girlfriend for a month now. And I have not called her nor text her for a month. But for that very month till now, we have been seeing each other outside and everywhere we goes. It just so heartbreaking to see her. She dumped me because she thinks that the chemistry between us isn't love. The core reasons she gave me is that she watch a movie, named z00keeper and discussed it with her friends. Then she realised that it is not love and all. She accused me for feeling infatuation and said that we are to be friends. Soon after being friends for 3 days, she told me off that we should set boundaries and all. She is right about setting up boundaries. But I cannot stay as a friend to her. It hurts so much and I don't know how many of you understands that. So I decided to told my goodbyes and left. But we always see each other and we won't talk to one another. I wanted to contact her, got the urge. But I try to control it down and it's been a month now. I see a great improvement on this. Plus, she is my first girlfriend. I was always waiting for the right partner that won't dumped me for who I am and all. But she gave me reasons that she can't embrace my whole just like how I embraced hers. Right now, my friends who are following her on twitter saw her tweets telling people that she is heartbroken and alot more. I just don't know who should be the one who is heartbroken. She pushed all the blames on me and I had to take them all. Instead of working things out, she chose to run away. I had to let it go in this way. But it's very depressing every now and then I think back about the happy times and the sad times we shared. What hurts most is the things she had to say before I said my goodbye, in resulting that I really had to say my goodbyes to her. She text me saying that she feel stupid that she said she like me when I didn't say so. I can't believe she say something like this. I read about GIGS by homebrew. And over several points, it directs to her action and the entire situation. But I am not very sure that it should be like this. So what should I do? I am very afraid of reconciliation and all. I always am afraid of rejection. And ya, I sounded like a girl whining here and there now. But I guess I really need help? My friends are getting fed up with me being emotionally controlled. I always feel sad this few days. I am trying to look happy on the outside but my friends feel that I am not happy at all. Plus my anger and all have turned to something more drastic than the usual. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 25, 2011 Share Posted October 25, 2011 She saw a movie and decided that you didn't really love her? How old is she? I'm sorry. I know this hurts, but your ex sounds a bit immature and something of a drama queen. Drama queen: creates drama out of nothing in order to keep herself interested in her own life and to get attention from others. Everyone has been through heartbreak, so yes, we know how you're feeling. This is the hardest time for you, but it will get better. You will make your way through this and come out the other side and be happy again. It just takes time. Stick to no contact. I'm sure she wants you to beg her to come back, but that's just to feed her ego so don't do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hewie Posted October 25, 2011 Author Share Posted October 25, 2011 It's okay. I don't wish to blame her and all. Just that I was very disappointed in both of us. I thought how mature our love can be but no, it turns out to be something so fragile to some stupid movie that makes no sense and wasn't even worth the money watching. I forgive her for this though but I find it very hard to cope. I still feel deep down there that I am mad at her. And yes, I find that this is the best breakup ever in among my circle of friends. Felt really betrayed and all. She's 20 this year. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 25, 2011 Share Posted October 25, 2011 And yes, I find that this is the best breakup ever in among my circle of friends. Felt really betrayed and all. She's 20 this year. What does this mean, best breakup ever? Link to post Share on other sites
fistandantulus Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 Believe me dude, I was in the same place - actually I am still sort of in the same place There is nothing you can do about this. If you think that you did your best to save the relationship, if you think that you sincerely loved her, then it is only and only her failure not to love you. Norajane is absolutely right, she needs the attention from other, like she got from you. A young woman in her 20s, perhaps with many childhood issues, is destined to break somebody's heart and to be heartbroken. My ex said me exactly the same thing that she wasn't in love with me anymore, but I was a great guy and she still loved me. In fact, she didn't come even close to loving me a bit, because I can now see that she didn't put a tiny bit of effort in the relationship. She was a runner, and she ran away. That is what your ex is doing. She is running away from the problems in her life just not to face them. And, I am suprised that she is blaming you for her mistakes because it is simply too much for her to admit. Leave her alone, suit yourself up, and just start moving on. I struggled a lot to make things work, went NC almost a year after the first break up. Then she asked me to work things out. Then she broke up again saying that she wasn't attracted to me anymore (the same excuse with the 1st one) without even putting the effort to go to a movie together. I bet she is going to regret every piece of that decision she made, but I already said her not to contact me FOREVER. So, grow some balls and pull the trigger Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hewie Posted October 26, 2011 Author Share Posted October 26, 2011 What does this mean, best breakup ever? Among my circle of friends, not comparing with others though. So ya, they all got dumped for either other guys or something else. Believe me dude, I was in the same place - actually I am still sort of in the same place There is nothing you can do about this. If you think that you did your best to save the relationship, if you think that you sincerely loved her, then it is only and only her failure not to love you. Norajane is absolutely right, she needs the attention from other, like she got from you. A young woman in her 20s, perhaps with many childhood issues, is destined to break somebody's heart and to be heartbroken. My ex said me exactly the same thing that she wasn't in love with me anymore, but I was a great guy and she still loved me. In fact, she didn't come even close to loving me a bit, because I can now see that she didn't put a tiny bit of effort in the relationship. She was a runner, and she ran away. That is what your ex is doing. She is running away from the problems in her life just not to face them. And, I am suprised that she is blaming you for her mistakes because it is simply too much for her to admit. Leave her alone, suit yourself up, and just start moving on. I struggled a lot to make things work, went NC almost a year after the first break up. Then she asked me to work things out. Then she broke up again saying that she wasn't attracted to me anymore (the same excuse with the 1st one) without even putting the effort to go to a movie together. I bet she is going to regret every piece of that decision she made, but I already said her not to contact me FOREVER. So, grow some balls and pull the trigger Hmmm... I don't think so that she will contact me ever again. Neither do I plan to do so in the future. And yep, she also said that I am an awesome guy and I will find a girl who would really love me and all. She even planned to block my number off. She also planned to call on the police if I do anything again, even by texting her. She told me that she hated me alot now and I am the first person that she hates in her entire life. This situation is so heated that I don't know what is going on neither does she I believe. But I know she is the kind of girl that come and go. She seems easily to win over but difficult to keep her staying in a relationship. This are her flaws that I was afraid of, and there it hit me back. Put in too much love, too much hope, too much effort and results in getting too much hurt. So yep. This is how it is I guess. Yep, I am growing some balls right now. So bro, I can't believe it's the same situation but ya. She accused me for feeling infatuated to her as well. I wonder who is feeling infatuated to who. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 She even planned to block my number off. She also planned to call on the police if I do anything again, even by texting her. She told me that she hated me alot now and I am the first person that she hates in her entire life. Wow. Pure drama queen behavior. Yes, please do move on. She would never be a quality partner. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hewie Posted October 26, 2011 Author Share Posted October 26, 2011 Wow. Pure drama queen behavior. Yes, please do move on. She would never be a quality partner. It didn't hit me that she is that of a serious drama queen. She always tell me that she hated drama queen alot and whatsoever. But I learnt that from my life experience, people always change or was that something that they say they don't want or wouldn't to be. But when I think again, drama shows broadcasted does have calling up of police. But do you guys think I am doing good with the NC? Because I sometimes wonder if I did any wrong with the NC part. But if she can even wanna call the police up on me, I don't think there is much hope. After all, she gave me the last warning and all. Kind of hurts that it turns out to her that I am a crime. Learning lesson. Life. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 Yes, NC is the best thing for you! Do not get near her, do not call her, do not text, no facebook, no IM, no carrier pigeon or smoke signals, nothing. Anything you do is fodder for her next dramatic performance. Link to post Share on other sites
fistandantulus Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 You don't seem like you have much choice other than NC if she threatened you about calling the cops. Even if she didn't, you have to accept the fact that she is far from being the partner you are looking for. (I presume that you are looking for a sane, dignified, honest, confident person) Look, my ex told me that she was the luckiest woman on the world that she found me. I am literally the reason that she could graduate from the college, and she could make it to the US for a graduate program. If you add up all the men in her life, including her dad, they will fall behind me in helping her in her life. Yet she broke up with me two times, second time with an email. They say all those things at first ("you are the love of my life", "what would I do without you", "you are the most amazing guy I could meet", bla bla), then after a time grass seems greener out there and they screw us with all the feelings inside. You are right, that is a lesson to learn and live through. But you gotta move on without any hesitation and regrets, because there are various beautiful things (including hot chicks ) waiting for you. Give her what she wants, NC Forever! Start enjoying your days, and put an end to your misery Life is already too complicated and there is no need to let someone over-complicate things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hewie Posted October 27, 2011 Author Share Posted October 27, 2011 Yup. Probably there is nothing much i can do. I should be the one heartbroken. We both hurt one another. But she just doesn't see the fault in her. Yet she wants me to stay as a friend to her. How can it be done... The feeling is there. She can just say she don't love me no more and it counts. Whatever i said doesn't count to her. Only her words count. Thanks. Both of you. Your words are appreciated and advisable. Link to post Share on other sites
davesterr Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 i dont think she wants you to stay her friend. i mean none of my friends threaten to call the cops if i text them. then again maybe its just me. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 (edited) "Staying friends" just means she will yank you around by a leash - the leash you put on yourself by hanging around even though she's kicked you to the curb as a man. What better way to create more drama than by staying "friends"? Just think, she'll be able to dodge your texts and messages when she feels like it even though you want to talk, and she'll be able to talk to you whenever she wants to tell you all about her fabulous new boyfriend. And then she can run to all her friends and tell them how you've been blowing up her phone (even though you only left one message), or she can tell them how upset you became when she told you about her new bf. Oh, and you were so upset that if you contact her again, she'll call the police! What juicy dramatic events she will have so much fun talking about with her friends! She will be the center of attention! How fun! And you? Well, you'll be here on LS talking about how much you love her and how she must need a decade's worth of maturing to do before she can truly be a woman worthy of such devotion on your part. Until that growth and maturity happens, she'll just drag you around as much as you let her. And don't forget about this part: She told me that she hated me alot now and I am the first person that she hates in her entire life. She is not your friend. Edited October 27, 2011 by norajane Link to post Share on other sites
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