Why am I being attacked just because I want a sexy, successful man?

[ScreamingTrees]

Yeah right. I bet if he had hot girls throwing themselves at him, he won't resist.

 

Maybe, maybe not. You might be projecting a bit there. I understand that it's hard for someone who follows a different religion to understand where someone from another is coming from. Who knows.

 

Besides that, let's say that the dude's totally untouchable and REALLY creepy. (I doubt it, but hey, I guess it's subjective) I think at some point, if you're ridiculously rich you could just PAY for beautiful women. I mean, ugly guys who're out of the limelight do it all the time, even if they're not always getting intercourse.

 

And if the dude IS socially awkward and that's his major malfunction, well, I'm sure he could pay for some sort of life coach to help him relax.

 

If celebrities are willing to spend 10,000 on a bottle of champagne, why couldn't one of 'em spend that same amount on some hot piece of ass for a short while?

Edited October 27, 2011 by ScreamingTrees

[insertnamehere]

To the OP . . .

 

There's a whole series of code words women are expected to use to signal their preference for successful males. Go on freakin the personals websites and read the ads.

 

Examples:

 

"Nice teeth" is code for "good job". A good enough job that you have dental coverage that covers the good stuff. A dental plan that gets you veneers and implants.

 

"I like the outdoors" is code for "no fatties".

 

"I like to travel" is code for "ya better have some savings, because business-class to Paris for two ain't cheap".

 

"Educated" requires no explanation.

 

"Goal-oriented" is the polite way of saying a stable factory job isn't good enough.

 

Done right, a woman should be able to request a man fully made-to-order without coming off as a total bitch. The artform lies in using the code words properly.

[kiss_andmakeup]

I need a lesson in entitlement from the OP. I'm dating a hot successful man and can't shake the feeling of unworthiness.

 

This thread has been an interesting read. Pretty heated opinions coming from both sides. I tend to think that, in general, people attract mates who are similar in intelligence & looks to themselves. If OP has gone this long without attracting the desirable traits she's seeking, maybe she doesn't possess those traits as much as she thinks she does.

 

But then again, it's still her prerogative to have her laundry list.

 

I'm more disturbed by what's not evidently on her list: kindness, respectfulness, compassion, empathy, understanding, honesty...?

[El Brujo]

Constantly on this forum, even when I answer other threads, I am shot with "well FS all you want is a sexy man with money".

 

Seriously? So all of a sudden all the guys are offended because they aren't hot and successful?

Seriously.

 

You have to be realistic.

 

Look around you. The economy is lousy, and the sexy guys who DO have money are literally one in a million... even if you DO find one, you have to give him a good reason why he should pick YOU over a million other women. Don't expect him to buy a bunch of junk for you and live happily ever after.

 

I know what I'm talking about because I own my home, I have no debts, and I own 2 businesses besides working for someone else... and I'm not even rich. The last thing I want is a woman moving in with me who thinks I'm Daddy Warbucks... because I'm not. I WORKED for what I have.

[Lucky_One]

The last thing I want is a woman moving in with me who thinks I'm Daddy Warbucks... because I'm not. I WORKED for what I have.

 

But...but...but she will clean your house, and cook, and dance for you in sexy lingerie while she waits for you to come home with the paycheck. Isn't a lapdance from your housekeeper worth the expense?

[Eve]

The other half consists of the qualities you've mentioned.

 

I didn't want to get into this, but I once dated an incredibly amazing man. Truly, he was a genuine, understanding, wonderful, good looking human being. But he was very broke, very poor. I grew to love him to an extent, but I had to break it off because I can't make a life with him. He can barely carry his own weight.That's why, although these qualities matter, financial stability weighs more than all those wonderful qualities. You can have all the wonderful qualities, but if the man isn't financial secure, then it all going to **** and this other good qualities won't save him.

 

So i've understood that financial stability is huge. You need to find people on your own level, similar lifestyles, mentalities, salaries etc. It really plays a big role.

 

If I can't make a life with this man (not marriage or kids, but live together and make a life together) then when will compassion, honesty and understanding fill in that gap?

 

It won't. So financial security is very important. If he possesses this, is good looking, then it won't matter if he's is outgoing AND compassionate, one of the two will suffice.

 

Got as far as this post only.

 

Wow.. that is heartless. Man..

 

I think it is good to have a drive to succeed but don't think it is productive to measure relationships by that drive.

 

Maybe he was your chance and you should have made a life together?

 

My Hubby was pretty poor when we met but we have made an excellent life together where we can discuss who takes time out etc without there being issue because it is 'our' money.

 

OP, seriously girl. I hope you didn't tell that poor man that you were leaving him because he was broke. That is just too horrid!

 

.. but then again you never speak about love in a meaningful way so what do I know? Maybe this is how people who don't want love go about their business?

 

I reckon you are going to miss the boat OP.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[InJest]

If OP has gone this long without attracting the desirable traits she's seeking, maybe she doesn't possess those traits as much as she thinks she does.

 

You beat me to it.

 

FrustratedStandards, post a picture of yourself, and tell us what you do and how much money you make. Also, how old are you?

[Sabian]

If you're not willing to be dead broke and live in a car with each other and work together to become successful than you don't really love each other.

 

I guarantee you're not as much of a catch you think you are. You might be able to find a guy with money, but he'll be the male version of you and you'll both spend your days as shallow living caricatures of real people. I have a hard time believing you'll ever actually have true love.

 

You're the reason a lot of the real catches out there have trouble with men. Some guys become so jaded and sick of shallow girls like you that they just assume every girl is one until proven otherwise. I can't tell you the number of girls I've gone out with who literally think that they are doing me a favor by letting me take them out and pay for all their crap. If I wanted a stupid hot chick to spend my money I could go buy one. It's an insult to women for continuing the stereotype you are and it's an insult to men for thinking we only want a hot chick to have sex with and nothing more.

 

You should probably try a different forum. This is LOVEshack. You don't want love at all.

 

 

I'm sorry, but girls like you just annoy the crap out of me. Why you think we owe you anything is beyond me. I actually ditched a girl I had been dating in the middle of an expensive dinner because she was your type. I had been going out with her for a little while and realized she was just using me for attention and to buy her things, so I set her up and made her pay for my damn dinner. It was the best break-up ever. Sure it was a douche move, but it's only fair after going through endless bitch moves by her.

[Mme. Chaucer]

If you're not willing to be dead broke and live in a car with each other and work together to become successful than you don't really love each other.

 

In fact, OP has been perfectly clear that she does not believe in, has not experienced, and is not interested in "love."

 

I get the impression that she sees the relationship she's looking for as a sort of barter.

 

Extremely handsome and sexy guy pays for everything and provides for all of her livelihood.

 

In exchange, she is pretty (she thinks she is, anyway), wears sexy lingerie, and performs sex, cooking and cleaning duties.

 

Just in case there are any fellows here looking for such a service, try Googling "sexy maid service." I was interested to find that there are quite a few of these. The contractors provide all of the services that our OP offers, for a set price. The client can have a different "erotic maid" every time his house gets dirty, and he never has to deal with her when he wants to be on his own.

 

Which would you pick, if you were a sexy, rich man who only wanted sex, meals and a clean house, but not "love" and / or a family?

[azsinglegal]

You beat me to it.

 

FrustratedStandards, post a picture of yourself, and tell us what you do and how much money you make. Also, how old are you?

 

I've asked this same thing and been ignored.

[Eeyore79]

I didn't want to get into this, but I once dated an incredibly amazing man. Truly, he was a genuine, understanding, wonderful, good looking human being. But he was very broke, very poor. I grew to love him to an extent, but I had to break it off because I can't make a life with him. He can barely carry his own weight.

 

I was once in a similar situation. I dated a lovely man who earned a modest salary, most of which went to his ex-wife and three children. He had no money to share the cost of dates and holidays - we either had to stay home because he was broke, or if we went out I had to pay every single time. We had to take great care to keep my assets separate from his so his ex couldn't demand a share, and I was unwilling to marry him as the courts could then seize my assets to cover any shortfall in his child support payments. Since he was broke, I ended up helping him with expenses and buying things for his children.

 

After a few years I realized there was no future in our relationship, as we couldn't marry, buy a home or raise a family together due to his financial situation. I was unwilling to continue spending money on him and his children - I figured I didn't want to be around when they were old enough to need money for cars and college tuition! He was a wonderful person, but his financial situation prevented us from building a life together, and in the end that outweighed his personal qualities.

 

I realized I wanted a man who could pay his share and contribute towards buying a home and raising a family of our own. I'm not demanding that a man should be filthy rich or even earn as much as me, but I think he should be able to pay for half of our dates, and cover his share of the mortgage and living expenses.

 

So I understand what the OP means when she says that financial security is important - a lack of financial security can negate all of someone's other good qualities. We're not talking about a man being rich or supporting me or buying me stuff - I merely want him to be able to pay his fair share, the same as I do. Does that make me a gold digger?

[AD1980]

I was once in a similar situation. I dated a lovely man who earned a modest salary, most of which went to his ex-wife and three children. He had no money to share the cost of dates and holidays - we either had to stay home because he was broke, or if we went out I had to pay every single time. We had to take great care to keep my assets separate from his so his ex couldn't demand a share, and I was unwilling to marry him as the courts could then seize my assets to cover any shortfall in his child support payments. Since he was broke, I ended up helping him with expenses and buying things for his children.

 

After a few years I realized there was no future in our relationship, as we couldn't marry, buy a home or raise a family together due to his financial situation. I was unwilling to continue spending money on him and his children - I figured I didn't want to be around when they were old enough to need money for cars and college tuition! He was a wonderful person, but his financial situation prevented us from building a life together, and in the end that outweighed his personal qualities.

 

I realized I wanted a man who could pay his share and contribute towards buying a home and raising a family of our own. I'm not demanding that a man should be filthy rich or even earn as much as me, but I think he should be able to pay for half of our dates, and cover his share of the mortgage and living expenses.

 

So I understand what the OP means when she says that financial security is important - a lack of financial security can negate all of someone's other good qualities. We're not talking about a man being rich or supporting me or buying me stuff - I merely want him to be able to pay his fair share, the same as I do. Does that make me a gold digger?

 

Your situation is different then what the op has said the past few weeks

 

She claims she wants a well off man which is her pergoative BUT she doesnt beleive in lvoe nor marriage or kids and said his spending money on her she in return will bang him and cook

 

She basically wants to barter money for sex and cooking

[azsinglegal]

I was once in a similar situation. I dated a lovely man who earned a modest salary, most of which went to his ex-wife and three children. He had no money to share the cost of dates and holidays - we either had to stay home because he was broke, or if we went out I had to pay every single time. We had to take great care to keep my assets separate from his so his ex couldn't demand a share, and I was unwilling to marry him as the courts could then seize my assets to cover any shortfall in his child support payments. Since he was broke, I ended up helping him with expenses and buying things for his children.

 

After a few years I realized there was no future in our relationship, as we couldn't marry, buy a home or raise a family together due to his financial situation. I was unwilling to continue spending money on him and his children - I figured I didn't want to be around when they were old enough to need money for cars and college tuition! He was a wonderful person, but his financial situation prevented us from building a life together, and in the end that outweighed his personal qualities.

 

I realized I wanted a man who could pay his share and contribute towards buying a home and raising a family of our own. I'm not demanding that a man should be filthy rich or even earn as much as me, but I think he should be able to pay for half of our dates, and cover his share of the mortgage and living expenses.

 

So I understand what the OP means when she says that financial security is important - a lack of financial security can negate all of someone's other good qualities. We're not talking about a man being rich or supporting me or buying me stuff - I merely want him to be able to pay his fair share, the same as I do. Does that make me a gold digger?

 

I was in a similar position as you. You're NOT a gold digger.

 

My last ex was a part time student (at age 38 using his GI bill) and had no money left after making his car payment and child support. He mooched off me for 5 months, only contributing twice to pay bills. I paid for everything. When we had his kids, I paid for groceries (and those two could EAT).

 

I kept asking him for money but he never had any. It was very difficult on both of us because I didn't make that much money and to support us, and his kids on the weekends was asking too much of me.

 

I get the meeting half way deal as you talked about. But I don't get dating a man just for his finances. I've always had everything I needed, some things I wanted, but I'd never give up love and happiness for money.

[Eeyore79]

She said:

Why would I be a golddigger if I am perfectly capable of making my own money to travel, buy jewellery etc?

 

I just don't want a broke man who can't carry his own weight. I don't want marriage or kids but that doesn't mean I don't want a relationship.

 

She makes her own money and doesn't expect a man to spend money on her - she simply wants a man who can pay his share. I think it's reasonable to expect a partner to contribute equally to the relationship.

[Eeyore79]

My last ex was a part time student (at age 38 using his GI bill) and had no money left after making his car payment and child support. He mooched off me for 5 months, only contributing twice to pay bills. I paid for everything. When we had his kids, I paid for groceries (and those two could EAT).

 

I really don't get this. How did he manage before you got together and after you dumped him? If he could support himself before you met, why couldn't he continue to support himself (and feed his kids) while you were dating? If he couldn't afford to eat then he should have petitioned the court for a reduction in child support, or perhaps sold his car. It just sounds like he was taking advantage of your generosity tbh.

[Ilovewater]

She said:

 

 

She makes her own money and doesn't expect a man to spend money on her - she simply wants a man who can pay his share. I think it's reasonable to expect a partner to contribute equally to the relationship.

 

There's nothing wrong with the situation you just described. However, if you read her previous threads, she said that she expects him to fully support her while she stays at home without kids.

[El Brujo]

But...but...but she will clean your house, and cook, and dance for you in sexy lingerie while she waits for you to come home with the paycheck. Isn't a lapdance from your housekeeper worth the expense?

 

Not unless she can keep her trap shut and get cracking with those power tools.

 

The OP has probably not read that thread from a few months ago by a woman who WAS lucky enough to nab a rich guy... she found out she'd won very much the reverse of a prize when she said the guy treated her like all of his other toys, and felt entitled to paw her whenever he was in the mood. No word on whether the guy bought crap for her.

 

If ya take the good, ya gotta take the bad with it...

[D87]

Speaking as a decent-looking guy with a successful business, I would never date Frustratedstandards. I can't pinpoint exactly what it is, but something about how she comes across, the expressions she uses, the general "vibe" I get... all screams "superficial gold-digger".

[carhill]

Imagine this thread as talking with a friend. Dollars to donuts the OP would never come across this way on a date or with a man whom she finds attractive. This is the back office stuff, IMO. I've got no dog in this fight since I'm poor now but I've seen similar many times in life. If she meets a compatible man for her package, that's how it goes.

[Woggle]

Playing poor is the card im playing now !

 

I dont have fancy cars anymore and all my high end clothes, jeans are all put away...

 

im very sucsessfull and have alot more for my age that most, i learned now it attracts girls like the OP

 

i was making 100k a year by the time i was 26 and was brimming with all the qualities of a sucsessfull male, i feel great now just wearing a plain white tee, levis and some converse

 

That is me as well. I have a wife that I attracted without being flashy. I would rather use my money to do the things I enjoy instead of buying status symbols to impress people I don't want in my life anyway.

[kiss_andmakeup]

Playing poor is the card im playing now !

 

I dont have fancy cars anymore and all my high end clothes, jeans are all put away...

 

im very sucsessfull and have alot more for my age that most, i learned now it attracts girls like the OP

 

i was making 100k a year by the time i was 26 and was brimming with all the qualities of a sucsessfull male, i feel great now just wearing a plain white tee, levis and some converse

 

That is me as well. I have a wife that I attracted without being flashy. I would rather use my money to do the things I enjoy instead of buying status symbols to impress people I don't want in my life anyway.

 

I have to say that, as a woman, I actually find this very attractive. There's something to be said for a man who does well but doesn't feel the need to earn external validation from strangers by flaunting it.

 

My boyfriend is well into 6 figures, and still drives his same Honda Civic he's had for years (his words: "it works fine!"). He lives in a lovely and well-appointed but modest and affordable condo. He owns no Rolex watches or Armani suits. We get to go out and have fun, travel, and experience a lot of things. The fact that we don't get to experience them in a Mercedes-Benz makes absolutely no difference to me.

 

He doesn't feel the need to show off his success in the form of excessive material indulgence. That's a very, very appealing trait.

 

So Plasma and Woggle, keep up the good work. :]

 

Sorry for going slightly OT. :]

[Woggle]

We recently bought a boat but it is something I have wanted since I moved here and we enjoy it. I don't live life to impress people I don't even like.

[Woggle]

The boat is an aphrodisiac to the modern age gold digger, my freinds who have boats have loads of these women pursuing them

 

i know what it feels like to be pursued, it disgusts me now that ive gone full circle and know whats what

 

my next buy will be a bike , sinister looking!

 

It is for my wife and I to enjoy and our close friends to sometimes visit. Around these parts everybody and their mother has a boat so it is no big deal.

[El Brujo]

The boat is an aphrodisiac to the modern age gold digger, my freinds who have boats have loads of these women pursuing them

 

That's because boats only look sexy in Scotch ads... but boats are a pain because it's easy to crack your skull on the boom or the yard or one of those damn things that's always in the way when you're trying to walk around on a boat.

[Eeyore79]

The OP has probably not read that thread from a few months ago by a woman who WAS lucky enough to nab a rich guy... she found out she'd won very much the reverse of a prize when she said the guy treated her like all of his other toys, and felt entitled to paw her whenever he was in the mood.

 

I once dated an extremely wealthy man who I met through work. He ran the family business with his parents, and their combined net worth was around $20m. At first it was nice being picked up in a different flashy car for every date, attending parties in his big house, and going on nights out where he wore a tux and I wore an expensive dress (which I usually borrowed from his sister as I couldn't afford a selection of dresses). But after a while the cracks started to show.

 

He was constantly busy with work, and I was expected to just accept this. He had attended an expensive private school, and the fact that I was more educated than him was always an issue. He constantly corrected my accent and word usage because it wasn't upper class enough. His mom almost had a fit one time when I stirred my coffee in the wrong direction - apparently there's a whole load of etiquette which I'm totally unaware of, which includes only stirring your coffee clockwise and not touching the cup with the spoon. He would pay for things and then snidely comment that he had paid because I couldn't afford it. His parents pressured him constantly about how unsuitable I was, as I had no money and owned no land.

 

The relationship lasted three months before he finally dumped me. Despite being an educated and attractive woman, I really didn't fit into his social group. So I can say with some certainty that men who've been brought up with a lot of money probably aren't a suitable match for a woman who didn't have a wealthy upbringing herself. Perhaps a self-made man or a middle class man might be suitable if the woman is very well mannered and attractive, but climbing significantly higher up the social ladder isn't a good move.