crazyinlove333 Posted October 25, 2011 Share Posted October 25, 2011 Probably an age old question... Should I be ok with it that my boyfriend looks at porn quite often? He also has pics of hot as heck women on his phone and a pic of a hot as heck females ass as a profile pic for a forum he is on. We've been together 2 and 1/2 years and going strong except for this. Am I just being to sensitive? Please help!! I'm happy to give more info if needed so you can give me your opinion better! Just ask! Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted October 25, 2011 Share Posted October 25, 2011 I don't think it means you have to worry about him cheating. Personally I feel it's inconsiderate and juvenile to keep those things around when you're in a relationship but that's not a terminal defect unless you develop a neurosis over it. You might want to try to reach him on a level where he'll realize it's as I said. If you gripe and use it as a contention, it might make him more defensive rather than pliable. Link to post Share on other sites
blueskyday Posted October 25, 2011 Share Posted October 25, 2011 Yeah, it's juvenile. How old is he? If he's out of his twenties, then it's just plain creepy. Anyway, mention it to him. Tell him you don't like it. Then next time he wants sex, just say "Nahhh, not in the mood." Guys are pretty good at putting two and two together to figure out what to do then., Link to post Share on other sites
Author crazyinlove333 Posted October 25, 2011 Author Share Posted October 25, 2011 I don't think it means you have to worry about him cheating. Personally I feel it's inconsiderate and juvenile to keep those things around when you're in a relationship but that's not a terminal defect unless you develop a neurosis over it. You might want to try to reach him on a level where he'll realize it's as I said. If you gripe and use it as a contention, it might make him more defensive rather than pliable. Wow, thank you for your reply. I am not worried about him cheating because of this. But inconsiderate, YES. I just don't understand the reasoning, I have asked and he says "what cuz i'm in a relationship, I can't appreciate the female body". And you are correct, I am at the point of i'm griping and he is very defensive. I'll try diferently, I just feel if it bothers your partner, you should really consider what you are doing. And for the record, I am all about watching some sexy porn together once in a while, I just don't understand why he'd do it so often when our sex life seriously rocks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crazyinlove333 Posted October 25, 2011 Author Share Posted October 25, 2011 Yeah, it's juvenile. How old is he? If he's out of his twenties, then it's just plain creepy. Anyway, mention it to him. Tell him you don't like it. Then next time he wants sex, just say "Nahhh, not in the mood." Guys are pretty good at putting two and two together to figure out what to do then., He is 44 and I am 41 Link to post Share on other sites
kiss_andmakeup Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 He is 44 and I am 41 44???!?!?! Sounds like crap a 16-year-old, hormonal, sexually frustrated boy would do. I agree it doesn't mean you have to "worry" about cheating or anything...but I would find it incredibly tacky and unattractive. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 He is 44 and I am 41 Oye. You have a problem child there. I don't know what to suggest. Perhaps you should just try to get him outside of that environment and appeal to him that it's not just a gripe based upon jealousy--it's an appeal for courtesy and grown up consideration. I still don't know if that will work but you probably have to get him to elevate it to deal-breaker level and put it to him that it's just childish for his age. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
AHardDaysNight Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 By this time, he should have grown out of this phase. I mean, all guys look at women, but if they're in a relationship they don't flaunt sexy pics around the internet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crazyinlove333 Posted October 26, 2011 Author Share Posted October 26, 2011 Is therre anyone who has a different view? I'd love to hear from someone who thinks I'm being unreasonable and tell me your reasons. He and I talked last night and he said he has deleted everything relating to porn. Its not what I really wanted, cuz now he'll resent me for it. The pics on the phone, yes, the online profile pics yes. The actual porn he watches at home... if it truely was only once in a while (like once a month kinda thing) where he needs a release ok I can see that, but if its 3 times a week, thats insane and indicates a problem to me. Link to post Share on other sites
blueskyday Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 You want someone to give you a different view so you can make this YOUR fault somehow and justify a reason to stay with him? Really, if he's got such a big focus on women and sex outside of your relationship, how does that make you feel? I'm all for porn within moderation, and I like it myself. No problem there unless it interferes with the relationship and intimacy. As for pics of hot women saved on the computer or phone, that's out of my comfort range. But that's just me. If you are ok with it, then ok, but I don't think you are...and that's ok, too. Don't let him turn this around on you. If he resents you because he had to delete hot pics of women, then get rid of him. He doesn't care much for your feelings. Deal breaker. Most guys would not think this is ok. Link to post Share on other sites
Buck Turgidson Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 I think that women who complain about their men's porn should be asked to destroy their romance novels, chick flicks, and vibrators. Link to post Share on other sites
blueskyday Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 Not my vibrator, I'd be lost without it! Link to post Share on other sites
Buck Turgidson Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 Not my vibrator, I'd be lost without it! Exactly. Link to post Share on other sites
kiss_andmakeup Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 Is therre anyone who has a different view? I'd love to hear from someone who thinks I'm being unreasonable and tell me your reasons. He and I talked last night and he said he has deleted everything relating to porn. Its not what I really wanted, cuz now he'll resent me for it. The pics on the phone, yes, the online profile pics yes. The actual porn he watches at home... if it truely was only once in a while (like once a month kinda thing) where he needs a release ok I can see that, but if its 3 times a week, thats insane and indicates a problem to me. Uhh...I would consider watching porn three times a week a heckuva lot more normal than the behaviour you described. Heck, I watch porn three times a week. And I'm a girl. In a relationship. But I don't have some dude's abs as my cellphone wallpaper. Link to post Share on other sites
RiverRunning Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 How often does the guy need to appreciate the female form? If he's flipping his phone open, it looks juvenile and inappropriate. If someone's sitting near him, I wouldn't be surprised if they think the body parts on that phone are of YOU. There's a time and a place to BLATANTLY appreciate the female body, and there's nothing wrong with that. But I don't think it's plastering it on proverbial walls. Porn isn't an issue, I don't think. If he knows you're sensitive to it, he shouldn't do it in front of you (make sure you're setting aside some alone time so he has an OPPORTUNITY to look at it on his own). The only issue is if his porn habit is affecting your sex life...or if he's convinced that you need to measure up to these fantasies somehow. That's a problem. He's showing a lack of sensitivity to your feelings about this issue. Overall? I think you don't have much to worry about. He just seems immature to me. Link to post Share on other sites
chrissylee Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 I think that women who complain about their men's porn should be asked to destroy their romance novels, chick flicks, and vibrators. What if the chick hates romance novels and chick flicks? I will throw away my vibrator when he cuts off his hand..... They are used for the same thing and a vibrator should not be compared to porn. Romance novels and chick flicks are kind of the same though. Link to post Share on other sites
Negative Nancy Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 Romance novels and chick flicks are kind of the same though. No, they're not. Romance novels and chick flicks are more like action movies and video games to men. This stupid comparison shows up in a porn thread every time , but that doesn't make it any more true. OP, you should have pictures of huge, massive c***s as your phone background picture. See how he likes it. Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 Is therre anyone who has a different view? I'd love to hear from someone who thinks I'm being unreasonable and tell me your reasons. He and I talked last night and he said he has deleted everything relating to porn. Its not what I really wanted, cuz now he'll resent me for it. The pics on the phone, yes, the online profile pics yes. The actual porn he watches at home... if it truely was only once in a while (like once a month kinda thing) where he needs a release ok I can see that, but if its 3 times a week, thats insane and indicates a problem to me. I agree that it's overall immature, but what does it hurt? I know a guy that collects action figures... and that is really juvenile, but so what? Your BF is right at that 'losing his youth' age... and perhaps this is something that mentally connects him to a time when he was young and vital. Almost everyone looks back with some yearning. He has pictures of pretty girls like he did as a teen, other guys collect action figures, go to concerts with aging rock bands, buy fast sporty cars... ect. How many annoying habits do you have that just drive him nuts? My xGF had a $20,000 shoe collection.... and wouldn't even split a dinner bill. I'm sorry but that's worse than a picture of a hot guy on her phone. Hell that would be super easy to deal with in comparison. Link to post Share on other sites
wezol Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 Probably an age old question... Should I be ok with it that my boyfriend looks at porn quite often? He also has pics of hot as heck women on his phone and a pic of a hot as heck females ass as a profile pic for a forum he is on. We've been together 2 and 1/2 years and going strong except for this. Am I just being to sensitive? Please help!! I'm happy to give more info if needed so you can give me your opinion better! Just ask! Thank you. Instead of getting all insecure on him (which will just push him away), start doing the same thing. Put shirtless hot men on your phone, posters, whatever. Get him to say something, then say "well I thought it was okay?" Passive aggressive...yes...but it may work. Link to post Share on other sites
misunderestimated Posted October 29, 2011 Share Posted October 29, 2011 it seems a little immature considering his age, have you spoken to him about it? Link to post Share on other sites
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