I'm a Mess

[Jay]

I'm seeing a shrink, once a week, it's not enough. I had a really tough breakup with my ex a month ago. I feel like I can't go on. The shrink is great, but one hour a week isn't nearly enough. I think about her all day every day, and it's not getting better. I can't even get myself to write about what she did. I cry myself to sleep every night, cant function. Talking helps alot, but only temporarily. I really don't know where to turn, and feel like my strength is running out. My friends are great, but i cant continue to burden them. I've had a history of depression and anxiety and i really want to intervene before I have a relapse. i'm really hurting.please help!

[Delissa]

I dont want to be in your business, but you would need to elaborate more on what happened. Why the break up? I can only speculate for now.

 

I dont know the extent of what happen in your relationship that cause the split up between the two of you. I do know however you might want to re-evaluate the events that took place, or not have taken place. You need to asess what happened. Was it something she did, was it something you did? Or was it just something she wanted.

 

I know that it wasnt something you wanted, but if it was something you did, you must recognize that she has enough respect for herself not to be treated in such a way. Which is good for her. If this is what she wanted, did you ask her or did she tell you why? How do you know that she was happy? Was this unexpected or was it the inevitable? Was she happy or was she unhappy? What happened?

 

I have been thru my share of heart breaks as well, and it is tough for everyone, "It is better to have Loved and Lost than to have never Loved at all". You may want to think of the good times you've shared, her smile, her laugh, and her scent. I wouldnt want you to try to block her out of your mind because you cant do that. Besides blocking her out would only take away from yourself.

 

You may want to try alot of extra-curricular activities. The things you like to do most, start to do more of. One sure way is to exercise. I dont know your life style, but exercise sure works for me ( especially a punching bag)You might want to increase your visits to your shrink. Talking always helps. You can also keep a journal, and write letters to yourself and to her. It will definitely make you feel closer to her. ( i've done that myself and still do)

I'm seeing a shrink, once a week, it's not enough. I had a really tough breakup with my ex a month ago. I feel like I can't go on. The shrink is great, but one hour a week isn't nearly enough. I think about her all day every day, and it's not getting better. I can't even get myself to write about what she did. I cry myself to sleep every night, cant function. Talking helps alot, but only temporarily. I really don't know where to turn, and feel like my strength is running out. My friends are great, but i cant continue to burden them. I've had a history of depression and anxiety and i really want to intervene before I have a relapse. i'm really hurting.please help!

[Bestkindakid]

You know, I am going through the exact same thing right now. My ex and I broke up about a month or so ago as well, I found out he cheated on me when we were together. I really wish I could afford a shrink!! I don't really have any friends to talk to about it (I am not a "talker" by nature), but I find it does help to be out of the house and with friends, instead of alone, dwelling on things. You never said what she did to you, or how long you guys had been together, whose idea it was to break up, and I know it probably won't help me saying this, but I don't think she deserves all the thoughts and pain that you are going through for/over her. Maybe you need to get out, meet new people, new friends, etc. Don't talk to her if she calls and take down pictures of her, throw away (or at least hide) letters from her, anything that reminds you of her. It will get easier, even though I know first hand that it seems impossible right now. There is someone out there better suited to you and your needs and someone who deserves your love - who won't bring you all this pain.

 

Oh. And you can go on. You have to, there are people out there who love you and who would feel extremely guilty and angry if you did anything rash like that. Trust me because I have even taken that route and it put me in the hospital for 2 weeks. It opened my eyes though when my sister asked me just what I was thinking, and asked me how I could be so selfish. It may seem like the easy route, but think about all the others you are leaving behind. Others who don't deserve to feel the guilt, shame and remorse if you do something like that.

 

Just let the pain go. Do some meditation, go to church, go beat up on a boxing bag, anything that will help get your mind off of it and will help you to get through this.

[Jenna]

It does sound a little like you may be avoiding the things that you know will help you move on. You mentioned writing about your experience- that is a great idea- why would you avoid it?

 

You are only a burden to your friends- if you never try to help yourself- if you talk about what is bothering you- and try to take steps toward healing - your friends will want to be there to support you. On the other hand- if all you do is whine and cry- feel sorry for yourself- and refuse to get back into life- you will quickly wear your friends out.

 

Before you can heal- you have to WANT to do it. Some people prefer to wallow in their misery rather than move through the healing process- could this be you?

 

Your therapist has almost certainly advised you of things you can do to get through this- are you taking this advise? Maybe a another visit during the week would help. But it doesn't take long for a professional to know what might work for an individual- then its up to that person to put it into action.

 

If you aren't willing to help yourself- if you are basking in everyone's pity- refusing to take control of your life- there isn't anything a therapist can do for you- much less anyone at this site- as we are not professionals.

 

Please write back and tell us what you have done thus far to help yourself. And why is it that you feel such a severe loss from this break-up, it doesn't sound like a normal reaction- your past depression may be playing a part in this- and if thats the case- medication would help.

 

Give us some more details about your self and this break-up.

 

Jenna

You know, I am going through the exact same thing right now. My ex and I broke up about a month or so ago as well, I found out he cheated on me when we were together. I really wish I could afford a shrink!! I don't really have any friends to talk to about it (I am not a "talker" by nature), but I find it does help to be out of the house and with friends, instead of alone, dwelling on things. You never said what she did to you, or how long you guys had been together, whose idea it was to break up, and I know it probably won't help me saying this, but I don't think she deserves all the thoughts and pain that you are going through for/over her. Maybe you need to get out, meet new people, new friends, etc. Don't talk to her if she calls and take down pictures of her, throw away (or at least hide) letters from her, anything that reminds you of her. It will get easier, even though I know first hand that it seems impossible right now. There is someone out there better suited to you and your needs and someone who deserves your love - who won't bring you all this pain. Oh. And you can go on. You have to, there are people out there who love you and who would feel extremely guilty and angry if you did anything rash like that. Trust me because I have even taken that route and it put me in the hospital for 2 weeks. It opened my eyes though when my sister asked me just what I was thinking, and asked me how I could be so selfish. It may seem like the easy route, but think about all the others you are leaving behind. Others who don't deserve to feel the guilt, shame and remorse if you do something like that. Just let the pain go. Do some meditation, go to church, go beat up on a boxing bag, anything that will help get your mind off of it and will help you to get through this.

[jay]

she cheated on me. we were together for 2 years. she used me monetarily, and for other things, and that was the only reason she apparently kept me around for the last several months. now she's a whore, having sex with everybody. it's worse if i go into details.

I'm seeing a shrink, once a week, it's not enough. I had a really tough breakup with my ex a month ago. I feel like I can't go on. The shrink is great, but one hour a week isn't nearly enough. I think about her all day every day, and it's not getting better. I can't even get myself to write about what she did. I cry myself to sleep every night, cant function. Talking helps alot, but only temporarily. I really don't know where to turn, and feel like my strength is running out. My friends are great, but i cant continue to burden them. I've had a history of depression and anxiety and i really want to intervene before I have a relapse. i'm really hurting.please help!

[jay]

I started working out again. i read self-help books, tried meditation, take prozac, and trazadone to help me sleep at night. I go out both nights on weekends to meet new women. i really want to get over it...just for some weird reason, am still madly in love. i do wanna get over it, but I know what depression is, and boy is it coming!! I'll do ANYTHING to help me get over this, anything. the little bitch always told me she wanted to marry me, and i had was looking at engagement rings, came home, and found evidence she was cheating. I truly, unconditionally, loved this girl, and can't understand how she could cheat on me. she says the guy she cheated with providesher with things i can't. but she used to say how wonderful our relationship is...just out of nowhere, it happened.

It does sound a little like you may be avoiding the things that you know will help you move on. You mentioned writing about your experience- that is a great idea- why would you avoid it? You are only a burden to your friends- if you never try to help yourself- if you talk about what is bothering you- and try to take steps toward healing - your friends will want to be there to support you. On the other hand- if all you do is whine and cry- feel sorry for yourself- and refuse to get back into life- you will quickly wear your friends out. Before you can heal- you have to WANT to do it. Some people prefer to wallow in their misery rather than move through the healing process- could this be you? Your therapist has almost certainly advised you of things you can do to get through this- are you taking this advise? Maybe a another visit during the week would help. But it doesn't take long for a professional to know what might work for an individual- then its up to that person to put it into action. If you aren't willing to help yourself- if you are basking in everyone's pity- refusing to take control of your life- there isn't anything a therapist can do for you- much less anyone at this site- as we are not professionals. Please write back and tell us what you have done thus far to help yourself. And why is it that you feel such a severe loss from this break-up, it doesn't sound like a normal reaction- your past depression may be playing a part in this- and if thats the case- medication would help.

 

Give us some more details about your self and this break-up. Jenna

[Jenna]

Don't confuse depression with heartache.

 

In light of your history with this person and the way it ended- I now understand a little better why you are so upset. You can't skip this part- you have to go through it- so you can move on. As long as you are getting out, taking your meds, meeting new people and seeing your therapist- you will eventually work your way back to happiness. Don't give up- focus on the light at the end of the tunnel- you'll reach it in your own time.

 

Write in when you have a bad day- or a good one! We are here for you!

 

Jenna

I started working out again. i read self-help books, tried meditation, take prozac, and trazadone to help me sleep at night. I go out both nights on weekends to meet new women. i really want to get over it...just for some weird reason, am still madly in love. i do wanna get over it, but I know what depression is, and boy is it coming!! I'll do ANYTHING to help me get over this, anything. the little bitch always told me she wanted to marry me, and i had was looking at engagement rings, came home, and found evidence she was cheating. I truly, unconditionally, loved this girl, and can't understand how she could cheat on me. she says the guy she cheated with providesher with things i can't. but she used to say how wonderful our relationship is...just out of nowhere, it happened.

[Delissa]

I know its hard but it's best to get it all out. Now we know, and she isnt worth it. You are much better off. There are soooooooo many women in the world who are looking for a good man like yourself. She will find you, you will find her. Find ways to take your mind off things, but dont go using any women, while your on the rebound. Like you said she's a whore and a little bitch. So why waste your time?

she cheated on me. we were together for 2 years. she used me monetarily, and for other things, and that was the only reason she apparently kept me around for the last several months. now she's a whore, having sex with everybody. it's worse if i go into details.

[Bobby Dygytul]

Hey man wazuuuup? I went through a heart ache also. I was with a girl for 2 years and we was talking about the future and everything. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. One day she just up and dumped me saying she doesn't love me anymore and that she wants to see other guys. I was so heartbroken, i could eat, i slept ALL the time and was completely miserable. I didn't think i would ever get over her. I found that hobbies and friends helps alot. Well, after like 7 or 8 months after she dumped me, i now look back and laugh at myself. I was actually letting a PERSON, a single mortal distroy my happyness. I just recently met a wonderful lady and she is 10 thousand times better than my ex. and im crazy over her. I think about her more than i ever thought about my ex. I realize that for every heart that is broken, there is always someone who can put the pieces back together. I can guarentee that.

 

Good luck in the future.

 

~Bobby Dygytul~ doodoodoodoodoodoodoodooooooooo!!!

I'm seeing a shrink, once a week, it's not enough. I had a really tough breakup with my ex a month ago. I feel like I can't go on. The shrink is great, but one hour a week isn't nearly enough. I think about her all day every day, and it's not getting better. I can't even get myself to write about what she did. I cry myself to sleep every night, cant function. Talking helps alot, but only temporarily. I really don't know where to turn, and feel like my strength is running out. My friends are great, but i cant continue to burden them. I've had a history of depression and anxiety and i really want to intervene before I have a relapse. i'm really hurting.please help!

[Deejette]

Depression is anger turned inwards. The anger that you feel towards your ex is unxpressed to her. So you are turning it in on yourself and you feel like hell because of it. It is bad when you can't communicate. I know you would like to tell her so many things and let her know how hurt you are by how she used you, misused you, talked of marriage and then cheated on you. Then she makes it your fault (he can give stuff that you can't give) instead of hers (her dishonesty).

 

So find constructive ways to get that anger out (the punching bag that Bestkindakid advised is good, or even punching your pillow). One day you will come to the end of the anger and it will turn to disgust for the person who was so underhanded.

 

But it will take time. Many of us are suffering here in one way or another over love. So much of our self-image is involved with how the one we love treats us. Our pride is hurt, we are outraged because our trust is broken. We have been betrayed. But all of us have lived to tell the tale and moved on to provide some comfort to others who are in pain.

 

Don't confuse depression with heartache.

 

In light of your history with this person and the way it ended- I now understand a little better why you are so upset. You can't skip this part- you have to go through it- so you can move on. As long as you are getting out, taking your meds, meeting new people and seeing your therapist- you will eventually work your way back to happiness. Don't give up- focus on the light at the end of the tunnel- you'll reach it in your own time.

 

Write in when you have a bad day- or a good one! We are here for you! Jenna

[Tony T]

Get ahold of yourself. This is life. Some things in life are extremely painful. Everybody, I mean everybody, goes through love induced pain at one time or another.

 

You should be celebrating. While you were madly in love with this girl, the whole package was not there. The situation was not right. It was not the mutual love that is the stuff of forever. It was only a stop in the road, one level in the school of love, one chapter in the text of life.

 

When you enjoy a delicious gourmet meal at your city's finest restaurant, do you grieve when you clean your plate. When you see a great movie or concert, you enjoy it while it lasts...you don't grieve because it's over.

 

You had a love, it was great for the time it was there, it is over and that in no way diminishes the fact that you relished the time it was there. There will be more.

 

If you think love is a big piece of cake, a cream puff, a chocolate covered marshmallow, a smooth rich milk shake, you are nuts. There is pain to this stuff. Even when you find a great and mutual love that will stand the test of time, it will not go smoothly all the time.

 

If you can't handle love and all the stuff that goes with it, just forget it. Find a nice dog, get a hobby and go about your life. If you want real love, you are going to have to be able to handle the lumps it creates for you.

 

This girl is not longer with you because it just wasn't the right situation...for her...or for you. In the RIGHT relationship, both you and your partner will WANT to be there for a long time.

 

You also better learn some better skills about detecting when things are going sour. You can see those things long before a split. You also need to work on yourself to pick the right people and learn how to meet a woman's needs and how to be a part of a healthy two way relationship.

 

Now, cut out the big pity party. It serves NO PURPOSE WHATSOEVER except to keep you down. There is nothing constructive in weeping at night, not eating, not wanting to go places or do things. You need to take back the power you gave this girl to screw up your life and take back total and complete control of your life.

 

Learn from this and move on to more productive things. There's a great world out there of wonderful people and experiences. You only have a limited time on this planet. If you use up that time being depressed, you rob YOURSELF of great times.

 

Your shrink doesn't have a magic wand. Neither do I. Medication will retard the healing process. You need to feel what you have to feel, know it's a natural process, and move on down the road.

 

Exactly what do you think you will accomplish by seeing your shrink two, three, four or five times a week. You don't need to sit there and pour out your guts...the same crap over and over.

 

You need to get out, make a new life for yourself...sure, you'll feel sad for a while...but to pay homage to this girl by sinking into a lasting and devastating depression is outlandish.

[Bestkindakid]

Well it sounds like you are making some progress towards anger which is a good emotion to take away the pain! This "bitch" doesn't deserve your love Jay, not at all!! Some people tend to fall for those/have the hardest time giving up those who treat them the worst. Don't let her do that to you. Give her up.

[Bestkindakid]

Bravo Tony, Bravo!!!!!!!

 

Hopefully some of our advice here will be put to good use! I know I am listening to it all as it relates to my situation as well.