So I'm back to this point again.

[Rabid Ferret]

I don't really have a goal. I don't expect people to care. I'm just here to unload because I simply have nowhere else to blow off stress. Forget about family and friends. The former thinks I'm full of crap and the latter no longer exists.

 

A while back I posted another thread where I was obsessing over a girl I liked who liked another guy and seemed to be firmly stuffing me into the friend zone. Well, all that fell through and now she hates me and I've blocked all communication with her for around a month. There's nothing left there now.

 

The problem is that now I'm back to having no close friends. Nobody to talk to at night. Nobody to hang around online. And certainly no women I like paying attention to me.

 

It's no real shock, though. I'm a jerk. And not the good "gets laid all the time" type. I've lost my patience with everything. Even the online games I play to get away from all of this are nothing but a source of disappointment lately. I have actually met a few people on them over the past week.

 

The first was a really nice girl who invited me into her guild in the game, but upon seeing that she went hardcore flirting mode with all the guys in the guild, I left it. I know my issues, and any girl who flirts with me, even if she's just playing, will end up being somebody I'll start wanting to be around all the time, and so will every other guy. Not doing that.

 

The second was genuinely nice and interesting, and was very thoroughly in to her boyfriend who was the leader of their guild. I spent one night watching the two of them flirt with each other endlessly, and just left that one, too.

 

The third was a nice group of people, I even made sure they knew that I'm a little weird and don't talk much at first when I joined up, and they were more than accepting and super social when I did say something. One the first day, at least. The second and third day came along and I was invisible. Older members showed up and wondered why I was even invited. And eventually I was kicked from that guild for not knowing anybody, I guess.

 

Yeah, it's all video games. Who cares. But that's my world. The only thing outside my door is an apartment complex filled with old people and mexicans. And a city filled with banks and churches. And being as I don't like banks and am not religious, this entire town is boring as death.

 

No car, no friends, no job, blahdy blah same story as always from me. There's nothing I can do to get out of it. Gotta have a car to go anywhere else. Gotta have money to have a car. Gotta have a job to get money.

 

So much of the general idea about the world is that people care about other people in general, but when you get down to it, people like me are better off in the grave. I'm white, male, free of any physical handicaps. I don't qualify for diddly squat when it comes to aid. And the general opinion is that I am vile and disgusting for even trying to look. I "shouldn't try to leech of the government". I'm "a wart on society's ass".

 

So it's pretty much that I've hit a dead end and nobody cares. People like me are by default in a perpetual state of always having a way out, so I'm just ignoring my escape route. I'm about three months away from foraging in dumpsters for food and finding places to sleep that the police won't drag me out of at night. Who cares, though. People die every day due to starvation and poor health. Who gives a flying damn if I get added to that list.

[WhiteChocolate]

I know my issues, and any girl who flirts with me, even if she's just playing, will end up being somebody I'll start wanting to be around all the time, and so will every other guy. Not doing that.

You know your own issues; why don't you try to fix them? The whole, "I'm not going to change myself, people should accept me for who I am" is BS. You should try to change yourself for just one very special person: YOURSELF.

 

Yeah, it's all video games. Who cares. But that's my world.

I have been addicted to video games before. And they are destructive. They suck all your time away, destroy your body, and kill your social life. They have also been proven to have negative effects on mood. I can tell you more about it if you like.

 

I don't think video games by themselves are evil, but when it becomes your world, then something needs to be done. This type of behaviorial addiction is just as destructive as substance abuse, if not worse, since people don't take it seriously.

 

So quit. ASAP. Please.

 

No car, no friends, no job, blahdy blah same story as always from me. There's nothing I can do to get out of it. Gotta have a car to go anywhere else. Gotta have money to have a car. Gotta have a job to get money.

So...get a job. Anything. Cashier at McDonalds, waiter at a restaurant. Somewhere where you can walk/bike to. And in your free time, volunteer, make new friends, connect with people, network, and maybe find a better job.

 

So much of the general idea about the world is that people care about other people in general, but when you get down to it, people like me are better off in the grave. I'm white, male, free of any physical handicaps. I don't qualify for diddly squat when it comes to aid. And the general opinion is that I am vile and disgusting for even trying to look. I "shouldn't try to leech of the government". I'm "a wart on society's ass".

People do care about you, but only care about you as much as you care about yourself and them. And since you seem to be taking very crappy care of yourself, and hating on them, what do you expect them to do?

 

Take care of yourself first. Make yourself number one. Find a job. Get your mind out of negative things such as why people don't like you and take a honest look at yourself. How is your personal grooming? Do you come off as bitter and exude negative energy? And work on making YOURSELF a better person.

[Rabid Ferret]

Sorry bud, if hard advice were all that I needed, I wouldn't be coming here and complaining about my problems. Heck, I wouldn't be complaining about my problems period if there were still options left to try.

 

I've been applying for jobs for almost a decade now. The problem is in not having a car. I'm limited to walking distance. And walking distance is where all the fast food places I have worked before are, all places that fired me, or places where I quit a long time ago because I don't get along well with fast paced high stress jobs without getting suicidal and grotesquely overweight.

 

Which leaves grocery stores. And pestering them every week to see if they got my application for the last three months straight has gotten no results. They just do not want to hire me. Or they just do not have open positions. It's hard to get a job with a ten year gap in your job history. Add to that the fact most businesses hate the idea of paying too many people at once, and the fact that people with jobs right now know how lucky they are to have one and won't be quitting any time soon, and you have a recipe for perpetual unemployment.

 

Having no car also locks me out of leaving this city for anything. So going outside means old people and mexicans who don't speak english. All I have is video games if I want to socialize. When I say it's "my world", I don't mean I spend all day every day playing them. I mean my world in the fact that it's the only place I can go to meet people. I probably log about four hours on games a day. Not exactly an obsession. I still spend my mornings walking out to all the places I have applications at ( even the fast food places ... ) and the majority of my day helping my father out.

 

That's been my story off and on since 2003. And it's people who assume that I'm not trying hard enough that make it so that I stay stuck here. My own family has that attitude, too. And it gets really tiresome.

[Lucky_One]

When is your lease up?

[Rabid Ferret]

When is your lease up?

 

January, if we don't figure things out by then. My father should be okay since he's old and handicapped and I doubt anybody would put him out on the street, so something will come through for him, though.

[Lucky_One]

So you are living at home? Sorry, I thought you were living on your own. So your family doesn't own a car, either? How about a bicycle? Is the public transport in your town?

 

What is your education like?

[Rabid Ferret]

Well, not living at home. My mother and her husband live there. I moved out and ended up hopping between places until I ended up with my father in his apartment.

 

Public transportation here is almost non existent. No buses, and the one cab service charges five bucks at the minimum per trip. So I pretty much need income for that. I do own a bike, but it's not big enough for me, and the tires are flat.

 

I've got high school education up to 11th grade, but I ended up dropping out and getting my GED instead because I got kicked out of my first school, and had a knife pulled on me at my second. I did try for college, but only made it through three months before my Aunts took away my vehicle forcing me to quit.

 

Yeah, it all looks like excuses. Or at least that's what people tell me when they assume I am just lazy and don't want out of this garbage. Because it's so lovely not eating food, not having friends because people think I am an attention hogging drama junkie, and slowly dying from a medical condition I can't get addressed because I can not afford ( nor do a qualify for free ) medical treatment.

 

And yes, they told me to come in for an appointment. And to bring $200. Even after I told them over and over again the last time I was in the emergency room that I don't have money. I can't scrounge up money. I do not know people with money. And I do not have secret "emergency fund" money.

 

So they are calling me every week reminding me that I missed my $200 appointment. And I don't even care to answer any more. I went through this in the hospital. I tell them I don't have money, and they say I can go through some programs to lower the costs. I tell them again I do not have money. And they tell me I can work with people to lower the costs. I tell them yet again, I do not have money. And this continues endlessly, because they assume everybody has at least a little money.

 

"Turn off your internet!"

 

That only works if we are the ones paying for it. A friend of my mother's has an AOL account they let me use.

Edited October 26, 2011 by Rabid Ferret

[Lucky_One]

Can you tell me why you don't qualify for Medicaid?

 

Ask your father for a bicycle for Christmas. You can pick up a second hand one for less than $50. Sell your old one.

 

Am sure you think I am picking on you, but I am just trying to figure out the situation. Your father has food, but he won't let you eat it? Or he is destitute too, and neither of you have food? I assume your father gets SSDI or SSI? Does he collect Social Security yet?

[Rabid Ferret]

I don't qualify for aid because I'm not disabled, my mental issues are not diagnosed, and by all outside appearance I am a totally functional unemployed adult male. "Not having friends" "Crippled by stress" "Socially inept" are things official people laugh at. "Everybody deals with that, you baby."

 

Selling the bike isn't really an option. Maybe I could gave five bucks for it. The thing is about fifteen years old with two flat tires.

 

And my father is as bad off as I am. But he does get meals on wheels stuff every day. So he does eat. And he does get money every month, but it's just enough to cover his rent. Electricity nearly knocks out the rest, not to mention his medication costs and cigarettes. ( It's not my money. I can't force him to quit smoking. )

[doushenka]

Don't know where you live, but if you make no money and haven't got resources--you qualify for Medicaid. There's a difference between that and SSDI (disability). At least apply for Medicaid, and consider finding your way to a free clinic to get your diagnoses down somewhere on paper. Free/sliding-scale clinics also tend to know how to find aid when you need it.

 

The bureaucracy in this country makes trying to get help ridiculously difficult. I feel for you. Good luck.

[Rabid Ferret]

Thanks for the info. I went through so much garbage trying to get food stamps, financial aid in college, even car insurance when I still had a car. I pretty much figured people in my situation are just expected to have options always open to them, so help isn't going to be available.

 

I'll actually look into the Medicaid stuff. I can't say I'm totally expecting much with the amount of garbage I usually deal with when it comes to qualifying for things, and I completely expect to have an excess of bullcrap forms, phone calls, proving eligibility with endless pages of stuff I do not have on file, and lots of being talked down to because I'm just going to look like some piece of **** trying to get a free dollar.

 

But there's no reason to ignore the possibility. At the least I can try to get something happening so my father doesn't get put in some home for the elderly or similar prison.

[Lucky_One]

I am amazed that no one at the hospital pointed you in the direction of Social Services to apply for Medicaid.

 

Here you go.

 

http://www.tn.gov/humanserv/forms/Intake%20application%20and%20Statement%20of%20Understanding_English.pdf

You can do the application online, I believe. It is pretty short, it is well explained, and you can apply for Medicaid and food stamps at the same time.

[Eliana]

You need to get a job, there's no way around it. And it's really vital that you start somewhere, even if it's a small part time and it can barely cover the bus cost. Things will not improve until you find a job.

 

You have free time to use for your advantage. Have you thought about volunteering somewhere for a few months to learn a new skill? What can you do? Can you fix computers? Can you walk dogs or do gardening? Are you any good at online poker? You really need to start somewhere, and stop wasting your valuable time with internet girls while you have nothing to invest.

[spiderowl]

I think it's no wonder you are feeling down. You have a lot to cope with and no money. I don't think people who have always had money to fall back on can understand what it's like to have hardly anything for long periods of time. You run out of things and can't replace them, the little things people do that make their lives better are impossible, and you've often tried all the options the well-meaning suggest. But, in your case, it does sound as if you could qualify for medicaid and at least get help with your health problem.

 

I feel for you. Circumstances are not helping you. Is there any way you could get back into college and do some other qualification or would you need cash for that too? Are there careers services there where you can get advice and maybe get a grant for a training programme? I don't know, I'm only asking. I know how hard it is to feel like you're at the bottom of the pit and people don't realise that you need help to get out of it, or at the very least lots of support.

 

Have you considered moving? I know you couldn't afford to rent anywhere else (unless there is some programme to cover your rent for a period?), but sometimes you can get jobs with accommodation. I wouldn't usually recommend such jobs because if things go wrong in the job then you lose the accommodation too, but maybe in your situation if you could find something like that a different area/part of the country, it would give you the start you need.

 

We are living in tough times and lots of people are suffering hardship now. Governments are at a loss to know what to do about the economic situation and are just treading water and hoping we get through this. Your best bet is some sort of training programme and moving to where there are more possibilities for jobs.

 

Finally, perhaps because of your situation and frustration, you sound angry with people. This is probably coming across to them when you apply for jobs or socialise. If you seem cynical and 'don't cary', it will be a turn-off for them. Employers want friendly and enthusiastic people because those are the kinds of people that customers keep coming back to. I know you want to tell them all to *** off and it's understandable that you feel so angry, but think about how others see you. You seem to be assuming a lot about how they see you at the moment, but aren't really imagining how it is to be with someone cynical and angry. What would you need from a friend/employee/colleague? How would you want them to treat you? Think about it and see if you can't come across in a more warm and friendly way. People will give up on you if they sense hostility and resentment. It would make them uneasy. I'm sure this is not what you want to project. Instead of telling yourself everyone else has an easy life and you have missed out, tell yourself that times are hard for lots of people and for some worse than others, but look for the good things, care about people, make an effort with them and it will pay off. It might not immediately, or in the way you expect, but it will happen.

Edited October 29, 2011 by spiderowl