Just a fling but...

[curious5]

Recently had a very short-lived little fling with a MM. (Feel free to read my 2 other posts for details.) I am 41, never married and I've never done anything like that before in my life. In fact, several years ago I had a very painful experience as a BGF, and since then was especially adamant about women keeping their hands off other women's men!

 

I made the decision to end this recent fling before anything really got started, or turned into some sort of A, just because I know it's the right thing to do.

 

Haven't had any communication with him at all since the day after our last encounter, which was just the 3rd of 3, so there hasn't been any real emotional investment etc.

 

BUT, for some freaky reason that I do not understand, I keep thinking about him! i am so ashamed to find myself hoping I'll run into him at the grocery store or out walking my dogs etc. (He lives in my neighborhood).

 

I've been catching myself having the little fantasies that someday he will divorce his wife and our paths will cross again and we'll pick up where we left off.

 

His wife sounds like a wonderful woman who loves him very much. How is it that I am harboring such inappropriate thoughts? Especially over some guy I hardly know???

 

The only thing I can think of, that I do know for sure, is that had he been a single man I would have been at that giddy stage right now, looking forward to the next date. Checking my phone for his texts etc.

 

It's ridiculous. And I'm sure will go away over time. But it should have gone away already don't you think? the fact that it hasn't worries me a bit. i.e. why can't I seem to shake off these fantasies?

[woinlove]

First, curious, kudos to you for doing the right thing for yourself and for others. I know these attractions can be quite compelling and so it takes conscious effort to stop yourself from going down the easy path where fantasy, infatuation, curiosity, etc beckons. Kudos to you!

 

Now, as to why you feel so enticed, maybe even a bit obsessive... that really seems to come with the territory of MM. Not exactly sure why. Maybe it says something about our competitive nature. Or maybe subconsciously one thinks MM must find us so compelling that they can't resist us even while married, sometimes even claiming to be happily married to another. The reality is often quite different. Once a MM has crossed boundaries and you put a stop to it, chances are sometime in the future he will find someone else to cross boundaries with.

 

The good news is that once one looks at the whole issue of MM cheating, affairs, the usual fallout, the deception, what it says about MM, one typically ends up spotting the potential for this stuff much earlier and it is not so appealing.