songbird87 Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 Hi, Looking for some advice from LS. I split from my GF at the end of July, it was a bad break up, both us us guilty of stuff that led to it getting quite acrimonious. I went NC, but she wouldn't respect that. It was a drawn out break up and there was a lot of resistance from her to the break up. I am guilty of saying i wanted a break but not defining any groundrules or anything, so i gave out mixed messages to her. The last month or so, contact has been sparse, mainly just attending to practicalities of us previously living together - ending utilities etc in her name. However, i have been told that she has been diagnosed with cancer and i really am confused. I want to reach out to her, but am afraid she will mis-interpret it. I feel very guilty as the split started when she was having tests and surgery etc, and i just dont know what to do. I dont want to be seen as a total bastard and uncaring because i do still care, but just dont know what to do or how to handle this. She has never asked to see me since she found out and had not contacted me for any other reason that as i said above about practical matters. Any guidance or suggestions?? Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
karmaqueen Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 What a rotten situation. However, I think you just answered your own question- you said she hasn't tried to contact you since she found out and that you feel guilty. I think if you contact her, you will be doing so out of guilt, which wont help either of you. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I would not contact her- if you want to pass on a message, keep it low key or even through a friend. Or wait until the next time you have to talk to each other because of practicalities. I'm sure she would have contacted you if she wanted to. She probably has alot to think about right now and would not want further complications from the break up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author songbird87 Posted October 26, 2011 Author Share Posted October 26, 2011 Thank you for your reply. As it stands, everything is now sorted out, there is no need for us to talk about practical stuff, its all been done, all i have managed to say is sorry about the news, and that was in an email regarding something else. Its a bloody mess, i feel for her, i really do and yes, its guilt now. Still she doesn't deserve that, after everything else, does she! Link to post Share on other sites
Lemon Drop Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 Songbird, This is a very sad and trying situation... I am sorry for both of you. If you think about it and try to put yourself in her shoes, how do you think she is feeling about the breakup considering her diagnosis? How long were the two of you together? How bad is her prognosis and how much treatment will she be needing? How much support does she have from others, friends or family who can give her comfort, companionship and help her get to her appts. if need be? All I know is that if it were me, I would stay with my former lover and help him through this time.... this is if no one had done anything horrible (like abuse or betrayal)... I had a situation similar to this when my former sweetheart came when I called and needed him and helped get me through a terrible situation, stayed until it was settled, then went back to his new life. It pulled me through and if not for him, I don't know what I would have done. It is the most loving thing we can do as humans to care for someone we love or once loved and ultimately it is what love is about.. past or present. I would call her and ask to meet her for coffee and make sure she knows you care about her and ask her what you can do to help her through this time, because even though you have split up, you care about her and want to make sure she gets through this rough time, because of the times you shared, the love you had for her and see what she says. But that's just me. On the other hand, a very long time ago I got out of a car that my boyfriend was driving like a maniac and told him it was the last time he would ever see me. I called his friend from a pay phone to come and pick me up. A few weeks later the friend called to tell me my former boyfriend was in the hospital and wanted me to visit him. I said no, I never want to see him again. Tell him I'm sorry, but I'm done. That last incident was the last in a long line of bad things he had done and I never regretted it, but he was a jacka$$, not me. So, how has your karma been lately? Do you have a lot of extra saved up? Link to post Share on other sites
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