I refuse to Tweet, Text or Facebook with Friends

[writergal]

Maybe it's due to the generation I grew up with (Gen. X) but I really don't like online communication forms. It seems like no one talks on the phone anymore either. I have friends whom I never see, but who regularly message me on Facebook, or text me with info. about their lives. Are these really friends then when I rarely see them in person anymore? I don't get it.

[FrustrationSetsIn]

I completely see where you're coming from with this topic, I refuse to FB or tweet. Once when the internet was a place to meet new people, it's now also become the place where the people you know use that seemingly as the main form of communication.

 

I believe they are still friends, just they've fallen into the trap that most everyone else has fallen into. And communication becomes almost impersonal in a way, like for example, why tell just one person you had a crappy day when you can tweet it to 50 other people. Hence why I refuse to follow anyone's twitter, I refuse to use FB, I refuse to text someone more than one message because I'd rather talk to them on the phone.

[writergal]

Once when the internet was a place to meet new people, it's now also become the place where the people you know use that seemingly as the main form of communication.

 

Exactly. And as soon as I delete my Facebook account I am quite sure I will never hear from most of my FB friends ever again, except for my family members of course.

 

I totally agree with your observation that all this online communication has made interpersonal communication much more....impersonal.

 

When I meet people and they ask if they can text me, now I say "Nope. I don't respond to texts. You'll have to just call and leave me a voicemail." I've been told that request is both rude and unrealistic by some people. Well, fine. I guess I'd rather weed those tech-addicted people out of my life now then foster friendships where 99% of our communication is digital via texting and emailing.

 

I'm seriously thinking of shutting off my cellphone for a LAN line with voicemail. But I love the GPS feature on my cellphone and the fact that it has a calendar on it too. So I guess I like that part of the technology. I am just nostalgic for the days of phone booths, answering machines, and house parties. I was 31 years old when I bought my first cell phone. 31! My social life and friendships were much stronger back then. Nowadays, my refusal to go with the digital-communication-flow has left me without many social connections since I plan to delete my Facebook account which everyone seems to use for event planning. And I lost a seven-year-long friendship with a gal I went to grad school with because I refused to communicate via text messaging with her. Even when I told her to stop texting me and just take 5 minutes to call me back, she'd text me that she's too busy which made it impossible to have conversations with her or plan time to get together. I just hate texting. Everytime she texted me, instead of texting her back I would call and leave a voicemail with my response. Sometimes when we would talk on the phone if I said something to disagree with her, she'd hang up on me then suddenly text me the rest of her rants of why I was wrong, and then proceed to give me the silent treatment that lasted as long as months sometimes. After not speaking with each other for a year we ran into each other on campus at our grad school. We tried to revive the friendship then but it was a short reunion of about four weeks before our last argument, that happened after her graduation party (she was a year ahead of me).

 

Our last conversation went something like this:

 

We were arguing about being older graduate students and the financial challenges involved.

 

Her: My husband said I should thank him for supporting me financially through graduate school because I couldn't have done it without him.

 

Me: I have to agree with your husband. You aren't working and he pays for your classes and your books and takes you on trips to Europe several times per year. I don't have a partner to support me and I work two part-time jobs. I live like a college student in an apartment still, whereas you live in a nice house with a new car and small student loan payments.

 

Her: Well you're wrong. I could do it. I've always managed. (Click. phone line goes dead).

 

A few minutes later she texts me this message that she doesn't want to be friends with me anymore. So that was the end of the friendship. Unfortunately I ran into her two weeks later at a coffee shop. She was sitting outside with a friend and I went inside to do some work on my laptop. She came into the coffee shop to use the bathroom, but we completely ignored each other. She left without even coming over to my table. I was glad I had my laptop to hide behind. It was very un-nerving to have a run-in like that so quickly after the weird way our friendship ended. I suppose I could have confronted her about the dumb way she ended our friendship but at the time I thought, "Why bother?" Which is why I will never allow a friendship to grow with anyone who is a chronic texter or emailer as their main way to communicate. That's rigid of me but after what I've been through I am not going to put up with that every again from anyone.

 

All this digital communication is going to ruin the way we relate to each other and has already changed the way we socialize which I don't like at all.

Edited October 27, 2011 by writergal

[FrustrationSetsIn]

 

All this digital communication is going to ruin the way we relate to each other and has already changed the way we socialize which I don't like at all.

 

I'm 33 and don't own a cell still. haha

 

And I went through kind of the same thing with a friend that I've known for like 15 years now. We used to hang out for years, then we started playing MMOs and other games online. It was cool at first because it was what we were doing when we weren't hanging out in person. Then he started to gradually equate hanging out with playing games online. Hanging out was no longer chilling in person, it became "hey load up this game and let's play".

 

If I didn't feel like playing a game or was losing interest in one, he starts taking it as a personal insult that I don't want to hang out anymore. Which I was to the point of fine maybe it'll force some dialogue then about it. Anyways before him and his wife moved across the country, we had planned to hang out in person which turned into "load up the game" thing once again. Now before they had moved, the last time him and I hung out was to go see a movie in 2005. It had been 4 years that I had seen him before he moved. Now that I kind of want to get over playing games he's kind of not talking to me anymore.

 

So yeah all these ways to communicate are definitely making things change in very bad ways. It makes it so easy for people to ignore you now if they aren't happy with something. It makes it easier for people to want to do everything on their terms without regards to someone else, and it just has kind of totally ****ed everything up.

[writergal]

So yeah all these ways to communicate are definitely making things change in very bad ways. It makes it so easy for people to ignore you now if they aren't happy with something. It makes it easier for people to want to do everything on their terms without regards to someone else, and it just has kind of totally ****ed everything up.

 

Sorry to hear that you're friend bailed on you that way. I know guys like your friend who prefer to socialize with gamers online rather than with people in-person. Doesn't make sense to me. What...do we live in Neo's Matrix now? Sometimes I think science fiction is a good predictor of just how ****ed up society has become due to technology. Human interpersonal skills have gone down the toilet with everyone's shrinking attention spans, sense of entitlement, and refusal to stop the insanity that the Internet has created with all these social networking websites which isolate us from each other more than connect us. And uh, I really don't want to read people's inner most thoughts on their FB statuses because 1) that's narcissistic and 2) I'd rather hear it in person in context of something rather than just their random thoughts ala SNL's Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey. FB status: "It takes a big man to cry, and an even bigger man to laugh at that man." Or a real FB status from a FB friend of mine: "I started antidepressants today. Having major mood swing." WHY would you post that for all 300 FB friends to read? Seriously.

 

But I agree that tweeting, texting and Facebook instant messaging makes it easier for people to feel entitled, and easier for them to disregard someone else's feelings. After all, they have a cell phone or computer screen to camouflage their true thoughts and actions behind typed text. Author Neil Postman is right with his book "Amusing Ourselves To Death."

 

He once wrote,

 

“Technology always has unforeseen consequences, and it is not always clear, at the beginning, who or what will win, and who or what will lose...”

 

I deactivated my Facebook profile just today and waited with baited breath to see if I'd get any texts or emails from people (no one ever calls me) who may have noticed my profile disappear from theirs. 12 hours have passed and not a peep from anyone on my FB friends list. I don't know whether to take that personally or not be surprised by their apparent disinterest with my decision to disconnect from the Facebook Matrix that gets away with breaking all kinds of privacy laws that even the U.S. Congress can't do anything about. Facebook IS Big Brother. May even put espionage out of business: you can "like" other spies Facebook pages to find out what they're up to. Phillip K. Dick anyone?

Edited October 28, 2011 by writergal

[FrustrationSetsIn]

He once wrote,

 

“Technology always has unforeseen consequences, and it is not always clear, at the beginning, who or what will win, and who or what will lose...”

 

I deactivated my Facebook profile just today and waited with baited breath to see if I'd get any texts or emails from people (no one ever calls me) who may have noticed my profile disappear from theirs. 12 hours have passed and not a peep from anyone on my FB friends list. I don't know whether to take that personally or not be surprised by their apparent disinterest with my decision to disconnect from the Facebook Matrix that gets away with breaking all kinds of privacy laws that even the U.S. Congress can't do anything about. Facebook IS Big Brother. May even put espionage out of business: you can "like" other spies Facebook pages to find out what they're up to. Phillip K. Dick anyone?

 

That is a great quote, I may have to go pick up that book. And you're right, social sites are completely having the opposite effect of social. Among the privacy concerns and whatnot.

 

I would say that I'm surprised no one has contacted you, but I'm not. So don't take it personally. The whole narcissism is spot on, a lot of people have become mini "stars" of their little worlds. Some have to collect all the friends they can on it, some have to share with everyone they went on antidepressants etc.

 

Like you, I would much rather here news from someone in person as well instead of reading it on their FB/tweet.

 

I was at a wedding a few weeks back and someone asked me if I had a FB. The convo went like this.

 

"No, well yes but I don't use it, so no you're not getting added and I'm not talking to you through it. Don't even bother looking for me on it, the account I do have isn't even a real name."

 

Strange look followed by "Why not?"

 

I was thinking "Why not? what, you upset that I don't want to follow you? I swear if I hear how many followers you have I'm going to smack someone" of course my reply was "Because I'm cool like that, here's an idea how about you just call me, people haven't forgotten how to use phones these days have they?"

 

"Okay I can text you, what's your cell number?"

 

"Ah don't have a cell, I said call NOT text."

 

"What? How can you not have a cell, what if you have an emergency?"

 

"I like to live dangerously."

 

"What if one of your family members was dead, and you were out?"

 

"As silly of a question that is for your argument, I doubt me hearing someone was dead through a cellphone while I was out buying groceries would change the fact they'd still be just as dead when I got home to check my answering machine. Let's say for the sake of things I did have one but the battery was dead just on that occasion. I'd have to wait to hear about the news anyways, and no matter what, they'd still be dead right?"

 

After I got looked at like I was a leper, I excused myself to get another drink. And I just realized some moments in my life play out like modern day Python skits.

[Afishwithabike]

I don't tweet.

I find Facebook a colossal waste of time. It's amazing how much personal information people share on FB. Even if you "delete" it, the info is still there with Facebook. Several people I know who work in the IT industry refuse to have a Facebook account.

I'll admit to texting. Since I use my cellphone a lot, I prefer to text because the EMR exposure is lower versus holding the phone near my head.

[writergal]

That is a great quote, I may have to go pick up that book. And you're right, social sites are completely having the opposite effect of social.

 

Right. They should be called anti-social networking sites. They all just reinforce that old adage, "you can't believe everything you read." Especially where FB statuses are concerned.

 

After I got looked at like I was a leper, I excused myself to get another drink. And I just realized some moments in my life play out like modern day Python skits.

 

Good point about the whole death-notice-via-text being ironic and un-necessary. Monty Pyton = best show ever.

 

"Okay I can text you, what's your cell number?"

 

"Ah don't have a cell, I said call NOT text."

 

"What? How can you not have a cell, what if you have an emergency?"

 

"I like to live dangerously."

 

So....did you get a phone call?

 

Your response made me laugh out loud (oh look at me, so old-school. I spelled out the entire phrase instead of writing that horrid "LOL" acronymn.). I would have responded the exact same way. And I've told people (i.e. the chronic texter acquaintances I have) the same, "call don't text." But they have yet to compromise.

 

And your friend is crazy if he/she thinks one cannot handle an emergency without a cellphone. After all there's other methods such as: yelling and screaming while waving one's hands wildly, CPR, the rain dance, smoke signals, knocking on someone's door, driving a car to the nearest hospital, hitching a ride with a stranger who actually wants to help and doesn't hack you to death, just to name a few.

 

Good on you for staying cell-phone free. They're the devil. And the monthly phone bills...yowsa.

Edited October 28, 2011 by writergal

[writergal]

I don't tweet.

I find Facebook a colossal waste of time. It's amazing how much personal information people share on FB. Even if you "delete" it, the info is still there with Facebook. Several people I know who work in the IT industry refuse to have a Facebook account.

I'll admit to texting. Since I use my cellphone a lot, I prefer to text because the EMR exposure is lower versus holding the phone near my head.

 

Good on you for being anti-Facebook. And yes, it IS a colossal waste of time. I regret ever creating my profile now because as you said, any information uploaded to the Facebook profile (including instant messaging sessions) is archived permanently away in cyberspace for any hacker to access at anytime. Which is why those celebrities always get their cellphones or Facebook accounts hacked, right?

 

I don't fault you for texting. It's necessary sometimes as much as I despise it. I have texted plenty. So are you a texter versus a phone-caller? How has that affected your friendships? What do you like about texting versus talking on the phone?

[FrustrationSetsIn]

 

So....did you get a phone call?

 

Nope, like you, no one hardly ever calls me. I think I've gotten more wrong numbers over the past month than right ones. Makes me want to start talking to strangers when they call up by accident.

 

Your response made me laugh out loud (oh look at me, so old-school. I spelled out the entire phrase instead of writing that horrid "LOL" acronymn.). I would have responded the exact same way. And I've told people (i.e. the chronic texter acquaintances I have) the same, "call don't text." But they have yet to compromise.

 

The whole thing is ironic really, like people that would rather text than call. "Texting is easier" I've heard at times. Oh really, so instead of pressing one or two buttons to dial a number saved in your contacts is more effort than, ohhh I don't know putting in 160 characters that you have to abbreviate, then follow up with 160 more? Yep sure seems easier than me than using your mouth!

 

And your friend is crazy if he/she thinks one cannot handle an emergency without a cellphone. After all there's other methods such as: yelling and screaming while waving one's hands wildly, CPR, the rain dance, smoke signals, knocking on someone's door, driving a car to the nearest hospital, hitching a ride with a stranger who actually wants to help and doesn't hack you to death, just to name a few.

 

I like those. Don't forget the Horn of Gondor, mental telepathy, using big rocks or tree branches to spell out "HELP", flares (okay didn't work so well for the Titanic) just a few other very viable ways to call for help. And what if you're out of service range, if anything modern horror movies have taught me is that cells don't help anyways because you can never get a signal when running for your life. You're either out of range or some smart killer is jamming the signal! hehe

[writergal]

The whole thing is ironic really, like people that would rather text than call. "Texting is easier" I've heard at times.Oh really, so instead of pressing one or two buttons to dial a number saved in your contacts is more effort than, ohhh I don't know putting in 160 characters that you have to abbreviate, then follow up with 160 more? Yep sure seems easier than me than using your mouth!

 

Ack! I hear that excuse ALL the time from people too. I think people use texting as a way to distance themselves from people they don't really like. My kingdom for a LAN line again. (LAN line bonus: cheap phone bill)

 

Don't forget the Horn of Gondor, mental telepathy, using big rocks or tree branches to spell out "HELP", flares (okay didn't work so well for the Titanic) just a few other very viable ways to call for help. And what if you're out of service range, if anything modern horror movies have taught me is that cells don't help anyways because you can never get a signal when running for your life. You're either out of range or some smart killer is jamming the signal! hehe

 

Lord of the Cellphone Ringtones!! Love that trilogy! Didn't the author J.R.R. Verizon write that? Heh heh! Horn of Gondor would come in handy in the suburbs I think. I've tried mental telepathy but all I get are messages from my two cats, "feed me damn you!" I could have used flares when I got stuck halfway up one of the fells in the Lake District near Wordsworth's home during a thunderstorm..at night during a three week trip there during my college winter break. After my group had a slideshow of the nearby walking paths and information about the poets Wordsworth and Coleridge (talk about opposites, those two) I set off (like an idiot) into the night for a stroll. Next thing I know I'm being chased down some very large rocky hill (or fell?) by some goats. I think the goats knew I was lost and looking for the road back to my hotel, so they politely chased the stupid American during a raging thunderstorm back on the road WELL traveled thus saving my life. Everyone was at the hotel pub having a pint when I "sopped" in. Did I have a cellphone then? Nope. But I did have a herd of GPS-minded goats on my side.

Edited October 28, 2011 by writergal

[FrustrationSetsIn]

Ack! I hear that excuse ALL the time from people too. I think people use texting as a way to distance themselves from people they don't really like. My kingdom for a LAN line again. (LAN line bonus: cheap phone bill)

 

Yeah it does seem that way as well when it comes to texting. Shame that people can't actually get the nerve to distance themselves as in not talking to people they don't really like. "No, I'll just ignore their texts instead!"

 

And yep LAN lines are great, have one myself. Plus as a bonus if you really want to get out of an annoying conversation, but are feeling nice, you can just hang up and tell them later that your internet went down. Not saying that I have used that excuse before (okay, so I have).

 

 

Lord of the Cellphone Ringtones!! Love that trilogy! Didn't the author J.R.R. Verizon write that? Heh heh! Horn of Gondor would come in handy in the suburbs I think. I've tried mental telepathy but all I get are messages from my two cats, "feed me damn you!" I could have used flares when I got stuck halfway up one of the fells in the Lake District near Wordsworth's home during a thunderstorm..at night during a three week trip there during my college winter break. After my group had a slideshow of the nearby walking paths and information about the poets Wordsworth and Coleridge (talk about opposites, those two) I set off (like an idiot) into the night for a stroll. Next thing I know I'm being chased down some very large rocky hill (or fell?) by some goats. I think the goats knew I was lost and looking for the road back to my hotel, so they politely chased the stupid American during a raging thunderstorm back on the road WELL traveled thus saving my life. Everyone was at the hotel pub having a pint when I "sopped" in. Did I have a cellphone then? Nope. But I did have a herd of GPS-minded goats on my side.

 

Yes I believe he did! I don't think that his follow up "The EULAilarion" was as good though. Too much blabbing and incoherent what you can and can't do legal mumbo jumbo about roaming ranges in Rohan.

 

That telepathy is tricky though, I usually get "what you lookin at?" when I connect with my cat.

 

I think falling down a hill only counts if you land on something other than your feet. So if you landed on your feet, you're good. I wonder if Wordsworth had the same kind of adventure once, you know he had to. "I shall do some opium then get chased back to Dove cottage by goats!"

 

And it's also a bit amusing you mentioned Wordsworth, I watched "The Trip" with Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon a few days ago. They went to Dove Cottage and later on Brydon did a rendition of Wordsworth's "Bolton Abbey" in an Ian McKellen voice at Bolton Abbey.

 

You do make a strong argument about having a GPS though. Although sometimes I do find the best adventures are where I don't know where the hell I am or how to get back to where I want to be.

 

Sorry I'm getting off topic here. Down with FB, up with real face interaction!

[writergal]

I think falling down a hill only counts if you land on something other than your feet. So if you landed on your feet, you're good. I wonder if Wordsworth had the same kind of adventure once, you know he had to. "I shall do some opium then get chased back to Dove cottage by goats!"

 

I'm quite sure you're right. I bet goats chased him down the hill to Bolton Abbey, hence inspiring him to write a poem about the Abbey. Decoding Wordsworth, "Blithe company" in the poem actually references the cheerful goats that chased him. Possibly. He was probably stoned when he wrote it.

 

And it's also a bit amusing you mentioned Wordsworth, I watched "The Trip" with Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon a few days ago. They went to Dove Cottage and later on Brydon did a rendition of Wordsworth's "Bolton Abbey" in an Ian McKellen voice at Bolton Abbey.

 

You do make a strong argument about having a GPS though. Although sometimes I do find the best adventures are where I don't know where the hell I am or how to get back to where I want to be.

 

Sorry I'm getting off topic here. Down with FB, up with real face interaction!

 

How was it? I just watched a clip of "The Trip" online and will see if Netflix has it yet. Brydon's impressions were really funny. I can't wait to hear his McKellen impression of "Bolton Abbey."

 

Yes, well the road less traveled (and not littered with blithe goats) can be fun sometimes (as long as you bring the horn of gondor and a spray can of mace for protection). Off topic is fine by me! Fun thread!

[FrustrationSetsIn]

I'm quite sure you're right. I bet goats chased him down the hill to Bolton Abbey, hence inspiring him to write a poem about the Abbey. Decoding Wordsworth, "Blithe company" in the poem actually references the cheerful goats that chased him. Possibly. He was probably stoned when he wrote it.

 

Ahaha I just got this image of him being chased down a hill at 3am (because all the cool stuff happens while high at 3am) by goats while wearing one of those striped night shirts that goes down to the ankles and a pointed nightcap. Waking up later that day and all he's remembering was some hazy memory of him frolicking around in the grass with goats and unicorns.

 

How was it? I just watched a clip of "The Trip" online and will see if Netflix has it yet. Brydon's impressions were really funny. I can't wait to hear his McKellen impression of "Bolton Abbey."

 

Yes, well the road less traveled (and not littered with blithe goats) can be fun sometimes (as long as you bring the horn of gondor and a spray can of mace for protection). Off topic is fine by me! Fun thread!

 

It was pretty good,it was sort of like "My Dinner with Andre" but with a Michael Kaine impression fight in a posh restaurant. Coogan was Cooganish and Brydon was well Brydon. I believe there is a full Youtube clip of Brydon doing the poem.

 

And I've always liked Coogan, I thought he was great in "24 Hour Party People".

 

I love the road less traveled, except when the scary sounds in the woods start getting to me. And poor Boromir, had he brought some mace along he may had survived.

[Afishwithabike]

Good on you for being anti-Facebook. And yes, it IS a colossal waste of time. I regret ever creating my profile now because as you said, any information uploaded to the Facebook profile (including instant messaging sessions) is archived permanently away in cyberspace for any hacker to access at anytime. Which is why those celebrities always get their cellphones or Facebook accounts hacked, right?

 

I don't fault you for texting. It's necessary sometimes as much as I despise it. I have texted plenty. So are you a texter versus a phone-caller? How has that affected your friendships? What do you like about texting versus talking on the phone?

 

No, I don't text that often. In fact, I don't even use the maximum number of texts I'm allowed in my plan. I'm so amazed when people say they text 200 times a month or whatever. I tend to text the same people - my husband, three of my good friends and an instructor for my child's extracurricular activity. That's pretty much it.

If I can't talk to someone in person, I'll call them. If I can't reach them by phone then I text or email.

I draw the line at Twitter and Facebook.

 

What I like about texting is you can send a short sentence or two while you're waiting somewhere. You don't have to subject everyone nearby to your conversation. You know how some people just go on and on when they talk on their cell phone as if everyone else wants to hear their business. At least you can text from anywhere, preferably not when you're driving though! You can just get to the heart of what you want when you text. I draw the line at text speak though.

If I text, I text like I'm writing. The "R U there?" text speak annoys me.

[Frank13]

You have to understand the dynamics of Facebook and Facebook friends. Some people use Facebook to keep in touch with family. Kids use it to keep in touch with their friends. That's okay.

 

The problem is when adults use it. Everyone on it seems to be a narcissist. They have to prove to themselves how worthy or likeable they are by having hundreds or thousands of fake friends. Yes, that's what Facebook friends are, fake.

 

While someone is thinking they are great because they just got another Facebook friend, that new Facebook friend is busy trying to get more Facebook friends themself. They don't actually give a crap about you.

 

Here is the bottom line. I don't have a Facebook page and I don't tweet. I am not so narcissistic to think that anyone gives a crap about my life, and if they did, I would be creeped out that they are stalking me.

 

People on Facebook should get over themselves and need a strong dose of reality which can be summed up by the following quote -

 

"You will worry a lot less about what people think of you, when you realize how seldom they do".

[writergal]

"You will worry a lot less about what people think of you, when you realize how seldom they do".

 

That's an excellent quote Frank13!

 

The problem is when adults use it. Everyone on it seems to be a narcissist. They have to prove to themselves how worthy or likeable they are by having hundreds or thousands of fake friends. Yes, that's what Facebook friends are, fake.

 

I totally agree. Facebook friends are fake. Although my cousins are on Facebook, I call or email them instead since I deleted my Facebook profile.

[Frank13]

Thanks writergal. Interesting how no one is debating against my points.