c0nfused88 Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 I am seeking advice or opinions on what you think of this situation. I am not looking for judgments or criticisms on the fact that I have a boyfriend. I have met a guy that I like but am having a hard time figuring out what he is feeling—if I am “friend zoned” or if things are just way too complicated. Here are some of the bullet points issues: We both work together in some aspect/have the same circle of people (we just met a few months ago). He knew up front that I have a boyfriend. We’ve become very close, hanging out a lot—lunches, dinners, coffee/teas, movies, etc. (weekdays, weekends, nights..) He never asked about the boyfriend—I brought up being unhappy a few weeks ago but he seemed to not want to get into it. Now he realizes I am unhappy with my current situation but we have not talked about it that much. We are more than ten years apart in age. He’s very much a gentleman in the sense of being cordial, always wanting to pay for things, etc. Because he is a gentleman, I doubt he’d make a move with me having a boyfriend. It’s not that I want him to make a physical move but I wish I knew his intentions. (Please again, I don’t need lecturing on the fact that I have a boyfriend). Does a man just want a friend and spend this much time with them, is that normal? Is he buying his time hoping for something more but not making a move because of all of the variables at play (boyfriend, work, age)? Any advice would be appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author c0nfused88 Posted October 27, 2011 Author Share Posted October 27, 2011 any advice please? my thoughts are driving me nuts. Link to post Share on other sites
doushenka Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 Honestly? Best advice I can give is to ask him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author c0nfused88 Posted October 27, 2011 Author Share Posted October 27, 2011 any other thoughts please? Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 If he likes you as more than a friend, then if he's wise he won't do anything about it until you are no longer in a relationship with someone else. If I were him, I'd want to know that anyone I was in a relationship with would not be happy to cheat. I would also want to know she had the guts to get out of her relationship rather than waiting for someone to 'help' her. I wouldn't want to be a stepping stone. Quite apart from which, when a relationship breaks up, the two who were involved have a lot of emotional 'work' to do before getting involved in anything else. Link to post Share on other sites
hearthurts Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I am currently in the same exact situation except that I am (unhappily) married and in the process of ending it. We are great friends and he doesn't like to talk about my marital problems other than to say that I should get divorced if my husband makes me that unhappy. He is 11 years younger than me but he always says that our age difference doesn't bother him. We are inseparable at work to the point that people gossip that there must be something going on - although there isn't. Everything about us just clicks and there are so many times when I've been positive that he feels the same as me, but... I couldn't take it anymore, the not knowing how he truly felt was making me crazy so I confessed my love for him and asked him how he feels about me and I was rejected. Turns out, I'm like "family" to him and one of his best friends, and apparently he has a plan for his future and I'm not in it. Every person is different so you may not experience the same outcome but you need to prepare yourself for the possibility that he may only want to be friends. So the advice I give to you is to not waste anymore time wondering. Just ask him so you can get on with your life. With or without him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author c0nfused88 Posted October 29, 2011 Author Share Posted October 29, 2011 Any other advice-- it'd be greatly appreciated.. From a man's perspective-- would you do these things if you weren't interested? Link to post Share on other sites
Ernest Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 From a man's perspective, yes I might. The company of women is nice. It is enjoyable. Especially as a guy gets older the drive for sexual conquest diminishes and so just some intimacy without attachment may be what he is looking for. Getting involved "platonically" with an attached woman is a good way to achieve that. Link to post Share on other sites
lostcharm Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 There are men out there that enjoy hanging out with women whether he is married/dating or she is married/dating. One of my best friends has a married male friend who actually got very upset when she wasn't able to hang out with him (with his wife). My thoughts? I find it odd on both parts that y'all are hanging out by yourselves so often. I'd come out and ask why he enjoys hanging out with you so much and how he really feels about you. You'll never know until you ask and its definitely not unjustified to do so Link to post Share on other sites
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