wilsonx Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 So I have been trying to internalize this and just let it go for the past few days but it happened again this past Saturday. It happened again Saturday night. My ex created a new email address, a new identity and responded to a dating ad I posted online. We exchanged 2 emails each not knowing at the time it was her and then that was it. So technically, this is breaking NC because even as crazy as it sounds, she is communicating with me and I to her. You know it doesn't hurt anymore and its almost flattering. My ex is creating these new identities just to open lines of communication to me. lol Normally I would go to the gym and just let it slide but I have messed up my shoulder really bad Fri night and can't work for the next 4-6 weeks so I have a ridiculous amount of free time where I can't really do anything. I have a 2nd degree AC joint separation in my right shoulder and even sleeping is impossible. This year is just ridiculous Edited for 1337ness... Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 It is bizarre that she goes to all this trouble in creating new identities, insead of just contacting you. I seriously laugh when dumpers call us crazy. I would never do anything like this even when I was the dumped and completely devasted. Why do they call us the nutjobs? Link to post Share on other sites
Thieves Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 So technically, this is breaking NC because even as crazy as it sounds, she is communicating with me and I to her. You know it doesn't hurt anymore and its almost flattering. My ex is creating these new identities just to open lines of communication to me. lol To be honest, it's a bit sad now. I wonder if she realizes what she is really doing, and that it's only making her look worse. I wonder what's really making her do this. Or maybe she doesn't care and somehow finds it "amusing"? Though I fail to see the amusement in all of this when it keeps happening and does no one any good... If she wants to talk to you that badly, then she should just talk. As herself. Link to post Share on other sites
TheJiltedGeneration Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 jezzzzz.. that is really odd, I mean if she knew it was your ad before her "false identity" then eventually you would know regardless of what she did... the motive like everyone else said here is in question, me being a cynical b***** would say the only motive I could think of is that she is trying to be derisive and "taking the **** " out of your new avenue of moving on ( not that theres anything wrong with it hell I will come out and say I am doing the same thing to on match.com.. but tbh losing abit of faith using it tbh..) although she could be trying to worm her way back into your heart again by any means possible (from my experience I would personally say doubtful, yet still not knowing your circumstances well with her, it's not a remote possibility..) regardless of motive, you need to stand your ground and be really assertive with this woman (f*** it if it hurts her, she's abusing your privacy right now so any respect of her feelings needs to be met with respecting yours, which she obviously is not doing right now...). Tell her you have invariably moved on and you are not going to show a change of heart regardless of her little machinations.. oh yea and somewhere between all of that "assertion" response.. tell her how much SHES REALLY FREAKING YOU OUT RIGHT NOW... because just reading this alone is freaking me out right down to my foundations.. ( and I will admit I was following my ex's webpages for a while, which I have stopped now, but not bloody contacting her with a false identity....)... jesus christ O_o... Link to post Share on other sites
FinOuch Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 If I remember correctly, didn't you catch her cheating on you or something...and then she dumped you? Or do I have that wrong? I don't even know how to interpret this behavior. It's just way too out there for me to even comprehend. No offense, but your ex is just nuts! Based on the fact that she's making multiple accounts in her attempts to continually harass you, I am assuming that you must be using a free dating website then? Perhaps the simplest solution to continue online dating without her interference would be to join a paid site like Match.com. I doubt any crazy ex would be willing to fork out $20 a month (per account) just to e-stalk and harass you. Something to consider anyways – I know that if it were my ex, what she's doing would be making me go bat sh*t crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wilsonx Posted October 27, 2011 Author Share Posted October 27, 2011 Yea, I caught my ex making out with a coworker at a bar at 130 in the morning. You know it was one of those things, I knew internally something bad was going on but I kept denying it. That night I caught her, I said I was done with this and she broke up with me. It was funny because it was in the middle of a bar parking lot and some bitch was yelling at me because I was blocking her space so she could pull in. It's a free site, you are right. I'm just doing this to meet people outside of bars. I am not looking to date or anything long term, more to just either hook up or hang out with. The first time it happened a month ago, I did go bat**** crazy, look for the thread i started in the breakup forum 2 bread crumbs in one day. Just rightclick my name find all posts by and then threads started by wilsonx. Its a good read. This was 4 weeks later and it actually doesn't bother me that much. I still haven't broken NC like I saw you did because thats what she wants, she wants a response out of me. She wants me to chase her again. Right now her ego and her mind are beating her into the ground because every guy she has ever broken up with is still friends with her and talks to her. One of the very last things she said to me on the last night she lived here was "You know you can't go your whole life without talking to me" This is actually the night I realized how crazy she was. This is actually called mirroring because she was trying to project her insecurities onto me. When she tells me "I love you" Thats her way of telling me "I need you to love me" Link to post Share on other sites
FinOuch Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 She wants me to chase her again. Right now her ego and her mind are beating her into the ground because every guy she has ever broken up with is still friends with her and talks to her. Interesting. I guess I could see how someone who is accustomed to staying on talking terms with the people they've hurt would be extremely bothered by the fact that they are simply not liked anymore, and by being ignored. Narcissistic much? Link to post Share on other sites
fenderjames Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Aw man, that would be to much for me . I dont even know what to say , other that I read you're posts and support you . Take it easy man, cheers Link to post Share on other sites
Author wilsonx Posted October 28, 2011 Author Share Posted October 28, 2011 Interesting. I guess I could see how someone who is accustomed to staying on talking terms with the people they've hurt would be extremely bothered by the fact that they are simply not liked anymore, and by being ignored. Narcissistic much? Close enough but I will admit, I ****ed up last night. Drunk and at the bar and was chatting with this hot crazy girl. She asked me if i was dating anyone and I said absolutely not, she said why not. I told her Im tired of the crazy ones, explained the stalking story and she told me you should play it back on her. She said have fun with the crazy bitch until you get bored of her and move on. Was it the right thing to do? Absolutely not! I will fully admit that what I did was wrong and in no way helped me to heal and move on. So, I did the wrong thing. I texted "Why are you sending me fake emails, dont you have somebody, you broke my heart" I know for a fact, I am not going to get a response from this. If she responded to this she would have admitted her guilt and that she did something wrong, so its kind of ****ed up but its funny at the same time. So I move on. Until next time =) Link to post Share on other sites
TheJiltedGeneration Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 well if she's bothering you, telling her to stop isn't quite breaking NC as she's the one interfering with NC, just txt email saying something to the effect of Stop weaseling your way into my life!! ( paraphrasing obviously) and you are 100% not interested.. the only thing I would criticize is telling her how she "broke your heart" as from what you said from her type of personality, I think knowing that she still has some level of control over how you feel might reinforce her behavior ( thought I could be stretching things abit.. sorry..) , so just dont tell her how she makes you feel just be as distant dissimulated and as assertive as possible, your in control of this situation and the non-contact, not her.. let her know that (once only) then move on Link to post Share on other sites
Author wilsonx Posted October 28, 2011 Author Share Posted October 28, 2011 (edited) Here's the thing, she knows she broke my heart, she knows it, so me just denying it is lying to myself. Since you are new here and haven't read the craziness of her antics, she does feel guilt. I met with her a week after the breakup, you know the stupid thing to do where she finally told me she had feelings for the other guy. She felt so guilty about it the next ****ing thing she said out of her mouth was "You know, I have a coworker that I work with that will hook up with you if you pretend you have a tattoo" Have you ever heard of an EX tell their ex before. So the broken heart thing was perfectly appropriate. I am very intelligent and carefully chose what to say and how to say it. When I was thinking about this, I was thinking conscience vs ego and how to play at the conscience and not have the ego get involved. Edited October 28, 2011 by wilsonx Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 (edited) She felt so guilty about it the next ****ing thing she said out of her mouth was "You know, I have a coworker that I work with that will hook up with you if you pretend you have a tattoo" This is a really f*cked up thing to say. Was hooking up with the coworker supposed to make things "even"? Jesus Christ this really pisses me off. I don't know why, but reading about your ex makes me angry. And, I am not by nature an angry person. I hope she doesn't text you back. And she is totally crazy to be making those fake dating profiles! She just wants to know if you still care because she needs that validation. Stop giving it to her. So you screwed up and messaged her, big deal. Keep doing whatever you need to do to move forward. And, if she keeps getting in your way, keep passing her by. Sorry to hear you hurt your shoulder, can you still work out your legs? At any rate 4-6 weeks will fly by and you'll be back to it. Best of luck, Wilson! Edited October 28, 2011 by ScienceGal Link to post Share on other sites
Author wilsonx Posted October 28, 2011 Author Share Posted October 28, 2011 I know I ****ed up.... drunk + hot girl in a bar = stupid guy thinking with wrong head. But moving forward, I can't run right now so I walk 2 miles on a treadmill everyday. That's all I can really do, the shock from running goes into my shoulder Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer Girl Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Now that she knows you know... she had her fix and most likely will not contact you again for some time... All she most likely wanted was some kind of communication to make her feel like you are still there for her... Back to NC... for good as she did not make any move to make you feel like she is the love of your life or that you two have come to the point of reconciliation... You both acknowledged each other but it doesn't deter from the fact you will never be together... No point in doing tit for tat...You have been gratified with knowing she still after all this time is checking up on you... but the end result is you have no desire to get back with her... so time to go NC again... Link to post Share on other sites
TheJiltedGeneration Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Here's the thing, she knows she broke my heart, she knows it, so me just denying it is lying to myself. Since you are new here and haven't read the craziness of her antics, she does feel guilt. I met with her a week after the breakup, you know the stupid thing to do where she finally told me she had feelings for the other guy. She felt so guilty about it the next ****ing thing she said out of her mouth was "You know, I have a coworker that I work with that will hook up with you if you pretend you have a tattoo" Have you ever heard of an EX tell their ex before. So the broken heart thing was perfectly appropriate. I am very intelligent and carefully chose what to say and how to say it. When I was thinking about this, I was thinking conscience vs ego and how to play at the conscience and not have the ego get involved. sorry man I didnt mean to sound like I was patronizing you and I suppose you know this girl better than I do.. just her logic/reason for putting you through all this then going through all this duplicitous bull****.. well it sounds like you have to cross delicate grounds when crossing someone who to me seems really unstable... Link to post Share on other sites
Author wilsonx Posted October 29, 2011 Author Share Posted October 29, 2011 its alright, it shows im human. live learn grow i broke NC it didnt set me back. i wanted the behavior to end. if it buys me a couple months for me to move on and be happy with my life without her stalking me because i validated her ego, then fine, it was a good trade off in my opinion. #1 i can help people out on dealing with crazy people #2 this one relationship, has opened my eyes for the first time in my life. #3 so i lost this battle, in the end I win the war. Sometimes you have to lose some to learn how to win Link to post Share on other sites
FinOuch Posted October 29, 2011 Share Posted October 29, 2011 i wanted the behavior to end. if it buys me a couple months for me to move on and be happy with my life without her stalking me because i validated her ego, then fine, it was a good trade off in my opinion. Hahah oops! Drunken mishaps are always fun! But...to be fair, I think you are being a little hard on yourself. There's a massive difference between breaking no contact to test the waters, or to try and stay friends, or any of the other still-clinging-type reasons...and breaking contact because THEY keep finding ways to contact you and responding with a nice little "f*ck off". That's why I am actually okay with the email I sent my ex. I got to basically give him the "uh, yeah, you're a d*uchebag so shove off" treatment. Even though I broke contact...I am certain that is NOT the response he was hoping/looking for. And I'd like to think it probably got under his skin more than simply ignoring him would. Were his actual reactions and feelings to my response what I guessed they would be? Don't know. Don't care. Just so long as it felt productive for me is all that matters. We're all different and internalize and develop our own perspectives on our situations. We have to deal with our circumstances in our own unique way. Only you know her, yourself, and the situation well enough to decide if it was truly a mistake or not. But, my impression is this - if she's that desperate for your attention and validation, then I'm guessing that what you sent her was not going to satisfy her ego at all. In fact, being so direct very well might bother her more. Do whatever makes you feel okay with the circumstances you're given and move along. Well...with the exception of playing her back. that just seems doomed to back fire, lol! Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 I love it how our exes dont want to be with us, but don't want us to see other people either. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wilsonx Posted October 30, 2011 Author Share Posted October 30, 2011 Its part of their personality, they just dont want to let go, its a power thing. I never caught on to this but she introduced me to one of her guy "friends" that was about to get married and she wanted to talk to him to stop him from doing it I never understood this until now Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 Ever considered just being single for a bit, instead of online dating & picking up in bars & playing games with your ex? Might clear your head a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 (edited) Have you considered being single for a while? No online dating, no bar hook ups, no playing games with the ex. It might help you to clear your mind a bit. I played the game for about a year after we split up, so I know where you're coming from. The thing is, it was the game she was in love with. That endless supply of schism and churn. Being chased and needed. As you said earlier, she didn't want me; she wanted me to want her. Sure, at one point she did open up fully and we had that fearless, blameless love we all allude to, and I did hurt her, but once we split, it was all about the the chase me! game and, frankly, I am not that desperate to want to go through all that hoop-la again. This is all a sign of either a very scared person or a very careless one, or both combined. You won't get a condition-free apology. Her pain is far more present in her mind than the harm she did you. Take a break from the love game. It'll do you good. Edited October 30, 2011 by betterdeal Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 Why is it ok when the dumper contacts us? But if we do we're seen as weak and desperate. Shouldn't it be the same for them too? Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 Who said it was okay? Who cares who ended it? Who cares what other people think of you for contacting them or them for contacting you? In most cases, the relationship broke down and the vast majority of the damage was done before and immediately after someone said "it's over" or "I dump thee". The "dumping" is a minor detail. Really. The big details are (a) you are not in a relationship with that person any more, whether you dumped or were dumped (b) you're still upset by this change of affairs © you can learn different, more successful ways to handle some of the situations that occurred and (d) you can choose to not be upset by it any more. Some times the people we love do bad things. Some times so bad we lose all love for them. Some times we do bad things. And sometimes we get hurt and we hurt other people. Dealing with it is how you get through life. Just like you learn to deal with falling over and grazing your knee, it's not how you fall that matters but how you get back up. Link to post Share on other sites
neghitzbrah Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 Who said it was okay? Who cares who ended it? Who cares what other people think of you for contacting them or them for contacting you? I am a believer of this statement. When you read those articles online giving advice, people are telling you what to do from their experience. Everyone's experience is different and things turn out different for every scenario. All you need to remember is that whatever happens, happens. And there was nothing you could've done to change it. Ever seen the Matrix Ever considered just being single for a bit, instead of online dating & picking up in bars & playing games with your ex? Might clear your head a bit. This might be something worthwhile, Wilson. Taking your mind off dating sort of relaxes and relieves you of all the pressure. And to be honest, you will meet that person when you aren't even looking. You never know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wilsonx Posted November 2, 2011 Author Share Posted November 2, 2011 (edited) so here's a little ego boost, shes doing it again **** CRAZY Bitches. I am serious She posted an ad today. Titled "Looking for a nice guy" I'm just looking for a nice guy in this general area. I've been kind of bored, I go to school and I work part time. Love dogs, love reading. I'm a big movie fan. I watch football on Sundays with the guys either at the bar or at their house, sometimes I wonder if nobody approaches me at the bar because I'm with them. I have mostly guy friends, I don't see me changing that for anybody, so jealous types are not welcome, as they are strictly platonic friends. If you're interested and closer to my age, please let me know. Pic for pic. I look forward to hearing from you! GAMES GAMES GAMES GAMES GAMES and breadcrumbs... Edited November 2, 2011 by wilsonx Link to post Share on other sites
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