Girlfriend behaving suspiciously?

[Pierce85]

Hey everyone. Back in a July I made a post about my GF's sudden loss of interest in sex. After discussing it, she eventually said her BC pill is throwing off her hormones and killing her mood. She has since gotten off of the pill and is still showing no interest. We don't do it as often and when we do she seems to be doing it to go along. I've tried talking to her about it more but now she's claiming she doesn't know why her mood is gone. I'm also concerned because of her texting habits. Sometimes she'll give short responses that don't carry the conversation as if she's too busy or doesn't want to talk. I'll leave her alone thinking to give her space but an hour or two later she'll send me a "Hey, what're you up to?" Last night she downloaded a program for her computer and was telling me how fun it was to mess with and how she was learning it, but literally a minute later she texted that she was tired and was going to bed. Sometimes she seems too concerned with the time I'm coming over to her place. I work 6 days this week and she suddenly texts me at 8:20 this morning to ask if I'd be coming over tomorrow because she knew I had to work saturday. I feel suspicious by it, especially since I'm not usually up at that point in the morning (I work 10-6) and she has not texted me that early in a long time. I guess my thought is "Couldn't it wait till lunch?" I also saw her ex-bf text her while I was at her apt a few weeks ago. An ex who she once told me she does not talk to. I confronted her about it and she swears that he does not text her often and when he does she never responds.

I know if I have a gut feeling I should follow it and just end it but I need to have closure that something is in fact going on. Does anyone have advice on how I could confront her on these issues or attempt to catch her in the act? Any input is appreciated.

[Chi townD]

Yeah...sorry, the red flag for me is when she's tracking your movements and tracking your schedule. What I would do is if there's a day that she knows your working, call in sick for that day. If she thinks you're working Saturday, I would call in and then pop by her place. "SURPRISE!!! I wanted to spend the day with my girlfriend!" If she gets pissed? You have your answer. If she brushes it off as a pleasant surprise but she frantically texting someone? Somethings going on.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Hey everyone. Back in a July I made a post about my GF's sudden loss of interest in sex.

 

Sounds fishy... but you can't really draw any conclusion from all this.

 

If your not getting sex... and she is acting in a manner that makes it hard to trust her... Is the relationship worth more time and effort?

 

I left my cheating X almost 2 years ago, and now I'm dating a girl who is way hotter with sex more than once a day. The best part is... I can trust this girl.

 

It's up to you... but honestly if you have to worry about this trick now... it just gets worse later, and by then you trust her more which makes you blinder.

[Lucky_One]

I must be blind, because the only thing I see that would bother me re: cheating would be the texts from the XBF.

 

I text when it is convenient for me to text, not when I think that the other person is awake or free or at lunch or whatever. They can answer it when it is convenient for them. And many times my responses ARE short, because I AM busy or trying to take a nap or intent on a movie. And I always ask my H stuff like "Are you coming home for lunch today?" - not because I need time to stuff my lover in the closet, but because I might need/want to change my schedule to accommodate lunch together, or "what time does your flight get in?" because I want to make sure that I am out of the shower and my hair is dry (and my legs are shaved!).

 

It could take a while for her hormone levels in her body to even out. And if she is not on the pill, what are you two doing for BF? Is she doing another hormonal method? Or are you relying on condoms? (More on this topic after you answer)

[Pierce85]

I must be blind, because the only thing I see that would bother me re: cheating would be the texts from the XBF.

 

I text when it is convenient for me to text, not when I think that the other person is awake or free or at lunch or whatever. They can answer it when it is convenient for them. And many times my responses ARE short, because I AM busy or trying to take a nap or intent on a movie. And I always ask my H stuff like "Are you coming home for lunch today?" - not because I need time to stuff my lover in the closet, but because I might need/want to change my schedule to accommodate lunch together, or "what time does your flight get in?" because I want to make sure that I am out of the shower and my hair is dry (and my legs are shaved!).

 

It could take a while for her hormone levels in her body to even out. And if she is not on the pill, what are you two doing for BF? Is she doing another hormonal method? Or are you relying on condoms? (More on this topic after you answer)

 

 

I can honestly understand all of those perspectives. I'm afraid to just end it because I don't want it to feel like a mistake. I talked with her more and later on she told me that the reason she wanted to know what my plans tomorrow are was because she wanted to volunteer for this group that she used to volunteer for and didn't want it to conflict with any plans I might have had. It sounds legit but I'm concerned because she hasn't volunteered with them in months. She's mentioned wanting to go back, but never said anything about it passed that...until today. I told her I didn't realize she was planning on going back soon and asked if there was an event and she said that she's always wanted to volunteer again when she was available. She's been busy with work all week, she had ot tonight and may or may not have more this weekend. I don't see how that's being available. As for the BC, we're relying on condoms. I'm curious to see your thoughts on this.

[Lucky_One]

A lot of guys don't like condoms, and well, a lot of girls don't like them either. They can make intercourse feel dry and not very comfortable.

 

She may be like that.

 

Then there is the pregnancy factor. She could be scared of getting pregnant. Condoms are a good choice, but not the best choice as a contraceptive. They may often be the only choice, but that doesn't negate the fact that the pregnancy rate for typical users is 10-18%. That is certainly something that can weigh on one's mind and dampen ardor, especially if one isns't in a situation where an unplanned pregnancy can be accommodated.

 

If my H were to think that I was cheating based on my doing things that aren't in my everyday life, then he would think I had a lover.

[Pierce85]

A lot of guys don't like condoms, and well, a lot of girls don't like them either. They can make intercourse feel dry and not very comfortable.

 

She may be like that.

 

Then there is the pregnancy factor. She could be scared of getting pregnant. Condoms are a good choice, but not the best choice as a contraceptive. They may often be the only choice, but that doesn't negate the fact that the pregnancy rate for typical users is 10-18%. That is certainly something that can weigh on one's mind and dampen ardor, especially if one isns't in a situation where an unplanned pregnancy can be accommodated.

 

The dryness is definitely an issue but was remedied with a water-based lube. As for the fear of pregnancy, that is a strong possibility. I guess I wish she would just tell me that's the case when I ask her what's hindering her mood. It gets to a point where she doesn't even want to mess around on any level, but that also goes back to what she considers satisfying. That does make me feel a bit better about that, thank you. Although I'm still a bit worried about the other issues.

 

If my H were to think that I was cheating based on my doing things that aren't in my everyday life, then he would think I had a lover.

 

I apologize, but I don't quite understand what you're saying here.

[Lucky_One]

Like, 2 weeks ago. I got a text from a friend who works at the animal shelter. Two dogs needed to be transported to a nearby county - 112 miles round-trip. I said sure, and off I went. I don't do this often, but I do enjoy doing it.

 

If I am driving past a sign that says Blood Drive and it has been 58 days since my last donation, I pull in. Not on my schedule, not a regular part of my life. But I do it on a whim, because I have time and it appeals to my sensitivities at the moment.

 

I am NOT saying that something more isn't going on with her. But I CAN tell you that constant worry and surveillance will kill any relationship, especially if you are worrying based on nothing but the fact she is volunteering for something that she hasn't volunteered for for 5 months.

 

Best idea of all? Talk to her. Openly. Frankly. And if you need to leave yourself vulnerable, then leave yourself vulnerable. That's what love is all about.

 

Good luck.

[Pierce85]

I am NOT saying that something more isn't going on with her. But I CAN tell you that constant worry and surveillance will kill any relationship, especially if you are worrying based on nothing but the fact she is volunteering for something that she hasn't volunteered for for 5 months.

 

It's really more than that. It's a lot of little things that continue to happen. Her ex still thinks it's ok to text her after she's said to have ignored him for 2 months. It's also an issue of respect. If her attitude towards this is to just go off somewhere, not tell me any details and have no concern to what I might feel or what it might look like to me, that makes me feel like a doormat. This volunteering thing going on, I still don't know what exactly she's doing, or what she wants to help with. All I know is, she's going.

If your solution is to talk to her about how I'm feeling instead of being so suspicious, then please give me some advice on how. I've talked to her about two other issues already (one was the ex when I saw he was texting her) and she got defensive and really upset. I'm not saying she has no right to be upset (she felt I should trust her more), but it puts me in a bind when she gets upset everytime I bring up an issue, no matter how big or small. She did calm down and agree it was something I had to talk about if it bothered me, which helped.

If you have any recommendations on how to approach her when we have these talks, then I'm open to ideas. I'm willing to work on these issues, even if they are in fact just my own.