Surefire way of seeing if someone isn't interested

[blue16]

This question is mainly towards girls, but guys too if they have experience.

 

For girls to answer: If you like a guy, when talking to them, would you ask questions to find out more about him?(what are they like, what to they do, what are they interested in etc). The reason I ask is that there this girl in school who is constantly being near me, whether its in class, in the hall or in the library. She also initiates conversation whenever she gets a spare moment. She smiles a lot in my presence, that kind of thing. When I was walking down the hall and just as we walked past each other she flung her hair in my direction. ( sort of flirting i guess ) Perhaps a coincidence, but a big one at that.

 

She is fairly attractive, and seems nice, so I guess i am somewhat interested. I ask her stuff like what she likes to do, what she's interested in, that kinda thing. We have decent conversations about various things, except I notice that she never asks about what I do. She never asks what i enjoy in my spare time, whether I have a gf or not....stuff like that. (It was a threeway conversation with a friend of mine and her, and somehow it seemed like the right time to ask "Do you have a boyfriend?" and she said no. It was right in tune with the subject we were all talking about, so it didnt seem out of place. So, she says she doesnt have a boyfriend, but didn't ask me whether I had a gf or not). Does this look like behaviour from someone who is interested, or not? If someone doesn't ask these type of questions, does it pretty much mean they are not interested?

 

For guys: In your experience, have girls that liked you/you've gone out with asked these kind of simple questions before dating? I thought it was commonplace to find out more about a person before persuing a relationship. If this is the case, then the person must not be interested? Any help is appreciated.

[gymgirl]

I think she sounds interested (judging by the hair tossing and smiling), but a little self-absorbed. Some girls just don't think to ask their crushes questions about themselves and would prefer to talk about their own lives. She probably doesn't realize she's doing this. Try bringing up a topic that would cause her to ask a follow-up question. Good luck.

[bluechocolate]

You can try interpretting her behaviour or reading her mind until the cows come home.

 

Now that you know she doesn't have a boyfriend - go for it.

[april.may.june]

Yup, she might be somewhat interested. Or you just seem friendly and likes sayin' hello to ya! There were quite a few guys like that for me in high school before graduating last year... They were guys I didn't find attractive but I felt confident enough to say what up to. It's hard to explain really... They were the type of guys I KNEW I could have wrapped around my little finger but...I knew they would never have the guts to ask me out! So I didn't worry 'bout it! Just said hi whenever I wanted!

 

 

A little harsh I know...but it gets worse: It also could just be some 'popularity' thing...trying to get well-known among her peers; being Miss School Spirit and saying 'hi' to anyone and everyone who she knows she could easily get to be her friend and make her look good to other popular people! I myself am guilty all these things UNFORTUNATELY...and it works!

 

 

Or she's just this REALLY outgoing, spirited person...LOTS of people like that at my H.S. ...I happen to be one of them! Esp. when I ran for Spirit Commissioner + other stuff like that! Is she super involved w/ the school? Running/Serving for any student council position??

 

 

Oh and one MORE IMPORTANT thing that I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH!... She could've just PLUM-FORGOT! Hehe! Oops! : o

 

You ever finish a sorta hurried "catch-up" convo and walk away saying..."wait...I forgot to say something!!!" This happens all the time! You walk away...realizing that you only talked about YOURSELF! ...AH! HOW RUDE! You never once asked how the other person's school year was going! And you're always like "okay, next time next time...or else" and then you turn around + DO IT AGAIN!! But this time to someone else or the same (that's pushin yo luck now buddy...)...! Whether it's a friend...or some guy named Pukin' Jack at the liquor store (haha...not really...LOL)...we get caught up in our lives and forget to say...stuff! So....

 

 

Maybe she's busy(?) or is just nervous w/ you, along w/ everything else running through her to mind to ask...and she walks saying everytime... "Ugh...I'm such a b****!" (note to kids: "bum"...I meant "bum"...thanks 'lil darlins'...). But maybe that's just...uh... TOO many times, ya think?! Ah...who knows...it probably happened to me w/ guys I liked too...I...um.......DON'T R E M E M B E R! (LOL)

 

 

No seriously dude, good luck...If I wuz u...I'd just find out W/T/H is up wit dat GIRL!!!

 

 

Hope it's all alright for ya! Let us know!

 

Much Luv!

[blue16]

I think some of the possibilities you said are true. In the first paragraph you mentioned that she might feel comfortable saying chatting with now and then, but not really interested in a relationship. This would probably closely mirror the situation now, in fact. I can sort of relate to that situation.....sort of someone I enjoyed chit chatting with but wasn't really interested as bf/gf. In my perception, I come across as a fairly easy going guy... She has actually said that she prefers brown guys (she is indian born in canada)....and she tends to stick around that crowd. I am actually the only white guy she chats with outside of small talk. I should of realized that when she mentions she prefers darker guys, and her 2 best friends are of the same race, it sort of gives the impression that she doesn't normally associate with the standard (although I wouldnt consider myself generic) white guy. I am somewhat naive for thinking that she would be interested even though she clearly mentioned her preferences.

 

So I guess my next question is do you think she would be interested in being friends? Like exchanging numbers, hanging out on occasion that kind of thing. I really enjoy her company, she's fun to be around. She isn't one of the 'popular' girls, and she is not extremely outgoing. She wouldn't just chit chat with me just to increase her popularity in the school, or just because she is very extroverted. I don't foresee a bf/gf relationship, but I don't really care about that anymore. For those types of guys you were mentioning earlier april (lets say I am one of those guys for ease sake) did you want to hang out with them outside of school, or did you just want someone to jibber jabber with in the confines of school? I don't want to ask if she wants to be real friends, and come across as an idiot if she just wanted a shoolyard buddy. Any advice would be appreciated.

[amerikajin]

Blue,

 

I think you're doing the right thing by trying to calculate the situation a little beforehand, but don't be too careful. From my experience, there's really only one way to find out if you aren't sure about it, and that is to just go ahead and work up the courage to ask her out somewhere. That's the only way you're going to find out. You have to try to arrange some time alone with each other. It doesn't have to be a dinner date, and maybe it's better that it's casual at first (all that pressure and everything). A cup of coffee at Starbucks one Saturday afternoon would probably be just as good.

[blue17]

Tomorrow may be the last time I see her, so if I actually get a chance to talk with her alone, I might ask if she wants to hang out sometime over the summer. Something casual, nothing too serious. I don't want it to seem like i'm asking her on a date, I like her company so I think this would be better to start. The only problem is we have 1 exam left together......so there is a big crowd of ppl afterwards, and its hard to get her alone without going up to her and saying "can we talk for a sec?" and everyone hears that. My friends alrdy spy on me a lot alrdy, and I dont want them and others being more nosy than they alrdy are. Wish me the best of luck.....i have to hope 2 things

 

1) i see her 1 on 1

2) i dont chicken out at the last minute

[Phelly]

maybe ask her right before the exam, after people take their seats but before class begins.

 

If you can't find a 1 on 1 situation, make one.

 

just a thought.

[bllue17]

Well, it seems when things don't work out well on this board people dont generally finish their stories. I don't blame them for that, as it's easier to just avoid the subject altogether. I didn't get a chance to see her before the exam, because I was studying with some buddies of mine. She left the exam about 10 minutes before time ran out so I didnt see her afterwards. So i had no choice but to email her and see what's going on. I asked if she wanted to hang out sometime, or if she wanted to chit chat or somethin. It's been almost 2 days, no response from her. Either she doesnt check her email very often ( possible ) or she has a couple accounts and doesnt check that particular one regularly. The other option (most likely) is that she read the email and didn't want to resume contact, so she just looked at it once and didn't bother to respond. I pretty much realize this is the case, so I've decided that it's a no go. If she happens to call or email me back in a few days....that's cool, but there is no point in getting my hopes up. Thx to everyone who gave their input in this matter, I hope I do better next time

[blue16]

haha I was bored so I searched this topic and bumped it. Wow kinda funny to see my posts and thoughts on the situation back then.

 

Originally posted by blue16

In my perception, I come across as a fairly easy going guy... She has actually said that she prefers brown guys (she is indian born in canada)....and she tends to stick around that crowd. I am actually the only white guy she chats with outside of small talk. I should of realized that when she mentions she prefers darker guys, and her 2 best friends are of the same race, it sort of gives the impression that she doesn't normally associate with the standard (although I wouldnt consider myself generic) white guy. I am somewhat naive for thinking that she would be interested even though she clearly mentioned her preferences.

 

lol....that last line really gets me. Shoulda gone with my gut and realize that even though I'm not her usual type she was still interested....that was dumb to listen to what she says, not what she does. She never treated me any different because of my ethnicity, nor did I treat her any different. That was just stupid to let that little comment get to me in the end, because it never even bothered me when she originally said it nor does it bother me now.

 

For a little update for all those who haven't read the replies on the other sections of the forums, it turns out she was infact interested (99% sure). I realized a few months ago that she gave some pretty obvious signals which I was oblivious to at the time. she asked me to walk her home, and another day after school clearly mentioned she has nothing to do afterschool in a way like she wanted me to ask her to do something. This in addition to the other subtle clues which were mentioned....all in all I really blew that one! Now she has a boyfriend which I just found out about....I'm willing to bet money he is a brown guy a couple years older than her (just like her previous bf).

 

Now I've been talking to this other chick and it's almost the same exact situation when i met the other girl. I have the suspicion that she is interested, i haven't gotten any clear cut 'ask me out' signals yet but they might come in time. This time i'm prepared, i won't be such an idiot and let obvious signals fly over my head Wish me luck!