I take care of my grandpa, and having big problems with my homeless aunt

[Hate]

Six years ago my grandpa became ill, and could not return back to his own home. A social worker from the hospital became involved, and after visiting my three aunts homes, and learning about them, the social worker would have rather him been placed into a nursing home. I'm close with my grandpa and seen him everyday he was in icu for months. His daughters never came and seen him. I didn't want my grandpa going to a home. Soon we found out my grandpa also has alzheimer's disease. I hired a lawyer and became my grandpa's legal guardian.

 

Anytime I ever needed help with him, none of his daughters would help me. His one daughter who is in her 50's, has never had a job. She was a stay at home mom, her husband was a really bad drunk, and he was mean to her and her children. A few years ago he left her, for good I guess. She has been living with different family members since. They all asked her to move out, they grew tired of her.

 

Her grown children are no help, none of them have steady work, or their own place to live. They all live with other people, and do nothing to help their mom out. Almost a year ago, my grandpa was back in icu, for awhile. I needed someone to come and help me with him. My aunt said she would come, so I went and picked her up. I didn't know she was living from place to place at this time.

 

It's been almost a year and she is still here, and has no place to go. I feel really sorry for her, because that's just terrible. Here is the thing she will not get a job. She has no income, and no way of supporting herself. She will ask me and her dad for money for cigs, she is a smoker, and anything else she might need. I have talked to her about where is she is going to go? My boyfriend is in the military and we know were not staying much longer where we are at. We also have children of our own we need to worry about. If she was supporting herself, none of us would care she is living with us right now.

 

I don't know what to do, and I'm starting to worry that her living and mooching of us, is going to end up ruining my relationship with my boyfriend. I have even tried talking to her sisters, and they all said she can get off her butt and get a job. They will not support her, she has to figure something out for herself.

 

She is down right lazy, won't help me around our house, she won't do anything. Claims she can't work our dishwasher, or sweeper. When my boyfriend has ask her to do something, or told her she was doing something he doesn't like, it's like she could care less. She had the nerve recently to give me an attitude, because she wanted a 2-liter of soda. I didn't have time to go and get it. My boyfriend and I were heading out the door, we had something we had to go do. So she pitched a big fit, and acted like a jerk. Like it's my obligation to make sure she has what she needs.

 

I just don't know what to do, I'm scared this is going to ruin my relationship. I feel bad my boyfriend has to put up with her and her lies. My aunt can't tell the truth about anything. My boyfriend and I and even his family, love my grandpa to death. I feel like when my boyfriends family is over, they are sizing my aunt up and down. I got a feeling they can see whats going on.

 

So what can I do? I really don't have the heart you guys, to just toss her out on the street. I really don't know what to do. We can't support her, our money is tight the way it is, with everything that is going on with grandpa. Any advice would be welcome?

 

I have nobody to blame but myself, I'm the one who ask her here, I just didn't know she wasn't going to leave. I got myself in this mess, any advice on how to get out of it? Without hurting her feelings? Or her having to end up in a homeless shelter?

[UpDownAllAround]

While it is a difficult situation, you can't save her from herself. And it isn't your job to do so. Plus, she's acting like a spoiled child. It's time to put your foot down and say no.

 

Sometimes you just have to learn when to say NO and cut freeloaders loose before they destroy what you have.

[Nikki82]

You said you don't have the heart to kick her out. So I'm afraid you may not change this situation.

 

This woman is taking advantage of you. She gets a free place to stay where she doesn't even have to help around the house. She is a leech. "Kicking" her out is not wrong. She has to contribute. Othewise, you'll continue to be used.

 

And just like you see coming, it'll affect other relationships in your life such as with your boyfriend.

 

Just like with many problems on this forum, you need to grow a backbone. Be strong! Put your foot down! Talk this out with your boyfriend. I'm sure he'd stand behind you on putting an end to this abuse.

 

Your aunt will obviously never change. This been this way all her life.

[Lucky_One]

Well, stop buying her cigarettes, clothes, or anything else she asks for.

 

You are your grandfather's legal guardian, and he has Alzheimer's, so I am assuming that you have control of his money. Don't give him any spending money, don't leave money laying around, don't leave checkbooks or debit cards or credit cards around. Buy a safe, and keep everything locked in that; you can get one at Wal-Mart for less than $100. Keep an eye on anything small and valuable that is pawnable.

 

Stop driving her around. Tell her that gas is expensive, and that you will drive her for job interviews and that is it.

 

Tell her that she must get a job. Must. That you will not always be there to take care of her, and her father is incapable of taking care of her, and she must start to take care of herself.

 

If she balks, then stop doing anything for her. Don't wash her clothes, and if you have to pick up after her, then put the things in her space (don't know if she has a room or not).

 

This is unacceptable. I assume that you would be taking your grandfather with you if you were to move with your BF?

[Lucky_One]

Ps. Tell her to not smoke in the house with the children. If she is exposing them to second hand smoke, she is putting them at a much higher risk of asthma and lung infections. Make her stand outside in the rain and cold.