francisco89 Posted May 19, 2004 Share Posted May 19, 2004 Help, I need to explain my case....My GF is now in her country for vacations she has a friend in there that told her that likes her.. THe guy has a GF too and he knows my girl is in a relationship..Well the guy asked her if it was possible to have a relationship (Dumb ass)..and my Gf told me she said NO, because they are both in relationship( I was expecting her to say "I love you as a friend and thats why I can not"), but oh well...Well not the point is that I found an email from my gf to this guy. She says that she talked to him like that because is her best friend from childhood...but I told her it was not good way to talk to him because everything gets confused..so I got mad and we broke up.... I want you guys to read the letter and make your oppinions about it, may be I am overacting? may be I dont trust her enough? I just want oppinions, for me it sounds like she is jealous about the guys gf..she told me she is not, she is just looking for time to share with his friend and he is not giving her time....So i dont know what to believe..you can help me with this!!!! She even deleted this email from her sent items, because she knew I could read it, but still I found it..she said she deleted it to avoind wrong ideas.....and lately we had some discussions because she was talking about this guy too much...so thats why I was suspecting, help me with this!!! here is the email ------------------------------------------------------------ I hate this.....I really hate whats going on ok! I know I have no right to get mad, because im not your girlfriend, im just a close friend to you. I dont have to get mad or anything, by the way abigail thought that there was something going on between me and you and I told her I just treat you as my best friend, she sent me that message to my cell phone. good luck to you and Des....be happy with her ok.....i think she really loves you and you are gonna be happy with her....you love her don't deny it, because I can feel it..but I dont want to tell you about that.......Im not mad at you, im just upset. I told you i am not asking for your time or attention, but at least give me some of your time...its ok I know that you can not understand, because she is your priority, because she is your GF . Its ok I will be here only for 2 weeks and you even said it "two weeks is nothing" so its ok, the hard part is that I might get used to it...I know your GF needs you more because I have someone that loves me too. i wish and i hope the best for you .................. dont mind me ok ............... i'll be alright...... just stay sweet as you are ..... nothings gonna change......... im still here for you if "ever"you need me am gonna miss you ok ......and i love you ok!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author francisco89 Posted May 19, 2004 Author Share Posted May 19, 2004 What do you think? does it sound like she is flirting to the guy in some way? Link to post Share on other sites
CutiePy Posted May 19, 2004 Share Posted May 19, 2004 It sounds to me like she has feeling beyond friendship for this guy. She doesn't mention loving you you mentions you loving her. Secondly if they were just friends why would she need to keep asking him for his time and attention...dude these are major red flags you are better off without her because she seems to have feelings for the person she wrote the email to. Sounds like he is doing a good thing by making his GF his priorty. Link to post Share on other sites
Author francisco89 Posted May 19, 2004 Author Share Posted May 19, 2004 Exactly thats what I think, but she keeps telling me that thats his friend and that she has not seen him for 3 years and now she wants to share tme with him...I told her there are more friends around, why she goes only to this guy and she said becase he is my best friend...but I can not swalllow the whole thing.....sometimes I was thinking if im over acting this thing or what, thats why I was wondering..she says I dont trust her, but I think the letter looks suspicious to me.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author francisco89 Posted May 19, 2004 Author Share Posted May 19, 2004 and yeah she didnt mention she loves me she mentioned me loving her, like "you dont love me, its ok I have someone who loves me" thats what I understand.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author francisco89 Posted May 19, 2004 Author Share Posted May 19, 2004 Please help!!! Link to post Share on other sites
gymgirl Posted May 19, 2004 Share Posted May 19, 2004 So, were you snooping in her email to find this or did you innocently stumble upon it? Because if you were snooping, your instincts were telling you that something in the relationship was off (unless you are an insecure person by nature). Maybe you should just trust your gut. The email was odd to say the least. She sounds very emotional in that letter, like her feelings are all jumbled up. I'd guess that she does have some feelings for this "friend." Link to post Share on other sites
Author francisco89 Posted May 20, 2004 Author Share Posted May 20, 2004 This is the thing, lately when we chat or talk on the phone this time she is on vacations, she was telling me about this guy that told her that he liked her...I had her email passwords, because she gave them to me, and she had my passwords too for everything..not anymore though....Well thenn I was starting to doubt and thats why I was snooping to her email and see if she was giving signals...She told me that that guy asked to be his GF, but she said NO...the guy sent her a dedication song "Falling" from Nsync...WEll I was starting to doubt more and more... We had discussions with her because of that guy and she told the guy we were having problems because of him so the guy told her to send me the song "Let it burn"..... Ok fine, well she didnt know I had the sent option turned on, that means every message remains saved when is sent in her mailbox...but I think she discovered...because she sent that message and then she deleted from the sent box, I went to her thrash folder and it was there...For me it was suspicious because she was deleting that email..so I read it and I found that... Now she is telling me that that guy is her best friend from a long time and that she was mad because this guy says that doesnt love that girl and he is still going out with her and not putting attention to her..and she wants to see him more often because she miss him...and also because she is leaving in 2 weeks and she is hardly seeing him..... So I dont know what to believe, I think there are some emotions in that letter, its obvious I think, its obvious at the end, it says that she will be allright, she sounds sad....so thats the whole thing...now analyze it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author francisco89 Posted May 20, 2004 Author Share Posted May 20, 2004 I asked the guy too, and he just told me to stop hurting my GF, because now she is hurt for everything I told her over the phone...and that I should get far from her, because im a paranoid guy who is making assumptions about something that is not......He told me "Dont hurt her too much, leave her alone and take other girl....but dont keep doing this to her because she really loves you"..thats all the guy said and at the end he siad "I will take her" Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted May 20, 2004 Share Posted May 20, 2004 So she has a special friend. So they talk a lot. they might even have ore than "friendship" going on! But you cannot controll this. It is strictly between the two of them. I think it was an unnecessary, but beautiful thing - your changing passwords. YOur snooping around is aweful. Sorry to say, but bf came and go, friends stick around! The guy has a girlfriend, Francis, what else do you want? She understands that she is in a relationship. She said it! Oh, shedidn't say she loved you! How were your conversations before that? Not really sweet and mellow, I s'ppose! Learn to respect and trust your gf. I would have dumped your sorry a** the moment I suspected your checking up! Don't get me wrong, it's very normal to ask and talk about your insecurities. But you found an email by dispitefull means and made something out of it! It's called pure speculation! LEt this be a lesson to you! Again she was soooo sweet on you!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author francisco89 Posted May 20, 2004 Author Share Posted May 20, 2004 I was snoopign around because I was doubting, tahts the only reason,...before that I never went to check her email..I never cared about reading anything..Sometimes she event told me check it for me when she was not in the mood to check it... I started doubting because she was showing too m uch interest in this guy...and once reading this email I was even more mad.. and I was starting to feel her more simple in the last 2 weeks...She hardly was saying " I love you " I was always sending her messages telling her how much I missed her and loved her....and she was kinda acting strange... Then I discovered this letter and it showed a lot of feelings I got mad..because lately she has not been like that to me....and also because I never made any mistake to her or gave her any reasons to leave me..swear to God...even her mom told her that she made this mistake by sending this letter...She is accepting it too..she says that yea it was her mistake, but that she doesnt feel anything for that guy.... Link to post Share on other sites
Dulce_Angel_Whispers Posted May 20, 2004 Share Posted May 20, 2004 I think it sounds like there is much more going on than she is saying. She gave you her password so obviously she didn't care if you looked at her emails. But since you found this email which clearly shows she has more feelings for this guy than she is telling you, you have a right to be worried. No you can't control her and it is between the two of them but if you two are trying to continue to date then she needs to be honest. It sounds like from the email that she is trying to get with this guy even though she knows he has a girlfriend. She isn't a very nice girl for two reasons....the first one I just mentioned...trying to get with a guy when she knows he is with someone else and two she is seeing you and telling you they are just friends but writing him emails clearly hurt because he isn't "spending time" with her. She doesn't sound like a very honest person. Maybe you should just leave her alone and find someone who will love and respect you and know how to be honest instead of telling you one thing and then telling the other guy something else. Link to post Share on other sites
Dulce_Angel_Whispers Posted May 20, 2004 Share Posted May 20, 2004 Oh yeah....even if her Mom says she doesn't have feelings for this guy...how does her Mom know? I doubt your GF told her Mom that she wants to be with a guy who already has a GF. I think it's harsh to say you got what you deserved....no one deserved to be lied to and played. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted May 20, 2004 Share Posted May 20, 2004 Worst case scenario: she has this thing for the guy. Does she go for him? Does she seduce him? NO. Yes, she is attracted to him. But I doubt she can controll who she's attracted to or not. The point is, giving the circumstances - her being in a relationship, her admitting she has a loving boyfriend - she didn't do anything. The mail was not a "come on" mail. In a relationship people get distracted. Especially if they change the environment and by people they had spent time with. It could have happened to you. The mail was definetely a sign of weakness and of disrespect from her. But ... why chase wild horses? One cannot completely posses another human being. Every though, every desire... See what's going on when she comes back. The most important thingis that she didn't act upon her weakness. I believe she didn't. She was tempted, I give you that. The rest depends on your relationship, on you. On if you are capable of pasing by her drifting away. 'cause that's all she did. Drift away. You didn't say anything about your age or about how long you have been together. Oh... you might not want to have parents involved. Always a very good idea! Link to post Share on other sites
Author francisco89 Posted May 20, 2004 Author Share Posted May 20, 2004 Yes Dulce_Angel, you are right, thats what I feel..she wants more time from this guy..she just tells me she really miss spending time to him because its a chilhood friend..but she seems more worried than she says..second..she deleted the email..why she is deleting it? nothing to be afraid, nothing to delete...she never deletes anything.... So now she was trying to explain to me everything, saying sorry saying that she would never do that to me and that even the guy knows that she loves me a lot..I said YEA RIGHT....For what I see the guy has not guiltiness at all, it seems like she is the one who is not respecting... WEll curly hair...yes you are right I can not control her feelings, but...we have been happily together for almost 6 months now..we had some discussions before but not like this one..First days that she stayed in her country she even called me once and other time, but suddenly she just stopped and thats a no no... Second thing, you are right probably she has nothing with that guy, but she is showing weakness in her feelings, meaning that she is not being honest to me as Dulce_angel said.. She said I hurt her for all the things I said to her..but I think I was in my right to do it. So now I will wait for her to come and talk about this stufff....Because I can not have trust in someone who goes vacation for a month and start flirting with a guy....I told her to show to me how much she loves me and try to convince me in some way so she can have me back, but she said she is not going to beg me..because I even told her I could give u second chance if you show me how much you care and love me...(I know im a fool for doing that)...so she said she doesnt deserve second chance and she is not going to beg me...so I said FINE... Sorry if im making my messages too long, but I need to explain every point... By the way I am 23 and she is 21....Mature enough to handle a relationship I think. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted May 20, 2004 Share Posted May 20, 2004 What if she deleted the mail 'cause it meant nothing to her? Should she have suspected anything she could have: A.changed the pasword B.create another email address. Francis, it is sooo easy to become paranoid and think of the worst. If this is too much for you,you are doing a wise thing by leaving. Just be sure you're not doing it in the heat of the moment ! Second: I leave in France for more then half an year now. You cannot comprehend what this represents to me. The change. Everything, everything is different here. At least in Europe, that's true. But even in the US...leaving your family, all your friends, every little thing you know... believe me, this is difficult. Coming back to it can familiar things...wow! So let's talk about her friend there: she comes home, she's all emotional, and all of the sudden he represents the familiar things she loved and knew! It's so very easy to get confused! If he is her best friend, it makes it even more difficult. You do not understand wanting to cherish and to praise every little second you've got with those you love, because who knows when you'll see them again. You tend to exagerate and say things like "I love you!" to your friend. But not as in gf-bf way. It's about another way of thinking, him finishing off your phrases for you... don't take this lightly! this is deep,Francis. Her friend cares for her,that's whe he told you to leave her alone. She is a bit torn. Two worlds. You are very demanding, I wonder if you know what you are asking her... I shall repeat this: their relationship is not a man-woman relationship. Could it be one? Well, that's her choice. she made it. She isn't even near you, you didn't even talk to her, what kind of relationship do you have to give up so easily after 6 months? She is confused, but I am sure she's also a bit upset with you running off like this. I just can't picture a good relationship ending so easily after 6 months because of this.... Link to post Share on other sites
friendforyou Posted May 20, 2004 Share Posted May 20, 2004 How is your relationship with your girlfriend? Is it like a best friend type of thing; where you share the same things in common, laugh and joke together all the time, have tons of inside jokes, and really really get each other? Cause thats what best friends do. And best friends people think, can make j great relationships ( husbands, boyfriends etc) ( however not always great lovers ). But anyways, sounds like this guy didn't want to dump his own girlfriend for the mere reason that your gf was only staying for 2 weeks. But if she was staying longer....? well I think he would , as he said "take her". I do not think she cheated per say, but I think that was a desire there to cheat; but your gf , from the sound of the letter, seems like someone who wants both an emotional and physical connect/ relationship; or nothing at all from this person. So since , that can not be, it did not happen. Thats my take on it anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted May 20, 2004 Share Posted May 20, 2004 I loved "Men in tights". Who cares that she wanted to but he didn't or she might have liked to try it but...? Remember the ending of the movie? "Will you sleep with me for breakfast, for lunch and for supper, and, sometimes if I feel like, in the afternoon?" asks the villain "Yes, but you'll never have my heart!" answer the lady. Who cares ?!? She didn't do it! If a woman wants to have an affair she does. She looks around, prepares her way out and then goes right ahead! You want to consider this emotional cheating, it's your right! Do you trust her? Do you want her? Do you want to be with her? If not or indoubt, then leave! But think of it calmly, judge it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author francisco89 Posted May 20, 2004 Author Share Posted May 20, 2004 Yes I know that curly, I thought about that before...she had option to create another account for that, or anything like that, but she didnt do it..so thats a good signal...But stil she deleted from her sent things, which she never do that... Well another thing is that when I called her to break up and I told her my reasons she didnt say anything like "what did I do?, the letter had nothing wrong" nothing like that..She just said OK..... And yeah frien4U...for me it seemed like she was asking for time for something else and the guy said NO, its only 2 weeks and we can not have somehting else...because at the end it says " and I might get used to it" I can not clearly understand that part, but it seems like that... SOmetimes I think probably im overacting as curly said, but sometiems I go back to the email and make the assumptions again....Anything could be possible...one thing could be its her friend and she miss him because she has not seen him for 3 years and other one could be she likes him....I think those things are combined..because she was kinda happy when she discovered that guy told her that he always liked her..and I even told her to stop talking about that stuff... So lets see I have to talk to her once she comes back...I think I would give her second chance, but still she has to build my trust again, almost from 0%...would be hard..and thatsa what she ttold me she is not willing to build my trust again..so its up to her.. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted May 20, 2004 Share Posted May 20, 2004 Yeah, Francis, really sensitive here!!! She'll leave, she'll never came back to you! Wanna know why? You didn't fight for her. So this guy - who knows her for 3 years and happens to be her best friend shows up. He has the ability to make her wonder. Most importantly, she admitted to the have been emotionally involved. She's the one in doubt, quite in tittle to, and not really chosing to... what did you do to help her not wonder? You left. I agree to being 2 in a relationship, but at times, one has to be tougher for the relationship to survive. So leave, as you don't really want her or a relationship with her. That's what's all really about. As I said before, what happened happened! How do you deal with it? I remind you that "I don't know" or "I'm not sure" = NO. Action is required. Link to post Share on other sites
friendforyou Posted May 20, 2004 Share Posted May 20, 2004 francisco89 it is clear you love her. I wish you nothing but the best. And let her know that if she wants to be with him, you would want to her happy ( I know that is not really how you feel completely...but say it) . It unforuntley is true that woman tend to always wonder and daydream about the "one who got away". He might be the one she calls when you too fight etc etc. I would out your foot down firm with her, lay your heart out there and let her know she belongs with you. After that the decision is hers. And I would bring up the thing of looking back , and having a fairy tale about it...let her know you are a realist and you want her to be also. Your love is here , and now; not a maybe , someday. GOD bless, and keep me posted after the talk Link to post Share on other sites
Author francisco89 Posted May 20, 2004 Author Share Posted May 20, 2004 Thank you for your help..I will talk to her today and make everything clear...I still love her and thats the important thing..After reading your oppinions I think she deserves second opportunity and probably she messed up something but not completely as Curly said....If she is willing to explain everything that means she still cares for me...and she did explained everything...will be hard to get full trust again, but I will give a try....... So I will talk to her today and I will keep you posted about her reaction and answer..... Thank you for your help, you are really great!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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