My Story of a strong relationship and a bad break up and an unknown future

[Georgeoh]

I have been on these forums for 4 months now and I am ready to tell my story.

 

Broke up after 5 years and 7 months, was my first love got with her when I was 19 and she was 20. The relationship was very intense, physically, we were both at our prime, like rabbits. She was damaged; molestation, depression, stress, bulemic and drug issues. But when she was with me only the stress remained. From the beginning I was fun loving but at the end I was too comfortable, she saw that but she didn't say anything she would just bottle up. Anyways she broke up with because of inter-faith issues of what the children will be, she knew my weakness and exploited it. I helped this gal a lot, by making her career focused and to become a some1, she had no friends they all bailed on her and she blamed me.

 

Anyways a lot of red flags in the relationship, and I ignored them because I was in love or lust. Anyways the break up was brutal she came over and told me about the inter-faith isses but then retracted it later that night, but 2 days later she said it was over via text, i tried calling her and her mother would take over (very protective family). I begged and decided fine let her win let the kids be what they want, she rejected it saying too late. I would msg her and she wouldn't answer, I wrote her 1 letter and she would ignore it and then that was it...over! I went No-Contact because she blocked me from facebook and changed her number, I didn't go to her house I didn't chase her, I went No-Contact and focused on myself, I would think of her everyday (still do for some unknown reason).

 

1 month went by i see her she unblocked me from facebook, wrote a message saying that the relationship was all lust and never about love and blocked her, I did this out of hate I never meant it, I did this to protect myself.

 

Another 2 months went by and unblocked her, still missed her so blocked her again. 1 week went by and unblocked her, found out she hooked up with a random guy and the hatred became me. I didn't care about her, I was about to try to win her back but I told myself I didn't want her.

 

A month went by and i saw a facebook post on a mutuals friend, saying she was stressed about her exams, i messaged her saying she will be fine, she messaged saying sorry for the break up. We talked and met the next day, she could tell I looked more happier because I have been hitting the gym hard since the break up, but when I saw her I wanted her, i indicated a clean slate start from the beginning she rejected the idea but I wasn't hurt or angry. We spent 9 hours that day, hugging talking about the break up how it helped me to become a better person which was true, i quit my gaming addiciton, quit television, focused more social and gym and career. But for some reason I was still in love 4 months went by and I was still in love I had no idea why, we decided we should be friends which lasted one week because i messaged her we can't.

 

Brings me to last Wednesday, i got the cold and had to study for an exam, I called her to see how she was doing with it, we had a talk, then I met her after my exam, and again i tell her i am still in love with her, she was confused and shocked, she tells me she isnt in love with anymore and that she has found some1 new, who is in love with her but she aint in love with him, i told her i wanted a second chance and she said she can't because it would revert to old ways, she is scared that i will become to comfortable, i told her i went to hell and back and that old person is dead. anyways it was a no, but i wasn't heartbroken for some unknown reason. Anyways i start foddling her, licking her neck, kissing her face and rubbing her, but not the private parts, just the hips and her stomach and for some reason she wouldn't run away, she will stay there, i was confused, so i kept doing it for 3 hrs. She goes she has never seen me like this before, i didn't pursue anything but i could tell she was turned on because i can see it and she told me, i guess she didn't want to kiss because this potential boyfriend.

 

Spoke her a couple times after, i go to her is she afraid of me, she goes yeah because she isn't in love with me, and i go did u have fun that night and she goes yeah. Well she is gonna be with the new guy this weekend good luck to him, he broke up with his gf because she cheated on him after 5 years, and me i have no idea, i don't know i miss her or the relationship, they ain't official but he has profess his love to her after 2 weeks, so bad luck to the guy she can keep it a secret or tell him. For me i am going back to no-contact i can't explain why i did what i did but there is too much attraction there.

 

So after 4 months broken up i have become a new guy, some1 who loves themself, hits the gym 4-5 days a week, more social, and happier, time does heal, i went to hell and came out with a new look in life, me and the ex i have no idea, i dont feel bad that i might have stuffed her new relationship, i still love her i guess, still confused, i just don't know. Do I want her back? i guess so, am I going to hell - already been

[wilsonx]

There is something key that she said that I want you to understand.

 

She said "she can't because you will become too comfortable"

 

For someone like you and me, this makes absolutely no sense. None zero zilch. When you are in a long term relationship, you are suppose to get to a point where you are "comfortable" People that have gone through what she went through as a child are not use to "Safe" and "Comfortable" so it makes no sense

 

I have a term that I use without reservation because I was dealing with the same type of person. You can't be captain fix a hoe. All those problems that she dealt with in her life. She needs to deal with those on her own.

 

You have a lot of emotional growing to do as well. You are what I like to call the caretaker. You did all these things to help her and pull her out of a bad environment. Thats not your job. Thats her job. One of the things caretakers dont realize they do is they manipulate just as bad as people from broken backgrounds. You told her you really did not love her so that you could get her back. Thats manipulation and thats bad. If you truly love someone, you need to learn to let them go. This is your chance right now, you need to let her go, start NC and really improve yourself and grow for YOU not her.

Edited October 28, 2011 by wilsonx

[Georgeoh]

Cheers Wilsonx,

 

I agree I was the RSPCA with her, with the lust letter eventually i told her i was lying never meant it, i know NC is the only way and I am going it to do it for myself.