Wife says she can't "force" herself to have sex

[denise_xo]

a "pampered stay at home parent":lmao:....

 

That was my reaction, too. I work a minimum of twelve hours a day six days a week with high intensity and demanding work. There is NO WAY IN HELL I'd ever switch that with being a SAHM with three children, because I'd find that MUCH more demanding than what I do now. FS, I really admire you for what you do.

[frozensprouts]

That was my reaction, too. I work a minimum of twelve hours a day six days a week with high intensity and demanding work. There is NO WAY IN HELL I'd ever switch that with being a SAHM with three children, because I'd find that MUCH more demanding than what I do now. FS, I really admire you for what you do.

 

 

thanks...

 

it's not that being a stay at home parent is harder or easier that being a working mom or dad, it's just different.

 

i honestly don't know if i'll ever go back to work, as our son may never be able to live on his own ( middle kid, yes, oldest, we hope)

 

enough of the thread jack...sorry:)

[findingnemo]

Why is she on ADs? Post-partum depression?

 

If the Meds are killing her sex drive, she must talk to her doctor. If not, perhaps she's still depressed (again try a different med).

 

Something happens to women when they have babies. IME, it is very hard to admit to oneself and others how hard one finds baby care. We love our babies but it can get really boring and mundane. As the kids grow older and learn to speak rather than scream, it gets more interesting. With our first babies, we realize that no one told us how hard this would be. But we are afraid to disappoint our Hs, parents, siblings, by saying anything. I don't know if this is post-partum depression too but it can be very depressing for Stay at Home mums. It is easier with subsequent children because we know what to expect.

 

If she's stressed and unhappy, the first thing to go is sex. This is a result of A) She's spending the entire day hoping it will end and the baby will go to sleep. She craves "me time" in which she gets lost in another world. B) She gets more and more resentful of you because you have a "life" and seem to be clueless about what she's going through.

 

Point B may explain why she responded the way she did. She's irritated, resentful, bored to tears, unhappy but also to guilt ridden to tell you about it.

 

Suggestions: Get a babysitter and take her out more often; she should join a gym and take the toddler to her mum or the sitter for a couple of hours, encourage her to reconnect with her old friends, find her a new mom's support group where she can go with the baby and hang out with happy stay at home mom's.

Edited October 29, 2011 by findingnemo

[giotto]

I have been at home looking after a toddler and trying to do some work (of the paid nature) at the same time... cleaning the house and cooking in the evening when my wife got back from work. She just wanted to be left alone for a while. Result: well, still no sex...

[soserious1]

a "pampered stay at home parent":lmao:....

 

have you ever been one?

 

I am...we got three kids.

 

Here's what my husband does...

 

(a) goes to work for 7 hrs a day. ( his job is physically demanding, and he's tired when he gets home. there are also times when he's away for weeks or months doing really hard work and he always comes home exhausted- this is why I don't ask much of him unless it's something he can't do himself)

 

what i do...

 

all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, child care, handle the finances, do all the yard work, make sure the kids get to their medial appointments, etc. , walk them to and from school every day, do all the shopping, do all the house maintenance, help our kids with their school work, do speech, physical and occupational therapy with our kids, try and keep myself looking decent, try to have some time each day "alone" with my husband, etc., etc., etc.

 

it's not all " sitting on your butt eating bon bons" for a stay at home parent... i work every bit as hard as my husband, but i don't get paid and most put little value on what i do

 

 

 

anyway...rant over:D

 

 

Wait? your husband FORCED you at gunpoint to have 3 children ? He chained you to a wall, threw out your birth control pills and raped you ? He keeps you at home now, forbidding you to get a job outside the home, he put bars on the windows & shackles you to a radiator to keep you from working ?

 

you are at home because you want to be there, you have 3 kids because our laws say you get total choice over your reproductive decisions, had you not wanted those kids & sought an abortion you husband would have had zero say in the matter.

 

As far as "not getting paid" goes what do you call the roof over your head? the clothing on your back? every forkful of food you put into your mouth? every time you get medical care or visit a dentist, those things aren't free, they are "payments" to you from your husband. Do you have a car? do you ever get to go on vacation?.. those things are also "payments"

 

Oh and let's not forget the fiscal needs of the children, most modern couples (and divorce court judges) consider each spouse to be 50% responsible for the kid's fiscal needs, you contribute 0 dollars, your husband foots the entire bill for their food,clothing, medical care etc... that also counts as your "payment"

 

And yes I reared 3 children while working full time, I didn't sit at home with my hand held outstretched to collect some man's paycheck while sitting on the internet complaining about him.

Edited October 30, 2011 by soserious1

[soserious1]

frozensprouts,

 

Just wanted to say that I didn't mean for my last post to sound quite as abrasive towards you personally as it did. The line " I don't get paid" is uttered by a lot of stay at home spouses, including my own ex & saying that line in front of me is like waving a red cape in front of a bull.

 

LOL, my ex would say that & I would just stand there flabbergasted at the total lack of logical thinking going on. Where exactly did he think his housing,food,clothing etc were coming from, the money fairy?

 

At any rate, just wanted to let you know I intended my remarks to be a bit more generic than they came across, I know you've gone through a lot with your husband & his infidelity.

[frozensprouts]

frozensprouts,

 

Just wanted to say that I didn't mean for my last post to sound quite as abrasive towards you personally as it did. The line " I don't get paid" is uttered by a lot of stay at home spouses, including my own ex & saying that line in front of me is like waving a red cape in front of a bull.

 

LOL, my ex would say that & I would just stand there flabbergasted at the total lack of logical thinking going on. Where exactly did he think his housing,food,clothing etc were coming from, the money fairy?

 

At any rate, just wanted to let you know I intended my remarks to be a bit more generic than they came across, I know you've gone through a lot with your husband & his infidelity.

 

no offense taken:)

 

i didn't intend to stay home with my kids. the plan was that i'd go back to work, but when my youngest was 4, we fond out he had autism and would need intensive speech, occupational and physical therapy. he same goes for our oldest. I found out how to do those things for them, as even with insurance, there's no way we can afford to pay some one to do those things ( never mind the child psychologist bills, etc.). Our oldest also had an issue where there were days she couldn't walk, and I'd have to help her get out of bed, to the bathroom, etc.

 

We don't have two cars ( I don't drive anyway due to poor vision and hearing) so if I need to get somewhere, I walk or get a cab. Our vacations are camping ( which we all like and it's pretty inexpensive).

 

I'm not complaining, I'm just saying that is the way things are. We didn't expect two our kids to have issues, but that's what happened, I guess there are no guarantees when you choose to have kids... you kind of "roll the dice" and hope for the best.

 

I can see your side of it too, and if your husband expects you to work all day and then come home and work at the house too while he's not done much during the day, I can see how you could be really ticked. I don't understand that at all. If you're out working, isn't it only fair that he do his share at home and try to give you some tme to relax at the end of your day?

[denise_xo]

Wait? your husband FORCED you at gunpoint to have 3 children ? He chained you to a wall, threw out your birth control pills and raped you ? He keeps you at home now, forbidding you to get a job outside the home, he put bars on the windows & shackles you to a radiator to keep you from working ?

 

Wow, way to take something out of context.

[soserious1]

no offense taken:)

 

i didn't intend to stay home with my kids. the plan was that i'd go back to work, but when my youngest was 4, we fond out he had autism and would need intensive speech, occupational and physical therapy. he same goes for our oldest. I found out how to do those things for them, as even with insurance, there's no way we can afford to pay some one to do those things ( never mind the child psychologist bills, etc.). Our oldest also had an issue where there were days she couldn't walk, and I'd have to help her get out of bed, to the bathroom, etc.

 

We don't have two cars ( I don't drive anyway due to poor vision and hearing) so if I need to get somewhere, I walk or get a cab. Our vacations are camping ( which we all like and it's pretty inexpensive).

 

I'm not complaining, I'm just saying that is the way things are. We didn't expect two our kids to have issues, but that's what happened, I guess there are no guarantees when you choose to have kids... you kind of "roll the dice" and hope for the best.

 

I can see your side of it too, and if your husband expects you to work all day and then come home and work at the house too while he's not done much during the day, I can see how you could be really ticked. I don't understand that at all. If you're out working, isn't it only fair that he do his share at home and try to give you some tme to relax at the end of your day?

 

My issue is not with what my ex did or did not do around the house, bur rather the more generic statement most often uttered by stay at home spouses lamenting about how they "don't get paid"

 

Anytime I would voice a concern about my job to my husband the response was always a darkly muttered "at least you get paid, I don't" I used to stand there, my mouth agape every time he said it, my paychecks were handed to him monthly, in full, he had total control of our cash flow, he had his own bank account and credit cards, I didn't sit there and micro manage his spending.

 

Where did he think the monies needed to support him came from? And if living in a nice house, having food,clothing, entertainment & transportation that you've chosen isn't "payment" for services rendered then what the hell is?

[soserious1]

Wow, way to take something out of context.

 

No, merely a point exaggerated to lay to rest the notion that stay at home parents are being oppressed, put upon & making some sort of horrific personal sacrifice to benefit their selfish bread winning partners.

 

Not for anything here but women do retain TOTAL legal control over deciding if a pregnancy comes to term or not. If a woman doesn't want kids or doesn't want to do the stay at home parenting gig, there's nobody forcing her to do so.

[Els]

No, merely a point exaggerated to lay to rest the notion that stay at home parents are being oppressed, put upon & making some sort of horrific personal sacrifice to benefit their selfish bread winning partners.

 

 

...Yeah, which is why you went bananas on a person who very rationally said that her experience being an SAHM of 3 kids was no walk in the park, right? I'm sorry, but 'didn't YOU choose to have the 3 kids? Well suck it up!!' is not a valid argument in any case - and I'm even being nice and omitting the incendiary rape analogy here. In most healthy Rs, even though the woman is legally entitled to make the decision with regards to children, children are begotten by the decision of BOTH parties.

 

AFAIK the poster you quoted has never claimed that she is being oppressed and put upon and making a 'horrific' personal sacrifice. She merely said that she is not paid, which is true, she does not technically receive pay for her work, and that many people do not appreciate it, which is true, judging from your words to her.

 

Point blank, I don't believe that a working spouse should have to come back and 'pamper' the SAHP, but your accusation of her was completely baseless. Saying, "What? Your husband raped you? Who forced you to have your kids?? It was YOUR decision to stay at home" to a SAHP is pretty much the same thing as me saying, "What? Your spouse threatened to kill you if you don't support them? It was YOUR decision to work and support your spouse" to you. I mean, if you didn't WANT to support your ex-H, nobody was going to stick a gun at your head and force you, right, so why are you complaining about it?

Edited October 30, 2011 by Elswyth

[soserious1]

...Yeah, which is why you went bananas on a person who very rationally said that her experience being an SAHM of 3 kids was no walk in the park, right? I'm sorry, but 'didn't YOU choose to have the 3 kids? Well suck it up!!' is not a valid argument in any case - and I'm even being nice and omitting the incendiary rape analogy here. In most healthy Rs, even though the woman is legally entitled to make the decision with regards to children, children are begotten by the decision of BOTH parties.

 

AFAIK the poster you quoted has never claimed that she is being oppressed and put upon and making a 'horrific' personal sacrifice. She merely said that she is not paid, which is true, she does not technically receive pay for her work, and that many people do not appreciate it, which is true, judging from your words to her.

 

Point blank, I don't believe that a working spouse should have to come back and 'pamper' the SAHP, but your accusation of her was completely baseless. Saying, "What? Your husband raped you? Who forced you to have your kids?? It was YOUR decision to stay at home" to a SAHP is pretty much the same thing as me saying, "What? Your spouse threatened to kill you if you don't support them? It was YOUR decision to work and support your spouse" to you. I mean, if you didn't WANT to support your ex-H, nobody was going to stick a gun at your head and force you, right, so why are you complaining about it?

 

 

 

Listening to many stay at home spouses complain endlessly one would think that they had nothing to do with the creation of the children that they are caring for when in fact they have everything to do with the choice.

 

And you are correct, nobody forced me to support my stay at home spouse & when I got sick of doing so I divorced him, now a judge forces me to continue supporting him or I go to jail, nobody's been ordered to clean my house,cook my meals

or do my laundry though, funny how that works.

 

I guess I'll just have to content myself now with using men for what hang's between their legs, laughing and closing the door in their faces when they suggest I might want to have any sort of deeper involvement in their lives. It's a LOT more fun than being an insipid faithful lil'wifey ever was

[Els]

The poster you quoted has children with disabilities, who NEED to be taken care of. If you notice correctly, she was not complaining so much as telling YOU that it was not the walk in the park you insinuated it to be. There is a huge difference between the two, and your targeting your ire against her does your stand no favours.

[soserious1]

The poster you quoted has children with disabilities, who NEED to be taken care of. If you notice correctly, she was not complaining so much as telling YOU that it was not the walk in the park you insinuated it to be. There is a huge difference between the two, and your targeting your ire against her does your stand no favours.

 

Objection noted & something I apologized to the OP publicly for long before you started ranting at me

[findingnemo]

Listening to many stay at home spouses complain endlessly one would think that they had nothing to do with the creation of the children that they are caring for when in fact they have everything to do with the choice.

 

And you are correct, nobody forced me to support my stay at home spouse & when I got sick of doing so I divorced him, now a judge forces me to continue supporting him or I go to jail, nobody's been ordered to clean my house,cook my meals

or do my laundry though, funny how that works.

 

I guess I'll just have to content myself now with using men for what hang's between their legs, laughing and closing the door in their faces when they suggest I might want to have any sort of deeper involvement in their lives. It's a LOT more fun than being an insipid faithful lil'wifey ever was

 

You know your take on this issue is unique. Rarely do you hear the argument that a stay at home parent gets paid by virtue of living in a home rent free, eating, buying whatever they need, etc. If a man said something like that, it would sound really bad!! But I can see what you mean.

 

Your xH and any SAHP who does only some of the work and expects the working partner to come home and do the rest, is selfish. I think that's clear. But for the majority who do everything LITERALLY, they are taken for granted and their contribution to family income (the ability for their spouse to work unhindered) is largely ignored. It's a struggle seen in Ds for the SAHP to quantify their work in a manner agreeable to the income earner.

 

Back to the OP...yes, the one whose wife won't give him some. I don't believe that having one baby ( as opposed to twins, triplets or quadruplets) would exhaust someone to the point of losing their sex drive. There has to be another problem. ADs have that effect depending on what you're taking, I hear. I just read today that post-partum depression can last a very long time. Sometimes the Meds stop working and the depression resumes.

 

The OP should just take her back to the doctor to help determine if it's a medical problem. As a woman I'll tell you, there's nothing more irritating than not feeling like having sex and being made to feel that I must in some way fulfill an obligation regardless of my feelings. But this situation shouldn't last any longer without serious intervention. If, and only if, a medical cause has been ruled out, you'll have to take more drastic measures.

[soserious1]

FindingNemo,

 

I am not saying that a stay at home spouse should grovel before a working spouse at all! What I am challenging is the notion that stay at home spouses don't get paid.

 

Let me qualify this by saying that a bread winning spouse who attempts to control a stay at home spouse by limiting their access to money is committing abuse IMHO.

 

Assuming a healthy marriage, one in which the working spouse brings home & turns over the ENTIRE paycheck & that both spouses have equal voice in fiscal decisions. How can a stay at home spouse say that they aren't being paid or that nobody values what they do?

 

Having a place to live costs money, having food,clothing, medical care costs money etc, the stay at home spouse's need for those things is being met & in a healthy relationship the stay at home has had equal say as to the type & quality of each of those things. Add in the fact that a stay at home spouse is legally entitled to 1/2 of the working spouse's pension or retirement as well as 50% of everything the couple acquires during the marriage. I'd say there's plenty of payment & legal recognition of the value of the stay at home spouse's contribution.

 

As to who does what, I've always been of the belief that no matter how much money I earn there are some things that no person should force another to do for them if they are able bodied. I live in a house then I have some responsibility to help manage it, there are some tasks that are so time consuming that it would be foolish for either the stay at home or myself to do & it was my responsibility to see to it that enough monies were earned to hire these tasks out.I also have the obligation to handle many aspects of my personal needs on my own time & not burden my partner with them.

 

In short, I was not ever the traditional bread winning elitist arse, sitting there in my recliner expecting to be waited upon while my poor stay at home spouse cooked and cleaned till midnight.

 

In sitting here post divorce as I pay alimony it seems to me that in fact, my former stay at home spouse's contributions to our marriage are legally valued at a much higher rate than my contributions . After all is said & done, I'm court ordered to continue providing him with money & he's not obligated to continue any sort of cooking,cleaning or service that would benefit me in the slightest. From here it looks like the services of a stay at home spouse are highly valued indeed.

Edited October 30, 2011 by soserious1

[Els]

Objection noted & something I apologized to the OP publicly for long before you started ranting at me

 

If you are genuinely sorry for something you said, you don't up and defend your words when other posters (myself and denise) call you on it. You admit that you were wrong instead.

[Afishwithabike]

Wait? your husband FORCED you at gunpoint to have 3 children ? He chained you to a wall, threw out your birth control pills and raped you ? He keeps you at home now, forbidding you to get a job outside the home, he put bars on the windows & shackles you to a radiator to keep you from working ?

 

you are at home because you want to be there, you have 3 kids because our laws say you get total choice over your reproductive decisions, had you not wanted those kids & sought an abortion you husband would have had zero say in the matter.

 

As far as "not getting paid" goes what do you call the roof over your head? the clothing on your back? every forkful of food you put into your mouth? every time you get medical care or visit a dentist, those things aren't free, they are "payments" to you from your husband. Do you have a car? do you ever get to go on vacation?.. those things are also "payments"

 

Oh and let's not forget the fiscal needs of the children, most modern couples (and divorce court judges) consider each spouse to be 50% responsible for the kid's fiscal needs, you contribute 0 dollars, your husband foots the entire bill for their food,clothing, medical care etc... that also counts as your "payment"

 

And yes I reared 3 children while working full time, I didn't sit at home with my hand held outstretched to collect some man's paycheck while sitting on the internet complaining about him.

 

You have a way with words.

 

As a working mom, I get the point you're trying to make. While your language is colorful, I don't disagree with your point. Even when mothers work outside the home, we still have to do the things a SAHM does -the laundry, the errands, the cooking, the household maintenance, the bills and parenting. It's double duty in a way because you have to do all those things plus worry about keeping a job in this economy.

[The Blue Knight]

I feel like we are drifting and that all of her time is spent with our child. When the child goes to bed at night she has told me on numerous occasions that she just wants time to herself. Translation - she gets on the computer, watches tv, reads or anything else that qualifies as "alone time" for 2 to 3 hours each night. When our child takes a nap during the day she takes a nap as well. This is consistently almost without fail. If she doesn't take a nap then she goes out to a store and leaves me at home with the kid.

 

Now I don't begrudge her for wanting to be a good mother and I know that raising a child is exhausting and takes up a lot of time (she is a stay at home) but the effort to work on the marriage is lacking and I don't feel as though she is intersted in doing what needs to be done to improve the situation.

 

JD08, my sister did this to her husband after their first child. No sex, no affection. No nothing. He was her whole life prior to the birth of their daughter. They were inseparable. But after their daughter came along he was just someone who brought home a paycheck and happened to exist in the same household.

 

The daughter became absolutely everything to my sister and she had no time or desire for him after that point. He was like a bull put out to pasture until she wanted her second child about four years later. Then he got plenty of action until she was pregnant. Then, he was retired to the bull pen again.

 

He finally met a woman, had an affair and left my sister. She was absolutely so sure of herself that even when family members voiced to her that she needed to treat him better, her reply was, "he'd never divorce me." Lack of hubris? Yep.

 

It sounds like a very similar situation to your own. She's either moved past you emotionally and is in the relationship for your child at this point, or there's someone else. I don't know obviously because I don't know enough about your situation.

[Els]

You have a way with words.

 

As a working mom, I get the point you're trying to make. While your language is colorful, I don't disagree with your point. Even when mothers work outside the home, we still have to do the things a SAHM does -the laundry, the errands, the cooking, the household maintenance, the bills and parenting. It's double duty in a way because you have to do all those things plus worry about keeping a job in this economy.

 

Errr, no. Unless you have a spouse who stays at home, you send them to a nanny or a daycare centre, and take them back when you get home. You don't take care of them all day. I don't see how you equate that to double duty.

 

Most reasonable people don't believe that the working spouse should come home and pamper the SAHP every day, I would think, but neither do most reasonable people believe that, quote the poster you are quoting, 'SAHPs sit at home with their hand held outstretched to collect some man's paycheck while sitting on the internet complaining about him.' And THAT is what some of us take issue with. Neither job is inferior or easier, it is just GIGS to believe that the job one is NOT doing is.

[The Blue Knight]

It's not so that AD's "kill the libido" except in rare cases. Anti-psychotics do that. Anti-depressants should not get white-washed with the same brush. SSRI anti-depressants have a "sexual side effect" called "anorgasmia" in which a person finds it difficult or impossible to orgasm. That does not mean there is a loss of sexual appetite in any other way nor does it imply the inability to sustain an erection in men. Anti-psychotics given for other mental illnesses, like Thorazine and stelazine cause lethargy in which sex becomes far from the mind and difficult for the body. Just passing along information because it's potentially dangerous to tell people they'll lose their libido from ADs. People who suffer from "anorgasmia" may find sex frustrating and avoid it for that reason but we should not think that they have no basic wish or hope for sexual fulfillment.

 

We're a grossly over-medicated whiny society and I really get sick and tired of reading about it everywhere. Those living westernized lifestyles have little to be depressed about comparatively. I just wish we could ship these people off to experience a few months in third world countries where you have to walk a mile to draw water each day, hoping that it's clean and sanitary enough to drink . . . or wonder where your next meal is going to come from. Or to live under a totalitarian regime where your freedoms and liberties are always threatened and your choices are made by the state. The problem is, we have it pretty good and too many people are still bitching despite being better off than a large percentage of the global population. I know this posting is lacking political correctness. Sorry. Gotta call it like I see it.

[The Blue Knight]

SoSerious is right.

 

I stayed home for the first 3 years of my son's life. Because I wasn't working, I also took it upon myself to do all the yardwork as well as all the housework. My husband NEVER had to lift one finger around that house - I did it all (I guess I felt I had to justify being home). He never ONCE got up in the middle of the night with our son when he was a baby and woke up for feedings, and I can count on ONE hand how many diapers he ever changed - I literally did it all.

 

And I wasn't 'exhausted' at the end of the day. Hell, I LIVED for the end of the day so I could finally have some time to catch up with my shows that I'd taped during the day, without a million interruptions from my son. So I get your wife's need for 'me' time, but I'll never get the "pampering" nonsense that some women claim men should do in order to get a little.

 

Raising a kid or two is NOT the hardest job a woman will ever have. It's freakin' cakewalk compared to actually working OUTSIDE the home and then having to come home after working all day and bust your butt doing all the chores that still need to be done. Those chores just don't go away just because you're working. Add a few obnoxious kids into the mix and THOSE are the women that work their asses off and are exhausted at the end of the day - not the ones who stay home all day.

 

Tell your wife to get her ass out of the house and actually WORK and she'll know what it's like to have it 'rough.'

 

AMEN O&W, you are quoting something I wrote a couple of months back on another thread. You're dead on. Congratulations for your honesty and your candor.

 

Mothers in my Mom's generation were the last not to have to work. They were also the "women's lib" generation who bought into that Gloria Steinem mantra of somehow feeling ripped off because they were stay at home Moms who "lost their identity." What a bunch of crap! Our Mothers had it good! Kids had their Mom's around full time. My Mother left my Dad in the 1970s believing that nonsense. Today, in her early 70s, my Mom admits that she had it pretty good being at home raising four kids and realizes after having to work the past 35 years that she probably made a big mistake.

 

My wife today works as I do. Most families have two incomes because it takes two incomes in many cases to have the things you want.

 

Wives today such as my own who have to work will tell you they don't get what the women from the generation previous were griping about.

 

Just as importantly, men had to take on more household responsibilities because women were in the labor force and so that just put more burden on men to take on more domestic chores. I changed as many or more diapers than my wife and I make more meals.

[MrMister]

If she cannot even give you oral sex then its time for you to find sex elsewhere. She does not have to know about it so long as you keep it discrete without becoming attached. Three months is a long time. The extramarital sex will give you the satisfaction you need to be a good husband to her.

[xxoo]

What a bunch of crap! Our Mothers had it good!

 

Yes, parents who have the opportunity to stay home with their kids have it good.

 

Also, it is draining work.

 

These are not mutually exclusive realities.

[Afishwithabike]

Errr, no. Unless you have a spouse who stays at home, you send them to a nanny or a daycare centre, and take them back when you get home. You don't take care of them all day. I don't see how you equate that to double duty.

 

Most reasonable people don't believe that the working spouse should come home and pamper the SAHP every day, I would think, but neither do most reasonable people believe that, quote the poster you are quoting, 'SAHPs sit at home with their hand held outstretched to collect some man's paycheck while sitting on the internet complaining about him.' And THAT is what some of us take issue with. Neither job is inferior or easier, it is just GIGS to believe that the job one is NOT doing is.

 

Elswyth - you're neither married nor are you a mother. While you're certainly entitled to an opinion and you're entitled to post on any thread on this board, you're speaking of something of which you have no personal knowledge.

 

I will not go into detail about all the things I do for my child during the day because frankly it's none of your business and would bore everyone else. Suffice it to say, I do double duty compared to a stay at home mom. We don't have a maid or a housekeeper so everything a stay at home mom does at home has to be done by a working mom.

Unless a stay at home mom's child is under the age of 5, the child will be at school for a good portion of the day so the stay at home mom isn't watching the child all day any more othan a working mom.

 

I've stayed at home with my child when she was young. I know what it's like to stay at home. Working as an attorney then coming home to household responsibilities is much harder than staying at home with my child when she was an infant. Not even a close comparison.