I want to move, but it brings me a lot of anxiety because of the ex.

[HollyHoliday]

Basically, my story goes like this: I met someone in my college city in the Northeast. We were together for about 10 months, and I knew from the start that something was off. However, I was incredibly attracted to him, and I had never had that before. An ex girlfriend of his even sent me these horrible e-mails detailing things he had done with past girlfriends, pictures of them kissing, etc. I stupidly kept quiet about a lot of things, until they all come to the front when we were visiting his family in Southern California, where his family currently lives. I actually grew up just an hour from him, but moved to the South to go to High School. My older sister lives just a 20 minute drive away.

 

When we got back to our city, we had a horrible month and a half long breakup. I know deep down that things would of NEVER worked with us. I was always battling with the reality of who he is as a person, but I was scared to be alone. So it all happened at once: The relationship ended in a horrible way, I graduated college, couldn't find a job, my depression and anxiety increased, lost a lot of friendships, and I literally came to a point of...just devastation.

 

About a month and a half after the breakup, my lease on my apartment ended so I decided to move back to the South where my parents live. I found a temporary job here that is a great resume booster, but I know that this isn't a place I want to stay. My parents keep on pushing me to move back to Southern California and be near my sister, but the idea just scares me. I want to go there, and it was my idea to go there before I met him. However, I know that he doesn't live there anymore, but the idea of being in a place where he lived makes me sick. I think of interacting with people he may have known, or ex girlfriends. Going to places that we went to together when I was there with him.

 

I am doing much better than I ever though I would while I am here with my parents, because I am getting help for my mental problems and it is nice to not have a lot of the stress that comes with living on your own. However, I have been doing this for about three months and I am starting to get very antsy.

 

I don't want to waste time living here with my parents. I have a degree, I have to pay off my loans soon. I think I can make it there and be happy, but the idea of running into him or his family, while the chances are very small, I just hate the idea of going somewhere where he was from. Any help?

[Popehappycat]

Ugh, I'm replying on my phone, so this will be short, but I just wanted to let you know you're not alone when it comes to feelings like that. I've been through it, too, and often wondered if I was just over reacting. Nice to know I'm not the only one. :-D We all may be different, but deep down I think we all react more or less the same in similar situations, though some can move past certain aspects better than others. Long story short, you're not alone. I'd try to be more supportive if not for the fact that I'm punching this away one letter at a time on a tiny keyboard. :-P

[HollyHoliday]

I appreciate any responses, even if they are short! Seriously, thanks so much.

 

I think what I need to do is really focus on my mental and physical health first, and then make the move out there. While it will be hard in the beginning, I think once I put my two feet in the ground and start meeting new people, I will start to feel better about things. I can't feel this way forever, it is just the first few months there that I am really worried about.

 

It is just sometimes when I think of the exgirlfriends and the pictures and stuff, I think of how we went somewhere while we were visiting and I thought it looked familiar. Then I realized...it looked familiar because I had seen it before in one of their pictures.

 

But I want to make new memories there. MY own memories, with new people. Hopefully I can get there.