hearthurts Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Hello all, The man I'm head over heels in love with doesn't reciprocate although I was sure that he did. So much so, that when he told me why, I wasn't buying that he feels nothing for me. But whatever the case, I'm trying to accept it because if he really wanted to be with me, he'd be with me. The problem is that he wants to remain close friends and work together. He tells me that I'm one of his only friends and that I'm like family to him. I feel honored that he feels that close to me and I'd hate the idea of him not being in my life anymore - even if it's just as a friend, but I don't think I can handle it. I'm so in love with him. So in the meantime, we are just friends (who also work together closely) but there are times when I feel like he specifically says things just to remind me that it's not gonna happen for us. There are few occasions where I could see him doing it but most of the time, he's doing it when I'm being my normal self, unaware that I've said something that made him feel uncomfortable. It's like he's paranoid or something and it's a constant reminder of the rejection and that just crushes me every time. I haven't felt this way about another man in almost 20 years and really didn't think I could feel this way about another person anymore. He's opened up my heart again to what love can really be and he doesn't feel the same? I feel like this is a cruel joke. Am I supposed to hope that maybe sometime in the next 20 years I'll meet another person who makes me feel this way. I'm not gonna live forever! I know that cutting him out of my life is the only way that I'm gonna get past this but I feel like I'm stuck right now and just can't do it. To anyone who's ever been in my shoes, how did you do it? My heart is aching and I don't know how much more I can take. Link to post Share on other sites
doushenka Posted October 29, 2011 Share Posted October 29, 2011 He's put up a firm boundary, which is healthy. Now you need to do the hardest thing in the world and keep to his boundary. And it is hard. I have loved and been so sure that I could be loved back. Some of them were even really good men! But much as I loved them, and as selfless as I thought I could be about it, I was only making myself a martyr--and for what? People who didn't want me in their lives in that way. I had to go no-contact with them. My wounds had to heal before I could think of a friendship. I learned that I couldn't be friends with some of them without hurting myself further. I learned that the mistakes I'd made out of desperation hurt them, too, and that it was best if I stayed away. In one case, the most contact we've had since then was to apologise to each other for the things we said and did. That's okay. We've both got our lives back in order. If he's better off without me, then let him be better off. In another, what was years of friendship turned into a distant "oh, it's that girl/guy" kind of acquaintanceship. I mourn it, but we really did grow in different (healthy!) directions. I am thinking of a scene from an old favorite novel, where the heroine's shoe is caught in the railroad tracks and there's a train coming fast. Instead of despairing and leaving her to die, the hero cuts the shoelaces and drags her to safety. Sometimes you need to be your own hero and cut those shoelaces. Leave the shoe behind. You'll have your life, and that's so much more important than a stupid shoe, no matter how nice the shoe is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hearthurts Posted October 31, 2011 Author Share Posted October 31, 2011 Thank you for responding, doushenka. I need to figure out how I'm going to cut him out of my life. I'm so addicted to him that it feels impossible. Link to post Share on other sites
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