Not So Sure Anymore

[NotsoSureAnymore]

I need some advice. Well, recently I felt almost euphoric about my relationship with my Fiance. Until a few days ago. I was going through my fiance's old cell phone (not what you think..). This was not a trust issue thing in case some readers jump to conclusions. We recently got new cell phones and I gave my old cell phone away. So, like I was saying.. I was going through my fiances phone to try to remember what apps I had on my old phone (we have the same taste with that kind of stuff). I clicked on his email app by mistake (honestly) and noticed he had an email from a old female coworker. I must admit curiosity go the best of me and I clicked to see what they had to say. To find out they were talking about lingerie that she was ordering. She showed him a pic and said hot or not? He of course replied hot than continued to give advise that she should wear one of her hats that he likes. From there she confessed her insecurities and he reassured her that she will look good followed by a smiley face.. (lets just say my face was anything but smiling). So, I held it in for a few days, then finally he asked what was wrong w/ me because I am not very good at concealing my feelings. I told him how I read his conversation and things got quiet. He explained I have nothing to worrry about. A day goes by and he told me how he realized he was being a knucklehead and that he I mean the world to him and Yada yada yada. The thing is about 3 years ago I had read a previous text message from the same coworker where she was talking about her insecurities in bed and he had replied "You were phenononal in my dreams". and I mentioned how that bothered me. and he said she just talks like that and didnt want to be ruded and ignore her and realizes he shouldnt talk like that... Flash forward to the other day and looks like he is still talking like that.

 

I have been a little quiet towards him and to be honest I have been super reflective these past few days. I mean is it too much to ask to want to be loved and not have to worry if he is randomly flirting w/ other women. I mean I want to believe him.. but I dont want to be one of those stupid women who disregard big red flags. We are engaged and now I am starting to second guess what my future will be. I mean what if we get married have a child and then to find out he still hasnt changed.. Wouldn't that hurt way more than I am hurting now. I just feel so confused right now. He did give me a heartfelt sorry and speech about how much I mean to him.. But Im really confused and get so mad and sad when I think of how he could say such things to her.

 

I am trying to take what my heart is feeling and mix it with logic. So, any words of wisdom are greatly appreciated.

 

Thanks in advanced!

NotsoSure

[Wrenne]

Your boyfriends behavior is competely inappropriate for someone in a relationship. The question is why you hid your concerns and feel like you need someone to validate your concerns. He is not acting trustworthy. You should discuss this with him. He might be able to make you feel comfortable or you may learn that your boundaries are irreconcilably different. If he really cared about your relationship he would make you feel comfortable and not anxious. You definitely should not marrry someone who you cannot trust.