Lorianne68 Posted October 29, 2011 Share Posted October 29, 2011 Hey everyone. I'm new to this site, so bear with me. I'll try to be brief. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years. He and his 2 small children moved in with me and my teenaged son about a year after we met. He lived with me for 5 months, then, moved out saying that he just needed time. We continued to date, and were still a couple. Two months later, on Christmas Day, he broke up with me completely. I was devastated. We didn't talk much after that, but he started coming back around in January, and we reunited on Valentine's Day. I moved into his house about 6 months later, and things were great. He finally proposed to me last November 11th, and I cannot tell you how happy I was. We set a wedding date for June 9th, and we were going to be married on the beach, with our children present. The week before Easter, he hounded me to finalize all of the wedding things, which I did. Photographer was booked, wedding was paid for, and our marriage license application was submitted. The Saturday before Easter, he left that morning to go hunting, and told me that "he loves me and will see me in a few hours." Two hours later - he SENT ME A TEXT from the woods saying that he was sorry, he loves me, but he just can't do it, and it's over. In his text he also said that he would give me the weekend to move mine and my son's things out of the house. He refused to take any of my calls or texts, so I moved out. We still talked on the phone, and went out every weekend. We even went ahead with our beach vacation together, and reconciled. Here's my issue: we are still together, as a couple, and we do everything together as a family. He keeps asking me to move back in, but I stick to my guns and tell him a flat out no. I'm afraid that I am setting myself up to be his eternal girlfriend. What should I do? Can I make him commit, or should I cut my losses and move on? Link to post Share on other sites
AugustDreams Posted October 29, 2011 Share Posted October 29, 2011 That's a pretty brutal story. Personally, I can't understand how you could reconcile with this person and go on a vacation with him after all the crap he pulled. I hope he at least had the humility to reimburse you for anything you paid for in terms of the cancelled wedding, but somehow I doubt it. It sounds like this guy is a classic commitment-phobe. Any time a sizable stress trigger comes along, he bails -- moving in together the first time, getting married... Nothing you do can force him to commit, so unless he agrees to see a counselor or something, it may be best to cut your losses in this case. Normally I am all about working things out, but a man who dodges the altar usually has some other issues going on that can't be ignored or swept under the rug for long. Link to post Share on other sites
Million.to.1 Posted October 29, 2011 Share Posted October 29, 2011 Wow that's just awful! What did he have to say about his behavior? If you reconciled, then surly he had an explanation about why he he would put you through that? To completely shut down communication while hiding in the woods, and force you to move you and your sons whole life and cancel a wedding, because he's freaking out? How immature and selfish. How could you take him back so quickly? if at all? Maybe he's scared of "official" commitment like marriage. Have you talked about this? Eternal girlfriend..hmmmm, Is marriage that important to you that if he was just not a marrying type you would not consider any relationship at all? I think his behavior was absolutely appalling and I would not forgive such cruelty so easily if that had happened to me. My heart goes out to you. Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted October 29, 2011 Share Posted October 29, 2011 This is a classic example of commitment phobia... just google it... Link to post Share on other sites
findingnemo Posted October 29, 2011 Share Posted October 29, 2011 This is terrible!! Did he explain what happened before the wedding? And the time before Christmas? What's his story? He probably needs IC. You shouldn't even consider moving in with him or ever marrying him. You'd be a wreck with stress. You've got yourself a "Runaway Groom". Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 I'm so sorry that this all happened to you, it's terrible. Your boyfriend does not sound very respectful OR considerate. He called off your wedding via text message? What a coward. I have a few questions though. What does he say to you in order to convince you to take him back? Promises of marriage? Or that he will finally commit this time? It's almost like an abusive relationship without the physically violence. You sound like you struggle with co-dependency since you are letting this guy jack you around. You may want to consider some counseling for yourself in order to move on from this guy. You deserve SO much better!!! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 He's all over the map. Seriously if you love him and want to give this a real shot, longterm, then DO pre marital counselling together immediately. Sadly though, I'm suggesting you walk away because he keeps having cold feet and doesn't seem really ready to settle down. Each time, more than twice now, he's called it off. This isn't fair to you, the kids and even your teenager.. Link to post Share on other sites
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