Why has he disappeared? Should I contact him or not?

[radiodarcy]

well -- a lot of people would argue that you should say nothing.

 

but i say - - if it works for you - - just tell him everything you have to say - - be sure not to leave anything out - - and then go NC.

 

i actually did this when i went NC with the ex. and it has really helped me stick to NC.

 

i told him i was going NC and why and then then i promptly logged off (the conversation took place over IM).

 

i did it more for myself than him. i needed to say out loud (well as "loud" as i could get over IM hah) - - why i could no longer be in contact with him. it was my way of reclaiming my power and dignity. not to mention i got to have the last word

[flow15]

I agree with u, last time I went NC i could only do it once i had got everything off my chest.

Anyway in this case, i dont want to be all emotional and be angry with him or have a go at him... I'm not gonna tell him I'm going NC. I'm just gonna tell him why i did what i did, im sorry he felt suffocated and that im gonna leave him alone now and to take care.. and then just not contact him again!

There is a lot more that i could say to him, but i just see it as pointless as i dont think he even cares!!!

[geegirl]

This man broke up with you 3 times and after each time you went back to him to get hurt all over again. What would make you think that after the 3rd break-up any effort of him entering your life would be anything remotely close to a commitment?

 

He wanted to enjoy all the benefits of an R but just not be in one. An R requires effort and he does not want to invest in effort but just a fun time. When you have expectations, that suffocates him because the so called "R" is not on his terms but yours. Hence, he cannot deliver. Busy is another word for a*****e. If he can spend two minutes taking a piss and 5 for a dump, he can afford seconds on a text to you, at the very least.

 

When you go NC, please go on NC not because you want to jolt him or provoke a reaction, but to rid this person from your life. He will call you again only because he needs attention or someone to have fun with. If you want an R with someone, this is not the guy to expect it from.

 

And people disappear because they choose to. Don't go looking for them. There is a reason why they don't want to be found.

Edited November 4, 2011 by geegirl

[flow15]

Thanks geegirl, i hope you are right.

Well I ended it all last night, told him I'm walking away from him for good and so I'm going back to NC starting from today.

 

He called me today but I didn't answer, I can't believe i had a glimmer of hope when he called (maybe i was hoping he'd tell me that ive got it all wrong and that he wants to be with me- but i think thats highly unlikely) Whats wrong with me!!?? How can i still want someone who treats me that way?!

 

At least i have taken control now, and ended it. Although i still think i will continually doubt whether i made the right decision or not.

[josem]

he is using you. he has dissappeared because you have given him what he wants and now he is done. so there is no need for him to stay. YOU have allowed this to happen and you need to let him know that it's NOT okay. get your self-respect and dignity and NEVER look back. he is a jerk..sorry

 

Yaah your right about that because there people used your kindness just to make them selves earn someting from you...after they earn those things they suddently dissappear.

[josem]

That guy doesn't deserve you, time or consideration than you've given him. He won't care you, that mean that he won't love you.

Keep moving on forget him, never expect anything from him!