Is it worth saving?

[olsen]

I am 29 years old. At this point in my life, I am not looking for fun anymore but I want to settle down. My GF and I have been together for 4.8 years already. Here is the story.

 

It all started on a one night stand. I just want her for free sex, then she started going wherever I go, sleeping at my apartment. For some reasons, I didn't ditched her since I was thinking, hey! this is free sex and I kinda like her being around with me! I can't remember what happened next but she became my GF. For the next 2 yrs, I treated her like crap, numerously cheated on her. I was caught 80% of the time since she always checks my phone and ask on my whereabouts. No matter how much crap I treated her, she still wont break up with me.

 

Now things started to change 2 years ago. I just knew 2 weeks ago that she slept with 2 guys (one night stands). She said that it was her escape on our relationship. And that my "cheating" piled up and she wants to get even with me. That she doesnt feel loved and she always know that I wont ask her to marry me. She already accepted that she will become an old maiden.

 

Funny thing is, when she started doing that, I slowly grew feelings on her but I was too proud to admit it. I was devastated when I found out on this. We broke up only for two days and I asked her to come back with me. The only thing that I am so pissed is there were so many girls that I missed out during that time. I passed out almost all of them because I felt guilty already on cheating on her. Plus she always know about my whereabouts, for me, I dont know hers because I never really cared much at that point.

 

We are back together now, but the feeling still haunts me. Based on her actions now, I can see that she is sincere to change and want to make our relationship work. She even agreed not to go out on her friends anymore on weekends. I asked her to do that for me so I would know how sincere she is and willing she is to give this relationship another trust. She is the kind of girl that would give anything for her man. At this point, I don't trust my decision since I am confused. I wanted to give this another shot but I'm not sure if thats the right thing to do.

 

 

Will we ever be happy knowing that we cheated on each other? Are there people like this with the same situation and have things worked out pretty well for them? Are we making the right risk and not wasting our time? I asked her about why we should get back together, and this was her best answer so far. "Yes, we are. You never loved me, then the next two years, I started to pull away from you. For the 1st time in our relationship, we are finally in the same page." That melted my heart.

 

Please, I need honest advice/opinions.

[Professor X]

Sounds like a big pile of doo-doo.

 

You cheat on her, she cheats on you, you don't love her, she loves you, than you love her, she doesn't love you.

 

MESS.

 

I'd be long gone if I were you or her.

[HappyFlower]

"Yes, we are. You never loved me, then the next two years, I started to pull away from you. For the 1st time in our relationship, we are finally in the same page." That melted my heart.

 

I don't think you're on the same page at all, I think you're reading entirely different books. It shouldn't melt your heart, it should tell you that this relationship is based on games.

 

You never loved her when you had her, but when she starts to leave suddenly you love her? Do you really see that as working out long term? If I was her, I'd leave right about now, having played you at your own game

[RiverRunning]

The entire relationship is built on a game. Your girlfriend got a revenge affair - which is actually very common. I empathize with her...some people cheat just because they want variety. In her case, I feel for the need to 'get even' by having a revenge affair to restore her self-esteem and sense of desirability. Her self-esteem must be very low already though to stay with you for about 5 years while you treat her however you feel like.

 

The trust in the relationship is shattered on both ends. I have an aunt and uncle who went through something similar, and while they mostly rebounded from that nightmare, they have had a turbulent relationship the entire way through. I think the relationship's too far gone.

 

You know what? Life is a whole game about missing opportunities. Are you really going to spend so much time thinking about all the girls you didn't get a chance to sleep with while being 'faithful' to her? If you don't want a faithful lifestyle, don't be in a relationship. Many people are still up for that, especially in their early to mid 20s. But beyond that, realize that you don't ALWAYS get to experience everything you want.