Don't know what I'm doing

[hechicera]

Ok, I think this is backfiring at me. After 3 yrs of marriage I was cheated on and separated from my husband 1 ½ yr ago. I only “dated” someone else since and it didn’t work out, I was enjoying my alone time for the first time and discovering myself. After a yr of not seeing anyone, I decided, out of an impulse and without giving it too much thought, to join an online dating service. I don’t want to make the story long, but because I’m in between jobs (and it’s a little more complicated than that) I had been living in this city for 3 yrs and I’ll start my new job close by, but at the time I’m staying with family very far from there. When I joined this dating site I knew I was going back to the city but didn’t know exactly when and I just felt I could use the time away to maybe get to know a few guys and if we kept in touch and were still interested in meeting in person then we would. It made me feel secure in some way to be physically away. I want to believe that one day I’m going to meet someone special with whom I want to spend my life with and I really want to remarry and have more kids, though after all that has happened I’m not ready for a serious relationship right now.

From the guys I’ve got in touch, I only communicate via text messages with two of them. It’s been difficult because they usually want to meet right away and when I try to explain about my current situation it sounds like scam, and I also don’t like to give too much of my information to prove it wrong because I don’t know if they are real themselves. So here is where it took me: I saw this guy’s profile, this was one of the very few guys that had tons of pics and he looked good in all of them. I liked his profile as well, seemed like a confident person, ambitious, who knows what he wants in life, qualities that for some reason I adore. I approached him briefly telling him I thought his profile was interesting and he replied asking if I had more pics. I sent him a few of my pics full body because the ones in my profile are only face shots and I know they always wonder. Well, he replied he wanted hotter pics. At the time I freaked out and at first I refused cause I didn’t know anything about this guy or if he was even real. But I was fascinated by him in a weird way. Well, I did my homework, did a few searches and found out a lot of information about him and turns out he’s who he said he was and still seemed someone I would be interested in. I ended up sending the pics. He liked what he saw and we kept texting on the phone, pretty much all sexual talk. I know it sounds bad, but I kept on this game I put myself in because I was really enjoying it, I’ve been without any action for a long time and it felt fun and sexy, even though I felt I was behaving like a ho. We texted for a few days and then I didn’t hear from him for a while. He wanted to meet right away but I’m not even physically there so that was the first problem. We talked on the phone like 2 times a couple of minutes where he basically asked me many questions trying to find out if I was real. Most of my openness with him was because I knew my story was pretty much like the perfect scam and I just wanted to show him I’m real. I decided I wasn’t going to look after him but like 2 weeks later he contacted me again through email (apparently something happened to his phone and he didn’t have my number, or so he said). I texted him again and since then we’ve kept in touch every day. Our conversations are pretty much all sexual. Once I tried to be more casual and know a lil more about him and his answers were yes or no, so I lost interested in that and just gave up. We had a couple of video conversations where basically he asked me to show him “stuff” and after hesitating I did. I enjoyed it. We talk about sex like if we were talking about a new movie. He keeps saying how much he wants me to come back so that we can meet. He has many expectations about our first date and definitely he’s assuming we’ll end up having sex, even though I’ve told him many times that we’ll meet and see what happens, that we would only have sex if we both feel like it. I’ve never done this before, I’ve only had 2 sexual partners in my life and because of the kind of relationship I’ve had with him he doesn’t even believe that. I know that by the way I’ve behaved he could think I’m just an easy girl, and I totally know I’m behaving like one, though I don’t consider that myself. On one of our latest conversation he expressed he was very frustrated about thinking about me and not being able to do anything about it and I honestly felt the same way, I haven’t had any physical contact in so long so I’m getting really anxious about this whole thing, so I said that we should stop talking about sex, and just either talk more casually or just wait until we can meet, hoping that maybe he’ll be more open and would talk more about other random things. After I sent him that text didn’t hear from him that day, early the next day he sent a good morning message to what I replied the same and didn’t hear from him afterwards.

This is really confusing and frustrating. I’ve always been a good girl, but I’m at a different stage in my life right now, after being married. I know this guy’s intention is pretty much meet me and have sex on the first date, to which I’m not totally opposed. Though, because of that I feel that sometimes he treats me like if I were a whore and honestly I don’t blame him, but I don’t feel like one (right?) and I let him know that I didn’t appreciate that. I have a great job, a great family, friends and I’m happy in my life right now. All I was lacking was some fun and meeting new people that eventually would get me to meet my future husband. I keep thinking about this guy all day and all night, even though I contacted him often at the beginning, lately it’s him who’s been contacting me pretty much every day. I am going back in about 4 weeks and the waiting with all this is making me crazy. I don’t know if I’m gonna be able to handle it when I get there, I feel like I am ok with having sex with him on the first day because in a way I don’t want a serious relationship, but what if I fell for him afterwards? I know that most likely he’ll just dump me shortly after. Or what if we get to be both mature enough to handle a purely physical relationship?

[smiley.xox]

Your gut is telling you that this guy pretty much wants to meet you and hook up and you are not totally opposed to it so be prepared for the meeting to be a one time hook up or a booty call any time the two of you can meet up.

 

This guy can not be interested in dating you because most of his messages are of a sexual nature and he has asked for hotter pics.

 

I think a guy who would be interested in dating you would get to know you a little bit and maybe even call you a few times a week or something instead of just texting you and see how far he can get with you.

 

You say that you may not be looking for a serious relationship...either you are settling for this guy who will most likely dump you and you are trying to make yourself feel better about it or you should not be on a dating website.

 

Just be mentally prepared for what is going to happen. Your gut is already telling you what is going to happen so either find someone worthy of your time or go through with this.

[LittleTiger]

I think you know exactly what you're doing - you're setting up a sexual hook-up with a guy you met online.

 

He's not after anything more than sex and you know it. All you need to decide is whether you want to go through with it or not.

 

It's actually fairly common for people just out of LTRs or marriages to consider doing this kind of thing but that doesn't mean it will be right for you.

 

Only you can decide. Good luck.