Life and Sisters are BITCH!?!?!?! My story

[LikkleMissConfused]

to cut a long story short, I have been harrased and stalked by a ex partner. A few weeks ago he smashed my windows at home after being banned from the gym that I go to becaue he joined to follow me there.

 

When I got home the brick had hit my mother, she was distressed and I just started to fall apart. I phoned my older sister and she didn't really sound concerned. SHe just said she can't come down because her children aren't well with chicken pocks (bearing in mind the father is at home) so I said ok! What really hurt me was the fact that she didn't care enough to call back or to come round to see if we are ok! When all my friends rushed round and my sister who live 15 minutes away couldn't be bothered.

 

My friend who live 1.5 hours away came down that nite with parents to support us. She didn't call the next day either so I txted her to say thanks for the care. She rang my mum and started calling me nasty things. Is this the type of support I get from my eldest sister. Even when my dad passed away and my mum went to india to spread his ashes my sisters just left me. No calls nothing I called them though. And when my mum was hospitalised they didn't have time to talk to me becasue they were going out and too busy.

 

It hurts because she is so selfish. Whilst she was saying nasty things about me to my mum I took the phone off my mum and said "Thanks for you support" " I didn't realise you thought this of me".

 

And I put the phone down. "SHe rang back and I told her I don't have sisters, in my time of need no one is there not even to look after or support my mum but when they need help they ring me any time of the day or night and I am there in a flash" Since then she sent me one txt saying "when your ready we need to talk" " I sent one back after a few days sayig "Yes we will alk soon, and asked her if it would be okay for me to have a company card delivered to her house" She replied " You have a nerve" That was it nothing since. Its left me feeling hurt, like lonely child and most of all I hurt watching my mum because she has three daughters but the elder two are so nasty unsupportive and bitchy towards me when all i have is love to give. How do I handle it. What do I do. Just cut off completely or what. When a person is crying nd upset do you kick them down further?

[shellgranado]

sounds to me like your sis is very selfish and only thinks about herslf she needs help if my sis or mom was getting hurt or threatend by someone i would be there in a heart beat and i would figure out a plan on getting this person out of my life you need to ignore all her calls text and when she needs something ignore her dont help treat her the way shes treating you guys i know you love her but you need to show her tuff love did you call the cops on this guy you need to get a restraing order against him they do have stalking laws out there to

[HokeyReligions]

I had an older sister. We fought and it disgusted me how much she hurt my mom and how she treated us. Finally, some 25 +/- years ago I said ENOUGH. The minimal contact we have had was through an attorney, except once when she talked to my husband (whom she has never met) on the phone. Actually -- she screamed and name-called and he looked at me in shock and hung up.

 

I have not really had anything to do with her in the past 25 years and I don't care to. I tried once to contact her because it meant a lot to my mother, but she pulled the same crap that she always did and even my mother has cut her of of her life. It was difficult to make the break because I felt like family should be together, but I realized that we choose our partners, we don't choose our siblings and just because we share parents does not mean we have to share our lives. Her kids - whom I practically raised for the first 10 years of their lives - are married with kids of their own. I haven't seen them since they were themselves kids. They chose to stick with their mother. I hated to lose them too, but honestly I feel that I am much MUCH better off because I do not have to deal with her. I do not consider her my sister and on the few occasions where she is mentioned I refer to her as my mothers other daughter.

 

Cutting your sisters out of your life is possible, but make sure that is what is best for you. I have no regrets about it in my life. She's the loser, not me.

[miastarryeyed]

Hey ya,

 

I'm also indian, so I know how screwed up our seemingly perfect on the outside families can be.

 

You seem to have a good head on your shoulders, and you seem to be a very caring person--don't let your sis' & other negative people like that change you.

 

What you need to do is step back, now you know how your sis' are, they're not there for you, take steps to be inaccessible to them. As for cutting them out of your life, that will be tough, and will probably cause your mum some grief as well. Why not do it gradually? Still see them & talk to them at social events, keep them out of the loop about your life, don't expect them to be there for you, anticipate that they won't be, don't even ask them for anything. Do you have a relationship with your nieces & nephews, sometimes the love and positive influences of a aunt (esp. when your sis' are like that) will be priceless to them.

 

Take time out for yourself, take good care of yourself, cultivate a "family of choice" perhaps some cousins, friends etc. who are there for you in your time of need, focus on living your best life as oprah often says. Acknowlege your hurt, pain and resentment, these are all natural given the circumstances, perhaps life will knock some sense into your sis' eventually.

 

Honestly, I don't know what causes people to turn out soo mean, self-centred and uncaring. I've had to make tough decisions like you as well, I think sometimes some things become the straw that break the camels back, for instance with one cousin who's like a sis (we grew up together, she's one year older), I knew she was self-centred, always angry, aggressive, and a user, she'll take endlessly, and is never around when you need her, but it was when I was in dire straits, needed her help and she turned around and said, no I won't help you because you never help me ENOUGH! Talk about the ultimate slap in the face, acknowledging I help, then having the cheek to say it wasn't enough help, and on those grounds refusing to help me! Talk about a wake up call, I'm nice, but I'm not a fool, after that how can I let her into my life? I think the worst thing is that people like that think, oh I can get away with it, she's nice & good, she'll forgive me. The truth is it's NOT easy being a nice, thoughtful, caring person, I have to work at it like anyone else, it takes work to be a good person. She writes that off as a character trait she has small amounts of!

 

For myself, the solution has been to cut her off from my life, I'll talk to her socially, but I keep a huge distance, she choose to be that way, and people like that won't change, until they find themselves alone, and miserable. I am sad, we grew up together, and I valued the relationship soo much, but I've since learned we can't cling to ideal/illusionary relationships, and like you I consider friends to be more family, than actual family. It's tough growing up isn't it ;o).

[LikkleMissConfused]

Thats interesting that you are indian too. i'm sure you understand the dynamics. Yes it is tough. My mum told me yesterday that she spoke to my sis in canada and she said to my mum to come and visit her. This sister is so cruel she has had my mum in tears over Xmas she is harsh and nasty.

 

My mum asked then he LikkleMiss welcome. My sis said well no her attitude isn't right with us! This just made me laugh......My attitude.

 

Both of my sisters continue to blame me for everything and you are right I have cut them out and I don't expect them to be there not at all.

[simplybrill]

Im indian too! well half- but I definitely know how it is growing up in the household where everything seems perfect on the outside, but its chaos underneath,

 

I would love to just solve, and move past the problems I have with my sis - and cutting her out of my life isnt an option, because she's like almost the only family I have left - with my mom I think seriously going senile as she goes through menopause, my extended family not caring about any of us as they live very far away, and my other sibling too young and self absorbed to offer any support, I often dont know what to do!

 

On topic: do your sisters interfere with your life and boss you around? At least you still dont live with them! I find myself almost running to work just to get away from mine sometimes

[LikkleMissConfused]

An update:

 

I sent my sister a text because I was missing my nephew. Asking if I could take him to the park and for ice cream. She txt me back saying that she is busy doing stuff with them. So I sent another saying thats fine.

 

She then rang me and starting arguing with saying that she didn't like some of the things I said like " Your kids had chicken pocks they were not on their death beds" I realise that this is harsh as said this because I was hurt and angry. But she at the time when my windows where smashed my mum had been injured she said things like I'm a waste of space, a loser, I brought this on myself. So I think we are both guilty of saying things in heat. Except I don't ring her to argue. So now she is using her kids as a way of arguing with me.

 

I told her what I thought except I never got a chance to speak because she spoke over me and told me I was talking crap. SO I told her to shut up and that she can think what she likes coz I frankly don't give a crap. and put the phone down.

 

The whole of her ringing me while I am at work is because she wanted to vent her anger and make me sound bad for saying what I said but I think we are even in that sense. Who deserves being a victim of crime? My own sister can't support me in bad times! But htat is how it has always been throughout my life with her.

 

I then got very upset had a cry and decided not to bother with my nephew or neice again because she isn't going to allow that to happen, not like an adult anyway. Its her getting the kids involved not me because I was willing to pick him up and take him out.

 

I finally sent a txt message saying "Don't call me at work, I know not to bother with you or your kids and because of you they will miss out on me because of the way you treat me. DO NOT BOTHER ME AGAIN"

 

Thats what I said. I feel extremely low I am at work feel like crying again and feel very hurt but my sisters don't frankly care. I accept this. Any advice please.