k100danny Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 Well this may not be true for everyone. I had a really hard time getting over my ex, and although im ok most of the time now i still had some attachment to her, if i saw her kissing someone id probably still be hurt or if i found out she was in another relationship but day to day i feel im moving on. I read a book about attachment theory that was very interesting and i determined i have an anxious attachment style, this explains a lot of my behavious in a previous relationship how i became quite dependant ect, anyway reading more about it it also says how hard it can be for people with this attachment style to get oer their ex's and it says that one way that attachment has been proven to be broken or at least emotions lessened is to find someone else. Now im not really a rebound person or havent been in the past but i met someone on friday, she seemed really nice and we arranged to go out on the satuday for a few drinks. Now this girl is pretty, intelligent , funny and has a good job ect and seem to have similar views to me on things but for some reason there is nothing really there for me. I mean yeah weve kissed and stuff but i dont feel the spark. I wouldnt say it has helped me get over my ex but it has made me see that there are other people out there who will find me appealing. I dont want to use this girl though to try and break all attachment to my ex because well im not a dick and wouldnt do that to someone, unless i have feelings im not going to lead someone on. I think we may go out again once or twice and just see what happens. Has anyone found dating after their last relationship hard? i dont really do the whole dating scene and i thought maybe it was that this girl just isnt my type or something. is it normal for the first few people you date to just not have a connection with, is this something to do with not being fully over your ex? Link to post Share on other sites
mike588 Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 Well this may not be true for everyone. I had a really hard time getting over my ex, and although im ok most of the time now i still had some attachment to her, if i saw her kissing someone id probably still be hurt or if i found out she was in another relationship but day to day i feel im moving on. I read a book about attachment theory that was very interesting and i determined i have an anxious attachment style, this explains a lot of my behavious in a previous relationship how i became quite dependant ect, anyway reading more about it it also says how hard it can be for people with this attachment style to get oer their ex's and it says that one way that attachment has been proven to be broken or at least emotions lessened is to find someone else. Now im not really a rebound person or havent been in the past but i met someone on friday, she seemed really nice and we arranged to go out on the satuday for a few drinks. Now this girl is pretty, intelligent , funny and has a good job ect and seem to have similar views to me on things but for some reason there is nothing really there for me. I mean yeah weve kissed and stuff but i dont feel the spark. I wouldnt say it has helped me get over my ex but it has made me see that there are other people out there who will find me appealing. I dont want to use this girl though to try and break all attachment to my ex because well im not a dick and wouldnt do that to someone, unless i have feelings im not going to lead someone on. I think we may go out again once or twice and just see what happens. Has anyone found dating after their last relationship hard? i dont really do the whole dating scene and i thought maybe it was that this girl just isnt my type or something. is it normal for the first few people you date to just not have a connection with, is this something to do with not being fully over your ex? It's best to wait till your completely healed before you start dating,, it's hard to give yourself 100% when your still thinking of your ex. I was dumped 3 months ago and 2 weeks later I had two casual dates,, met for coffee. All I could do was picture my ex. and think about her needless to say they didn't go well,, I just wasn't into it. I'm going to wait until I'm over her before I date again. Link to post Share on other sites
LadyRhyme&Reason Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 I agree with Mike588. It is so much better to wait until you are 100% healed from your last relationship to date. With my last break up, I did kinda have an open relationship with someone for a few months. There was no pressure to commit and it was just fun to hang out. That helped me get over my last relationship and I was completely healed half a year later. But I waited a year after my last break up to get into another exclusive relationship. Mainly because I want someone who is good for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author k100danny Posted October 30, 2011 Author Share Posted October 30, 2011 I understand that it can probably help some people but as you say if you arent actually over the person you havent actually dealt with your issues mentally yet. I can see how it can help seeing that there are other nice people out there and other people will want you. I just dont think i can feel strongly about someone at the minute, i still find lots of people sexually attractive but thats where it ends at the minute. I may go out with this girl a couple of times for drinks and see if anything happens as she is a nice girls and we do have quite a few similar interests ect. I will not use her to try and get over my ex though as i would feel awful doing that to someone. I was honest and said i came out of a relationship a couple of months ago with a close friend and it had ruined the friendship and had made me seriously think about what i needed from a relationship. I think as long as im honest it will be ok, it is nice to have someone to go out with for drinks and chat and definitely beats sitting at home thinking. although i think im almost totally over it there are some lingering things. Link to post Share on other sites
TLCbear Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 Has anyone found dating after their last relationship hard? i dont really do the whole dating scene and i thought maybe it was that this girl just isnt my type or something. is it normal for the first few people you date to just not have a connection with, is this something to do with not being fully over your ex? I am now seeing it as hard. I recently met a guy about 2 weeks ago. I've been apart from my ex about 2 months and for the most part, though I was moving along pretty well, until I went out with this guy. All I could think about was my ex....the small things....things he use to say or do. It was so stange and I started feeling guilty as if I was cheating on him. This guy seems pretty crazy about me, but I feel just the opposite, I mean I like him, but there is no spark. He's aware of my situation and we are taking things slow, but I just want my ex back...as least the guy I thought he was, lol. Link to post Share on other sites
beachwrangler Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 Ugh I hate rebound relationships. With my experience they have only made me miss my exs more. The girls I was in rebound relationships with were quality girls and very attractive but in the end they just would make me miss my ex more. I've been the rebound guy as well and it seems the girls I was dating at the time starting missing their ex's more as well as they went back to them after a few months of being with me. Same with my boys they've had the same experience. My current ex-gf its official that she is in a rebound relationship she texted me today asking if I was seeing somebody, that she's upset that it seems shes nothing to me now, that she wants me to show her I care and is not happy with the guy she is currently with. I ignored her bc this girl cheated on me gotta make her live with her decision of leaving me. But yes rebound relationships don't help you get over your ex in the end they make you miss them more atleast in my experience they do. Link to post Share on other sites
mike588 Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 Ugh I hate rebound relationships. With my experience they have only made me miss my exs more. The girls I was in rebound relationships with were quality girls and very attractive but in the end they just would make me miss my ex more. I've been the rebound guy as well and it seems the girls I was dating at the time starting missing their ex's more as well as they went back to them after a few months of being with me. Same with my boys they've had the same experience. My current ex-gf its official that she is in a rebound relationship she texted me today asking if I was seeing somebody, that she's upset that it seems shes nothing to me now, that she wants me to show her I care and is not happy with the guy she is currently with. I ignored her bc this girl cheated on me gotta make her live with her decision of leaving me. But yes rebound relationships don't help you get over your ex in the end they make you miss them more atleast in my experience they do. Yes, I was my ex.s rebound guy, even after dating almost a year I guess it made her miss her ex. too. She dumped me 3 months ago for him. Link to post Share on other sites
fucpcg Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 Props to you for being a thoughtful guy. Having grown up with five sisters I try to do the same always. 9 months after my ex of a year dumped me, I have just starting accepting some dates. Didn't think I was over ex, but had to move on, and same thing happened to me. Met a couple of nice girls, but KNOW if my ex calls I would dump any of these girls to run back to her... so I stopped dating again. I know how bad it hurts to get burned, and in no way care to hurt anyone myself. Ill take a date or two to see if can move slow as friends, maybe someday more, but I warn up front just out of relationship that I know im not completely over, and need to be honest about it. All have been very appreciative of the honesty. In fact, comedy is, seems to make them want me more. Link to post Share on other sites
M2155 Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 (edited) Rebound relationship = bad. Take all the time you need before getting into a relationship. Rebound dating if it's just for fun = I think good. I think people date after a relationship expecting (or at least disappointed) that they didn't feel anything or forget their ex. Both scenarios are pretty unlikely unless you are ridiculously lucky. If you approach it as exploring new people because life goes on, I think like you said it's good to know there are other good people out there. That is a small step toward being able to imagine yourself finding someone new in the future. Also, we may have forgotten dating is hard period. It was nice not having to deal with it. Edited October 31, 2011 by M2155 Link to post Share on other sites
HappyFlower Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 My ex broke up with me 2 months ago, and have been on 2 dates since. While I didn't think of my ex at all on the dates themselves, it was more like I couldn't be bothered after. The dates went well, both contacted me again, they were nice guys and it was nice to meet new people, but I had no want to go out again. There's a guy at the moment who is being really really keen, texting me all the time...and I just can't be bothered. I guess at the moment I don't like the dating scene. I think its totally normal after a breakup. I also don't think going in looking for a connection is a good idea - for either you or the new date! I think so long as you are honest with yoursef and them about your feelings, and no one gets led on, then just enjoy meeting new people (says I at the moment who doesn't like it lol!) x Link to post Share on other sites
AlisaMarie Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 From a girls point of view... this song comes to mind. I don't believe in the way to get over a lover is under another. That cliche actually makes me puke. We all deserve to get out there and make ourselves happy. There is nothing wrong with dating to "distract" yourself. Stay focus luvs! We don't deserve this torture that our exes brought to us. EVERYONE deserves to be happy... even them. Link to post Share on other sites
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