Do I tell or not?

[Ann]

First off, I want to say thanks for the advice you guys have given me in the past. I really appreciate it, and most of it has been right on!

 

Now, I have a question. My roommate, who is 21, is dating a 34 year old guy. They started dating last August, and except for a 2 month break up earlier this year, are still together, and going strong now, I might add. They are talking marriage. During their break up, this guy dated my sister, who is 41. They only went out about 3 times, and everyone, including my roommate, knew about it, even though she hated it. But like I said, they were apart.

 

The last time my sister went out with this guy, they were in his apartment, and I guess kidding around, but things changed. He picked her up over his shoulder, and took her into the bedroom and threw her on the bed. She wasn't hurt, but she definitely put her guard up. He told her that was for all the flirting that she did around guys. She immediately got up and left, and since then, she has felt very awkward around this guy.

 

My problem is this. My roommate knows nothing about this. I didn't tell her at the time, and now that they are talking marriage, I don't know what to do. Any suggestions?

[Tony T]

Yeah, keep your mouth shut.

 

Every person, everywhere is the world, displays weird behavior at times. If everyone who had done something nutty, mean, or criminal (taking candy from a store is criminal) never got another chance in life, the world would be a pretty dismal place.

 

You should probably advise your roommate to use diligence in her decision to marry but this man may be quite a perfect gentleman around her. Often, people's behavior towards other people is very selective. For instance, there have been girls who have been absolute bxtches towards me but very loving, generous and kind towards other men. Who the hell knows what makes people tick???

 

Your roommate needs to judge her guy's behavior for herself. If after dating a sufficient amount she has found no cause for alarm, she may have found the man of her dreams.

 

I suspect that even Adolf Hitler, Saddam Hussein, Ted Bundy, Jack The Ripper, Harvey Lee Oswald, Mark David Chapman and many other notorious criminals were probably exceptionally nice to a select group of friends and lovers.

 

The fact that your sister did not report this incident to police leads me to believe there may have been mitigating circumstances she left out of her story.

 

Wish you roomie a happy wedding for me!!!

[Lost]

I totally agree with Tony.

 

But i'm playing both sides of the coin here. Having been one of the elite few that this has happined to. I have had the "forceful date" and I have had a serious boyfriend accused of this.

 

The "forced date" experience screwed me up and put me in a years worth of counceling. I don't know what happined to your sister, but I don't need to know also. If he raped her or something, then I would say something. But if not, it's not your place to say something. Tony's right when he says that most people display a freak mode once in awhile.

 

True that she probbably knows him better than you and if she feels comfortable with him after a year and he hasn't done any of this to her, to your knowledge, it's still not your place. Just express your concern for her and hope that she makes a wise decision.

 

As for my accused boyfriend, it all turned out to be a girl that was very jealous and wanted to make his life a living hell. So she spun a web of lies that took quite awhile to fix.

 

If you feel some moral obligation to tell her just be very wise in your conversation. This has a definate possibility of blowing up in your face.

 

Good luck.

Yeah, keep your mouth shut. Every person, everywhere is the world, displays weird behavior at times. If everyone who had done something nutty, mean, or criminal (taking candy from a store is criminal) never got another chance in life, the world would be a pretty dismal place.

 

You should probably advise your roommate to use diligence in her decision to marry but this man may be quite a perfect gentleman around her. Often, people's behavior towards other people is very selective. For instance, there have been girls who have been absolute bxtches towards me but very loving, generous and kind towards other men. Who the hell knows what makes people tick???

 

Your roommate needs to judge her guy's behavior for herself. If after dating a sufficient amount she has found no cause for alarm, she may have found the man of her dreams. I suspect that even Adolf Hitler, Saddam Hussein, Ted Bundy, Jack The Ripper, Harvey Lee Oswald, Mark David Chapman and many other notorious criminals were probably exceptionally nice to a select group of friends and lovers. The fact that your sister did not report this incident to police leads me to believe there may have been mitigating circumstances she left out of her story. Wish you roomie a happy wedding for me!!!

 

[Jenna]

Tony- you wrote;

 

"I suspect that even Adolf Hitler, Saddam Hussein, Ted Bundy, Jack The Ripper, Harvey Lee Oswald, Mark David Chapman and many other notorious criminals were probably exceptionally nice to a select group of friends and lovers."

 

....giving the impression that this man she spoke of might be dangerous but able to display moments of affection.

 

This is her friend- her room mate- I would think that she should give her the information- and then after having all the facts- make her own decision.

 

What that guy did was not normal behavior- and the sister's instinct to get away from him was probably well founded. He may not be dangerous- but what if he is and she never said anything to her roommate?

 

I think she should tell the roommate- in a casual way- without drama. Just as a "matter of fact."

 

My opinion- you can toss it if you want to.

 

Jenna

 

 

 

for herself. If after dating a sufficient amount she has found no cause for alarm, she may have found the man of her dreams. I suspect that even Adolf Hitler, Saddam Hussein, Ted Bundy, Jack The Ripper, Harvey Lee Oswald, Mark David Chapman and many other notorious criminals were probably exceptionally nice to a select group of friends and lovers. The fact that your sister did not report this incident to police leads me to believe there may have been mitigating circumstances she left out of her story. Wish you roomie a happy wedding for me!!!