I need with my relationship with someone

[jnub09]

I first met this girl February of this year because she signed up with the same extracurricular activity as I did. I don't have any experience with girls and was very shy then. For some reason I introduced myself to her, and said hi to her every time we had practice. I only looked to her as a friend then. During august we met up again during camp. She was showing me alot of attention and she started to grow on me fast. By the end of the week, I caught feelings for her. SO for the last 12 weeks or so I have been doing the wrong things( i have not been acting like myself, I have the label of being the nicest person she knows). All in all there have been highs and lows with her, and it has gone downhill. NOw it seems like she doesn;t notice me. She doesn't even tell me bye. She is completely in my head. I have been thinking about her alt since august. ONe of my buddies asked her if me and her can be together and She said that" I am a good guy, and fun to be around but she cant take me seriously sometimes and she only sees me as a friend." I thought that if she said no that I would be over it. At first I was actually shocked that she said that and I was couldnt believe that she rejected me. Since I thought about it I have figured out what happened. She has admitted that she is insecure. IT seems as if all she wants is popularity and attenttion. ONe reason why she is on my mind, is that I am worried about her. There are some guys after her, but they do not care about her. They are football players and they only want her vagina. The pain that I feel the most is that I care about her and I don't want to see her get used and labeled as a football groupie. I feel that she is much more than that. I am so worried about her and I would hate to see her give up her self-worth and respect just to feed and satisfy her insecurity. Everyone says that I should let her go, but there is something in me that just doesnt want to. It is hard because I see her evryday and spend about three hours around her a day. I try to distance myself from her, but that doesn't help and I feel like I am hurting myself by not looking or talking to her. I have to spend the next 2 1/2 years with this girl so breaking things off is not possible. I enjoy her so I dont want to end friendship, but I want more. Im obsessed and I know it. Maybe when she matures she will come to me. Does anyone have advice on getting over her and letting her go? Or better yet is there a way that I can allow us to grow?

[jnub09]

i'll have to be honest with you, this sounds like a classic case of "friend zone." deep down inside, you know you're the right person for her and you can make her dreams come true but in her head, she's not looking for her dreams to come true, not yet at least. like you said, she's insecure and she's looking for someone to fill that void of insecurity, no matter how superficial it will be. you have a strong attachment to this girl because she's given you the light of day that you've never felt before, and she's become something you can't have, which doesn't make it any easier.

 

in my experiences, i feel that even if you do break this barrier for "friend zone" she become the leader of the relationship. she'll have complete control over you and its because the relationship was started on her terms (by the initial rejection). prepare to never be satisfied and prepare to wonder if you did anything wrong to make the relationship so unpleasant. Or just pray that she isn't cruel enough to humor you with a relationship, because I've seen it a million zillion times.

 

you've got to find someone who will look you in the eyes and ask you what you want, and be genuine about it. don't worry my friend, that day will come.

 

thank you. I just hope she ends up alright and doesn't turn into some groupie who gets taken advantage of. That would suck because I really care about her.

[jnub09]

c'mon guys can i get more advice?