Sugarkane Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 The only ex who has contacted me has done this. Why is it if the dumpee does, we're weak or a nutjob, but if it's the dumper it's ok? Why is it ok for them to be throwing breadcrumbs? That particular ex didn't contact me to give me closure or anything. Far from just more BS. Yet he called me the nutjob. I'm not the one who broke NC looking for an ego boost/ shag just because I wanted to get laid. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted October 31, 2011 Author Share Posted October 31, 2011 Pretty cruel in my opinion. Especially as he was the one that wanted to be single. Well he got what he wanted. I wasn't going to let him eat his cake too. Link to post Share on other sites
Thieves Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 Power dynamics. You always hear people talk about the dumpees "gaining back their power", or taking back their dignity after a break-up. That's because, for the most part, people tend to believe that the dumper has control of the relationship/ex-relationship because they were the ones that chose to end it; so therefore, supposedly, they get to decide on which "terms" the dumpee can or can't reach out to them. Also, the dumper in this situation has apparently not lost much of their dignity, since again, they chose to end things. I'm not saying I agree with it completely, because in my opinion, that's one of the thought processes that keeps many dumpees from really healing. The fact that they do believe the dumper has some magical, unexplainable power over them simply because they decided to end it. I don't believe that's always true, but a lot of people do (at least in the beginning). Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted October 31, 2011 Author Share Posted October 31, 2011 It's so lame I don't break NC ever. I wouldn't dump someone coz I "want ti be single" and then try and get laid with the person MONTHS later. Did he really think I would be sitting around waiting for him months later, to grow up? Doesn't make sense. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted October 31, 2011 Author Share Posted October 31, 2011 I hate it how dumpers want to be single, but still be able to sleep with you st the same time. Link to post Share on other sites
TheJiltedGeneration Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 Thieves pretty much hit the nail on the head, it kind of basic psychology that people want what they can't have, so if the dumper knows that, and know that the level of infatuation is more unfettered in the dumpee than them, then they have the most control and can keep them as a extra life line when they have no one else to turn to.. (groom them to come back to the dumper via giving the dumpee a dash of attention..) basically with these people you have to show no tolerance or even allow yourself to yield to their advances, if they haven't contacted you for a while, and just show up unannounced, without much or even any sense of remorse for what they have done, then to them your a "last resort" until something better comes along. IF this happens put you foot down and give them a piece of your mind.. Link to post Share on other sites
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