Girl of my dreams diagnosed with,

[tristoncerson]

[font=times new roman][/font][color=black][/color]

 

In the past year i have been in a wonderful relationship with the woman of my dreams,

but 5 months ago she was diagnosed with herpes,

 

i dont know what to do i have never been in this situation before,

 

i dont love her any less than i did before

i was just wondering if anyone had any incite to the problem or

if anyone had been in a similar situation before, help!

[shellgranado]

first of all you need to be checked . anymore people with herpes can have a normal relationship there are meds, protections get with her dr and they will expain everything to you but most important question is if you have been with her for a year and you didnt have them from the start and she just developed these in the last 5 months question your self where did she get them from ? dont mean to start a fight between you but where did they come from ? if my boyfriend came down with it i would be questioning him to that would tell me hes been with an infected person doing things that he shouldnt have been then it would be break up time because he would have cheated on me

[tristoncerson]

she was tested about a year ago, and i saw the test results myself they were clear, the dr said that sometimes it is undetectable for up to a year and a half, i am most confident that infidelity is not an issue here, i have been tested but came up negative. Could you go on in a relationship with this kind of situation? most importantly i trust her and yes i heard the dr say what he said but i have never crossed a bridge like this one before, help?

[olebrogan]

The girl that I was in love with had the same thing. The reality of it is that it is nothing more than a small nusance (sp?). it shouldnt change anything between you and it doesnt take anything away. If treated and with protection then it is fine. The one thing i would suggest is to read everything that you can get your hands on about it. Not only will that help you, but will help her. This is something that is stigmatized and she will have a tough time accepting that she has this. To her she will feel repulsive, disgusting and any other feeling of that nature. She will wonder how anyone would want to be with her with that disease. There is a whole series of reactions that will take place with this. You need to support her, let her know that you are not disgusted by this and that it is ok. It is only something that needs to be maintained. Its not he end of the world.

 

I hope this helps.

[shellgranado]

I GUESS IT REALLY DEPENDS ON HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THIS GIRL DO YOU PLAN ON SPENDING THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH HER IF YOU DO THEN GO FOR IT IF YOU DONT SEE THIS THEN BEFORE YOU GET INFECTED GET OUT BUT DO IT IN A WAY YOU DONT RIP HER APART TO ME IF MY B/F CAME DOWN WITH IT TODAY I WOULD END OUR RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE I DONT FEEL WERE GOING ANYWHERE

BUT YOUR THE ONE WITH CONTROL ARE YOU SCARED IF SO THEN THATS SOMETHING ELESE YOU NEED TO THINK ABOUT ITS NOT YOUR FOUGHT SHE HAS IT

IT REALLY COMES OUT TO HOW MUCH DO YOU LOVE HER ? DO YOU WANT TO GET IT ? DOES IT DISCUST YOU ? IF YOU CAN HANDLE BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH HERPES ? DO YOU SEE YOUR SELF WITH SOMEONE ELESE IN THE FUTURE ? THESE ARE ALL QUESTIONS DO YOU KNOW ITS THE LAW YOU HAVE TO TELL YOUR PARTNER LOOK AT IT THIS WAY YOU STAY WITH HER YOU CONTRACT IT YOU TO BREAK UP DO YOU RELIZE HOW HARD IT WILL BE TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE ELESE BECAUSE YOU WOULD HAVE TO TELL THEM YOU HAVE HERPES DATES WOULD EVEN BE HARD TO GET SORRY FOR BEING SO STRAIGHT FORWARD BUT JUST WANT TO POINT OUT THE FACTS TO YOU GOOD LUCK ON YOUR CHOICES

[magda]

It's possible that you could have it as well if it took that long for her to come up positive.

 

It's most contagious when symptoms flare up. Apparently 1 in 5 people are infected. So if you leave her, you have a 1 in 5 chance of meeting another woman infected.

 

She could use your support..

[bluechocolate]

I've not been in this situation myself but I know many people who have/are.

 

It's no big deal & as Magda says it is also very common.

 

It is estimated that 50 percent to 80 percent of the American adult population has oral herpes. 20 percent, over 50 million people, are infected with genital herpes, and the majority of these cases may be unaware they even have it.

 

Anyone who has had a cold sore is carrying the herpes virus, hence the 50 to 80 percent figure.

 

Some people go months, even years, between flare ups so there is no reason why this has to effect your lives in any meaningful way. Also the medication available today is very effective in reducing discomfort & in reducing the duration of flare ups. And take heart, genital herpes diminishes in frequency with time. During the first year or two a person can have 4 to 6 episodes but after that the frequency drops off dramatically.

 

Do some research (you could start with herpes.com or the American Social Health Association - ashastd.org) and ask your doctor about it.

[tristoncerson]

Thank you all for your incite and interesting viewpoints,

noone jumped to gross conclusions or critisized my situation,

all of you really realized what a struggle this is.

Triston

[shamen]

I agree: she could have had it for a long time. One way you can get diagnosed is when there's a flare up, so if she went to the gyne and got checked that way without having a flare up, they wouldn't have known that she even had it. Maybe they can diagnose from blood too, but I can't remember.

 

In any case, you should do some research on this to see how you can see if you have it without currently having a flare up (blister).

 

One supposedly can get genital herpes (simplex II) from someone who has it on their mouth (simplex I). So, if you went down on her with a cold sore on her mouth, you could have given it to her. Just passing on info from a nurse, I swear. I've also had another nurse tell me that this wasn't possible. They can't seem to agree, eh?

 

It's really not that big of a deal. Flare ups do indeed lessen over time and there are great meds out there.

 

Use a condom with everyone! Major rule of life until you've made a serious commitment. You've been with this girl for a year. Obviously a commitment. She's going to need to check herself every day in the shower to make sure that she's not having any flare ups if you want to have sex without a condom. BUT in the first couple of years of having it she's not going to be too skilled at this. Sooo, if you want to be with this girl for life, just be really careful about having unprotected sex if you don't want to get it. In fact, to be extra extra safe, use a condom every time. She could have a blister way up inside and not even know it.

 

I know someone who has had herpes for 15 years and never gave it to any committed long term partners.

 

Oh, and be careful with towels and stuff that touch that area! They need to be washed regularly to avoid exposure of the virus to someone else's hands and then to private parts (not everyone is great about washing their hands!). I also know someone who got it that way (supposedly). Again, not completely sure that this is true, but it's good practice.

[uriel]

I agree with the others who've said to stick with her, educate yourself, and use protection in order to avoid becoming infected yourself. You might already be -- you need to keep an eye out during this long gestation period.

 

Also, be aware that you can contract herpes even when your girlfriend is not having a flare up. Condoms and dental dams are the rule of the day no matter what. Non-married partners, or married partners who can't be 100% sure of monogamy, should be using these measures anyway.

 

Give your girl your support right now. She may even need to figure out who gave this to her to protect other women and deal with her anger.

 

-- uriel

[shamen]

Once again, I'm not COMPLETELY sure, but I don't think that it's common for people who are not having flare ups to pass herpes on to their partner.

 

Do the research. Yeah, it's possible, but I don't think common.

[uriel]

See http://my.webmd.com/content/article/52/49854.htm. It's not as easy for genital herpes to be transmitted when an outbreak's not present, but it's certainly possible. Don't risk it -- use a latex condom.

 

-- uriel

[shamen]

Uriel, the link isn't working...

[DerangedAngel]

http://my.webmd.com/content/article/52/49854.htm

[uriel]

Thanks for the respost, DA.

 

-- uriel