AliRose2728 Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 Me and my boyfriends have been together for 4 years now, when we met he used to talk to few girls online but he stopped talking to them. Well last week he was at my house, he was on facebook (i was beside him as usual) talking to his friend, he clicked on his search bar and i noticed some girls names that i dont know and some that used to be the girls he used to talk too. i heard that on the search bar on facebook when names comes up it means they have clicked on them. Anyway, i asked him there an then about one of the names i know but he didnt know i knew this. But he denyed he knew her. So i brushed it off but it still bothered me the next day. It was playing in my mind why he searched them again and why he lied to me when i asked. So the next day i conforted him about it, i asked him has he been searching the girls he used to talk to online and his reply was 'what if i have?'. I knew that he has been so i asked him why he would search for people he used to talk to online that he stopped talking 4 years ago. When he was with me. He got angry and said he just wanted to see what they were up too. I was so upset and confused as to why he would need to search them up. I kept asking him questions but he gave me the silent treatment. Well after that i never spoke to him much, it felt awkard between us, so i kept my distant cos it was still playign on my mind. Well yesterday i went on his facebook, i know i shouldnt but he never did mind me going on it before, he gave me his password. so i went on his facebook cos something was telling me too. and i found out he was searching for some girl who i dont know, i know this cos there were 3 girls with the same name in his search bar. He's lied to me so many time in the past 4 years and each of them lies he has hurt me, im finding it very hard to trust him since he first lied to me. Hes coming to mine after work at 6pm and he doesnt know. im so hurt that hes been searching girls he used to talk to before he met me. Im scared incase they was more that friends, im scared that he might be interested in them and misses talking to them. I dont know if im overreacting or what? but i need some advice on how to cope. cos hes lied and hurt me so many times Link to post Share on other sites
Gemini.rain Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 He's lied to me so many time in the past 4 years and each of them lies he has hurt me, im finding it very hard to trust him since he first lied to me. Well, I'm sorry for this. Actually inside your heart you already know what you should do. There are only 2 choice: 1. Stay with him with all the distrust 2. Leave him and feel peace Try to talk with him without judgment. Tell him you feel not good and tell him you will make a distance with him for some time to talk to yourself and deal with how you feel. Don't contact him, do your girl things, have fun. Usually this work out but after all just listen to your heart. Good luck! Gemini.rain Link to post Share on other sites
Mallow Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 Were these girls before you not platonic? Has he been unfaithful in the past? If these girls were just friends of his without romantic history, it shouldn't be a problem. If you feel he is up to shady behaviour and he's being defensive and deceitful, follow your gut. If you lack trust, there is no relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
rightkindofblues Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 It's always hard to regain trust after someone has hurt you badly. I would say that if he's searching them up, it's probably not that big of a deal. From his response, is seems like maybe you guys have had problems in the past dealing with situations like these? I wouldn't worry too much unless he's talking to the girl in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AliRose2728 Posted November 4, 2011 Author Share Posted November 4, 2011 Thanks for all you replies. Well ive spoke to him about it, we had a long conversation, well he got a little angry when i brought the subject up. He said they were just friends and nothing more, there were alot of repeating ourselves. At some points he gave me the silent treatment like he always does and always tells me to 'stop acting stupid' and 'stop being silly' when i ask him some questions. At the end of the conversation he said that 'he didnt want to go through this again' (meaning the subject). The next day after the conversation, i noticed he was looking down alot and looking sad as if he was waiting for something. I feel like theres something he hasent told me yet. Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Thanks for all you replies. Well ive spoke to him about it, we had a long conversation, well he got a little angry when i brought the subject up. He said they were just friends and nothing more, there were alot of repeating ourselves. At some points he gave me the silent treatment like he always does and always tells me to 'stop acting stupid' and 'stop being silly' when i ask him some questions. At the end of the conversation he said that 'he didnt want to go through this again' (meaning the subject). The next day after the conversation, i noticed he was looking down alot and looking sad as if he was waiting for something. I feel like theres something he hasent told me yet. Hi Ali I just responded to your other thread in the dating section about how your bf has never introduced you to any of his friends. After reading this thread---it's putting things in a new light. He's been keeping you out of his social circle on purpose, so he can still be flirting around. If you meet any of his friends, he risks you finding out what he's up to when you're not around. This is a very bad sign for a relationship. So is him telling you to "stop being silly" when you talk about your concerns. It's dismissive, rude , and invalidating. It's NOT loving behavior. You don't deserve to be treated that way. My fear for you, is that the longer you allow yourself to be treated this way, the more it will erode your self-esteem--when you're at an age where you're just beginning to develop your sense of self. The more your self-esteem erodes, the harder it is to get away from a person who mistreats you.It can become a vicious cycle. Find a man who will respect your feelings, and welcome you into his social circle. If you start setting your standards higher, you'll start feeling better about yourself, and you'll attract someone worth your time. best wishes, fs Link to post Share on other sites
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