So Hard To Let Go

[Rowena]

I am new to this message board but would like to say that it's nice knowing there is a place we can go to open up and get some advice and comments from others. I know many of you will have some negative things to say because I was involved in (what many people call it) an emotional affair, which from what I understand can be worse than a physical one, but here goes.

 

In high school I dated a guy who was my first real love. Our relationship was always a very deep and intense one. He broke up with me shortly before I went to college. I was extremely hurt but eventually moved on with my life.

 

I married a wonderful man and we have two amazing kids. Like all marriages we have had our share of ups and downs but have been able to work through things and keep our marriage strong.

 

About a year and a half ago the old boyfriend and I reconnected online. At first the emails were primarily platonic in nature and just basically catching up on the last 20 years of our lives. We also started to communicate by phone and he really opened up to me, saying that I was the "one" and the love of his life and if he hadn't made bad choices he would be married to me today (keep in mind that he is also married). I was completely blown away by this. I told him that we were both involved in relationships but he said maybe things would be different 20 years from now.

 

We agreed to tone things down, but old feelings started to resurface and I found myself falling back in love with him. It was an extremely emotional time because I knew it was wrong to have feelings for him. To make a long story short, I ended up breaking all ties with him several months ago and explained I felt things had gone too far. We live many, many miles apart and never did meet. He told me that he didn't want me out of his life and the conversation didn't have to go so deep, but he always seemed to be crossing that line. He blamed it on deep-rooted feelings for me. I told him it wasn't right for us to talk like that, but he didn't think what we were doing was wrong. He said all we were doing was just talking and always referred to me as a good friend.

 

It was extremely difficult to let go and say goodbye, but I knew that I could never do anything to jeopardize my family. I don't know why this is plaguing me now, but I feel like there were so many questions unanswered. I asked him "what he wanted from me" and "what he wanted from this" but he replied, he didn't know. Did he want something more in the end besides friendship? Did he really think we could continue the way we were without it leading to something else? I realize noone can answer these questions for me, but if anyone else has been in a similar situation, I would love to hear from you.

 

Thanks for listening.

[Bigbear187]

hey we all have problems.and we also need someone to listen.this is the place for it. You made the right choice.Your kids.and your husband. Life is hard.just have to go for the people you love.