I don't know how to be happy.

[Ashbash11]

Belle Vie-

Of all the posts so far, yours was the one that resonated with me the most. It was a heartbreaking post, in fact.. But, I can so much relate to what you described. As I mentioned before, my job is working with children who have various disabilities who come from neglectful homes, broken homes, abuse, parents with mental illnesses, etc. You would think that it would make me feel good to help them, but it usually ends up making me feel worse, because I can't do enough to help them... I have also gone to therapy, as you have, but I never find that it helps me 100%. Usually, it just ends up being a venting session with the therapist offering no advice or support, really. (I've been to several, as well.)

 

You know, maybe there is no secret, as you mentioned.. Maybe just accepting the life you have is the key to being content. I still cannot quite figure it out.

 

Cherrylips- Good suggestions. I have never been diagnosed with depression, either.. It could be a possibility, but I don't have the "classic signs" per the DSM-IV (I'm a psychologist, remember!!).. Who knows.

[Nikki Sahagin]

I'm the same as you OP.

I always persue a new hobby, new interest, and then always end up inevitably bored.

I met a girl who told me that she doesn't believe in contentment because humans are born to evolve and advance - we have come a long way in a relatively short space of time as a 'species' and as a culture. If man was content, we wouldn't have created all we have over the centuries. Something in her comments struck me as deeply true. Its not that we CAN'T be happy or content, but these things are always fleeting because humans are so advanced emotionally and mentally, we are always in the position to want MORE, because it is within our power to get more, always.

 

I don't really have any advice for you as such because so far nothing has worked for me either. Maybe you just don't know what makes you content yet. What do you 'want' out of life? What things matter to you? Family, friends, travel, school, animals, a certain place, drinking, drugs, etc? What things get a 'reaction' out of you?

[Heinrich]

The thing is, I think you are trying to dissect it too much.

This is how I view / look at life.

 

Life is like a hologram... In a hologram, you find the whole hologram infinitely repeating. So if you were to slice out part of a hologram and examine it, all you would see is a smaller version of the original.

 

People, because life is so mysterious, often try and dissect it ... driving them insane when they get stuck in the infinite loop hole of What If's.

Life is meant to be perceived and looked at as an extremely simplistic thing. If we look at the bigger picture of life, it suddenly seems a lot less crowded and confusing than if we look at life on a molecular level.

 

I have a lot of personal problems with change. I hate it..

I can't adapt well to it unless it is a drastic drastic change. Small changes in everyday routine screw me up.

So what I have been working on doing is convincing myself that I control my own emotions, feelings and thoughts. You are in charge! So take charge! Grab life by the horns and do something with it.

It is your choice and your choice alone to be happy. There is no such thing as "not being able to be happy" unless your diagnosed with something like serotonin syndrome, and then we will talk.

 

Half the battle is us convincing ourselves that:

 

A. We're worth two ****s.. especially in a world where domination in a common view.

B. We determine our own future.

C. We deserve to be happy.

 

I can't stress this enough to people... Our subconscious plays a huge role in our emotions, etc. Sometimes... if you constantly hear "your worthless" from others or EVEN from yourself, you become psychologically addicted to the fallacy that you aren't worth anything and don't deserve to be happy.

 

Sometimes, I find myself throwing pity parties over how terrible it is that I am single, however, I do it not because I'm actually upset about being single, I do it because I had grown so accustomed to feeling ****ty, lousy and hurt that my brain suddenly started rewarding me when I felt those feelings.

 

Now how does your brain reward you? By releasing serotonin and creating the "feel good" sensation. Have you ever felt good .. almost oddly happy when feeling sorry for either yourself or causing others pain. ( I'm not meaning physical, however, mental pain)

Meaning.. your brain actually sends the chemical frequency (that would normally be sent when you feel sad) when you feel happy. Thus, it seems as if being "happy" is no better than feeling sorry.

 

Your brain is delicate.. your own thoughts and perceptions about yourself ALTER how your brain works.

Some of the healthiest people / healthiest minds are those who take charge of their life and learn how to be in charge of their own emotions.

 

Just a thought.

Edited November 23, 2011 by Heinrich

[Ashbash11]

I know this is an old post, but I revisited it today to read some of the interesting replies again... Heinrich, you bring up some very good points.. I think I am still left wondering if it truly is a physiological problem of some kind, or if it's just a skewed way of viewing the world, and too many negative perceptions of people, activities, and other things around me. I know that I am typically a "glass half empty" person. I tend to pick out the negative in most situations. It is not something I do consciously.

 

I also have baggage from my childhood. Doesn't everyone, though? I guess I just wonder, because I meet these people who are so content with everything in their lives...I know that everyone feels depressed at some points, but there are people who hardly ever feel depressed. I wish I knew what that was like.