i miss him feeling blue today :(

[imperfectangel]

I'm having a really hard time the past few days - he sent me a blank text (wtf?!) Yesterday too which hasn't helped, I haven't replied obv and I'm starting to come to terms with my miscarriage - I say mine because he doesn't know about it and I'm not sure I actually want him to know

 

I felt like I was starting to do well I stopped turning my phone up "just in case" he called and I was out the room/asleep etc I don't think about him as much as I did

 

I was taking every day as it comes and felt I was on the right track but today I feel like I'm back to square one

 

There's no real reason for this - we live 50 miles apart so I never see him and other than the odd text that I don't reply to I never hear from him - he never calls me but I just suddenly feel like I miss him

 

Hating this right now I really thought I was getting somewhere

[TigerCub]

Hey ImperfectAngel,

 

I'm sorry for your pain.

I think you need to put things in perspective.

I recall reading about your miscarriage and that was not long ago. So don't be so hard on yourself if you miss xMM.

 

You've been through a LOT and you will have strong days where you're determined to move on and you will have tougher days where you're missing him or feeling lonely.

 

You've suffered a loss, you've actually suffered 2 losses.

 

I'm not sure if I have you mistaken with someone else here, but isn't your MM the one that texted you before and said not to call him because his wife had his phone.

 

If that's him, honey, keep running away from him.

If not, sorry for mixing people up

 

Yeah, the empty text, the email that was supposed to be for a friend but "accidentally" got sent to you, the email that just says "Hey" ... all that **** is meaningless and just an MM's pathetic way of trying to stay on the OW's mind.

 

You deserve better, you are capable of getting yourself out of all this, but it will take time, so take it as it comes and don't be so hard on yourself if you miss him, or if you feel sad. It is normal for these types of situations.

 

You will get past it - just try to see his actions for the pathetic attempts they are. Keep in mind that he has nothing to really offer, and remind yourself that you deserve and CAN DO so MUCH Better!!

 

***HUGS***

[imperfectangel]

Thank you for your reply yes he did text me asking me not to text b/c his wife had his phone the more I write that the stupider it sounds

 

I know I'm better off w/o him I know he can't give me what I want/need but I'm starting to really need to hear his voice - anything from him I feel like I'm back on day one of nc not nearly a month in

[TigerCub]

All I can tell you IA, is that the more distance you get from him, the clearer you will see things.

 

It is hard to break your addiction in the beginning, but honestly, I'm speaking from experience, the more time away from him, the more clearly you will see him.

 

For me, anger really helped me keep my distance when I missed him. I was mad at him for treating me less than I wanted to be treated, I was mad at me for allowing it, and I just decided I'd be a fool to go back for more. I'm not saying you're a fool, I'm just saying that when you feel enough is enough and you deserve better, it will be easier to stay away.

 

I made a list of all the crappy things he's done, all the lies, and all the ways he let me down. I put that list up on my wall and whenever I felt the need to hear his voice or contact him in any way, I looked to that list and thought better of it. Maybe you can do the same, maybe a list will help you keep things in perspective.

 

I'm not saying its easy, but it will get better if you push through at the beginning.

 

Good luck