Moetato Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 I am hurting terribly. My bf broke up with me in August. We'd been going out for 5 months. I came to really, really, really care for him. (Typical, and pathetic, I know ) Every so often he still calls to "check up on me" because I am trying to be civil and still remain friends. He is one of those people that remains friends with exes, me - not at all. Idk why I am still trying to do this. He called me yesterday to do one of his stupid check ups, and then I made the mistake of texting him later that night. He is in med school, and I found out he was going with two girls to a party and was dancing. My mind is agitated at this seemingly stupid stuff. Should I just flat out write him a letter or call him saying that I just cannot do the friend thing, because it is unfair to me, and that I don't ever want to talk to him again? Sounds like he's moved on and I haven't. Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 Yes. You need to completely cut off contact with him so that you can begin to heal. By maintaining communication, you are not only hurting yourself, but you're prolonging the pain. It sounds like you know it needs to be done, so just do it. You don't even need to explain it to him, unless it will help you get closure Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Moetato Posted November 1, 2011 Author Share Posted November 1, 2011 The issue is, I feel like I have things that I want to tell him off with, like I am looking for some cathartic release by telling him how much he hurt me. I am having a lot of anger issues about the matter because he just ended/ treated the ending like just flipping a switch off. Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 Anger is part of healing. But, it's likely that what you're truly feeling will not be experessed properly or clearly if you're in an emotional state. Why don't you try journaling? Or, you can write letters to him, but do not send them. Over time you will process things and when you are in a place of feeling indifferent about things, then you can look back on what you wrote. You'll see how much you've progressed. Point is, he knows fully well that he hurt you. In fact, he probably knows that "checking in" on you is hurting you too. You telling him details does not change that nor does it change the fact that he cannot help you heal. Just tell him that you're doing what's best for you, and right now that means he cannot be a part of your life. Wish him well and walk away. Be the bigger person and leave him with that to remember you by. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Moetato Posted November 1, 2011 Author Share Posted November 1, 2011 ScienceGal- Thank you for the advice, I appreciate it tremendously because I've been trying to deal with this basically all alone. I am going to do the journaling thing. I am at this very moment, working on blocking him from email and phone, deleting his number, and stashing his gifts away far from sight. I deleted my FB ages ago to remove temptation. I know it doesn't really matter, but the frequency of his check ins would be once a month, roughly, when he had "a free time to call family and friends because of all his studying". Once a month was one to many times to pester me... I wish it didn't have to be this way, but he wanted to end the relationship because of stupid reasons, and this is what he will have to live with: NC. I want to be a big "GO AWAY" sign to him. And I know for a fact that not speaking to him again will upset him. He freaked out when I told him ages ago when we were still together that I probably wouldn't want to ever speak to him again if we broke up because I am not the type to keep loose ends. You break a bond with me, and I am done with you. Its funny, he was always the one initiating contact after breakup. I never contacted him, the only exception ever, being last night. I haven't wanted to speak to him. I don't know if its a guilt thing, or being a clueless dolt, or wanting to keep tabs on me. I suspect its a mix of all 3. If you/ anyone is curious, my OP describing the situation is here, way back from August: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t295133/ Link to post Share on other sites
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