I'm REALLY doing this?

[airynmacy]

Excellent...sorry if my advice is painful, but glad to hear that it seems to be helpful.

 

So...what's your PLAN OF ACTION from here?

 

What specific changes/actions are you going to enact to change the situation?

Owl: I met with the MM Friday and honestly… everything went about as it usually does when we get together. I pushed your advice to the side; not only yours but everyone’s that was along the lines of “stop doing what you are doing” and told myself you were all wrong. That I could make this work because I’m good at being an emotionless zombie and could keep this A in check.

 

Then, when I was getting dressed and he was in the shower I just thought.

 

I don’t want to do this again.

 

I felt guilty! I thought of how I was being selfish, how I was a different person since this A started. I thought of what you said and how it pissed me off because it was right on point. Haha. And I made the decision to knock it off. To, as you so bluntly put it, “Put on your big girl britches...get off your comfy cushion...and DO IT.” So I did.

 

I told Charles that I didn’t want to be the OW anymore. And no, that didn’t mean I wanted him to leave his W and family. I was just done. And you know what? He actually looked a little relieved. He didn’t ask me to change my mind. He didn’t say anything. I was… shocked. I guess. I thought that after everything he would at least tell me I was right. Or, beg me to stay. Or SOMETHING.

I cried when he didn’t kiss me goodbye. And I HATE crying.

 

Last night he finally contacted me to talk about things. He wants to know why my sudden decision (read: self-respect) and what am I supposed to tell him? That a discussion forum pushed me to it? That reading stories about love lost scared the **** out of me? That one person (whose personal story I read and really helped me to understand their POV a little more) didn’t pacify me or try to hold my hand or ask me how I felt and just (figuratively) gave me a swift kick in the arse? That this one person’s standpoint was loud and clear… that this ONE PERSON WHO I DON’T EVEN KNOW told me to essentially ‘grow up’? And I’m DOING it. As best I know how, anyway.

That’s ****ing profound. I should thank you. All of you, really. And I will… once this throbbing in my chest stops.

 

I am mourning the sudden end of my A with the MM. I feel bad because now he is doing all of the things I wanted him to Friday when I walked out of that hotel.

Either way I know NC is best. But I FEEL like I’m missing out on something great.

[whichwayisup]

Owl: I met with the MM Friday and honestly… everything went about as it usually does when we get together. I pushed your advice to the side; not only yours but everyone’s that was along the lines of “stop doing what you are doing” and told myself you were all wrong. That I could make this work because I’m good at being an emotionless zombie and could keep this A in check.

You weren't 'ready' to follow through..

 

Then, when I was getting dressed and he was in the shower I just thought.

 

I don’t want to do this again.

 

I felt guilty! I thought of how I was being selfish, how I was a different person since this A started. I thought of what you said and how it pissed me off because it was right on point. Haha. And I made the decision to knock it off. To, as you so bluntly put it, “Put on your big girl britches...get off your comfy cushion...and DO IT.” So I did.

 

Then it hit you and you had your 'light bulb' moment! That's an excellent thing! As painful as it is to realize, your life now will be better. You're on the way to a healthier and happier life, finding "you" again. Be proud of yourself!

 

I told Charles that I didn’t want to be the OW anymore. And no, that didn’t mean I wanted him to leave his W and family. I was just done. And you know what? He actually looked a little relieved. He didn’t ask me to change my mind. He didn’t say anything. I was… shocked. I guess. I thought that after everything he would at least tell me I was right. Or, beg me to stay. Or SOMETHING.

I cried when he didn’t kiss me goodbye. And I HATE crying.

 

Reality hit. Another good thing and a sign you made the right choice for yourself.

 

Last night he finally contacted me to talk about things. He wants to know why my sudden decision (read: self-respect) and what am I supposed to tell him? That a discussion forum pushed me to it? That reading stories about love lost scared the **** out of me? That one person (whose personal story I read and really helped me to understand their POV a little more) didn’t pacify me or try to hold my hand or ask me how I felt and just (figuratively) gave me a swift kick in the arse? That this one person’s standpoint was loud and clear… that this ONE PERSON WHO I DON’T EVEN KNOW told me to essentially ‘grow up’? And I’m DOING it. As best I know how, anyway.

 

It isn't just one thing on here, the timing was right and the advice here helped you get to where I think deep down you needed and wanted to be. You found your strength and courage finally and changed your life for the better.

That’s ****ing profound. I should thank you. All of you, really. And I will… once this throbbing in my chest stops.

 

It's going to hurt for a while but the pain is final. No more daily rollercoaster ride pain, the up's and down's, the confusion and heartache. And yes it is profound! Not too many get to where you are, so I hope others find the strength and courage from you!

 

I am mourning the sudden end of my A with the MM. I feel bad because now he is doing all of the things I wanted him to Friday when I walked out of that hotel.

Either way I know NC is best. But I FEEL like I’m missing out on something great

Grieve the loss and allow yourself that time to cry and work through the pain of the A ending and having him out of your life.

 

NC is the way to go, for your own sake! You will feel better as time goes along and realize that YOU are the winner here. You get 'you' back, your life, your self respect and most of all, when you're ready and the timing is right, have a single guy who you can love and be a part of his life, ALL of his life not just bits and pieces.

 

If you feel yourself missing him and wanting to contact him post here. Or, write him emails but don't ever send them. Theraputic writing only!

[norajane]

You get 'you' back, your life, your self respect and most of all, when you're ready and the timing is right, have a single guy who you can love and be a part of his life, ALL of his life not just bits and pieces.

 

Well, first she needs to deal with her marriage before entertaining ideas about single men...I'm guessing you missed the part where she's married and cheating on her H?

[whichwayisup]

Well, first she needs to deal with her marriage before entertaining ideas about single men...I'm guessing you missed the part where she's married and cheating on her H?

 

Yes, my mistake, I did forget and missed that part.

 

Just makes her situation a lot harder and more complicated.