somedude81 Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 If a man is not physically attracted to you because of your personality (which can indeed create immense physical attraction) then fu<k him. Actually, the very fact that she is getting f-'d means that men are attracted to her. I know I certainly wouldn't sleep with a woman I'm not attracted to. If guys liked her just for a her personality, she wouldn't get anywhere beyond friendship with them. Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 (edited) Actually, the very fact that she is getting f-'d means that men are attracted to her. I know I certainly wouldn't sleep with a woman I'm not attracted to. If guys liked her just for a her personality, she wouldn't get anywhere beyond friendship with them. *you* may not, but people do sleep with others they are not actually attracted to (I've been guilty of this...... I actually agreed to sleep with a man I *HATED* and whom disgusted me - not for pleasure, but because in some evuhl way I felt in control). Settling does in fact exist within sexual interaction though (as some people do in fact have very good imaginations... and there's such a thing as "lights off" etc). Edited November 2, 2011 by OnyxSnowfall Link to post Share on other sites
ptp Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 Wow, I can't believe how many in this thread are dismissing the importance of looks. Maybe you guys/gals live on a different planet, but the one I am on looks matter a lot. Attractive women usually hook up with guys who are also attractive not the guys who have good personalities. Sure if the good looking guy doesn't have a good personality the relationship will not last, but at least he got a shot with the girl. Meanwhile the guy with the good personality never gets a chance and is sitting at home wondering why his good personality doesn't hasn't gotten him any women. Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 Wow, I can't believe how many in this thread are dismissing the importance of looks. Maybe you guys/gals live on a different planet, but the one I am on looks matter a lot. Attractive women usually hook up with guys who are also attractive not the guys who have good personalities. Sure if the good looking guy doesn't have a good personality the relationship will not last, but at least he got a shot with the girl. Meanwhile the guy with the good personality never gets a chance and is sitting at home wondering why his good personality doesn't hasn't gotten him any women. What? Sorry.............................. it takes jaded or inexperienced / dense people, male OR female, to prioritize looks over "personality". Generally they've yet to encounter the reality or they don't believe there's a "good" person (by their definition) that exists ANYWAY, so "looks" are really the main thing that differentiates people. It's not true. I have my reasons for not having given the "muscle-bound symmetrical and or suave well-dressed men (even very wealthy ones)" a chance... they are, for better or worse, *still* available to me and some even pursue me despite my status - Physique just doesn't get me off, personally. I require mental stimulation. Damn............................... that's harder to encounter (My boyfriend is not what other people seem to regard as physical attractive... to me though, he's freaking gorgeous. His MIND is too...) haha thats basically what I said except mine was much more brief. Looks are gonna get you a hell of a lot more options. Not necessarily a lot of substance though. I prefer substance. And I don't like "taking advantage" of other people's short-comings in my real life heh. Link to post Share on other sites
MaxNoob Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 I get this too. A girl could just flat out tell me "you're a good person but..." My face is not symmetrical due to an accident I had as a kid, so some girls find me hideously repulsive. Strangely enough, some girls will be absolutely determined to have sex with me after taking just one look at me. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 *you* may not, but people do sleep with others they are not actually attracted to (I've been guilty of this...... I actually agreed to sleep with a man I *HATED* and whom disgusted me - not for pleasure, but because in some evuhl way I felt in control). Settling does in fact exist within sexual interaction though (as some people do in fact have very good imaginations... and there's such a thing as "lights off" etc). Seriously? That's quite a shock to me. And I certainly haven't had a woman settle for me and let me sleep with her. Ugh, sometimes I wonder if I'm even living on the same planet as everybody else. Link to post Share on other sites
kiss_andmakeup Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 Actually, the very fact that she is getting f-'d means that men are attracted to her. I know I certainly wouldn't sleep with a woman I'm not attracted to. This is not necessarily true for every (or even most) men. I've known of many men who will sleep with someone they're not very attracted to. How unattractive they are willing to go depends on their current sexual frustration, desperation, and alcohol intake. I've seen some pretty hot guys leave the club/bar with unattractive/overweight women. I'm not trying to say this to make the OP feel worse, just felt the need to point this out. Though I've seen the OP's photo and can't believe she's having so much trouble. She fits the "curvy" ideal that so many men here purport to prefer. I would think that her great personality would only enhance her looks. OP, have you tried dating outside of your group of friends? What about men from other races/cultures, or men who are a little bit older (30's)? Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 Seriously? That's quite a shock to me. And I certainly haven't had a woman settle for me and let me sleep with her. Ugh, sometimes I wonder if I'm even living on the same planet as everybody else. LOL....... I think most people wonder the same thing, at least from time to time............... But yes, seriously... (not that it's something I'm proud of either ) Link to post Share on other sites
ptp Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 What? Sorry.............................. it takes jaded or inexperienced / dense people, male OR female, to prioritize looks over "personality". Generally they've yet to encounter the reality or they don't believe there's a "good" person (by their definition) that exists ANYWAY, so "looks" are really the main thing that differentiates people. It's not true. I have my reasons for not having given the "muscle-bound symmetrical and or suave well-dressed men (even very wealthy ones)" a chance... they are, for better or worse, *still* available to me and some even pursue me despite my status - Physique just doesn't get me off, personally. I require mental stimulation. Damn............................... that's harder to encounter (My boyfriend is not what other people seem to regard as physical attractive... to me though, he's freaking gorgeous. His MIND is too...) I prefer substance. And I don't like "taking advantage" of other people's short-comings in my real life heh. Sure, but you are the exception not the rule. HS - I was on both the football team and the mathletes ( yes I know it is lame, but that is what the math club is called in Illinois) and let me tell you the guys on the football team were getting the cute cheerleaders while the the intelligent guys, the guys with good personalities were getting busy with their TI 92 calculators.. Even the the nerdy girls in mathletes wanted the football players .. I went to an elite engineering school for undergrad while one of my best friends was a business major who joined a frat. Guess what frat guys get about 10x as many chicks while the engineering guys sit in a dark basement programming that week's homework. I wonder why the pretty blondes were not interested in the engineering guy's personalities? Even here at LS it so evident. There is a thread about a guy who is trying to get over his "shyness" and posted pictures of his good body. He wanted to chat with some chick and she was more than willing to give up her info just to chat with him even though he is significantly younger. I would bet dollars to doughnuts if that was an unattractive guy who wanted to chat with her she would been like "ewww what a creep". Looks matter a lot for most women and the ones who say that they don't matter that much are either the exceptions or trying to present themselves in a different light. What women say they want and what they actually want are often 2 different things. Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 Sure, but you are the exception not the rule. HS - I was on both the football team and the mathletes ( yes I know it is lame, but that is what the math club is called in Illinois) and let me tell you the guys on the football team were getting the cute cheerleaders while the the intelligent guys, the guys with good personalities were getting busy with their TI 92 calculators.. Even the the nerdy girls in mathletes wanted the football players .. I went to an elite engineering school for undergrad while one of my best friends was a business major who joined a frat. Guess what frat guys get about 10x as many chicks while the engineering guys sit in a dark basement programming that week's homework. I wonder why the pretty blondes were not interested in the engineering guy's personalities? Even here at LS it so evident. There is a thread about a guy who is trying to get over his "shyness" and posted pictures of his good body. He wanted to chat with some chick and she was more than willing to give up her info just to chat with him even though he is significantly younger. I would bet dollars to doughnuts if that was an unattractive guy who wanted to chat with her she would been like "ewww what a creep". Looks matter a lot for most women and the ones who say that they don't matter that much are either the exceptions or trying to present themselves in a different light. What women say they want and what they actually want are often 2 different things. One "chick" does NOT represent the female gender. To be honest, I think a lot of females try to extol the physique of a man just to attempt to give men a "taste of their own medicine". Surely there are some whom sincerely primarily want a "good-looking" mate but..................................................................................................................................................... Ugh, I was fairly nerdy, and I never saw anything great about the "jocks". I wanted the loner nerds, but they wanted the cheerleaders LMAO --- now that i'm all smexies and ****, I doubt they'd have a problem but prior............... Link to post Share on other sites
AHardDaysNight Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 Looks definitely matter, but like I've (and many other men in this poster's threads) has said, she isn't unattractive. She is actually hot. She doesn't believe that, and she says that people dislike her because of her looks...which are fine...so obviously it's her personality that is driving these men away. Or, more specifically, her attitude and low self esteem! Looks can get you in the door, but a sh*tty attitude can kick you right back out! Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 Looks matter a lot for most women and the ones who say that they don't matter that much are either the exceptions or trying to present themselves in a different light. What women say they want and what they actually want are often 2 different things. I have a theory that looks matter more to those who have the looks to offer others. I wanted to start a thread about this...how does one establish their baseline of attraction...? I believe it is formed by what that person attracts to him or herself. That is, it is externally valued. Link to post Share on other sites
ptp Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 One "chick" does NOT represent the female gender. That is why I gave multiple examples and not only one. I have seen the same pattern repeat itself for year after year after year. Ugh, I was fairly nerdy, and I never saw anything great about the "jocks". I wanted the loner nerds, but they wanted the cheerleaders LMAO --- now that i'm all smexies and ****, I doubt they'd have a problem but prior............... Well like I said you maybe exception, but you certainly aren't the rule. smexies? Is that emo for attractive or something? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 Currently there's a guy my friends are trying to set me up with. When I first met him, I was very attracted to him... however, he didn't give me the time of day. Over the next few months we hung out more in a group.... and apparently, after getting to know me, NOW he's interested in dating me! He admitted to my face that when we first met, he hadn't been attracted to me at all, but after seeing my personality he really likes me. I know I should be pleased, as I haven't had a boyfriend in over a year, but I can't help but feel really offended, like it's so much to ask to find a guy who likes both my looks AND my personality, and doesn't see one as compensation for the other. I also feel very cautious, as I've been down this road before, and it always ends in the guy dumping me for a girl who has both personality AND looks he likes. My friends, however, say I'm being ridiculous, and I should be appreciative that a guy is willing to see my "inner beauty." What sayeth you, LS? Aw, give him a chance to show you how much he likes you. And give yourself a chance to get to know him better. You're attracted to him and he wants to go out with you! Have fun getting to know each other! Relax a little and enjoy your time with him. Be open to what might develop between you. If you're all prickly about this and jumpy and nervous and dreading the worst and worrying about the worst...guess what? Worrying and fearing and dreading what might happen won't prevent it from happening. It's actually more likely to make it happen, because you'll be all tense and reading too much into everything and suspicious of his every move or...something...and that will take all the fun out of the dating and out of the relationship. Worrying won't prevent it from happening. What it might do is prevent you from reaching out to a guy you like and who is interested in you. Don't let that happen. And to answer your question, yes, it is inner beauty and personality that makes someone truly sexy. You might have a preference for pretty eyes, but when you look deep into them, it is what is behind the eyes that truly captivates. Right now, when this guy looks into your eyes, he sees a really cool girl that he's interested in. And that makes you hot to him. Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 smexies? Is that emo for attractive or something? I'm glad you asked ------- it certainly is ;D! Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 (edited) I have a theory that looks matter more to those who have the looks to offer others. I wanted to start a thread about this...how does one establish their baseline of attraction...? I believe it is formed by what that person attracts to him or herself. That is, it is externally valued. It's an "okay" theory but it has issues nonetheless. In my own experience, men pine for me and my "external attractiveness" all over the place --- and yet, their physique is of little difference to me ... It may be an interesting thread to start, though. Edited November 2, 2011 by OnyxSnowfall issuaes --- issues* -- blaming wine, lol. And elaboration. Link to post Share on other sites
SteveC80 Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 I have a theory that looks matter more to those who have the looks to offer others. I wanted to start a thread about this...how does one establish their baseline of attraction...? I believe it is formed by what that person attracts to him or herself. That is, it is externally valued. I feel the same way, most of the people who claim looks dont matter to them at all are medicore or unattractive looking people with limited or no options and have to take what they can get Some of us who are more plaesant to look at can be more picky and enjoy the more attratcive people on our level and dont have to settle when it comes to looks because of a limited pool Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 (edited) I feel the same way, most of the people who claim looks dont matter to them at all are medicore or unattractive looking people with limited or no options and have to take what they can get Some of us who are more plaesant to look at can be more picky and enjoy the more attratcive people on our level and dont have to settle when it comes to looks because of a limited pool I think there's more of a correlation between "good-looking" people lacking "intelligence good comprehension skills". It's not a mystery as to why you'd think such is true. But people lacking in depth do deserve one another... that much is true. Chokie on the other hand, remains a mystery (beyond that is seems to be something predominately associated with androgens). I don't consider it "settling" to be with someone less physically attractive than me --- in fact, I am well aware of the "benefits" to that Silly people (strangers usually) inform my boyfriend he is the lucky one.......... really, *I* am Edited November 2, 2011 by OnyxSnowfall Link to post Share on other sites
SteveC80 Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 I think there's more of a correlation between "good-looking" people lacking "intelligence good comprehension skills". It's not a mystery as to why you'd think such is true. But people lacking in depth do deserve one another... that much is true. Chokie on the other hand, remains a mystery (beyond that is seems to be something predominately associated with androgens). I don't consider it "settling" to be with someone less physically attractive than me --- in fact, I am well aware of the "benefits" to that Firts off i didnt say "everyone" secondly you seem to be the other extreme who wants the power in the relationship and would be too insecure dating a real good looking guy Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 Firts off i didnt say "everyone" secondly you seem to be the other extreme who wants the power in the relationship and would be too insecure dating a real good looking guy You stated most. Also, I've dated such already and have came to my conclusions --- they do not offer adequate intellectual stimulation. IME, they have been without much personality. I am not basing this out of "insecurity" --- quite frankly, *I* could look at it as others seem to "WOW, this HOTTIE is with ME --- I r going to make every other person jealouzzzzzzz, damnnnnn, I r lucky, you want what I got TOO BAD HAHA" Hmm.............. but no. Seriously............. They tend to lack "substance". Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 Chokie on the other hand, remains a mystery (beyond that is seems to be something predominately associated with androgens). Zuh...? Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 (edited) Zuh...? is = it. I am stating that you're likely an anomaly to the correlation I've personally observed That "good-looking" people tend to lack "substance" (But your potential interest in an equally / superior good-looking partner is still perplexing, granted it is weighed against my own biased observations heh). I.e, why the hell does anyone with great intelligence highly value appearance?! Perhaps my own weak area of comprehension is why I struggle to grasp this. Edited November 2, 2011 by OnyxSnowfall Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 is = it. I am stating that you're likely an anomaly to the correlation I've personally observed That "good-looking" people tend to lack "substance" (But your potential interest in an equally / superior good-looking partner is still perplexing, granted it is weighed against my own biased observations heh). I.e, why the hell does anyone with great intelligence highly value appearance?! Perhaps my own weak area of comprehension is why I struggle to grasp this. Ah...well thanks...all I read was that you thought I was androgynous...? That quest for a superiorly good looking partner was primarily fueled by my jealousy of my peers... Link to post Share on other sites
orangelady Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 Even here at LS it so evident. There is a thread about a guy who is trying to get over his "shyness" and posted pictures of his good body. He wanted to chat with some chick and she was more than willing to give up her info just to chat with him even though he is significantly younger. I would bet dollars to doughnuts if that was an unattractive guy who wanted to chat with her she would been like "ewww what a creep". LOL I happen to read that thread. I know who you're talking about. LOL but it happens to the reversed genders too you know and much worse. LOL I really liked that one thread because for once, its not just men doing it. Link to post Share on other sites
Wolf18 Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 Honestly OP, I don't know what your complaining about. A woman's attractiveness is 90% in her own hands. If you're overweight, go on a diet. If you've got an average face, wear some makeup. The only real male expectation for a woman in America is for her not to be fat. And even if you are fat, there's still guys that will find you attractive. I can't even tell you how many girls where I live who are pretty plain looking have got rich guys and model looking guys tripping over eachother to date them. Seriously, if being a hot girl is what you want just make an effort. I can't even imagine how you'd feel if you were a man and 90% of the physical features the opposite sex "prefers" (and won't date you if you don't possess them) are up to the genetic roulette. And trust me, nobody's going to date you just for your personality. See : "Friend Zone". Link to post Share on other sites
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