Is A Guy Liking Your Personality Really A Good Thing?

[Mme. Chaucer]

How can it be that women who wouldn't even give me the time of day at this very moment, would be interested in me if I get a good job? It's the truth but the truth disgusts me. How come I can accept a woman regardless of her financial or social situation but not vice a versa?

 

Truly, it does not render a person (regardless of gender) worthy of being trashed because they prefer to date / have a relationship with someone who is in a position of taking care of themselves financially, and maybe even fulfilling themselves in other ways via a "good job" over someone who is not. It's a preference. I'm sure you have preferences of your own.

 

Seeing as how literally no women no matter how worthy I am, want me right now, I can't help but feel a bit bitter when suddenly women I don't have anything in common with start to come into my life because I've got "stability".

 

If you are in real life anything similar to the way you present yourself here, you are NOT "worthy" of having any women in your life. You hate women. A woman would have to be suffering from profound self-hatred to have anything to do with you.

 

It's possible, though, that when you finally do become financially stable, your self esteem might improve enough to actually render you "worthy." If that happens, some women might actually like you. And NOT because you have money. But because you might feel good enough about yourself to have something (on a personal level) to offer in a relationship. Which you don't now, if you are as you seem.

 

Though I will reiterate that looking for a boy or girlfriend who is "stable" in the financial / job arenas is NOT "bad." You say you don't care, Wolf, but there are many guys here on LS who would not be comfortable dating a woman who was not stable that way.

 

I find it impossible to fathom why anyone would trade a worthwhile connection for someone who has a flashy car or money for a ski trip to Aspen.

 

How would any female find a "worthwhile connection" with you? You hate women. That would be like an African-American complaining about not forging a "worthwhile connection" with a proud member of the KKK.

 

Also, for the record, "stability" and "flashy car / money for ski trip to Aspen" do not represent the same things.

[fortyninethousand322]

 

If you are in real life anything similar to the way you present yourself here, you are NOT "worthy" of having any women in your life. You hate women. A woman would have to be suffering from profound self-hatred to have anything to do with you.

 

 

Plenty of women have self-hatred, perhaps he should go for one of them. They'd probably deserve one another.

[Wolf18]

LOL at Madame Chaucer, telling me I hate women when she's a hardcore ball busting feminist...

 

Truly, it does not render a person (regardless of gender) worthy of being trashed because they prefer to date / have a relationship with someone who is in a position of taking care of themselves financially, and maybe even fulfilling themselves in other ways via a "good job" over someone who is not. It's a preference. I'm sure you have preferences of your own.

 

[/Quote]

 

So you essentially repeated my criticism, only packaged it with new, feel-good words...

 

That doesn't make it any better. Any woman who would date me if I had a better paying job that won't date me now, is trash, I don't care if you want to call it a preference or any other woman cop out.

 

If you are in real life anything similar to the way you present yourself here, you are NOT "worthy" of having any women in your life. You hate women. A woman would have to be suffering from profound self-hatred to have anything to do with you.

[/Quote]

 

You know nothing about how I treat the women I've cared for in my life, but you are very much wrong. LOL you want to lecture me about how I treat women, why don't you look at the type of guy whose getting all the girls? We can't all be hopeless romantics like Jesse James and Chris Brown.

 

It's possible, though, that when you finally do become financially stable, your self esteem might improve enough to actually render you "worthy." If that happens, some women might actually like you. And NOT because you have money. But because you might feel good enough about yourself to have something (on a personal level) to offer in a relationship. Which you don't now, if you are as you seem.

[/Quote]

 

Do you seriously believe in this BS? Or do you just tell it to yourself to feel better when you make choices based on a man's financial status?

 

I don't know how people get away with saying "I'm not attracted to money, only the self-esteem a guy with money has!"

 

Though I will reiterate that looking for a boy or girlfriend who is "stable" in the financial / job arenas is NOT "bad." You say you don't care, Wolf, but there are many guys here on LS who would not be comfortable dating a woman who was not stable that way.

[/Quote]

 

So what happens when someone loses their job? Divorce? Break up?

 

Nowadays, yes, and that's pretty damn sad. The fact that even "men" are obsessed with money just shows how thoroughly effeminized society has become.

 

How would any female find a "worthwhile connection" with you? You hate women. That would be like an African-American complaining about not forging a "worthwhile connection" with a proud member of the KKK.

[/Quote]

 

Funny, I don't "hate" women, but I used to. When I was 20 lbs of muscle heavier, I openly berated women, because I thought it was funny. And women loved me. So don't come to me with this, the most successful guys I know just hump and dump women.

 

I'm not going to respond to any more of your posts. I find it difficult to believe you actually believe what you are saying, instead of just giving politically correct answers so nobody's feewings get hurt.

 

Can you imagine the laughter if some shallow guy said "Well, it's not that I love huge tittyed blondes, it's their self-esteem that attracts me"

[Metis]

That doesn't make it any better. Any woman who would date me if I had a better paying job that won't date me now, is trash, I don't care if you want to call it a preference or any other woman cop out.

 

This reminds me of a story my mother once told me, about a girl she knew in college who was bitterly single and couldn't get a date. This girl was smart and interesting to talk to. She was, overall, a nice person. She had a good figure and a pretty face. What more could men want? Well, there was one slight problem -- she had really bad teeth. I mean, all crooked and rotten.

 

As she often complained about men being too demanding and not interested in her, her roommates began to give her the eminently sensible suggestion that maybe, you know, it was because no man wants to kiss that.

 

"Martha, why won't you go to a dentist?" they would ask, "This is totally fixable. If you have a normal-looking mouth, you'll look really great, and you'll get a boyfriend, you'll see."

 

But Martha would have none of it.

 

"Any stupid idiot can become interested in me if I'm all cleaned up," she would say. "But I want a man who will be interested in me for who I really am, not for my teeth. Any man who won't date me the way my teeth are now is a piece of garbage and would not deserve to date me even if I fixed them."

[fortyninethousand322]

This reminds me of a story my mother once told me, about a girl she knew in college who was bitterly single and couldn't get a date. This girl was smart and interesting to talk to. She was, overall, a nice person. She had a good figure and a pretty face. What more could men want? Well, there was one slight problem -- she had really bad teeth. I mean, all crooked and rotten.

 

As she often complained about men being too demanding and not interested in her, her roommates began to give her the eminently sensible suggestion that maybe, you know, it was because no man wants to kiss that.

 

"Martha, why won't you go to a dentist?" they would ask, "This is totally fixable. If you have a normal-looking mouth, you'll look really great, and you'll get a boyfriend, you'll see."

 

But Martha would have none of it.

 

"Any stupid idiot can become interested in me if I'm all cleaned up," she would say. "But I want a man who will be interested in me for who I really am, not for my teeth. Any man who won't date me the way my teeth are now is a piece of garbage and would not deserve to date me even if I fixed them."

 

Well teeth are a little different. Crooked teeth are usually not a problem but the rotten (and I assume smelly) part is disgusting.

 

But anyway, I understand the reality that men have to be a walking wallet. Women just aren't as interested in men as men are in women. It's a fact.

[Wolf18]

This reminds me of a story my mother once told me, about a girl she knew in college who was bitterly single and couldn't get a date. This girl was smart and interesting to talk to. She was, overall, a nice person. She had a good figure and a pretty face. What more could men want? Well, there was one slight problem -- she had really bad teeth. I mean, all crooked and rotten.

 

As she often complained about men being too demanding and not interested in her, her roommates began to give her the eminently sensible suggestion that maybe, you know, it was because no man wants to kiss that.

 

"Martha, why won't you go to a dentist?" they would ask, "This is totally fixable. If you have a normal-looking mouth, you'll look really great, and you'll get a boyfriend, you'll see."

 

But Martha would have none of it.

 

"Any stupid idiot can become interested in me if I'm all cleaned up," she would say. "But I want a man who will be interested in me for who I really am, not for my teeth. Any man who won't date me the way my teeth are now is a piece of garbage and would not deserve to date me even if I fixed them."

 

 

I would date a girl who had crooked teeth, although I would draw the line at rotten. Although honestly, who knows, if I really liked her, i might even be able to overlook that.

 

Sorry, this analogy is god awful. So having rotting teeth is the equivalent to not having a car or not having an amazing job to women? Basic hygiene and dental care that prevents rotting teeth is not difficult to achieve.

[verhrzn]

Well teeth are a little different. Crooked teeth are usually not a problem but the rotten (and I assume smelly) part is disgusting.

 

But anyway, I understand the reality that men have to be a walking wallet. Women just aren't as interested in men as men are in women. It's a fact.

 

Men DO NOT need to have a walking wallet. But they DO need to be able to financially support themselves. I don't look down on guys who make less money than me, but I am NOT interested in dating someone who can't support themselves. Why? Because I want a family, and a family requires two incomes. I want an equal partner... And someone who cannot yet take care of themselves financially is NOT equal to someone who can.

 

Sometimes I really wonder why I bother with this forum... I started this thread about a guy who openly and without shame rejected me for my looks (only to change his mind for my personality) and it turns into yet another thread on how dating is so hard for "nice guys", women are shallow/gold-diggers. Unbelievable.

[fortyninethousand322]

Men DO NOT need to have a walking wallet. But they DO need to be able to financially support themselves. I don't look down on guys who make less money than me, but I am NOT interested in dating someone who can't support themselves. Why? Because I want a family, and a family requires two incomes. I want an equal partner... And someone who cannot yet take care of themselves financially is NOT equal to someone who can.

 

Sometimes I really wonder why I bother with this forum... I started this thread about a guy who openly and without shame rejected me for my looks (only to change his mind for my personality) and it turns into yet another thread on how dating is so hard for "nice guys", women are shallow/gold-diggers. Unbelievable.

 

Well for the record I did not cause this thread to be derailed. Although I do apologize for participating in its derailment.

 

And while I do feel bad for the guys like me (I suppose you could call them "nice guys" but I don't really think some of them fit that billing) I don't think it's a gender thing or a collective thing. I just happen to have an extremely low opinion of myself. I actually would probably look down on any woman who would debase herself by being attracted to me in the first place. People should have more pride in themselves than to do that.

 

And I don't think that all women are gold diggers, not at all. But, I do understand that some may expect men to be very well off. It's a reasonable expectation.

 

Anyway, I'll disengage and let your thread continue as it was supposed to.

[Wolf18]

Men DO NOT need to have a walking wallet. But they DO need to be able to financially support themselves. I don't look down on guys who make less money than me, but I am NOT interested in dating someone who can't support themselves. Why? Because I want a family, and a family requires two incomes. I want an equal partner... And someone who cannot yet take care of themselves financially is NOT equal to someone who can. [/Quote]

 

You don't need two incomes for a family unless you have a thousand artificial needs like having 2 cars, a big screen TV, etc or you both make very little money. But I agree, a man should be able to support himself.

 

 

Sometimes I really wonder why I bother with this forum... I started this thread about a guy who openly and without shame rejected me for my looks (only to change his mind for my personality) and it turns into yet another thread on how dating is so hard for "nice guys", women are shallow/gold-diggers. Unbelievable.

 

Aww poor baby, 1 of many men dated you then later bailed because of your looks, but then another man was right around the corner waiting to scoop you up.

 

There are guys on this forum who are 30 year old virgins, and look at what you're complaining about.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I'm sorry, verhzn, but I am going to continue with the sad derailment just a tiny bit further.

 

It's almost amusing to note that there are haters on this thread who say that women are trash because they want to date a man who has a "good job."

 

And some of those very same haters participated on another recent thread about how women would choose a "loser, bastard, whatever" who lived in his mom's basement and had NO job over the guy with the "good job" every time.

 

I'm so confused.

 

But one thing for sure.

 

We wimmenz is bad peoples! Bring on the hate!

[verhrzn]

You don't need two incomes for a family unless you have a thousand artificial needs like having 2 cars, a big screen TV, etc or you both make very little money. But I agree, a man should be able to support himself.

 

Aww poor baby, 1 of many men dated you then later bailed because of your looks, but then another man was right around the corner waiting to scoop you up.

 

There are guys on this forum who are 30 year old virgins, and look at what you're complaining about.

 

Are you freaking kidding???

 

I won't even touch the "you don't need two incomes" as there are tons of articles and testaments out there that state clearly, YEAH, you need two incomes, especially if you want to have a) children b) medical insurance.

 

But seriously... "1 of the many men"?? I've been involved, involved, not dated, involved total, with 5 guys my 26 years on the planet... FOUR OF THEM have dumped me for being unattractive. I've been single for over a year. But somehow, that isn't enough to qualify for your "Dating Is Hard" club.

 

So being dumped over and over again for being ugly, and having abysmal luck otherwise with guys don't justify any sort of sympathy on your part because somehow it's proof that I have it easier than some guys who are virgins?? Do you really not see how twisted this logic is??

[fortyninethousand322]

 

We wimmenz is bad peoples! Bring on the hate!

 

That's not how I look at it. I see women the same way I see the New York Yankees: they're much better than me, just as the Yankees are better than my team, the Orioles. But because they're much better I resent them. I know I'm a horrible catch who will never have a shot. But being angry is a whole lot better than being sad about it.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Okay, OP. Now I am going to address your original post.

 

I would not like a guy going for my personality because it "made up" for my looks. It would hurt my feelings.

 

BUT, attraction / sex appeal is not always based on looks. I think it's separate from personality, too. I would want my man to be attracted to me, even if he did not think I was exactly "beautiful" or his "type."

 

I am married to a man whose type is so not me! It's almost laughable. But I know he is very attracted to me, and I also know that what binds us together will last much longer than anybody's looks will.

 

When you posted earlier that you would be happy if a guy ONLY liked you for your looks - no, you really would not. Maybe for the initial moment of flattery. But it's terribly undermining to be appreciated ONLY for something that is absolutely fleeting, or that someone else ALWAYS has more / better than you. It's a losing proposition.

 

I don't know what you look like. But there are few truly astoundingly spectacular physical specimens in the world, male or female. They are wonderful to look at. I am not one of them. I do make the most of what I have in the looks department, and I hope you do as well. It's fun and makes us feel good. But don't focus too much on feeling like you are a "have not" in a world of "haves" regarding physical beauty. Most of us are in the same boat.

[Metis]

The point of the story I told isn't the teeth, per se -- it's refusing to fix something claiming that it's not a part of "who you really are", and that persisting in one's flaws is a way of weeding out those who supposedly don't deserve your love. That is, instead of improving one's life to the extent that it's possible.

 

Most women, apart from very traditional ones, don't care so much about how rich a guy is as about some evidence that (1) the guy has brains; and (2) he has it together emotionally and intellectually to actually accomplish something. And things like intelligence, a drive to do something productive with one's life, interest in and enthusiasm towards things that require effort to understand and become good at -- or an absence of those qualities -- that's very much a part of WHO YOU ARE AS A PERSON.

 

Now, there are different circumstances in life, of course. People get sick, they get laid off, they have to quit school to take care of a sick family member, they have moments of unclarity, the economy tanks and so forth. But the older a person gets, if he is stuck in a low-paid, dead-end, unskilled, "just for now" job and don't seem to make any effort at improving the situation, that increasingly strongly suggests a low intelligence, a lack of intellectual curiosity and a passive, lethargic mind. To a lot of women, myself included, things like that are very off-putting, and no matter how "nice" a man is, a relationship with him looks about as exciting as sawing a log with a butter knife.

 

Apart from that, if you truly have no money, to the point of being homeless, then your pursuit of dating suggests that you don't prioritize properly, that's bound to become a big problem down the road. Again -- it's one thing if you just meet someone by chance and hit it off, quite another actively pursuing potential dates while you should be concentrating on getting your feet under you. Again -- has nothing to do with you having money per se.

[Mme. Chaucer]

That's not how I look at it. I see women the same way I see the New York Yankees: they're much better than me, just as the Yankees are better than my team, the Orioles. But because they're much better I resent them. I know I'm a horrible catch who will never have a shot. But being angry is a whole lot better than being sad about it.

 

You're full of bologna. You have everything you need to be a GOOD catch. You just need to go with that. And stop looking at women as the "other." You've been around here long enough to see how bad that makes guys feel, even as they continue to try to bolster themselves with buying into it further and further.

 

Really, women and men, boys and girls are very good for each other and complementary. If you are looking at reasonably emotionally healthy ones, that is. And your emotional health is mostly in your own hands.

[Mme. Chaucer]

One more thing, OP.

 

I don't really have a sense of who you are too much, but I will say that when a person goes for you, it's rarely a "looks vs. personality" situation. They just REALLY LIKE YOU. The whole package, inside and outside. And if it has depth, it can weather stuff like when you gain a few pounds or your boobs get saggy.

 

That's been my experience, anyway.

[Wolf18]

Forgive them Father, for they do not know what they do

 

The point of the story I told isn't the teeth, per se -- it's refusing to fix something claiming that it's not a part of "who you really are", and that persisting in one's flaws is a way of weeding out those who supposedly don't deserve your love. That is, instead of improving one's life to the extent that it's possible.

 

Most women, apart from very traditional ones, don't care so much about how rich a guy is as about some evidence that (1) the guy has brains; and (2) he has it together emotionally and intellectually to actually accomplish something. And things like intelligence, a drive to do something productive with one's life, interest in and enthusiasm towards things that require effort to understand and become good at -- or an absence of those qualities -- that's very much a part of WHO YOU ARE AS A PERSON.

 

Now, there are different circumstances in life, of course. People get sick, they get laid off, they have to quit school to take care of a sick family member, they have moments of unclarity, the economy tanks and so forth. But the older a person gets, if he is stuck in a low-paid, dead-end, unskilled, "just for now" job and don't seem to make any effort at improving the situation, that increasingly strongly suggests a low intelligence, a lack of intellectual curiosity and a passive, lethargic mind. To a lot of women, myself included, things like that are very off-putting, and no matter how "nice" a man is, a relationship with him looks about as exciting as sawing a log with a butter knife.

 

Apart from that, if you truly have no money, to the point of being homeless, then your pursuit of dating suggests that you don't prioritize properly, that's bound to become a big problem down the road. Again -- it's one thing if you just meet someone by chance and hit it off, quite another actively pursuing potential dates while you should be concentrating on getting your feet under you. Again -- has nothing to do with you having money per se.

 

 

Considering I'm 22 years old, and still in school, I am doing "something" with my life.

 

What I find pathetic is you are actually arguing that your job reflects your intelligence. So I guess Gautama Buddha was of low intelligence because he dedicated his life towards gaining enlightenment instead of becomming some pencil pushing office larva.

 

No wonder the Buddha told his followers to boycott women

 

Are you freaking kidding???

 

I won't even touch the "you don't need two incomes" as there are tons of articles and testaments out there that state clearly, YEAH, you need two incomes, especially if you want to have a) children b) medical insurance.

 

But seriously... "1 of the many men"?? I've been involved, involved, not dated, involved total, with 5 guys my 26 years on the planet... FOUR OF THEM have dumped me for being unattractive. I've been single for over a year. But somehow, that isn't enough to qualify for your "Dating Is Hard" club.

 

So being dumped over and over again for being ugly, and having abysmal luck otherwise with guys don't justify any sort of sympathy on your part because somehow it's proof that I have it easier than some guys who are virgins?? Do you really not see how twisted this logic is?? [/Quote]

 

No, my point is that don't expect people to sympathize with you when they got it much worse.

 

Having 5 romantic interactions in 26 years of life is not anything out of this world and probably the average for the typical man of your age, the fact that you think it is not enough shows how warped society is. 50 years ago, you would probably have married your second or third guy.

[AD1980]

That's not how I look at it. I see women the same way I see the New York Yankees: they're much better than me, just as the Yankees are better than my team, the Orioles. But because they're much better I resent them. I know I'm a horrible catch who will never have a shot. But being angry is a whole lot better than being sad about it.

 

Im kinda the same way in that ive given up and the idea of attracting women is something i cant fathom ever happening..

 

Im 31 and never been with a women nor have women ever show interest in me except one,she was a friend of a friend that i knew for a long time and hooked up with when she was drunk ..

 

She texted me the next day she only did it because she was drunk and didnt know what she was doing and pleaded me not tell anyone that she gasp hooked up with me of all people so that just dropped my confidence even further down..

 

 

At 31 if women have shown zero interest in me nor have friends ever tried to set me up chance s are im pretty unattractive

[verhrzn]

No, my point is that don't expect people to sympathize with you when they got it much worse.

 

Having 5 romantic interactions in 26 years of life is not anything out of this world and probably the average for the typical man of your age, the fact that you think it is not enough shows how warped society is. 50 years ago, you would probably have married your second or third guy.

 

I see, so people only receive sympathy if they have a carbon-copy experience of the very worst thing that you can come up with.

 

So, being a virgin is somehow so much more terrible than being dumped, over and over again, for being ugly. For getting used until a guy can find a hotter girl.

 

Let me just guess what you're doing to say... Well that's what you get for dating rich/handsome players. Hmm, except the guys I've dated have all been NERDS, who used that same old tired "Why are women so shallow?" "Why do women only go for jerks?" "Oh I've had SUCH bad luck with women!" Oh, until all of a sudden they discover they CAN get a hot girl interested in them, and then it's adios to the ugly one!

 

I'd trade places with an unattractive guy in a SECOND. Guys, even unattractive ones, don't know how good they have it.

[ptp]

Are you freaking kidding???

 

I won't even touch the "you don't need two incomes" as there are tons of articles and testaments out there that state clearly, YEAH, you need two incomes, especially if you want to have a) children b) medical insurance.

 

But seriously... "1 of the many men"?? I've been involved, involved, not dated, involved total, with 5 guys my 26 years on the planet... FOUR OF THEM have dumped me for being unattractive. I've been single for over a year. But somehow, that isn't enough to qualify for your "Dating Is Hard" club.

 

So being dumped over and over again for being ugly, and having abysmal luck otherwise with guys don't justify any sort of sympathy on your part because somehow it's proof that I have it easier than some guys who are virgins?? Do you really not see how twisted this logic is??

 

Verhrzn,

 

Looks matter and they matter a lot. That is the truth and it applies to both men and women. I am not sure how you know that you were dumped based on your looks? If those guys told you that then they lack decency.

 

Unless your are obese, there will be guys who like you and find you attractive. It just seems like you are going for the wrong types. Don't go for the really good looking player types, go for more normal guys.

 

It is up to you though to screen the guys you get involved in. Thus you need to be able to tell which ones are really into you and which ones are lukewarm.

[OnyxSnowfall]

verhrzn.... wolfy just fails to fathom that things are relative.

 

And like somedude stated in one of his self-deprecating posts (lol), things can always be worse but they can always be better

 

Wolfy - it's silly to "devalue" hers AND others experiences based on such a thing

[verhrzn]

Verhrzn,

 

Looks matter and they matter a lot. That is the truth and it applies to both men and women. I am not sure how you know that you were dumped based on your looks? If those guys told you that then they lack decency.

 

Unless your are obese, there will be guys who like you and find you attractive. It just seems like you are going for the wrong types. Don't go for the really good looking player types, go for more normal guys.

 

It is up to you though to screen the guys you get involved in. Thus you need to be able to tell which ones are really into you and which ones are lukewarm.

 

The sheer irony of this post, given what I'd just detailed in my previous one, is kind of delicious.

[Metis]

Considering I'm 22 years old, and still in school, I am doing "something" with my life.

And? How does not invalidate anything that I said?

 

What I find pathetic is you are actually arguing that your job reflects your intelligence.

It doesn't necessarily reflect your intelligence, but it very well may. If someone is a neurosurgeon, that's a pretty good indication he has lots of intelligence, as well as the kind of personality that makes it possible for him to accomplish something very difficult. Many jobs have prerequisites that make it virtually impossible for stupid or unmotivated people to get them. So while your job is not the lithmus test for your intelligence, there is at least some correlation between what you do for a living and how intelligent you are.

 

Also, you misstated what I said. I allowed for various kinds of exceptions and didn't make it as simple as "high-paying job" = "intelligence". You are now twisting my words. Women are attracted to intelligent men who have energy and drive, because they make exciting, intellectually stimulating and reliable partners. It just so happens that people who possess those qualities tend to -- though by far not always -- be on a solid financial footing.

 

So I guess Gautama Buddha was of low intelligence because he dedicated his life towards gaining enlightenment instead of becomming some pencil pushing office larva.

 

I am rather less impressed with religious thinkers than most people are. I think most of them have a skill for creating a superficial veneer of intelligence that cuts it with the masses, but with rare exceptions, they are little more than clever salesmen. However, to each his own.

 

No wonder the Buddha told his followers to boycott women

I think it would be no problem whatsoever if you boycott women, Wolf. It would be best both for women and for you.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I think it's confusing and sad how some guys who are virgins blame others for this, and also use the fact to fodder lots of rage towards other people.

 

You're a virgin. Get used to it. Or, figure out how to relate well with women so you can have some sexual experiences with some of them.

[january2011]

My friends, however, say I'm being ridiculous, and I should be appreciative that a guy is willing to see my "inner beauty." What sayeth you, LS?

 

In an ideal world, I agree with your friends. However, I know that vanity can get the better of most of us sometimes and we want to feel attractive to our chosen gender. Especially when our past experience tells us that somehow we fell short.

 

But how does it benefit you to be 'right' that looks are more important than personality? Will you have cosmetic surgery to change how you look to improve your chances of maintaining a successful relationship? Or is it more likely to fuel your self-criticism that somehow you are not good enough no matter how great your personality?

 

You are who you are. You have managed to have a number of relationships with men who were attracted to you, even if it wasn't to the part of you that you wanted. They did not last, but you only need one that will.