Wolf18 Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 You're focusing on sex, and she's talking about being *loved*, wholeheartedly. At this point, I wish that I could just meet someone for sex and be happy with that - but I want what she wants. I don't want to settle, or be settled for. I was watching a movie, it was about the Japanese Kamikazis in WWII. There was a scene where young men volunteered to fly and give their lives for their nation, and as they flew off a peasent looked to the sky and said "they are sacrificing everything for Japan at such a young age where they do not even know a woman". To Anela and Ver, I doubt either of you can even imagine a life where you don't even KNOW what sex feels. Any woman who just brushes off and thinks it's no big deal to be in your late 20's or 30's and not know what sex feels like is a monster with no heart, especially if you are aware of the typical man's sexual urges. Oh yeah, P.S., the guys who are virgins have also never been loved. Hell even though I had a good few lays in my life, you know what, I don't think any woman has ever romantically loved me either. Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Yes, it's amazing that you can sue someone for emotional damage if they scratch your car, but not if they destroy you with mind games. Particularly in a case of unrequited love, where the person is vulnerable and so much damage can be done. When a man loves a woman Down deep in his soul She can bring him such misery If she plays him for a fool He's the last one to know Lovin' eyes can't ever see -Percy Sledge I've been there - although it wasn't entirely unrequited. I don't want to get into it. I'm still trying to get past it. Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 I was watching a movie, it was about the Japanese Kamikazis in WWII. There was a scene where young men volunteered to fly and give their lives for their nation, and as they flew off a peasent looked to the sky and said "they are sacrificing everything for Japan at such a young age where they do not even know a woman". To Anela and Ver, I doubt either of you can even imagine a life where you don't even KNOW what sex feels. Any woman who just brushes off and thinks it's no big deal to be in your late 20's or 30's and not know what sex feels like is a monster with no heart, especially if you are aware of the typical man's sexual urges. Oh yeah, P.S., the guys who are virgins have also never been loved. Hell even though I had a good few lays in my life, you know what, I don't think any woman has ever romantically loved me either. I've never been loved. Not really. And I understand more than you know, sadly, so will you please stop discounting my opinion? Link to post Share on other sites
Disenchantedly Yours Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 I'd really like the opinion of the other LS ladies out there... would you feel better or worse if a guy liked your personality enough that it "made up" for your looks? Verhrzn, I don't think I'd want to be with a man that needed my personality to make up for my looks. I can understand a man thinking your even more attractive as he gets to know you, but I don't see what a future we would have together if he wasn't physically attracted to me on some level to the point where it was my personality that he liked but my physical looks not so much. So I don't think you are being ridiculous. We are women. We usually want our guys to think we are wildly beautiful physically while appreciating our personalities. It's a package deal. Our body doesn't come seperate from our personalities, our personalities don't come seperate from our bodies. Here's an example. A woman wrote into Dear Prudence that she and her long term boyfriend slept together about once a week. A few months ago she started to exercise and diet, and had lost a significant amount of weight. Suddenly, her boyfriend wanted to have sex with her 4-5 times a week, and admitted that her previous body type "wasn't his preference." She felt hurt by this, and was wondering if she should exit the relationship. A lot of people in the comments admonished her for this, saying that it was a GOOD thing, as it meant he was attracted more to her personality, and could love her "even when he wasn't that physically attracted to her." I don't know but that sounds messed up to me. It would be one thing if he was excited at her weight lose. But it's another to want to have more sex when previously he didn't want to with her. That's sending a big message and not a very pretty one. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 You're focusing on sex, and she's talking about being *loved*, wholeheartedly. At this point, I wish that I could just meet someone for sex and be happy with that - but I want what she wants. I don't want to settle, or be settled for. And do you think the men who never get laid are drowning in love? Of course not. I've never had any love me, period. I don't know if any of the men have given her love, but I wouldn't be surprised if they had. At least getting sex is better than nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Disenchantedly Yours Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 At least getting sex is better than nothing. That's a rather self indulgent comment to make. That because *you* might not be getting sex *she* should be happy with just getting sex. I'm sorry but that's not right. NO, getting sex is *not* always better then getting nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 At least getting sex is better than nothing. Not from what I hear. Please stop discounting my opinions? I'm not much better off than you are, and I can guarantee you that it would not feel good to be used that way. the person who broke my heart sounded just like you guys - and he'd been in a relationship and in love in the past, but been celibate and bitter for years, due to lack of self-esteem. Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 At least getting sex is better than nothing. From a male's perspective, totally, but many women wont see it that way. I have seen a number of posts from women here who absolutley reject this, still more + more women I know of seem to doing the F*** buddy thing, while dealing with issues or waiting for the right guy to come along or busy with job + kids as struggling single mothers. Link to post Share on other sites
fortyninethousand322 Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 That's a rather self indulgent comment to make. That because *you* might not be getting sex *she* should be happy with just getting sex. I'm sorry but that's not right. NO, getting sex is *not* always better then getting nothing. Easy for you to say. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 ROFL, people (women) are actually disagreeing with me that sex is better than nothing? Are you all insane? If you thought that nothing was actually better than sex, then that would mean that you hate sex. Now how many women are going to tell me that they hate sex and never enjoy it? Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 That's a rather self indulgent comment to make. That because *you* might not be getting sex *she* should be happy with just getting sex. I'm sorry but that's not right. NO, getting sex is *not* always better then getting nothing. Thank you, Disenchantedly Yours. That attitude really gets on my nerves. I can't sleep with someone that I don't have feelings for, and I hardly ever meet anyone that I hit it off with to that extent. Someone who seems to feel the same way for me. I'm crying right now just thinking about it - having sex with someone just to have it. Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 ROFL, people (women) are actually disagreeing with me that sex is better than nothing? Are you all insane? If you thought that nothing was actually better than sex, then that would mean that you hate sex. Now how many women are going to tell me that they hate sex and never enjoy it? God, you don't pay attention. Try LISTENING and actually trying to see things from our point of view, just as you expect us to with you. No, being used for sex is NOT better than nothing. I feel extremely frustrated, but turned off by just having sex with someone, and not being in love. Link to post Share on other sites
Wolf18 Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 I don't get it, if sex is so bad for you women, why do you have it? You are the gatekeepers of it, and it takes two to tango. You have a choice to have sex or not. If you choose to, and it's with a worthless guy, that's the consequences of your choice. A 30 year old guy whose a virgin...isn't there by choice, and yet some of the feminists here try to paint it like that . Consequences from a bad choice are bad, a bad situation out of your hands is awful. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Who said anything about getting used for sex? If a woman doesn't want to have sex, then she doesn't have to. Getting back to the OP. Verzern has a FWB and I'm sure they're getting it on at least once a week. I haven't had sex in a little over two years. I have nothing. How is me having nothing, better than that what Verizon has? Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Bloody hell, who said anything about not enjoying it, when it's with someone you have feelings for? Who said anything about not wanting it? I'm feeling just as frustrated as you guys, because I need to be with someone that I have strong feelings for. Why can't you get that into your heads? And I'm not the only woman out there like this. Why don't all of you just find yourself some hookers, and pay them regular visits, if you want it so badly? Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Not from what I hear. Please stop discounting my opinions? I'm not much better off than you are, and I can guarantee you that it would not feel good to be used that way. the person who broke my heart sounded just like you guys - and he'd been in a relationship and in love in the past, but been celibate and bitter for years, due to lack of self-esteem. Why is having sex that does not result in a full-time committed relationship, the equivalent of getting used? If they guy in question mislead you as to his intentions to be your bf, then you could argue that you were deceived and used as a result. Excluding this situation...outside of a commited relationship do you see sex as something that you have to persevere with to encourage a guy to be your bf? Is your orgasm of lesser value to a guy's, so that you feel he got more out of it than you when it comes to sex? I'm just curious because when women say no sex is better than ONS (which for guys who are long time single between relationships is pretty damn nice) its because they are getting used. Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Why is having sex that does not result in a full-time committed relationship, the equivalent of getting used? If they guy in question mislead you as to his intentions to be your bf, then you could argue that you were deceived and used as a result. Excluding this situation...outside of a commited relationship do you see sex as something that you have to persevere with to encourage a guy to be your bf? Is your orgasm of lesser value to a guy's, so that you feel he got more out of it than you when it comes to sex? I'm just curious because when women say no sex is better than ONS (which for guys who are long time single between relationships is pretty damn nice) its because they are getting used. I'd like to know why you men cannot understand the need to be having sex in a relationship, but not outside of one. I'm in bad shape tonight, and this is just making it worse. I can't just have sex - it is not in my makeup. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Not from what I hear. Please stop discounting my opinions? I'm not much better off than you are, and I can guarantee you that it would not feel good to be used that way. the person who broke my heart sounded just like you guys - and he'd been in a relationship and in love in the past, but been celibate and bitter for years, due to lack of self-esteem.Don't get too worked up with these guys. They can't understand what it feels like to be a woman. Their focus is always inwards about how they feel, with no regards for anyone else. It's why they're single and having dating issues. Link to post Share on other sites
fortyninethousand322 Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 I'd like to know why you men cannot understand the need to be having sex in a relationship, but not outside of one. I'm in bad shape tonight, and this is just making it worse. I can't just have sex - it is not in my makeup. Well look, I only want sex in a relationship as well so I agree with you there. But OP willingly and knowingly got into a FWB situation with someone, but wants a committed relationship with someone who likes her for her looks but not her personality (or at least not her personality alone). Totally different scenario. Link to post Share on other sites
fortyninethousand322 Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Don't get too worked up with these guys. They can't understand what it feels like to be a woman. Their focus is always inwards about how they feel, with no regards for anyone else. It's why they're single and having dating issues. And always will be. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Their focus is always inwards about how they feel, with no regards for anyone else. It's why they're single and having dating issues. Oh give me a f-ing break. That's pretty close to the stupidest thing I heard all day and I read Kali91's thread. (Which also directly contradicts what you said.) Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Well look, I only want sex in a relationship as well so I agree with you there. But OP willingly and knowingly got into a FWB situation with someone, but wants a committed relationship with someone who likes her for her looks but not her personality (or at least not her personality alone). Totally different scenario. Thank you. The OP seems to be doing what many women do, when they can't get what they really want, though - just as someone above mentioned women who will be in sexual relationships hoping that it will turn into something different, or waiting a good relationship to come along. It seems to be expected of us - we're either sluts who have it made, or freaks who don't want sex at all, to certain men out there. I may not be in a FwB situation, but I can understand what she's saying. Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Don't get too worked up with these guys. They can't understand what it feels like to be a woman. Their focus is always inwards about how they feel, with no regards for anyone else. It's why they're single and having dating issues. Thank you, threebyfate. I'm going to get out of here, make a hot drink and go to bed. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Thank you. The OP seems to be doing what many women do, when they can't get what they really want And yet that is somehow worse than nothing... Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 I'd like to know why you men cannot understand the need to be having sex in a relationship, but not outside of one. I'm in bad shape tonight, and this is just making it worse. I can't just have sex - it is not in my makeup. Anela, I totally understand that many women don't want to have sex unless its in a committed relationship. I have no problem with that, its just when women say they were used when they had sex, like the event cost them or they did not enjoy it or they had to suffer through the date, while it was only the guy that had a ball. Anyway there's plenty of women out there who are happy to have sex with a guy thats not their bf without feeling used...its a shame its not more evenly distributed though. Link to post Share on other sites
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