OnyxSnowfall Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 And yet that is somehow worse than nothing... Ugh. ............. It can very well be. YES. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 @ Metis So angry male virgins here who have been emotionally abused are not sympathetic. While sex is not an entitlement, using feminine wilds and the implied prospect of sex to manipulate people is just as sociopathic as beating someone. Who says these raging virgins are emotionally abused? Girls going on dates with them but not "putting out" is abusive? I don't think that flirting is just as sociopathic as beating someone. I'm shocked to read that somebody does. Yikes. I do think, though, that "using feminine 'wilds' (I think he meant "wiles," but he is so much smarter than the rest of us, or at least will be someday, that I might be wrong about that) and the "implied prospect of sex" is on exactly the same social plane as a man using charm and behaving as if he might be interested in a woman. Both are NORMAL DATING BEHAVIOR. Flirting, you guys, is not abusive. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Well, I still think people who get cheated on, abused, lied to, or manipulated deserve what they get. Just like I deserve being a virgin for life. I think that's fair. I really hope you don't mean that. You have a lot of power over what you do or don't in your life. People on the receiving end of negative actions do NOT. You know this. Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Then why even do it by choice? Some of you lack logic sometimes. Sometimes it's not by choice :rolleyes: And thanks for the wisdom, but I personally learned not to years ago Also, sometimes things just end terribly and were never worth it... and that it ever occurred can make things fouler than if it were to never have. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Ugh. ............. It can very well be. YES. Please explain. Nothing the women are saying here makes any sense. And I'm not talking about a situation where the woman is being mislead. Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Please explain. Nothing the women are saying here makes any sense. And I'm not talking about a situation where the woman is being mislead. Well, another thing is: Not many women derive physical pleasure out of just sexual intercourse. I know my vaginal canal is not very innately sensitive to physical pleasure (but it can be to pain, go figure). Unless I'm "aroused" --- but just being physically stimulated does not arouse me. I could get banged all day long and not get anything out of it but soreness .......... Having "good sex", on the other hand.......... I'm not sure how that's worse than nothing (unless there is indeed a fall-out that overrides any good sex that was had, etc). Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 But the OP is having an FWB by choice. If it is supposedly worse than nothing she wouldnt be doing it. Or is that too logical? Probably. It's obviously not satisfying her needs though, is it? It made just EMPHASIZE her needs even more.... Link to post Share on other sites
ptp Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 But the OP is having an FWB by choice. If it is supposedly worse than nothing she wouldnt be doing it. Or is that too logical? Probably. +1 If getting nothing was actually better she could sit and home and chose not to have sex with the guy. Sorry...something>nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
fortyninethousand322 Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 I really hope you don't mean that. You have a lot of power over what you do or don't in your life. People on the receiving end of negative actions do NOT. You know this. Bah...I don't have control over anything in my life. So that's a false premise. And perhaps my words were a little too strong. They may not "deserve" what they get, but I'm certainly not going to feel sorry for them. And it's not a gender thing either, it's the same for men and women as far as I'm concerned. I just don't see the purpose in feeling sympathy for people in those situations. There's a thread right now where a woman is willfully putting herself into a suspect situation. Why should I feel any sympathy for her? She's choosing her fate. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Well, another thing is: Not many women derive physical pleasure out of just sexual intercourse. I know my vaginal canal is not very innately sensitive to physical pleasure (but it can be to pain, go figure). Unless I'm "aroused" --- but just being physically stimulated does not arouse me. I could get banged all day long and not get anything out of it but soreness .......... Having "good sex", on the other hand.......... I'm not sure how that's worse than nothing (unless there is indeed a fall-out that overrides any good sex that was had, etc). Yeah, I was assuming she was having good sex, or else I don't see why she'd even do it. It's not like she has a husband that wants to have sex and she just does it anyways. Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 may just**** In any case... I think I need to go back a few pages, because I'm responding to this from just reading about how can sex ever not be better than nothing --- if it pertains to one particular person in their circumstances, well, maybe I should just stfu then Link to post Share on other sites
Author verhrzn Posted November 5, 2011 Author Share Posted November 5, 2011 Anela, I totally understand that many women don't want to have sex unless its in a committed relationship. I have no problem with that, its just when women say they were used when they had sex, like the event cost them or they did not enjoy it or they had to suffer through the date, while it was only the guy that had a ball. Anyway there's plenty of women out there who are happy to have sex with a guy thats not their bf without feeling used...its a shame its not more evenly distributed though. Actually it does cost the woman something. There's still a very strong double standard of promiscuity. A woman who has too many sexual partners outside of relationships runs the very strong risk of being judged as being a slut. I've even seen posters here on the board say that if a woman has FWBs, it means she can never be faithful in a relationship. The biology of a f*ck buddy/FWB isn't also very conducive for women. Only 1 out of 4 women can orgasm from penetration alone... the rest require some additional kind of attention. So in a FWB situation, a guy can get off almost every time, whereas a woman cannot get off unless the guy decides to "go the extra mile." (Other scenarios are she demands it, or does it herself, but both of these come with problems of their own... It's socially beaten into women to be passive and non-confrontational, and both of these acts are rather forward. The average woman is very afraid that by demanding something of a partner, she will turn him off and be rejected, and if she does it herself, he will be offended and reject her.) The goal of sex in an FWB is the orgasm, not to build intimacy. I think most women like the experience of sex for, sure, it's physical attributes, but the intimacy is where its at (orgasm is what is the most physically pleasurable.) Honestly, my theory is that if women weren't as socially condemned for sleeping around, AND were guaranteed to orgasm with a partner 99% of the time, a LOT more women wouldn't mind FWBs. Me myself, I engage in an FWB situation because I feel like it's the only way I'm going to get a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 may just**** In any case... I think I need to go back a few pages, because I'm responding to this from just reading about how can sex ever not be better than nothing --- if it pertains to one particular person in their circumstances, well, maybe I should just stfu then It starts with my post #141 then Anela 177. Then the next few pages. Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Then she would choose to end it, wouldnt she? Nope too logical or perhaps she just a bull****ter and in fact doing that is better than nothing. Well, I went back and skimmed through.... and there was indeed a general inquiry of it With that said, perhaps in the OP's particular case (assuming she still has a FWB), it could be that she knows it isn't the best for her........... but she gets too lonely/horny/weak/insecure at times and succumbs to the opportunities (and just suffers more [maybe from the stark contrast of only that and what she really wants] for it afterwards). I don't really know of course But maybe it's like it's better to not have something that's not ideal around to settle for and just to be forced to go without it and or never know what it's like to have it in the first place (or an inferior version of what's desired). Link to post Share on other sites
Author verhrzn Posted November 5, 2011 Author Share Posted November 5, 2011 Follow-up: if guys only orgasmed from sex a small percentage of the time, rarely experienced pleasure (but found the sensation often painful), were told they deserved awful treatment from the hands of the opposite sex for even engaging in such activities, and weren't easily aroused (meaning a naked chick standing right in front of you doesn't do anything for ya), I think they'd have a much better understanding of the female side of sex... Link to post Share on other sites
aj22one Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Follow-up: if guys only orgasmed from sex a small percentage of the time, rarely experienced pleasure (but found the sensation often painful), were told they deserved awful treatment from the hands of the opposite sex for even engaging in such activities, and weren't easily aroused (meaning a naked chick standing right in front of you doesn't do anything for ya), I think they'd have a much better understanding of the female side of sex... In other words: if sex, dating, and relationships (as well as women in general) weren't all that appealing to men, we'd know exactly what it was like to be a woman. Why do y'all even put up with us men? Just go form an Amazonian colony somewhere. Seriously, we're WAY more trouble than we're worth. Link to post Share on other sites
ptp Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Follow-up: if guys only orgasmed from sex a small percentage of the time, rarely experienced pleasure (but found the sensation often painful), were told they deserved awful treatment from the hands of the opposite sex for even engaging in such activities, and weren't easily aroused (meaning a naked chick standing right in front of you doesn't do anything for ya), I think they'd have a much better understanding of the female side of sex... Verhrz, Nobody is forcing you to sleep with these guys. If it is not enjoyable don't do it. Don't carry out a FWB type of relationship. Obviously you choose to have sex with these guys out of your own free will. I do not know why you ignore the constructive parts of my posts. As I told you, there are guys who find you attractive however, it is YOUR job to screen out the bad ones. It is YOUR job to screen out those who don't value you, it is YOUR job to screen out the ones that are playing games with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author verhrzn Posted November 5, 2011 Author Share Posted November 5, 2011 Thus for you something is better than nothing and your statement of you would rather be an lowly inexperienced guy was asinine. Nope. My statement still absolutely stands. Why? Because I feel I'd have a much better chance for a relationship as an unattractive (even inexperienced) guy than an unattractive woman. You guys are approaching this situation as if sex is the be-all, end-all. It is not. Is it "better than nothing?" That really depends. It is better than nothing in some ways, and is not better than nothing in some other ways. The sex is better than nothing. But in terms of relationships, I am shooting myself in the foot... but NOT having an FWB also wouldn't save me from a shoe full of bullets ANYWAY. Unattractive guys have hardships, sure, but seeing everything I've seen in the world, I know they can be overcome with some good grooming tips, some personality, and some confidence. Unattractive girls? Out of luck right out of the gate. Link to post Share on other sites
Wolf18 Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Actually it does cost the woman something. There's still a very strong double standard of promiscuity. A woman who has too many sexual partners outside of relationships runs the very strong risk of being judged as being a slut. I've even seen posters here on the board say that if a woman has FWBs, it means she can never be faithful in a relationship. The biology of a f*ck buddy/FWB isn't also very conducive for women. Only 1 out of 4 women can orgasm from penetration alone... the rest require some additional kind of attention. So in a FWB situation, a guy can get off almost every time, whereas a woman cannot get off unless the guy decides to "go the extra mile." (Other scenarios are she demands it, or does it herself, but both of these come with problems of their own... It's socially beaten into women to be passive and non-confrontational, and both of these acts are rather forward. The average woman is very afraid that by demanding something of a partner, she will turn him off and be rejected, and if she does it herself, he will be offended and reject her.) The goal of sex in an FWB is the orgasm, not to build intimacy. I think most women like the experience of sex for, sure, it's physical attributes, but the intimacy is where its at (orgasm is what is the most physically pleasurable.) Honestly, my theory is that if women weren't as socially condemned for sleeping around, AND were guaranteed to orgasm with a partner 99% of the time, a LOT more women wouldn't mind FWBs. Me myself, I engage in an FWB situation because I feel like it's the only way I'm going to get a relationship. The myth of the century right here. Calling a woman a slut means absolutely nothing these days, particularly in highly anonymous urban environments like NYC. Half the girls I go to school with are working at strip joints on the side. I know a girl who had a full scholarship at my college, but dropped out to pursue a full time career in porn. I talked to her online not long ago and asked her why, she said that she could make a lot more money working in porn than with a college degree. And she's right. The stigma on women being sluts is gone. Combine that with the fact that horny men will let them make 500 dollars a night just for being a woman and sitting in a guys lap, and society goes into a tizzy. Women do the FWB thing all the time, it's just that there's only a small portion of men that would fill her stricter-than-the-french-foreign-legion physical test. Women know how much their sex is worth to men, and they use it to its maximum potential. Most young women I know have had a one night stand at some point. The point in men not wanting a relationship with a woman that has one night stands and friends with benefits is simple: if that guy doesn't have to work for it, why should I ?! It makes sense and I'm going to use the favorite female style of argument for their sexual choices: evolutionary biology. A woman that has NSA sex brings up questions of paternity, and we don't care how hot or how famous the guy has to be for you to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author verhrzn Posted November 5, 2011 Author Share Posted November 5, 2011 Verhrz, Nobody is forcing you to sleep with these guys. If it is not enjoyable don't do it. Don't carry out a FWB type of relationship. Obviously you choose to have sex with these guys out of your own free will. I do not know why you ignore the constructive parts of my posts. As I told you, there are guys who find you attractive however, it is YOUR job to screen out the bad ones. It is YOUR job to screen out those who don't value you, it is YOUR job to screen out the ones that are playing games with you. Um, NO, actually, there AREN'T guys who find me attractive. Period. End of story. It's not about "screening." There is no "screening" to be done, because there are no guys interested in me except 1) those who want a FWB and 2) those who consider my personality making up for my looks. Why do I do an FWB? Because that's the closest thing I'm gonna get to a relationship. In some ways it works, and in other ways it really really sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Follow-up: if guys only orgasmed from sex a small percentage of the time, rarely experienced pleasure (but found the sensation often painful), were told they deserved awful treatment from the hands of the opposite sex for even engaging in such activities, and weren't easily aroused (meaning a naked chick standing right in front of you doesn't do anything for ya), I think they'd have a much better understanding of the female side of sex... Don't forget pregnancy, and nursing a baby for up to years latter, and all the investment mothers put into each and every child. VS men who can pump and possibly never have anything to do with the woman and baby ever. Link to post Share on other sites
aj22one Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Unattractive guys have hardships, sure, but seeing everything I've seen in the world, I know they can be overcome with some good grooming tips, some personality, and some confidence. Unattractive girls? Out of luck right out of the gate. Maybe that attitude is what's holding you back? I mean come on, you can't be completely unattractive. What are you the female version of the elephant man or something? Two noses? Siamese twin? Kuato from "Total Recall" growing out of your abdomen? Seriously, it's gotta be your attitude and self confidence. Link to post Share on other sites
Author verhrzn Posted November 5, 2011 Author Share Posted November 5, 2011 In other words: if sex, dating, and relationships (as well as women in general) weren't all that appealing to men, we'd know exactly what it was like to be a woman. Why do y'all even put up with us men? Just go form an Amazonian colony somewhere. Seriously, we're WAY more trouble than we're worth. Um, actually, this should tell you the OPPOSITE... That women are so enamored of men and relationships they'll engage in an act that can be physically painful. Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 I don't know, verhrzn, I think it can be extremely hard for "unattractive" men. In my experience, females have definitely had it easier (if *they're* willing to "settle", so to speak). "Unattractive" males tend to seem to have to rely on their "success" and or their "wallets" and I think that's really unfair heh... I don't agree with females nor males being coveted primarily for their flesh nor males (or in some cases females) being coveted primarily for their wallets and or status. Grooming, personality and or confidence probably comes a longer way with females than it does males :/ ..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author verhrzn Posted November 5, 2011 Author Share Posted November 5, 2011 Maybe that attitude is what's holding you back? I mean come on, you can't be completely unattractive. What are you the female version of the elephant man or something? Two noses? Siamese twin? Kuato from "Total Recall" growing out of your abdomen? Seriously, it's gotta be your attitude and self confidence. Not according to the guys I've dated. I've posted this several times on this forum, and yet a lot of posters always go back to that whole "attitude and self confidence" thing. It's not. Guys have told me straight out that they really liked me, but I was physically unattractive.... That their friends, exes, MY friends, were way hotter but I was "much nicer." I never get hit on, or flirted with. A guy has never bought me a drink in my life. Why is it so hard to conceptualize how much dating sucks for ugly girls? Link to post Share on other sites
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