Wolf18 Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Um, NO, actually, there AREN'T guys who find me attractive. Period. End of story. It's not about "screening." There is no "screening" to be done, because there are no guys interested in me except 1) those who want a FWB and 2) those who consider my personality making up for my looks. Why do I do an FWB? Because that's the closest thing I'm gonna get to a relationship. In some ways it works, and in other ways it really really sucks. Are you morbidly obese? Do you have down's syndrome? Send me a picture. I really need to see this anamoly of a woman under 70 who is unattractive to men with my own two eyes. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Nope. My statement still absolutely stands. Why? Because I feel I'd have a much better chance for a relationship as an unattractive (even inexperienced) guy than an unattractive woman. You guys are approaching this situation as if sex is the be-all, end-all. It is not. Is it "better than nothing?" That really depends. It is better than nothing in some ways, and is not better than nothing in some other ways. The sex is better than nothing. But in terms of relationships, I am shooting myself in the foot... but NOT having an FWB also wouldn't save me from a shoe full of bullets ANYWAY. Can you explain how at least having sex is not better than nothing? Nobody so far has said how. If every time you had sex you experienced pain, then I would understand, and also expect you to stop having sex. I understand wanting more and not being satisfied. I feel the same way about the girl I'm crushing on. I'm not satisfied at all by our current relationship. But I know that the little I get from her is better than not having her in my life at all. Also being in a FWB with a guy is obviously much more fulfilling than being in a friendzone situation with a girl. You're getting everything that I'm getting from her, plus much, much more. Unattractive guys have hardships, sure, but seeing everything I've seen in the world, I know they can be overcome with some good grooming tips, some personality, and some confidence. Unattractive girls? Out of luck right out of the gate.An attractive personality and confidence is not easy to come by. Odds are that an unattractive guy will not have the personality and confidnce required. Not meaning too much offense verhrzn, but with your insecurity and personality type, you would have zero luck with women whatsoever if you were an average looking dude. If God forbid you were unattractive, you might as well get a waifu. Not saying that to be mean, it's just the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
ptp Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Um, NO, actually, there AREN'T guys who find me attractive. Period. End of story. It's not about "screening." There is no "screening" to be done, because there are no guys interested in me except 1) those who want a FWB and 2) those who consider my personality making up for my looks. Why do I do an FWB? Because that's the closest thing I'm gonna get to a relationship. In some ways it works, and in other ways it really really sucks. Yes there, you aren't overweight, you don't have any gross deformities...there are guys who find you attractive. Aren't there multiple male posters on this site who say you are quite attractive? Look at your post....you have defeatist attitude. When you say stuff like "A FWB is all I can get" it shows you don't respect yourself. How is a guy going to find that attractive. As I tell my female friends and ex-GFs, you MUST respect yourself. When you engage in a FWB relationship when you actually want more you aren't respecting yourself. When you think it is good to get in a relationship with a guy who says "your personality makes up for your looks" you aren't respecting yourself. I can't say for sure, but it seems like when you have only a physical relationship with these guys, it actually hurts your self-esteem and lowers your respect for yourself which in turn makes them respect you even less. You must be okay with being alone...thus allowing you to screen out these guys who don't respect you. Believe me even if you did enter into a BF/GF relationship with these guys, if he doesn't respect you, then you won't be happy. Be patient and wait for a quality guy who is crazy about your looks and personality and wants to rips your clothes off.. Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 verhrzn - I was fatty once upon a time , I do recall what it's like to be considered "unattractive" by males who were in my age range......... with that said, after being rejected a few times, I just gave up there and started putting more focus into doing things I liked doing and finding new things to do (ironically how I lost weight and oh yay, suddenly my male peers wanted me ). I don't think there's an easy solution for you. It'd be nice to share my motivation of "**** them then" with you but I can't :/ Do you have toys? Sex with a guy that doesn't want to be serious with you isn't going to fulfill your desire for intimacy................ I don't think it's wise to waste anymore of yourself upon him (but that's just my opinion heh...............) Have you traveled at all and seen if this is common in other areas? Different areas have different standards of physical attraction etc too..... Link to post Share on other sites
aj22one Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Not according to the guys I've dated. I've posted this several times on this forum, and yet a lot of posters always go back to that whole "attitude and self confidence" thing. It's not. Guys have told me straight out that they really liked me, but I was physically unattractive.... That their friends, exes, MY friends, were way hotter but I was "much nicer." I never get hit on, or flirted with. A guy has never bought me a drink in my life. Why is it so hard to conceptualize how much dating sucks for ugly girls? Well first of all WTF? Why would a guy say that to someone? Not just a girl they were dating, but hell even a perfect stranger? That's rude, immature, and hurtful. Secondly, since you seem to agree with them, why do you think you're unattractive? I mean, I've have an admitted fetish for certain ethnicities, but even I find at least 85%+ of all women attractive in at least some way. The only thing I could see being a problem is if you really did have a Siamese twin, but that's just because it'd be creepy and somewhat awkward. But really men actually say/do that? Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Well first of all WTF? Why would a guy say that to someone? Not just a girl they were dating, but hell even a perfect stranger? That's rude, immature, and hurtful. Secondly, since you seem to agree with them, why do you think you're unattractive? I mean, I've have an admitted fetish for certain ethnicities, but even I find at least 85%+ of all women attractive in at least some way. The only thing I could see being a problem is if you really did have a Siamese twin, but that's just because it'd be creepy and somewhat awkward. But really men actually say/do that? My guess is that *they* were insecure *******s, heh. Or she really made them mad and they were just trying to spite her or something Link to post Share on other sites
jobaba Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Who said anything about getting used for sex? If a woman doesn't want to have sex, then she doesn't have to. Getting back to the OP. Verzern has a FWB and I'm sure they're getting it on at least once a week. I haven't had sex in a little over two years. I have nothing. How is me having nothing, better than that what Verizon has? You've had sex? I thought you've never kissed a woman before. Link to post Share on other sites
Wolf18 Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 verhrzn - I was fatty once upon a time , I do recall what it's like to be considered "unattractive" by males who were in my age range......... with that said, after being rejected a few times, I just gave up there and started putting more focus into doing things I liked doing and finding new things to do (ironically how I lost weight and oh yay, suddenly my male peers wanted me ). I don't think there's an easy solution for you. It'd be nice to share my motivation of "**** them then" with you but I can't :/ Do you have toys? Sex with a guy that doesn't want to be serious with you isn't going to fulfill your desire for intimacy................ I don't think it's wise to waste anymore of yourself upon him (but that's just my opinion heh...............) Have you traveled at all and seen if this is common in other areas? Different areas have different standards of physical attraction etc too..... LOL yes Verzhn look at Onyx's success story. I'm going to assume that from your tone and the fact that you claim "average" men are sleeping with you then bailing, that you are obese. If you lose weight you can become just like Onyx, a supermodel in the eyes of men. On the other hand, I'm in good shape and that doesn't make any difference in how attracted women are to me. I'm sure the same is true for Somedude. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 You've had sex? I thought you've never kissed a woman before. I've kissed one girl and that was in the terms of a "relationship." We did not have sex. I've only manged to have sex by going about it in "creative" ways. Looking where most people won't. It's been a couple years since I last had some and I prefer not to get some that way again. Link to post Share on other sites
jobaba Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Um, NO, actually, there AREN'T guys who find me attractive. Period. End of story. It's not about "screening." There is no "screening" to be done, because there are no guys interested in me except 1) those who want a FWB and 2) those who consider my personality making up for my looks. Why do I do an FWB? Because that's the closest thing I'm gonna get to a relationship. In some ways it works, and in other ways it really really sucks. There's nothing really wrong with that. So long as they are attracted to you in some way. Life is intrinsically fair. I'd have no problem at all dating someone who didn't find me physically attractive. I would date a woman I didn't find physically attractive if she was awesome. Of course, I have no doubt if she was awesome, she would appear attractive to me. Get my drift. There just has to be respect. I mean, my ex-girlfriend used to say to me, "You're OK, and you're cute, but not hot." Which is fine, but you don't have to say it to my face. Part of the reason why she is my ex. As far as you being repulsive to all men, I doubt it. I work in an office with 8 women of various attractiveness, and I find them all attractive. And a lot of guys are like me. Even if you large, lots of guys like BBW women. Link to post Share on other sites
jobaba Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 I've kissed one girl and that was in the terms of a "relationship." We did not have sex. I've only manged to have sex by going about it in "creative" ways. Looking where most people won't. It's been a couple years since I last had some and I prefer not to get some that way again. Oh. Well then I don't feel as bad for you as I did the other day. Why not re-tread the methods you used to attract that woman? Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Oh. Well then I don't feel as bad for you as I did the other day. Why not re-tread the methods you used to attract that woman? Who said anything about attracting women? Unless you're saying that it was money that attracted them.... Link to post Share on other sites
jobaba Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Who said anything about attracting women? Unless you're saying that it was money that attracted them.... You said you had a relationship. That's just as good as having had sex. Sex is overrated man. Just for me to know a woman will kiss me and make out with me and finds me attractive is good enough. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 You said you had a relationship. That's just as good as having had sex. Sex is overrated man. Just for me to know a woman will kiss me and make out with me and finds me attractive is good enough. No, I said "relationship." Back when I was 23, seven years ago, I was so desperate, I let a fat girl who I was not attracted to at all, come on to me. We lasted two weeks. She's the only girl I ever kissed Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Unattractive guys have hardships, sure, but seeing everything I've seen in the world, I know they can be overcome with some good grooming tips, some personality, and some confidence. Unattractive girls? Out of luck right out of the gate. I feeel for your plight OP given the original nature of your thread, and I have seen your pic, you are not a babe but by no means are you unattractive! You should not be having such hardship imo, but I realise you are, but I reject this statement. Everything you said here could just as easily apply to you. Dressing up and makeup is much easier to do, than it is for a 'hard luck' guy to distil confidence out of air when he walks into a club after many past rejections, and some quite nasty. I'm writing this in terms of a relationship and not just sex, where such a statment is ridiculous. With my own family and all my cousins (germanic, thin build, average looks), the girls were hardly ever single while all the guys spent periods > 1yr being single. One of my sisters used to stop being friendly to random guys because she was sick of getting hit on and having to knock the guy back without feeling bad about it. Stay proactive in searching for a better replacement to your FWB. Link to post Share on other sites
jobaba Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 No, I said "relationship." Back when I was 23, seven years ago, I was so desperate, I let a fat girl who I was not attracted to at all, come on to me. We lasted two weeks. She's the only girl I ever kissed I'm not going to get into the whole irony of the 'fat girl' remark, but... Hey, At least she thought you were attractive. And she hit on YOU! I've been turned down by larger women before. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 I'm not going to get into the whole irony of the 'fat girl' remark, but... Hey, At least she thought you were attractive. And she hit on YOU! I've been turned down by larger women before. What irony? She was about 5'2, maybe 200lbs, definitely obese and a dark skinned Filipino. And she had small breasts. God I was pathetic. I think she hit on me, because she knew how unattractive she was, that no man would ever hit on her. She also hit on everybody. I was just the loser who said yes Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 LOL yes Verzhn look at Onyx's success story. I'm going to assume that from your tone and the fact that you claim "average" men are sleeping with you then bailing, that you are obese. If you lose weight you can become just like Onyx, a Goddess in the eyes of men. On the other hand, I'm in good shape and that doesn't make any difference in how attracted women are to me. I'm sure the same is true for Somedude. Yeah but you live in NYC. Stop whining or move. Link to post Share on other sites
Wolf18 Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Yeah but you live in NYC. Stop whining or move. Whose going to support me, you? The easter bunny? I'm getting out of here as soon as I can. I'm finishing up school and have to look for a better job. My mom whose disabled loves living here and while she's pretty independant, I wouldn't feel comfortable moving too far away at the moment. I guess these are things I'm going to have to deal as they come, but it's not as easy as you think. Link to post Share on other sites
Nexus One Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Yeah but you live in NYC. Stop whining or move. Nah, NYC isn't the problem, not for guys. NYC has a population of 8 million and 19 million in the metropolitan area. There are 250000 more single women in NYC than single men according to a 2006 census. Men have options New York, lots of them. Link to post Share on other sites
Wolf18 Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Nah, NYC isn't the problem, not for guys. NYC has a population of 8 million and 19 million in the metropolitan area. There are 250000 more single women in NYC than single men according to a 2006 census. Men have options New York, lots of them. Again, misleading statistics. Who cares if there's more single women when the biggest imbalance between single men and women is the elderly? Find me statistics supporting this for men and women in their 20's and I'll concede this point. NYC is indeed the problem. Onyx is right. Even if there were more single young women, who cares if they are all frigid ice queens that look down on everyone ? Link to post Share on other sites
Nexus One Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 (edited) Again, misleading statistics. Who cares if there's more single women when the biggest imbalance between single men and women is the elderly? You actually might have a point there, the article I read regarding this doesn't clearly discern between different age groups. It mentions women from 25-44 years old, but that doesn't mean the census looked at the same age range. Source: http://bit.ly/gONwhc Edited November 5, 2011 by Nexus One Link to post Share on other sites
joystickd Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 NYC is indeed the problem. Onyx is right. Even if there were more single young women, who cares if they are all frigid ice queens that look down on everyone ? Oh man! I can't believe you guys are like complaining about not getting women in NYC. As many women that are up there I know the whole population up there isn't frigid ice queens. Small town guy like me could probably go up there and get it in lol Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 (edited) Oh man! I can't believe you guys are like complaining about not getting women in NYC. As many women that are up there I know the whole population up there isn't frigid ice queens. Small town guy like me could probably go up there and get it in lol Have you EVEN been there? I couldn't survive there for long ... I'd *personally* fare better off in the crazy wilderness with behemoths and raptors lurking around each corner ... (also, more people does NOT mean more options for everyone............... there are so many things to consider.............. I actually think it *can* lower someone's chances of having romantic success, heh........... and if you look at just about any overcrowded/overpopulated area, how do people tend to treat one another?... ) Edited November 5, 2011 by OnyxSnowfall Link to post Share on other sites
joystickd Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Have you EVEN been there? I couldn't survive there for long ... I'd *personally* fare better off in the crazy wilderness with behemoths and raptors lurking around each corner ... (also, more people does NOT mean more options for everyone............... there are so many things to consider.............. I actually think it *can* lower someone's chances of having romantic success, heh........... and if you look at just about any overcrowded/overpopulated area, how do people tend to treat one another?... ) It don't matter whether I have been there or not. Dating is a numbers game. If you believe it lowers your chances then it does. I'm in a small town and probably had to work 1000 times harder than someone in a big city. Its all about how you look at it. Small town is harder than big city because most desirable people either move or get married so everybody is fighting for the same subset of singles. Small towns are conservative so a guy like me has it even harder. I have accepted that as a challenge but its an upward battle. Its not bad for me here but at some point I may go to a bigger city and get my game on Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts